So this column will be a series of small, random rants. After all, I shouldn't have to explain the obvious to you, right?

Liquor Ads: Why is everyone in such a tizzy about liquor ads? This is the country that made celebrities of the Budweiser frogs, for Pete's sake! With sex, violence and misogyny on at all hours, why are we concerned about a little booze? Are we trying to say that booze and cigarettes are worse for kids than irresponsible sex and gratuitous violence?

Racists: I'm boycotting the Washington Post and other liberal news sources because of their blatant racism. Why is it that every black person you see in the news is a nutcase? Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Cornell West, Mary Frances Berry...heck, the only time you even see Alan Keyes is when he's being a religious fanatic. Where are the normal, responsible black citizens who have real jobs and don't hate white people or Jews? Why is it that every time the TV news guys get a comment from a black man-on-the-street, it's always the most ignorant, toothless, ill-spoken one they can dredge up? We all know blacks who can speak understandable English, hold an intelligent conversation and don't go around screaming about how whitey kept them down. Why aren't they represented in the news media? While I'm at it, why doesn't the NAACP call for a boycott of rap videos and the films of Spike Lee on the basis that they portray blacks in an unflattering light?

The Death of Buddy the Dog: Dog gets hit by a car and the Secret Service takes it to the vet? What, Hil, was it the maid's day off? If the Clinton's were as broken up over the incident as they claimed, they certainly would have made time in their busy schedule to tend to their pet themselves. PS, I wasn't aware that our tax dollars were now going to fund the Clinton's pet care service.

Airline Security: This is not a lie: when my 15-year-old daughter flew to California over the holidays on Delta Airlines, airline personnel searched her carry-on belongings and confiscated her compass (she was going to get some homework done during the flight) and nail clippers. They made her remove her shoes so they could check them as well. Apparently this obviously American young lady looked threatening enough that they wanted to make sure she wasn't coming on their airplane armed. However, we noticed that several swarthy non-English speaking men were allowed to pass security without so much as a second glance. My letter to Delta explained why we won't be using them for air travel in the future.

Stever Spurrier: Yeah, bring him to a pro team and see how million-dollar athletes like being screamed at and belittled. Spurrier can get away with that stuff in a college environment with young players. Let's see how well LaVar, Chris, Champ and Stephen take it. First Deion, now Spurrier - what is this? A jerk-fest?

And Speaking of Jerks: I'm sorry - I can't get over it. I've tried and tried but to no avail. Al Gore's comment, "You don't have to get snippy about it" when he called Bush to retract his concession on election night last year. For a grown man to make a childish comment like that is absurd. God, I'm glad he's not President!

US Fighter Pilots Wearing Saudi Attire: Yes, indeed - military women serving in Saudi Arabia (and, I'm sure, other "nations") must observe the local customs that their oppressive government has set down for women. That means no appearing in public without a male escort, no driving (or even sitting in the front seat of a vehicle) and head-to-toe covering. If these countries weren't such losers, our military wouldn't have to be there in the first place. So Rumsfeld should tell the Saudis, Afghans and any other nation with domineering laws to pack sand (haha). US troops should comport themselves in a manner fitting a US service member, period. No more second-class citizenry for American female military personnel ANYWHERE!

Russell Yates: Father of the Year! After his wife drowned their 5 children, he still stands behind her, saying that she should have received proper psychiatric care for her ongoing mental health problems. She had tried to kill herself several times, was being treated for depression and psychosis, and was on a variety of medications. The last doctor to treat her wrote in her file that she "presents a substantial risk of serious harm to self and others." So, knowing all this, he left her alone with the kids anyway.

So there are my small rants for now. Short and sweet, not too much filling. All columnists should be so succinct!