# Honest Opinion and/or Insight



## lnmarsh

Sorry guys, but this is a long one...

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years.  We started dating when I was 18 and he was 21; we're now 22 and 25 respectively.  We've been through a lot together in these 4 years... Along with the trials of every day life, growing up and becoming an adult, we've dealt with a year-long long-distance relationship (I met him when he was in the Marine Corps and he was stationed in NC), we've been through one deployment together, his subsequent injuries, surgeries, and ongoing recoveries.  He was with me the night my horse died.  We made a baby together... he was with me when we found out she had died at 12 weeks 6 days.  He stayed by my side through my subsequent surgery and recovery.  We've fought through that pain of losing the baby together.  We've had A LOT of good times together, of course.  But we have also had our fair share of the bad along with the good.

Now don’t get me wrong - things between him and I havnt always been rainbows and butterflies.  We've had some massive fights, taken "breaks" (never lasted very long), etc.  Most of it had to do with the fact that we were so young when we met and we both had a lot of maturing to do. The last "big" thing that had gone wrong in our actual relationship happened well over a year ago.  Despite losing the baby in May of this year, we have been doing just fine.  No true arguments (if we disagree on something we talk it out), no sleepless nights, no not-answering-the-phone-because-your're-mad, etc.  We've just been doing good and really been enjoying being together.  Lately, however, he has been acting a little strange.  He seems distant.  We spend tons of time together.  He's not avoiding me.  I know that by me saying "he seems distant" some may automatically think he is seeing someone else and/or has a guilt conscience because he has slept with someone else, etc.  However I know my boyfriend... one of his best qualities is honesty and faithfulness.  He has always been honest with me about everything, even if he knows it will hurt me.  Im not worried about him seeing someone else... when I say "he seems distant," I mean that recently (within the past 2 months) hes been treating me more like a friend than a girlfriend.  He dosnt put his arm around me when we sleep.  He dosnt say "Hey baby" or "I love you" on the phone like he used to... he dosnt call me as much as he used to just to talk.  Its to the point now that I am afraid to hug him in public because I am afraid he will push me away.  I dont even think he realizes he is doing it... I think its a subconscious thing.  Im not sure how to explain it. 

Well we went camping together for the first time this past weekend.  We had an absolute blast, just him me and the dog.  But I dont think he kissed me not one time.  So two nights ago I asked him if we could talk.  I asked him if I had done something to make him mad.  He said no, like I figured he would.  I asked him if he was questioning our relationship.  He said yes; like I figured he would.  While I was expecting that answer, I wasnt nearly as prepared for it as I thought and I got very upset.  He explained to me that he is sure that he loves me, that he always has and always will.  He just isnt sure if we're meant to be together in the long run.  Hes not sure if we're too much alike or just too different.  He said that hes been treating us as more of a friendship in his mind, and its making him worry less and subsequently making him happier because he isnt stressed about our relationship.  I told him I can tell the difference in the way he acts, and that I dont know why he would be questioning us if he loves me like he says he does.  He says that him questioning the relationship dosnt mean that we're not together _right now_, but he just "needs to figure some things out."  Hes not sure if he can get over things that have happened in the past.

Ever since we had that little talk two nights ago, he has kind of been avoiding me.  Im worried that I got his mind working in bad ways; Im worried that hes thinking he should just call it quits.  He has to work tonight so I wont get to see him, and he will be in DC from Thursday - Sunday for his Marine Corps reunion.  The earliest I would be able to see him and actually talk to him is Sunday night, _if_ he makes it home relatively early.

*Here's what I am specifically asking for opinions on*... Should I be worried that he'll call the whole thing off between him and I?  Do you think I should just not text and/or call him this weekend and give him time to chill out, or should I continue to text him when I get off work, etc?  Do you think his time away from me this weekend will help in the sense that he may miss me... or do you think it will fuel his questioning/indecisiveness?  Should I be worried, or do you think him being away from me and having time to miss me is a good thing?

I am looking for honest opinions and/or insight on my situation.  I know this is an open forum and so anyone can post anything, but I am asking those who read this to refrain from any smart @$$ remarks, etc.  Im not asking people to sugarcoat things, but please try to keep any "useless" info (i.e. saying "Just leave him" w/o explanation, etc) to yourselves.

I feel rather ridiculous posting my business out there like this... I just cant stop thinking about it and could use some insight from complete 3rd parties.  Thank you everyone

*EDIT*:  I forgot to include some things that he said that really fuels my confusion on the whole ordeal. When we were talking he said that he loves me. He loves me more than hes ever loved anyone else and he always will love me. He wants to grow old with me and have babies and make a life together. He loves the great times we've had together and wants to create more good memories. Hes just not sure that we're compatable; hes not sure if we're too alike or too different.

Thats the part that makes no sense to me... Im so confused. If he loves me like he says he does (and hes not the type to sugarcoat things to make it easier on people, including me) and wants to grow old with me and make a life together, then any is he questioning things? What is there to question?! I, personally, think he is "waiting for the other shoe to drop." He was really thrown through a loop when I miscarried... And now we've been doing really well but between the baby and other things that happened in the past, he's just stuck on waiting for something bad to happen.


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## kwillia

lnmarsh said:


> Should I be worried that he'll call the whole thing off between him and I? Do you think I should just not text and/or call him this weekend and give him time to chill out, or should I continue to text him when I get off work, etc? Do you think his time away from me this weekend will help in the sense that he may miss me... or do you think it will fuel his questioning/indecisiveness? Should I be worried, or do you think him being away from me and having time to miss me is a good thing?


My full blown opinion...

You asking direct questions and getting the direct answers that you received but didn't want to hear did not make him start thinking negatively about your relationship. Whether or not you call/text him won't have a direct impact on his final decision as to whether or not he wants to grow old with you. Whether or not you worry about it won't affect his true feelings or the outcome. If after 4 full years of life with you he has come to the conclusion that you are not "the one", nothing you can say or do can change that in the long run. Even if you convince him to stay with you longer out of guilt you will most likely just be avoiding the inevitable. 

You are young. Cut your losses now and move on with your life.


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## K_Jo

Just give him some space to work things out in his head.  Don't text him or call him.  Give him an opportunity to think and to miss you.  You two have been through a lot and he probably just needs some time to himself.  And when he gets home Sunday, make sure your legs are shaved and you smell good!


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## lovinmaryland

WOW!  You two have been through so much together, a lot more than people who have been married for several years have.  I would really hate for you all to go your seperate ways. 

Before you said that he was questioning the relationship that is what my vibe was... he was considering you more as a friend than as a girlfriend/spouse/partner.

I think it may have somethign to do with losing your child.  Did you all ever receive counseling for this?  If not I would suggest that you two go to counseling.  

I hope things work out for you two


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## hotmomma

I would let him know that you are available to talk anytime he wants but you are going to give him the space and time he needs to think about your relationship.  Don't call or text him.  

If he is done with the relationship there is nothing you can do or say to change it.


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## K_Jo

lovinmaryland said:


> WOW!  You two have been through so much together, a lot more than people who have been married for several years have.  I would really hate for you all to go your seperate ways.
> 
> Before you said that he was questioning the relationship that is what my vibe was... he was considering you more as a friend than as a girlfriend/spouse/partner.
> 
> *I think it may have somethign to do with losing your child.  Did you all ever receive counseling for this?  If not I would suggest that you two go to counseling.  *
> 
> I hope things work out for you two



Ooh, that's good advice!  You're smart!


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## Sherlock

Just dump him now, that way you beat him to the punch.


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## lovinmaryland

kwillia said:


> My full blown opinion...
> 
> You asking direct questions and getting the direct answers that you received but didn't want to hear did not make him start thinking negatively about your relationship. Whether or not you call/text him won't have a direct impact on his final decision as to whether or not he wants to grow old with you. Whether or not you worry about it won't affect his true feelings or the outcome. If after 4 full years of life with you he has come to the conclusion that you are not "the one", nothing you can say or do can change that in the long run. Even if you convince him to stay with you longer out of guilt you will most likely just be avoiding the inevitable.
> 
> You are young. Cut your losses now and move on with your life.


 
Awww   Normally I would suggest this, but this particular couple has been through so much.  

You dont think his questioning of the relationship may have something to do with the death of their child?  That has to be the most traumatic thing to go through.


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## lovinmaryland

K_Jo said:


> Ooh, that's good advice!  You're smart!



This is so reminding me of Katelynn and Tyler


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## K_Jo

lovinmaryland said:


> This is so reminding me of Katelynn and Tyler



Me, too!


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## libertytyranny

Heres what I think, for whatever it is worth 


Babies make men nervous. I am dealing with this myself, as it was not our timeline to have a baby at the moment. He may feel, (and I will explain why I think this in a moment) that losing the baby was some kind of "sign." Ridiculous? yes. But my SO's ex had a miscarriage (they didn't know she was pregnant) andhe told me later he had doubts about their relationship, and that had "sealed" it for him. Because he said he felt relief (as well as sadness) but that made him realize to be with her if she had the baby, would have made him unhappy.

Also, it could just be regular ole' cold feet. Babies make you question everything, even just the idea of one. And future, and growing up, and being responsible for someone other than yourself.


I would tell him that if he feels unsure, he is free to do as he wishes. and be prepared for him to walk away. Personally, I detest the thought of being a hanger-oner and wouldn't want to continue to try to keep someone with doubts that much. Let him know you love him and would like to continue your relationship (assuming you do) and he can call you if he feels the same way. It's hard, but if he walks away, you still have your dignity, if he doesn't you at least gave him the time and space to consider it.


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## PrepH4U

lnmarsh said:


> Sorry guys, but this is a long one...
> 
> My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years.  We started dating when I was 18 and he was 21; we're now 22 and 25 respectively.  We've been through a lot together in these 4 years... Along with the trials of every day life, growing up and becoming an adult, we've dealt with a year-long long-distance relationship (I met him when he was in the Marine Corps and he was stationed in NC), we've been through one deployment together, his subsequent injuries, surgeries, and ongoing recoveries.  He was with me the night my horse died.  We made a baby together... he was with me when we found out she had died at 12 weeks 6 days.  He stayed by my side through my subsequent surgery and recovery.  We've fought through that pain of losing the baby together.  We've had A LOT of good times together, of course.  But we have also had our fair share of the bad along with the good.
> 
> Now don’t get me wrong - things between him and I havnt always been rainbows and butterflies.  We've had some massive fights, taken "breaks" (never lasted very long), etc.  Most of it had to do with the fact that we were so young when we met and we both had a lot of maturing to do. The last "big" thing that had gone wrong in our actual relationship happened well over a year ago.  Despite losing the baby in May of this year, we have been doing just fine.  No true arguments (if we disagree on something we talk it out), no sleepless nights, no not-answering-the-phone-because-your're-mad, etc.  We've just been doing good and really been enjoying being together.  Lately, however, he has been acting a little strange.  He seems distant.  We spend tons of time together.  He's not avoiding me.  I know that by me saying "he seems distant" some may automatically think he is seeing someone else and/or has a guilt conscience because he has slept with someone else, etc.  However I know my boyfriend... one of his best qualities is honesty and faithfulness.  He has always been honest with me about everything, even if he knows it will hurt me.  Im not worried about him seeing someone else... when I say "he seems distant," I mean that recently (within the past 2 months) hes been treating me more like a friend than a girlfriend.  He dosnt put his arm around me when we sleep.  He dosnt say "Hey baby" or "I love you" on the phone like he used to... he dosnt call me as much as he used to just to talk.  Its to the point now that I am afraid to hug him in public because I am afraid he will push me away.  I dont even think he realizes he is doing it... I think its a subconscious thing.  Im not sure how to explain it.
> 
> Well we went camping together for the first time this past weekend.  We had an absolute blast, just him me and the dog.  But I dont think he kissed me not one time.  So two nights ago I asked him if we could talk.  I asked him if I had done something to make him mad.  He said no, like I figured he would.  I asked him if he was questioning our relationship.  He said yes; like I figured he would.  While I was expecting that answer, I wasnt nearly as prepared for it as I thought and I got very upset.  He explained to me that he is sure that he loves me, that he always has and always will.  He just isnt sure if we're meant to be together in the long run.  Hes not sure if we're too much alike or just too different.  He said that hes been treating us as more of a friendship in his mind, and its making him worry less and subsequently making him happier because he isnt stressed about our relationship.  I told him I can tell the difference in the way he acts, and that I dont know why he would be questioning us if he loves me like he says he does.  He says that him questioning the relationship dosnt mean that we're not together _right now_, but he just "needs to figure some things out."  Hes not sure if he can get over things that have happened in the past.
> 
> Ever since we had that little talk two nights ago, he has kind of been avoiding me.  Im worried that I got his mind working in bad ways; Im worried that hes thinking he should just call it quits.  He has to work tonight so I wont get to see him, and he will be in DC from Thursday - Sunday for his Marine Corps reunion.  The earliest I would be able to see him and actually talk to him is Sunday night, _if_ he makes it home relatively early.
> 
> *Here's what I am specifically asking for opinions on*... Should I be worried that he'll call the whole thing off between him and I?  Do you think I should just not text and/or call him this weekend and give him time to chill out, or should I continue to text him when I get off work, etc?  Do you think his time away from me this weekend will help in the sense that he may miss me... or do you think it will fuel his questioning/indecisiveness?  Should I be worried, or do you think him being away from me and having time to miss me is a good thing?
> 
> I am looking for honest opinions and/or insight on my situation.  I know this is an open forum and so anyone can post anything, but I am asking those who read this to refrain from any smart @$$ remarks, etc.  Im not asking people to sugarcoat things, but please try to keep any "useless" info (i.e. saying "Just leave him" w/o explanation, etc) to yourselves.
> 
> I feel rather ridiculous posting my business out there like this... I just cant stop thinking about it and could use some insight from complete 3rd parties.  Thank you everyone



If you are second guessing your relationship and putting all of this out here, I think you know the answer.
My only advice is to give him that 4 day reunion break, do not text him, do not answer his calls.  Take this break for your own soul searching.


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## Nanny Pam

Give him all the space he needs.  

Set him free.  If he comes back, he's yours and if he doesn't come back, he never was.
JMO

...and I'm old and have lots of experience with this kinda stuff.  (just like Prep)


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## kwillia

lovinmaryland said:


> Awww   Normally I would suggest this, but this particular couple has been through so much.
> 
> You dont think his questioning of the relationship may have something to do with the death of their child?  That has to be the most traumatic thing to go through.



No. 

From the way she wrote it, she miscarried at 12 weeks, 6 days. That is different than losing a baby that was born and then died at 12 weeks 6 days old. So rather than think he is traumatized by losing a child, I see it as him being hit with the reality that he really doesn't see himself with her 18 years later raising a child into adulthood.


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## kwillia

libertytyranny said:


> Heres what I think, for whatever it is worth
> 
> 
> Babies make men nervous. I am dealing with this myself, as it was not our timeline to have a baby at the moment. He may feel, (and I will explain why I think this in a moment) that losing the baby was some kind of "sign." Ridiculous? yes. But my SO's ex had a miscarriage (they didn't know she was pregnant) andhe told me later he had doubts about their relationship, and that had "sealed" it for him. Because he said he felt relief (as well as sadness) but that made him realize to be with her if she had the baby, would have made him unhappy.
> 
> Also, it could just be regular ole' cold feet. Babies make you question everything, even just the idea of one. And future, and growing up, and being responsible for someone other than yourself.
> 
> 
> I would tell him that if he feels unsure, he is free to do as he wishes. and be prepared for him to walk away. Personally, I detest the thought of being a hanger-oner and wouldn't want to continue to try to keep someone with doubts that much. Let him know you love him and would like to continue your relationship (assuming you do) and he can call you if he feels the same way. It's hard, but if he walks away, you still have your dignity, if he doesn't you at least gave him the time and space to consider it.


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## K_Jo

kwillia said:


> No.
> 
> From the way she wrote it, she miscarried at 12 weeks, 6 days. That is different than losing a baby that was born and then died at 12 weeks 6 days old. So rather than think he is traumatized by losing a child, I see it as him being hit with the reality that he really doesn't see himself with her 18 years later raising a child into adulthood.



Ohhhhhhh!


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## lovinmaryland

kwillia said:


> No.
> 
> From the way she wrote it, she miscarried at 12 weeks, 6 days. That is different than losing a baby that was born and then died at 12 weeks 6 days old. So rather than think he is traumatized by losing a child, I see it as him being hit with the reality that he really doesn't see himself with her 18 years later raising a child into adulthood.



Ok I read that as they had a child that was born and then died at 12 weeks 6 days.


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## Nanny Pam

I should have my own column on here...

*"Ask Nanny" *


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## PrepH4U

Nanny Pam said:


> I should have my own column on here...
> 
> *"Ask Nanny" *




Can you request that they type their questions in a larger font please?


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## Nanny Pam

PrepH4U said:


> Can you request that they type their questions in a larger font please?



Sure!


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## aps45819

Nanny Pam said:


> Give him all the space he needs.
> 
> Set him free.  If he comes back, he's yours and if he doesn't come back, he never was.
> JMO


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## kwillia

lovinmaryland said:


> Ok I read that as they had a child that was born and then died at 12 weeks 6 days.



Either way, it seems to have made him question whether or not he sees himself with her for the long term. 

Nanny Pam summed it up best... it can't be forced.


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## lnmarsh

kwillia said:


> My full blown opinion...
> 
> You asking direct questions and getting the direct answers that you received but didn't want to hear did not make him start thinking negatively about your relationship. Whether or not you call/text him won't have a direct impact on his final decision as to whether or not he wants to grow old with you. Whether or not you worry about it won't affect his true feelings or the outcome. If after 4 full years of life with you he has come to the conclusion that you are not "the one", nothing you can say or do can change that in the long run. Even if you convince him to stay with you longer out of guilt you will most likely just be avoiding the inevitable.
> 
> You are young. Cut your losses now and move on with your life.



I really appreciate your complete honesty - this is the type of opinion I was hoping for.  Not to say this is exactly what I want to hear/see, _but_ I appreciate a well-constructed opinion.

I want to make on edit to my original post.  I forgot to include some things that he said that really fuels my confusion on the whole ordeal.  When we were talking he said that he loves me.  He loves me more than hes ever loved anyone else and he always will love me.  He _wants_ to grow old with me and have babies and make a life together.  He loves the great times we've had together and wants to create more good memories. Hes just not sure that we're compatable; hes not sure if we're too alike or too different.

Thats the part that makes no sense to me...  Im so confused.  If he loves me like he says he does (and hes not the type to sugarcoat things to make it easier on people, including me) and wants to grow old with me and make a life together, then any is he questioning things?  What is there to question?!  I, personally, think he is "waiting for the other shoe to drop."  He was really thrown through a loop when I miscarried... And now we've been doing really well but between the baby and other things that happened in the past, he's just stuck on waiting for something bad to happen.  Do you, kwillia, think that has something to do with it?  Does that change your initial opinion or do you stick by your post?  How about anyone else?


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## GWguy

A guy's perspective:
If he has been distant for a while, he's had lots of time to consider what he is doing and the ramifications.  His choices may or may not have to do with the loss of the child.  If he is the nice person you make him out to be, I suspect he has already made up his mind that he does not want to pursue the relationship any further, and thinks (wrongly) he is sparing your feelings by not saying anything.  But his actions speak for him.

I agree with not questioning him right now about it.  You've spoken your mind, he knows what is next.  Let him make the move.  As was said, let him go.  If he doesn't come back, better now than stretch it out with both of you being unsure and miserable.


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## GWguy

lnmarsh said:


> I want to make on edit to my original post.  I forgot to include some things that he said that really fuels my confusion on the whole ordeal.  When we were talking he said that he loves me.  He loves me more than hes ever loved anyone else and he always will love me.  He _wants_ to grow old with me and have babies and make a life together.  He loves the great times we've had together and wants to create more good memories. Hes just not sure that we're compatable; hes not sure if we're too alike or too different.



That makes it sound like he's scared of the future.  The permanence of it all, getting married, etc.....  He's not able to make a commitment and deals with it by becoming distant.


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## kwillia

You know the answer to all your questions already. You are just hoping for one of us to give you something different to hold onto because you are afraid to let it end. Bottom line is that none of our opinions will have any affect on the outcome of your relationship with him. Woman up and face the reality, be it what may.


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## lnmarsh

lovinmaryland said:


> Ok I read that as they had a child that was born and then died at 12 weeks 6 days.



No... I miscarried at 12 weeks and 6 days.  I guess I should have been more clear; sorry about that.  

I know there is a big difference in losing an unborn child and losing a child that has already been born.  A BIG difference.  I couldnt imaging losing a baby that I has carried to term and delivered sucessfully.  But nevertheless, the ordeal really did take a toll on both of us; we would be 1st-time-parents.. I know, big deal, right?  But we were really excited about it.    Losing the baby really hurt us both.  I know its not uncommon and maybe Im dwelling on it more than I should... IDK.  Off topic I guess


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## libertytyranny

lnmarsh said:


> I really appreciate your complete honesty - this is the type of opinion I was hoping for.  Not to say this is exactly what I want to hear/see, _but_ I appreciate a well-constructed opinion.
> 
> I want to make on edit to my original post.  I forgot to include some things that he said that really fuels my confusion on the whole ordeal.  When we were talking he said that he loves me.  He loves me more than hes ever loved anyone else and he always will love me.  He _wants_ to grow old with me and have babies and make a life together.  He loves the great times we've had together and wants to create more good memories. Hes just not sure that we're compatable; hes not sure if we're too alike or too different.
> 
> Thats the part that makes no sense to me...  Im so confused.  If he loves me like he says he does (and hes not the type to sugarcoat things to make it easier on people, including me) and wants to grow old with me and make a life together, then any is he questioning things?  What is there to question?!  I, personally, think he is "waiting for the other shoe to drop."  He was really thrown through a loop when I miscarried... And now we've been doing really well but between the baby and other things that happened in the past, he's just stuck on waiting for something bad to happen.  Do you, kwillia, think that has something to do with it?  Does that change your initial opinion or do you stick by your post?  How about anyone else?



Because all of that sounds good. who wouldn't want that? To grow old with someone they love more than anything? But reality somtimes causes feelings that fantasy didn't allow for. Like being unsure, or having doubts, or being somewhat relieved they don't have to care for a child when they weren't ready. these feeling cause conflicts in people. So they can feel both ways at once, and feel the need to stifle to conflict or justify it. That could very well be the reason why he is worried you are not "compatible" because he needs to find a reason for why he feels both sure he loves you, and unsure he wants to continue.


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## lnmarsh

K_Jo said:


> Just give him some space to work things out in his head.  Don't text him or call him.  Give him an opportunity to think and to miss you.  You two have been through a lot and he probably just needs some time to himself.  *And when he gets home Sunday, make sure your legs are shaved and you smell good*!



 haha, thanks for that.  I just noticed that part.

Excellent advice


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## K_Jo

lnmarsh said:


> haha, thanks for that.  I just noticed that part.
> 
> Excellent advice



 

Last year, when I was in my early 20s, I had some girlfriends who went through similar situations with their long-term boyfriends whom they'd been dating since they were very young.  They all seemed to go through a space-needing thing and, while some of them split for good (and moved on happily with their lives) a few actually stayed (or got back) together, got married and had kids.  But with the ones who did get back together, giving the dude lots of S-P-A-C-E was a key factor.  It's not easy when you love someone and feel them slipping away and want to cling to them, but you have to do it.  Listen to the Nanny!  She's a smart one!!


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## migtig

My two cents:

As his g/f do you have any connection with any of the Key Wives with the Corps?  If he is at 8th and I (you said DC and I'm presuming) there is an excellent Key wife program. I would suggest you "outreach" to them and ask if there is counseling available to you both due to the loss of the baby - Do NOT share anything esle with the key wife you speak to.  

I really recommend you both go through counseling, if nothing else.  You may discover you don't want to be with him afterwards though.  

Secondly, you are young, you've been together through a lot, but he is not the end all of your world.  You are.  You need to take care of you.

You need to work out this weekend a few things - if you split, would you go back to NC? Do you have family there that could help you get on your feet.  Do you have a job now?  Do you have your own money?  Will he pay to move you back to NC?  Seriously, think about these things.  

Lastly, men say things that leave you head scratching, because they don't want to hurt you, and to avoid confrontation.  Your B/f is doing that.  he doesn't want to hurt you, and he avoids personal conflict.  Take everything he's said about grwoing old and babies and love and through it out the window.  

I bet he does care for you, but he doesn't think you are the "one" and he may just be right.  

Nothing you can do can change the outcome of his decision, whatever it may be.  So get your ducks in a row and be prepared for the worst outcome when he comes home, but do it with diginity if you can.  

I know you are seriously emotionally invested in him, but think things through as much as you can and work out what you would do if this relationship ends, and what you would do differenlty if you had it to do over again.  

If the best outcome is he does go to counseling with you and he does make an effort to stay and reconnect, learn a lesson from this.  Heck learn a lesson from this anyway.  Always, always take care of you first.  Have your own friends.  Have your own job.  Have your own money.  Have your own car. Have your own activities outside of the home.  And always have your own back-up plan.  

Oh and take K-Jo's advice, be looking your darn classiest best when he comes home.  But not for him, for you.


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## lnmarsh

K_Jo said:


> Last year, when I was in my early 20s, I had some girlfriends who went through similar situations with their long-term boyfriends whom they'd been dating since they were very young.  They all seemed to go through a space-needing thing and, while some of them split for good (and moved on happily with their lives) a few actually stayed (or got back) together, got married and had kids.  But with the ones who did get back together, giving the dude lots of S-P-A-C-E was a key factor.  It's not easy when you love someone and feel them slipping away and want to cling to them, but you have to do it.  Listen to the Nanny!  She's a smart one!!



Thanks for the advice, K_Jo.  Im really, REALLY bad at the whole space thing.  I definitely go overboard with letting-him-know-Im-here-for-him thing.  I dont meant to be clingy, but I dont ever want him to think for a second that Im not here for him for anything he needs.

I guess for now Ill take your advice and the advice of some others on here (including Nanny) - Ill let him have this weekend to just do his own thing.  Im just worried about what state of mind he'll return in; if he would have missed me, or if he would have decided to let things go.  Ultimately I guess I cant influence his decision.  I feel like he is dwelling on bad things that have happened in the past and now that things are going really well for us again he is expecting that something bad is right around the corner.  And since nothing bad is happening, he is almost trying to create a problem (i.e. us not being compatable).  I just hope he dosnt call things off on the notion that something bad _may_ happen 

I just wish I knew what state of mind he'll be in when he gets back... Im not a very patient person.  Waiting this out is going to kill me


----------



## Cowgirl

Just think about how your future will be if you're constantly wondering, "Does he love me?  Does he want to be with me?  Is he pretending?"  Life will be miserable if you think you love him more than he loves you, or if you want to be with him more than he wants to be with you.  You want someone who can't live without you.  If you don't get that feeling from him, it's probably time to move on.  Right now it feels like you've been together forever, but it's nothing in the grand scheme of things.


----------



## nomoney

K_Jo said:


> Last year, when I was in my early 20s,


----------



## lnmarsh

migtig said:


> My two cents:
> 
> As his g/f do you have any connection with any of the Key Wives with the Corps?  If he is at 8th and I (you said DC and I'm presuming) there is an excellent Key wife program. I would suggest you "outreach" to them and ask if there is counseling available to you both due to the loss of the baby - Do NOT share anything esle with the key wife you speak to.



I think I may have been unclear about the whole Marine Corps, DC thing.  When I met him, he was stationed in NC and I lived in MD.  I was on vacation in Myrtle Beach with my two best friends during August of 2006.  My friend, Sarah, grew up with a guy who was in the Corps and was stationed in NC, so we took the 2 hour drive to the barracks so Sarah could see her friend.  Well, Sarah's friend, Karl, was friends with my now boyfriend.  Karl introduced me to my now boyfriend and we started talking about random crap.  I asked where he was from originally.  He said a little middle-of-nowhere town called Dunkirk in MD.  I said "Im from Chesapeake Beach."  So he started coming home on weekends, etc... we really hit it off and the rest is history.

The whole thing with him going to DC is strickly because a bunch of guys from his unit decided to do a reunion.  They were going to go to Vegas but 1.) wives threw a fit and 2.) they all decided they didnt have the money.  So they all decided to go to DC instead.  Im not sure that they're going to do in DC for 5 days, but knowing those boys they'll find something to get in to 



migtig said:


> I really recommend you both go through counseling, if nothing else.  You may discover you don't want to be with him afterwards though.



If I thought for a second I could get him to go, I would.  But I know he wont go. 



migtig said:


> Secondly, you are young, you've been together through a lot, but he is not the end all of your world.  You are.  You need to take care of you.
> 
> You need to work out this weekend a few things - if you split, would you go back to NC? Do you have family there that could help you get on your feet.  Do you have a job now?  Do you have your own money?  Will he pay to move you back to NC?  Seriously, think about these things.



Like I mentioned before, I actually always lived in MD so family, etc isnt a problem.  I do have my own job and my own money, etc.  Right now we're not even living together... we both think its kind of crazy to pay money to rent a place (why pay someone else's mortgage), so we unfortunately both live with our parents.  We pay rent to our parents to cover food, etc., but both his family and my family are cool with having us stay home as long as we 1.) continute to pay rent and 2.) contribute to the house.  We wanted to wait to live together until we bought a house together because if we're going to be paying anyone's mortgage, it might as well be our own.  Right or wrong, thats just the mentality we have I guess



migtig said:


> Lastly, men say things that leave you head scratching, because they don't want to hurt you, and to avoid confrontation.  Your B/f is doing that.  he doesn't want to hurt you, and he avoids personal conflict.  Take everything he's said about grwoing old and babies and love and through it out the window.
> 
> I bet he does care for you, but he doesn't think you are the "one" and he may just be right.
> 
> Nothing you can do can change the outcome of his decision, whatever it may be.  So get your ducks in a row and be prepared for the worst outcome when he comes home, but do it with diginity if you can.
> 
> I know you are seriously emotionally invested in him, but think things through as much as you can and work out what you would do if this relationship ends, and what you would do differenlty if you had it to do over again.



Thank you for your honesty and advice



migtig said:


> If the best outcome is he does go to counseling with you and he does make an effort to stay and reconnect, learn a lesson from this.  Heck learn a lesson from this anyway.  Always, always take care of you first.  Have your own friends.  Have your own job.  Have your own money.  Have your own car. Have your own activities outside of the home.  And always have your own back-up plan.



I definitely have my own friends, job, money, car, hobbies, etc.  I just hoped to always have him around, too 



migtig said:


> Oh and take K-Jo's advice, be looking your darn classiest best when he comes home.  But not for him, for you.


----------



## K_Jo

nomoney said:


>



Thank you!


----------



## vraiblonde

If he wanted you, there would be nothing that could keep him away.  Men don't do drama like women do - they're pretty simple creatures.  "I need space" is standard code for "I'm done with our relationship."

Sorry.


----------



## K_Jo

migtig said:


> Oh and take K-Jo's advice, be looking your darn classiest best when he comes home.  But not for him, for you.



Might I suggest a Brazilian wax?  Baja28 has a salon in her basement.


----------



## cattitude

vraiblonde said:


> If he wanted you, there would be nothing that could keep him away.  *Men don't do drama like women do - they're pretty simple creatures*.  "I need space" is standard code for "I'm done with our relationship."
> 
> Sorry.



You're joking, right?  

And to the OP, give him space and move on.


----------



## vraiblonde

cattitude said:


> You're joking, right?



But their drama is fairly simple and nothing that needs major deciphering, don't you agree?


----------



## K_Jo

vraiblonde said:


> If he wanted you, there would be nothing that could keep him away.  Men don't do drama like women do - they're pretty simple creatures.  "I need space" is standard code for "I'm done with our relationship."
> 
> Sorry.



I really think some of them (the young ones) actually need space to decide if they want to move on together or apart.  I've seen it happen.  Truly!  Not to me, of course.  I'm way too awesome.


----------



## kwillia

vraiblonde said:


> But their drama is fairly simple and nothing that needs major deciphering, don't you agree?



 Women read WAAAY more into it than a guy can even think up... She should watch "He's Just Not That Into You" this weekend... twice.


----------



## C_Jo

Whenever I start to create the space I need she fills it with a baby or a cat.


----------



## vraiblonde

K_Jo said:


> I really think some of them (the young ones) actually need space to decide if they want to move on together or apart.  I've seen it happen.  Truly!



I'll have to take your word for it.  :shrug:  My experience is that guys jerk you around with their "space" needs, typically because they're interested in another woman.  Then, as soon as you start dating someone else, they come sniffing around again because they can't stand losing.

But of course you wouldn't know that because you're so awesome!


----------



## migtig

lnmarsh said:


> Like I mentioned before, I actually always lived in MD so family, etc isnt a problem.  I do have my own job and my own money, etc.  Right now we're not even living together... we both think its kind of crazy to pay money to rent a place (why pay someone else's mortgage), so we unfortunately both live with our parents.  We pay rent to our parents to cover food, etc., but both his family and my family are cool with having us stay home as long as we 1.) continute to pay rent and 2.) contribute to the house.  We wanted to wait to live together until we bought a house together because if we're going to be paying anyone's mortgage, it might as well be our own.  Right or wrong, thats just the mentality we have I guess
> 
> I definitely have my own friends, job, money, car, hobbies, etc.  I just hoped to always have him around, too


  I did misunderstand and was worried you were here without a support network.  

Then you are doing way better than most, and trust me you have a lot going on that makes you the most worthwhile thing ever.  But take this weekend to think about if you want to stay with him yourself.  You may discover some things that surprise you.  

So now my advice is to hide your phone from yourself, stockpile your favorite bad foods (doritos, chocolate, ice cream - whatver) in your room, put on your comfy clothes, and start listing things you'd want to change in your life (both the things you have control over and those you don't) and the things that make you happy, and the things that he does that makes him worthwhile and the things that he does that doesn't make him worthwhile, and then visualize where you want to be in 20 years.  Then sit back and take stock and see where he fits in the big picture.  

And check with your job/insurance and get your own counseling.  Miscarrying can be quite tramatic and some women need a sounding board to work out the hormones, and feelings and all.  There is no shame in that.   

good luck and best wishes for your happiness.


----------



## vraiblonde

C_Jo said:


> Whenever I start to create the space I need she fills it with a baby or a cat.



If you weren't such a stud, you wouldn't have to worry about babies.


----------



## K_Jo

C_Jo said:


> Whenever I start to create the space I need she fills it with a baby or a cat.


Hi, Schnugglemuffin!  I was just about to post your famous quote for Vrai:  "Men are very complex creatures."  


vraiblonde said:


> But of course you wouldn't know that because you're so awesome!


Right!  :kjo:


----------



## MJ

C_Jo said:


> Whenever I start to create the space I need she fills it with a baby or a cat.


----------



## vraiblonde

migtig said:


> So now my advice is to hide your phone from yourself, stockpile your favorite bad foods (doritos, chocolate, ice cream - whatver) in your room, put on your comfy clothes, and start listing things you'd want to change in your life (both the things you have control over and those you don't) and the things that make you happy, and the things that he does that makes him worthwhile and the things that he does that doesn't make him worthwhile, and then visualize where you want to be in 20 years.  Then sit back and take stock and see where he fits in the big picture.



Or you could simply go out and get laid.


----------



## migtig

C_Jo said:


> Whenever I start to create the space I need she fills it with a baby or a cat.



  I knew I should have taken one of Catt's cats.


----------



## K_Jo

vraiblonde said:


> If you weren't such a stud, you wouldn't have to worry about babies.


For real.  How much does it cost to get one of them neutered?


----------



## migtig

vraiblonde said:


> Or you could simply go out and get laid.



She can do that next week.  When he comes back, she's going to be looking her best.  If he says he's walking, she can call up her gals and go out on the town.  If he says he realizes he was a fool, then she can let him mess up her hair.


----------



## K_Jo

migtig said:


> She can do that next week.  When he comes back, she's going to be looking her best.  If he says he's walking, she can call up her gals and go out on the town.  If he says he realizes he was a fool, then she can let him mess up her hair.



OR she could say..."Yeah, I kinda liked that whole 'space' thing.  Bye-bye!"


----------



## migtig

K_Jo said:


> OR she could say..."Yeah, I kinda liked that whole 'space' thing.  Bye-bye!"



True that.


----------



## vraiblonde

K_Jo said:


> OR she could say..."Yeah, I kinda liked that whole 'space' thing.  Bye-bye!"



Or, "Listen, I have a date with a really hot guy this Saturday, so could you possibly hold off on this until maybe Monday or so?"

When the puppy pees on the carpet, we correct its behavior, we don't reward it with affection.


----------



## Cowgirl

K_Jo said:


> Might I suggest a Brazilian wax?  Baja28 has a salon in her basement.



I heard that salon uses dirty tools.


----------



## K_Jo

Cowgirl said:


> I heard that salon uses dirty tools.



OMG.  I just almost choked to death!


----------



## cattitude

K_Jo said:


> For real.  How much does it cost to get one of them neutered?



Not much!


----------



## GWguy

Has anyone else noticed that she is conveniently ignoring comments from the guys?  Well, ok.... some of them she should.....


----------



## Cowgirl

migtig said:


> So now my advice is to hide your phone from yourself, stockpile your favorite bad foods (doritos, chocolate, ice cream - whatver) in your room, put on your comfy clothes,



I'm going to disagree here.  Eating junk and wearing comfy clothes will make her feel worse.  She needs to be out and about doing things!  Take a walk (raise your endorphins!), dress nicely, and go have fun!  Don't sit home and wait around.


----------



## migtig

Cowgirl said:


> I'm going to disagree here.  Eating junk and wearing comfy clothes will make her feel worse.  She needs to be out and about doing things!  Take a walk (raise your endorphins!), dress nicely, and go have fun!  Don't sit home and wait around.



Ahh, my reasoning was to have her work things out on paper in her room, such as priorities, and don't come out until she's evaluated her life herself.  Then she comes out gets all dressed up and is revived and rejuvenated.  

But I understand your point as well.  

So maybe OP you should get all dressed up, go out and take a notebook with you.


----------



## lnmarsh

OMG all of you are too funny!  I was laughing so hard I almost cried haha!  



kwillia said:


> Women read WAAAY more into it than a guy can even think up... She should watch "He's Just Not That Into You" this weekend... twice.



Ugg I hate that movie.  Probably because its brutally honest 



migtig said:


> I did misunderstand and was worried you were here without a support network.
> 
> Then you are doing way better than most, and trust me you have a lot going on that makes you the most worthwhile thing ever.  But take this weekend to think about if you want to stay with him yourself.  You may discover some things that surprise you.
> 
> So now my advice is to hide your phone from yourself, stockpile your favorite bad foods (doritos, chocolate, ice cream - whatver) in your room, put on your comfy clothes, and start listing things you'd want to change in your life (both the things you have control over and those you don't) and the things that make you happy, and the things that he does that makes him worthwhile and the things that he does that doesn't make him worthwhile, and then visualize where you want to be in 20 years.  Then sit back and take stock and see where he fits in the big picture.
> 
> And check with your job/insurance and get your own counseling.  Miscarrying can be quite tramatic and some women need a sounding board to work out the hormones, and feelings and all.  There is no shame in that.
> 
> good luck and best wishes for your happiness.



Thank you!   I think I may take your advice and take this time away from him to reevaluate things.  I did this similar thing when I first found out I was preggo back in March.  My verdict back then – if he changes A, B and C we’ll stay together.  I confronted him with it, he made the changes and hes actually _stuck_ to them!   Which is good because they weren’t really changes relationship wise, but more changes in himself.  Anyway,  Im sure it couldn’t hurt to bust out the ol’ notebook again.



vraiblonde said:


> Or you could simply go out and get laid.



Good advice… but I just cant do that.  I’d probably cry 



Lance said:


> if a dude tells his gf, *u can`t make it w/o me*. that`s bs. totally.
> 
> cut yr w/e losses, there`s always better tosses.



Well he’s never said that to me.  Im honestly surprised at your honest attempt at good advice!  Props, Lance 



GWguy said:


> Has anyone else noticed that she is conveniently ignoring comments from the guys?  Well, ok.... some of them she should.....



Oh I didnt mean to!  Its just that the comments from some of the hott chicas/mamas on here caught my attention more 



Cowgirl said:


> I'm going to disagree here.  Eating junk and wearing comfy clothes will make her feel worse.  She needs to be out and about doing things!  Take a walk (raise your endorphins!), dress nicely, and go have fun!  Don't sit home and wait around.



I think Im going to spend a lot of time at the barn and riding my horse.  Any time spent at home will probably involve cleaning my room, kitchen, saddle, etc., and/or a NyQuil induced slumber


----------



## rpexie

K_Jo said:


> Just give him some space to work things out in his head.  Don't text him or call him.  Give him an opportunity to think and to miss you.  You two have been through a lot and he probably just needs some time to himself.  And when he gets home Sunday, make sure your legs are shaved and you smell good!





It might help if you made some plans and went out with your girlfriends, just dont sit around him on baited breath hoping for a change of heart. If he sees you doing your own thing he might snap out of it and think, "I dont want to lose this girl!" However, if youre moping around hurt and upset he may think "I need to cut my losses so I dont have to feel guilty everytime I look at her." 

Just my two cents, but I think guys are always more attracted to a girl when they know she doesnt need them.


----------



## Nanny Pam

Hey, Inmarsh .....


----------



## Nucklesack

lnmarsh said:


> Sorry guys, but this is a long one...
> 
> My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years.  We started dating when I was 18 and he was 21; we're now 22 and 25 respectively.  We've been through a lot together in these 4 years... Along with the trials of every day life, growing up and becoming an adult, we've dealt with a year-long long-distance relationship (I met him when he was in the Marine Corps and he was stationed in NC), we've been through one deployment together, his subsequent injuries, surgeries, and ongoing recoveries.  He was with me the night my horse died.  We made a baby together... he was with me when we found out she had died at 12 weeks 6 days.  He stayed by my side through my subsequent surgery and recovery.  We've fought through that pain of losing the baby together.  We've had A LOT of good times together, of course.  But we have also had our fair share of the bad along with the good.
> 
> Now don’t get me wrong - things between him and I havnt always been rainbows and butterflies.  We've had some massive fights, taken "breaks" (never lasted very long), etc.  Most of it had to do with the fact that we were so young when we met and we both had a lot of maturing to do. The last "big" thing that had gone wrong in our actual relationship happened well over a year ago.  Despite losing the baby in May of this year, we have been doing just fine.  No true arguments (if we disagree on something we talk it out), no sleepless nights, no not-answering-the-phone-because-your're-mad, etc.  We've just been doing good and really been enjoying being together.  Lately, however, he has been acting a little strange.  He seems distant.  We spend tons of time together.  He's not avoiding me.  I know that by me saying "he seems distant" some may automatically think he is seeing someone else and/or has a guilt conscience because he has slept with someone else, etc.  However I know my boyfriend... one of his best qualities is honesty and faithfulness.  He has always been honest with me about everything, even if he knows it will hurt me.  Im not worried about him seeing someone else... when I say "he seems distant," I mean that recently (within the past 2 months) hes been treating me more like a friend than a girlfriend.  He dosnt put his arm around me when we sleep.  He dosnt say "Hey baby" or "I love you" on the phone like he used to... he dosnt call me as much as he used to just to talk.  Its to the point now that I am afraid to hug him in public because I am afraid he will push me away.  I dont even think he realizes he is doing it... I think its a subconscious thing.  Im not sure how to explain it.
> 
> Well we went camping together for the first time this past weekend.  We had an absolute blast, just him me and the dog.  But I dont think he kissed me not one time.  So two nights ago I asked him if we could talk.  I asked him if I had done something to make him mad.  He said no, like I figured he would.  I asked him if he was questioning our relationship.  He said yes; like I figured he would.  While I was expecting that answer, I wasnt nearly as prepared for it as I thought and I got very upset.  He explained to me that he is sure that he loves me, that he always has and always will.  He just isnt sure if we're meant to be together in the long run.  Hes not sure if we're too much alike or just too different.  He said that hes been treating us as more of a friendship in his mind, and its making him worry less and subsequently making him happier because he isnt stressed about our relationship.  I told him I can tell the difference in the way he acts, and that I dont know why he would be questioning us if he loves me like he says he does.  He says that him questioning the relationship dosnt mean that we're not together _right now_, but he just "needs to figure some things out."  Hes not sure if he can get over things that have happened in the past.
> 
> Ever since we had that little talk two nights ago, he has kind of been avoiding me.  Im worried that I got his mind working in bad ways; Im worried that hes thinking he should just call it quits.  He has to work tonight so I wont get to see him, and he will be in DC from Thursday - Sunday for his Marine Corps reunion.  The earliest I would be able to see him and actually talk to him is Sunday night, _if_ he makes it home relatively early.
> 
> *Here's what I am specifically asking for opinions on*... Should I be worried that he'll call the whole thing off between him and I?  Do you think I should just not text and/or call him this weekend and give him time to chill out, or should I continue to text him when I get off work, etc?  Do you think his time away from me this weekend will help in the sense that he may miss me... or do you think it will fuel his questioning/indecisiveness?  Should I be worried, or do you think him being away from me and having time to miss me is a good thing?
> 
> I am looking for honest opinions and/or insight on my situation.  I know this is an open forum and so anyone can post anything, but I am asking those who read this to refrain from any smart @$$ remarks, etc.  Im not asking people to sugarcoat things, but please try to keep any "useless" info (i.e. saying "Just leave him" w/o explanation, etc) to yourselves.
> 
> I feel rather ridiculous posting my business out there like this... I just cant stop thinking about it and could use some insight from complete 3rd parties.  Thank you everyone
> 
> *EDIT*:  I forgot to include some things that he said that really fuels my confusion on the whole ordeal. When we were talking he said that he loves me. He loves me more than hes ever loved anyone else and he always will love me. He wants to grow old with me and have babies and make a life together. He loves the great times we've had together and wants to create more good memories. Hes just not sure that we're compatable; hes not sure if we're too alike or too different.
> 
> Thats the part that makes no sense to me... Im so confused. If he loves me like he says he does (and hes not the type to sugarcoat things to make it easier on people, including me) and wants to grow old with me and make a life together, then any is he questioning things? What is there to question?! I, personally, think he is "waiting for the other shoe to drop." He was really thrown through a loop when I miscarried... And now we've been doing really well but between the baby and other things that happened in the past, he's just stuck on waiting for something bad to happen.



What kind of tent ?


----------



## spinner

if you can't look at your partner and know with all your being you are loved then it might be time to rethink your situation. because it isn't living if you are second guessing your relationship all the time. I was married for 28 years, we might have not always liked each other but there was never a time we didn't feel loved.


----------



## lnmarsh

spinner said:


> if you can't look at your partner and know with all your being you are loved then it might be time to rethink your situation. because it isn't living if you are second guessing your relationship all the time. I was married for 28 years, we might have not always liked each other but there was never a time we didn't feel loved.



But thats the thing... I _feel_ loved.  I know he loves me.  Not just because he says it, but because I know him.  I wholeheartedly believe that he loves me and always has. I could just tell that he had something on his mind and when I asked "Are you questioning our relationship?" I hit the nail right on the head.  I know him that well - I knew thats what the problem was.  But thats what I dont understand... I dont understand how he can love me but think we're not compatible.  I mean, its crossed my mind before that maybe we're not right for each other.  But its always been a fleeting thought (Im sure everyone feels that way about their SO at one point or another), and I've never acted on it because of how I feel for him.  

I think hes making a mountain out of a molehill... waiting for the other shoe to drop. I think that since things are going so right for us right now, hes expecting something bad to happen.  I think its all fueled by the fact that things were going so great before, when I was pregnant.  And then out of no where, I go in for a regular appointment and they cant find the heartbeat.   There were no signs.  I did everything right.  Baby just didnt make it... I think hes stuck on something I said to him after my surgery - "If we didnt have bad luck we have no luck at all."

The thing is, since nothing bad _is_ happening, hes almost subconsciously creating a problem with our relationship. I know that sounds stupid, but I know him.  Yes, men are simple creatures and he holds true to that.  But he twists his brain around like a woman does sometimes, I swear 

Im trying really hard to not contact him in any way.  Its hard though.  I want so badly to tell him that us not being compatible is all in his head.  But I know its probably best if I just give him time to be with his guys and just relax and clear his head.  Its just hard to wait around for him to call me...especially since knowing him and his work schedule, he wont call until hes been home for a day or so.  Im dreading the thought that he may come home and act on this crazy notion that we're not compatible (according to him, we're "technically" still together right now).  I want to say that I am more leaning toward the fact that he'll realize hes acting crazy and just forget the whole "we may not be compatible" thing... but I cant tell if thats how I really feel, or if thats just me being optimistic...


----------



## lnmarsh

Nucklesack said:


> What kind of tent ?



You mean like, the tent from camping?  HellifIknow.  He bought it LOL.  And we ended up sleeping in the truck cause we (and the inside of the tent) got soaked lol


----------



## vraiblonde

lnmarsh said:


> But thats the thing... I _feel_ loved.  I know he loves me.  Not just because he says it, but because I know him.  I wholeheartedly believe that he loves me and always has.



So what's the problem and why did you feel the need to confront him with your non-existent fears?

I dunno...when I was younger I kind of enjoyed the drama of some guy who wasn't into it.  The thrill of the chase - "WHY don't you want me, Fabio!!!???"  Now that I'm older, I vanish at the first sign he's dicking me around.


----------



## spinner

Well part of the know you are loved is also complete trust. Trust in your partner to be able to work things out for themselves, trust in yourself to let them. As you get older and you go through life experiences you start to see things differently. One of the biggest lessons for me is that only person I have any control over is myself and the way I react to situations. No matter how hard you try or how much you want to you can't fix another person. You have to trust he can work through this in his own mind, even if you don't like the outcome. 
  Not to get into any big discussion but it's kind of a Zen principal that sometimes you have to step away and let people have their own experience. Everybody has a journey to travel, seperate but connected in a way, does that make sense? You  are a part but not the whole. So for now, let him work through this and do things that feed your soul and make you happy. You sound like you have alot going for you, so take care of yourself.


----------



## Booboo3604

lnmarsh said:


> But thats what I dont understand... I dont understand how he can love me but think we're not compatible.  I mean, its crossed my mind before that maybe we're not right for each other.  But its always been a fleeting thought (Im sure everyone feels that way about their SO at one point or another), and I've never acted on it because of how I feel for him.



Part of the maturing process is being able to accept that sometimes while somebody is a good or a great person, that doesn't necessarily equate that they are are a good or great person FOR YOU.  And unfortunately he may be coming to terms with that....

But at this point you have no control what so ever on his choice or his decisions so as with anything, you need to look at what is best for you. Like others have said, don't call or text him.  Believe me, I know its hard when you feel like you are losing him.  But being only 27 myself, I remind myself that humans and animals are similar in terms of human nature.  The more you try to confine an animal or tie it to your yard, the more intriguing over the fence, down the street, and out of the neighborhood seems. And in the end, you only want him to stay if that's what he TRULY wants.  I have learned that when you pressure someone, you either get the exact opposite of what you are looking for (sometimes just out of spite) or if they give in only to appease you, you are getting what you want for the wrong reasons and it will only be temporary.


----------



## lnmarsh

vraiblonde said:


> So what's the problem and why did you feel the need to confront him with your non-existent fears?



IDK... Im just stupid I guess.  I guess it bothered me knowing that something was bothering _him_.  So I tried to talk about it with him



vraiblonde said:


> I dunno...when I was younger I kind of enjoyed the drama of some guy who wasn't into it.  The thrill of the chase - "WHY don't you want me, Fabio!!!???"  Now that I'm older, I vanish at the first sign he's dicking me around.



I like the thrill of the chase, dont get me wrong.  But not when it comes to the man I truly love (so cliché, I know).  If its just some random guy, I wouldnt care if he were acting like this.  But its just different... IDK.  Like I said, Im just stupid I guess



spinner said:


> Well part of the know you are loved is also complete trust. Trust in your partner to be able to work things out for themselves, trust in yourself to let them. As you get older and you go through life experiences you start to see things differently. One of the biggest lessons for me is that only person I have any control over is myself and the way I react to situations. No matter how hard you try or how much you want to you can't fix another person. You have to trust he can work through this in his own mind, even if you don't like the outcome.
> Not to get into any big discussion but it's kind of a Zen principal that sometimes you have to step away and let people have their own experience. Everybody has a journey to travel, seperate but connected in a way, does that make sense? You  are a part but not the whole. So for now, let him work through this and do things that feed your soul and make you happy. You sound like you have alot going for you, so take care of yourself.



Thanks, spinner, for the words of wisdom.



Lance said:


> Sometimes you just have to give that 1 sincere guy a fair chance, before *ass*uming.



Im trying…



Lance said:


> If any1 ever read sumwhere what I feel are important ingredients to an Awsesome relationship are, I know dang well someone also has a Gr8 memory.
> 
> *Trust, Communication, Loyalty, Understanding*.



  And I don’t want to lose that


----------



## vraiblonde

lnmarsh said:


> IDK... Im just stupid I guess.  I guess it bothered me knowing that something was bothering _him_.  So I tried to talk about it with him



I don't think you're stupid, I think you're just young.  It's fun and new, and you think putting up with broody men is part of the deal.  As you get older, you realize life is too short to constantly be second-guessing your relationship.

But, hell - have fun with it now.  I thought it was fun when I did it.  :shrug:


----------



## lnmarsh

Booboo3604 said:


> Part of the maturing process is being able to accept that sometimes while somebody is a good or a great person, that doesn't necessarily equate that they are are a good or great person FOR YOU.  And unfortunately he may be coming to terms with that....



I really hope you’re wrong.  Im not saying “you’re full of shyt” or “that’s not MY situation”… because you may be right and that is the SAME goddam advice I've told friends who's relationships didnt end up working out.  But oh God I hope you’re wrong



Booboo3604 said:


> But at this point you have no control what so ever on his choice or his decisions so as with anything, you need to look at what is best for you. Like others have said, don't call or text him.  Believe me, I know its hard when you feel like you are losing him.  But being only 27 myself, I remind myself that humans and animals are similar in terms of human nature.  The more you try to confine an animal or tie it to your yard, the more intriguing over the fence, down the street, and out of the neighborhood seems. And in the end, you only want him to stay if that's what he TRULY wants.  I have learned that when you pressure someone, you either get the exact opposite of what you are looking for (sometimes just out of spite) or if they give in only to appease you, you are getting what you want for the wrong reasons and it will only be temporary.



I know I know… I keep telling myself to just leave him be and let him work things out in his own head.  Im trying to not text or call… But like you said, its hard.  But you are right – I don’t want to back him into a corner.


----------



## spinner

Nobody thinks you're stupid, just young. We've all been through heartache before, if you haven't you really haven't lived. 
  As hard as it is not to call or text try looking at this time in a different way. I see it as you are giving him a gift of space and trust, I see you having a gift of time to examine what you want from your relationship. It's all in the perspective.


----------



## spinner

Lance said:


> And I don’t want to lose that



It appears u already have lost some of the ingredients or they are/were just superficial.  

I wish you the best. I can`t say what i`d like 2 here, b/c it would surely b misconstrued by quite a few, as they r dang good @ doin.

c i can tipe rite, if i wanna.  ;-) 

*Meanwhile....*tcob`n. Yep, that, + music. (94.1 here) btw if yr a beach fan, u`d have a blast, like just b yrself. those who never do, never will.[/QUOTE]

Is it me or is this just hard to read?


----------



## kwillia

spinner said:


> It appears u already have lost some of the ingredients or they are/were just superficial.
> 
> I wish you the best. I can`t say what i`d like 2 here, b/c it would surely b misconstrued by quite a few, as they r dang good @ doin.
> 
> c i can tipe rite, if i wanna.  ;-)
> 
> *Meanwhile....*tcob`n. Yep, that, + music. (94.1 here) btw if yr a beach fan, u`d have a blast, like just b yrself. those who never do, never will.



Is it me or is this just hard to read?[/QUOTE]

Do you really attempt to read his posts?


----------



## Vince

C_Jo said:


> Whenever I start to create the space I need *she fills it with a baby* or a cat.


Oh...and that's all K_Jo's fault.


----------



## lnmarsh

Lance said:


> It appears u already have lost some of the ingredients or they are/were just superficial.
> 
> I wish you the best. I can`t say what i`d like 2 here, b/c it would surely b misconstrued by quite a few, as they r dang good @ doin.
> 
> c i can tipe rite, if i wanna.  ;-)
> 
> *Meanwhile....*tcob`n. Yep, that, + music. (94.1 here) btw if yr a beach fan, u`d have a blast, like just b yrself. those who never do, never will.





spinner said:


> Is it me or is this just hard to read?



*Translation*:

"It appears [I’ve] already lost some of what makes a good relationship (I think)

I wish you the best.  I cant say what I want to on this forum because some people could/would take it the wrong way… some are good at that

See, I can type right if I want to

Meanwhile, take care of business.  Focus on that and music (94.1 in FL).  If you like the beach, you’d have a blast in FL where you can just be yourself.  Those who never focus on being themselves never will be able to be true to themselves." 

OMG… I can speak Lance-inese! 



Lol jk


----------



## StrawberryGal

spinner said:


> It appears u already have lost some of the ingredients or they are/were just superficial.
> 
> I wish you the best. I can`t say what i`d like 2 here, b/c it would surely b misconstrued by quite a few, as they r dang good @ doin.
> 
> c i can tipe rite, if i wanna.  ;-)
> 
> *Meanwhile....*tcob`n. Yep, that, + music. (94.1 here) btw if yr a beach fan, u`d have a blast, like just b yrself. those who never do, never will.



Is it me or is this just hard to read?[/quote]

Yes, it is just hard to read.  All of his posts are too painful to read and it makes my head hurt.  I don't bother reading his posts.


----------



## BernieP

Here's my take.  Live your life, don't wait on him.  If you are meant to be, you'll find your way back together.  But get on about things, which means date, do the things you want to do.


----------



## SamSpade

I guess, overall, the questions I'd ask myself are:

1) If the relationship - married or not - continues just as it is now, is that something you want? That is, if he continues to more or less behave as he did on the camping trip?

2) If the relationship isn't going to work out, would you rather it end now, or sometime down the road - or some years down the road?

and lastly 

3) Despite the years you've put into this - is this what you want, for the rest of your life?

I know it sounds like I'm saying get out now, but only you know enough about the situation to make a good judgment. I know that gut reactions usually tell the truth. I also know that when you're young, facing adult situations can put the brakes on what otherwise seems like a continuous fun ride. And I know that everyone gets cold feet in a relationship - sometimes on the wedding day.

On the other hand, I also know when I was young, I was involved with girlfriends I had no intention of building a life together with them. It was fun, and they were great companions. And I know at that age, I didn't really want the mantle of adulthood - I still wanted to play.


----------



## toppick08

BernieP said:


> Here's my take.  Live your life, don't wait on him.  If you are meant to be, you'll find your way back together.  But get on about things, which means date, do the things you want to do.


----------



## lnmarsh

BernieP said:


> Here's my take.  Live your life, don't wait on him.  If you are meant to be, you'll find your way back together.  But get on about things, *which means date*, do the things you want to do.



I don’t really want to date   I mean, the game is fun and all but it gets really old really quick.  And honestly… I just don’t want to see other people right now.  But as far as doing the things I want to do, I am… Nothing’s really changed there.



SamSpade said:


> I guess, overall, the questions I'd ask myself are:
> 
> 1) If the relationship - married or not - continues just as it is now, is that something you want? That is, if he continues to more or less behave as he did on the camping trip?
> 
> If the relationship continues as it is _right now_, then no… that’s not something I want.  But I’m not sure how he is acting right now is a permanent thing…
> 
> 2) If the relationship isn't going to work out, would you rather it end now, or sometime down the road - or some years down the road?
> 
> If I knew for sure that things weren’t going to work out, then I’d rather end it sooner rather than later.  But Im not sure that things aren’t going to work out.  Im not sure that they are, either…
> 
> and lastly
> 
> 3) Despite the years you've put into this - is this what you want, for the rest of your life?
> 
> As things are going right now, no.  Its not what I want for the rest of my life.  But the more I think about it and calm down about it (as opposed to when I did my original post while I was freaking out) I think this is just a random fluke thing.  Like I said – he’s got his mind twisted around things.
> 
> I know it sounds like I'm saying get out now, but only you know enough about the situation to make a good judgment. I know that gut reactions usually tell the truth. I also know that when you're young, facing adult situations can put the brakes on what otherwise seems like a continuous fun ride. And I know that everyone gets cold feet in a relationship - sometimes on the wedding day.
> 
> Im thinking this is more like cold feet...
> 
> On the other hand, I also know when I was young, I was involved with girlfriends I had no intention of building a life together with them. It was fun, and they were great companions. And I know at that age, I didn't really want the mantle of adulthood - I still wanted to play.
> 
> He WANTS those responsibilities of adulthood.  He wants a house, family, kids, etc.  I know hes in DC right now and him and his buddies are gonna party it up, but he’s settled down quite a bit since I first met him.  Hes not big into bars and/or parties anymore.  And 9 times out of 10, he volunteers to be the DD.  I know that’s not a huge deal Im just saying… hes matured a lot over the past 4 years.



On another note; I texted him this morning...

...But only because it was in reply to a text he sent me last night!


----------



## pebbles

lnmarsh said:


> I don’t really want to date   I mean, the game is fun and all but it gets really old really quick.  And honestly… I just don’t want to see other people right now.  But as far as doing the things I want to do, I am… Nothing’s really changed there.
> 
> 
> 
> On another note; I texted him this morning...
> 
> ...But only because it was in reply to a text he sent me last night!



Happy For you, I feel like I'm reading a novel. Hopefully it was a "good" text message to you. Keep it that way ALL weekend. Only text him if he texts you & even then don't do it immediately. Trust me, been there done that! (even the miscarriage part, so if you need an ear, pm me)
Good Luck! & enjoy your weekend!


----------



## Larry Gude

lnmarsh said:


> I asked him if I had done something to make him mad.  He said no, like I figured he would.  *I asked him if he was questioning our relationship.  He said yes; like I figured he would.  While I was expecting that answer, I wasnt nearly as prepared for it as I thought and I got very upset.  He explained to me that he is sure that he loves me, that he always has and always will.  He just isnt sure if we're meant to be together in the long run.  Hes not sure if we're too much alike or just too different*.  He said that hes been treating us as more of a friendship in his mind, and its making him worry less and subsequently making him happier because he isnt stressed about our relationship.  I told him I can tell the difference in the way he acts, *and that I dont know why he would be questioning us if he loves me like he says he does.*  He says that him questioning the relationship dosnt mean that we're not together _right now_, but he just "needs to figure some things out."  Hes not sure if he can get over things that have happened in the past.




OK, kiddo, you've painted a picture of a straight up guy and that's what you are saying; bolded part #1. 

Then, you're questioning whether he really is, as in bolded part #2 after he already gave you the answer. He's questioning it and he just is, for the stated reasons. 

There isn't a thing you can do about him questioning whether you are too much alike or too different for the long run. You either are or are not. And that is what he is stewing over, that's what he is trying to figure out. 

What you can do is listen to what he is saying and believe him. By him telling you exactly how he feels and what is on his mind, what more could you ask for? It can hurt you, make you feel bad and not even make sense...to you. But, it's the truth and you either want that or you don't. But, you're dealing  here with a simple man who put it to you simply. You are rejecting him by saying the second bolded part. He's hearing you say he's doing something wrong by feeling the way he's feeling. You're making him wish he'd never said a word and hence the withdraw. He opened up and you stung him for it. You didn't mean to but, I'm just saying, a guy presenting his feelings, he's vulnerable. Sure sounds like you know him real well, though.  

Guys don't do 'feelings' a whole lot and the meekest woman can chop down the mightiest man by rejecting his feelings when he gets them out. If he keeps saying the same thing to you and you keep saying, in affect, "too bad for you" he'll get the message. 

The bad part is he isn't asking anything of you that you can fix and that's, obviously, frustrating for you. So, if you wanna 'do' something, do what he asks; let him figure it out. Guys are real clear. When we have a problem and we tell you what it is you know have immense power we just handed you and you can either accept that or reject that. 

Which gives you something to figure out.


----------



## lnmarsh

pebbles said:


> Happy For you, I feel like I'm reading a novel. Hopefully it was a "good" text message to you. Keep it that way ALL weekend. Only text him if he texts you & even then don't do it immediately. Trust me, been there done that! (even the miscarriage part, so if you need an ear, pm me)
> Good Luck! & enjoy your weekend!



"I feel like I'm reading a novel." <--   Im one of those losers who have kept a journal on and off since I was about 8.  I swear one day im going to publish them; I laugh hysterically re-reading some old chapters of my life that I dont even remember.  Sometimes I write very eloquently... other times, Im a mess

It was a good message.  On our way to go camping last weekend I had asked him to please text/call me at least once a day while he is in DC simply to let me know he's alive (obviously, I worry a lot).  I hadnt brought it up again after that... then low and behold I get a text around 1:30am saying "I just wanted to let you know Im home safe.  Goodnight."  I personally would have liked to have seen a little "I love you" thrown in there.  But the fact that he not only remembered my request but also cared enought about what I said to actually abide by it makes me happy 

We'll see if it continues through the weekend...


----------



## lnmarsh

Larry Gude said:


> OK, kiddo, you've painted a picture of a straight up guy and that's what you are saying; bolded part #1.
> 
> Then, you're questioning whether he really is, as in bolded part #2 after he already gave you the answer. He's questioning it and he just is, for the stated reasons.
> 
> There isn't a thing you can do about him questioning whether you are too much alike or too different for the long run. You either are or are not. And that is what he is stewing over, that's what he is trying to figure out.
> 
> What you can do is listen to what he is saying and believe him. By him telling you exactly how he feels and what is on his mind, what more could you ask for? It can hurt you, make you feel bad and not even make sense...to you. But, it's the truth and you either want that or you don't. But, you're dealing  here with a simple man who put it to you simply. You are rejecting him by saying the second bolded part. He's hearing you say he's doing something wrong by feeling the way he's feeling. You're making him wish he'd never said a word and hence the withdraw. He opened up and you stung him for it. You didn't mean to but, I'm just saying, a guy presenting his feelings, he's vulnerable. Sure sounds like you know him real well, though.
> 
> Guys don't do 'feelings' a whole lot and the meekest woman can chop down the mightiest man by rejecting his feelings when he gets them out. If he keeps saying the same thing to you and you keep saying, in affect, "too bad for you" he'll get the message.
> 
> The bad part is he isn't asking anything of you that you can fix and that's, obviously, frustrating for you. So, if you wanna 'do' something, do what he asks; let him figure it out. Guys are real clear. When we have a problem and we tell you what it is you know have immense power we just handed you and you can either accept that or reject that.
> 
> Which gives you something to figure out.



Thanks, Larry.  You're the first guy to comment on this whole mess who really made sense to me.  I've pretty much come to those same conclusions as of late... but you just sured it up for me.  I honestly dont remember if I "stung" him for what he said by continuing to ask "why" when him and I talked last... I would like to say that I just sat there quietly and accepted what he was saying to me.  I, however, know myself well enough to know I probably opened my big mouth and said something like "but that dosnt make any sense!"  I distinctly remember crying and when I get to that point of being upset, I usually say things I shouldnt.

Thank you for your insight on the whole situation.  All the more reason you have my vote for President


----------



## Larry Gude

lnmarsh said:


> Thanks, Larry.  You're the first guy to comment on this whole mess who really made sense to me.




Shhhh! Don't say that out loud. They'll burn you at the stake for consorting with a known blasphemer. Very touchy bunch around here about their orthodoxy.


----------



## Larry Gude

lnmarsh said:


> I honestly dont remember if I "stung" him for what he said by continuing to ask "why" when him and I talked last...




To be clear, I know you didn't mean to and that was not your intent. It's just that we're a bunch of touchy wusses about our feelings when we get around to trying to sort them out.


----------



## Larry Gude

lnmarsh said:


> Thanks, Larry.  You're the first guy to comment on this whole mess who really made sense to me.  I've pretty much come to those same conclusions as of late... but you just sured it up for me.  I honestly dont remember if I "stung" him for what he said by continuing to ask "why" when him and I talked last... I would like to say that I just sat there quietly and accepted what he was saying to me. * I, however, know myself well enough to know I probably opened my big mouth and said something like "but that dosnt make any sense!"  I distinctly remember crying and when I get to that point of being upset, I usually say things I shouldnt.*
> 
> Thank you for your insight on the whole situation.  All the more reason you have my vote for President



This is why Muslim men don't let their women speak and hit them with sticks if they dare.  "But Achmed, if you love me, why do you look at the camels that way???"  


You don't have a camel, do you? Just checking...


----------



## lnmarsh

Larry Gude said:


> Shhhh! Don't say that out loud. They'll burn you at the stake for consorting with a known blasphemer. Very touchy bunch around here about their orthodoxy.






Larry Gude said:


> To be clear, I know you didn't mean to and that was not your intent. It's just that we're a bunch of touchy wusses about our feelings when we get around to trying to sort them out.


Oh yea, I definitely wasn’t trying to “sting” him with what I said.  Ugh.  I knew yall were big babies when it came to not feeling well (my big tough Marine wasn’t so big nor so tough after his HumV accident and subsequent surgeries! Or hell… when he has a friggin cold)... But big babies when it comes to _feelings?_ Jeez... and I thought females were bad! 




Larry Gude said:


> This is why Muslim men don't let their women speak and hit them with sticks if they dare.  "But Achmed, if you love me, why do you look at the camels that way???"
> 
> 
> You don't have a camel, do you? Just checking...


No… but I do have a horse.


----------



## Larry Gude

lnmarsh said:


> Oh yea, I definitely wasn’t trying to “sting” him with what I said.  Ugh.  I knew yall were big babies when it came to not feeling well (my big tough Marine wasn’t so big nor so tough after his HumV accident and subsequent surgeries! Or hell… when he has a friggin cold)... But big babies when it comes to _feelings?_ Jeez... and I thought females were bad!
> 
> 
> 
> No… but I do have a horse.



Oh no...


----------



## FED_UP

Male opinion, I need my space like some else mentioned it means he is pretty much ready to quit, just does not want to hurt your feeling in the process. But be sure he will be calling you up for booty calls. He is hoping you will say it before he does so later he can say you broke up with me. Long term split ups are not easy because feeling don't go away overnight. You two went through some rough things, but you have an entire life ahead of you still. Seems its time to put your self back on the market. One other thought I had was that he won't even kiss you, sure sign their, but if I bet you bend over and back it up on him he won't have a problem with that, us men are so wrong.


----------



## vraiblonde

lnmarsh said:


> But big babies when it comes to _feelings?_ Jeez... and I thought females were bad!



Do not forget about this part:



Larry Gude said:


> ...when we get around to trying to sort them out.



Typically by the time they get around to sorting their feelings out, they've nuked the bridge and you barely remember their name anymore.

At the end of the day, people do what they want to do, regardless of what anyone else thinks.  So it's either not so bad with your beau, or he's a dick who should be kicked to the curb.  Only you know the answer to that because you're the one in the situation.


----------



## FED_UP

I wonder if their is another lady in the picture? Ladies alway saying Not my man, you would be surprise how many men are creeping. Vraiblonde man for example, just kidding V. But InMish your probably hot and still young and guess what Tigers divorce is final now, so your problem is solved give him a buzzzzzzzzz.


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> Typically by the time they get around to sorting their feelings out, they've nuked the bridge and you barely remember their name anymore.



I don't see how that applies here. She describes the relationship in terms where, for a pretty good while, they got along great and were both happy and made it through some tough stuff, together, not a mention of a nuked bridge or fridge or even out house.  She isn't describing some guy who has been having problems with the relationship and never wanna talk about it, far from it, until recently. Hell, she even predicted what he was thinking and what he'd say when there was a problem. 

So, given what she's described, him telling her something was wrong, which she knew, and her reaction to it, I'm just telling her how he took her reaction. Maybe he is a dick, I don't know him but, he sounds like a pretty solid guy to me, knew what was wrong and told her so. 

I'm just pointing out the disconnect when women want communication, get it and then, in essence, tell him 'you're wrong about how you feel'. You told her nothing could ever keep him from her if that was what he 'really' wanted and that is mostly true. However, the most powerful force in the universe can push him away; her disapproval and rejection. 

I've told you that for years and I know we disagree about it but, you are, in essence, presuming this is all on him and I'm saying to add to the conversation that that may be, he's just a dick, but, not based on what I am reading. You don't have to think he's being honest but, you sure can't fault the guy for not being able to say what he feels and thinking. Doesn't sound like much of a dick to me.


----------



## vraiblonde

Larry Gude said:


> I've told you that for years and I know we disagree about it but, you are, in essence, presuming this is all on him



Huh?  I posted that he may or may not be a dick, and that she's the only one who can determine that because I don't know the guy.  And earlier I asked her why she was confronting him if there was no problem. How do you get that I'm presuming it's all him?


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> If he wanted you, there would be nothing that could keep him away.  Men don't do drama like women do -* they're pretty simple creatures.  "I need space" is standard code for "I'm done with our relationship."*
> Sorry.





vraiblonde said:


> I'll have to take your word for it.  :shrug:  My experience* is that guys jerk you around with their "space" needs*, typically because they're interested in another woman.  Then, as soon as you start dating someone else, *they come sniffing around again because they can't stand losing.*
> But of course you wouldn't know that because you're so awesome!





vraiblonde said:


> Or, "Listen, I have a date with a really hot guy this Saturday, so could you possibly hold off on this until maybe Monday or so?"
> 
> *When the puppy pees on the carpet, we correct its behavior, we don't reward it with affect*ion.





vraiblonde said:


> So what's the problem and why did you feel the need to confront him with your non-existent fears?
> 
> I dunno...when I was younger I kind of enjoyed the drama of some guy who wasn't into it.  The thrill of the chase - "WHY don't you want me, Fabio!!!???"  Now that I'm older,* I vanish at the first sign he's dicking me around*.





vraiblonde said:


> Do not forget about this part:
> 
> 
> 
> Typically *by the time they get around to sorting their feelings out, they've nuked the bridge *and you barely remember their name anymore.
> 
> At the end of the day, people do what they want to do, regardless of what anyone else thinks.  *So it's either not so bad with your beau, or he's a dick who should be kicked to the curb. * Only you know the answer to that because you're the one in the situation.





vraiblonde said:


> Huh?  I posted that he may or may not be a dick, and that she's the only one who can determine that because I don't know the guy.  And earlier I asked her why she was confronting him if there was no problem. How do you get that I'm presuming it's all him?



Wild guess?


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> Huh?  I posted that he may or may not be a dick, and that she's the only one who can determine that because I don't know the guy.  And earlier I asked her why she was confronting him if there was no problem. How do you get that I'm presuming it's all him?



Also, my post may have read funny; 



> However, *the most powerful force in the universe can push him away; her disapproval and rejection.
> 
> I've told you that for years and I know we disagree about it *but, you are, in essence, presuming this is all on him and I'm saying to add to the conversation that that may be, he's just a dick, but, not based on what I am reading.



That was in two paragraphs. I meant for the first to tie into the second, there. 

And I totally got that you were saying maybe he is a dick, maybe he's not. I did not read you to say that it is, for sure, all on him. That said, you didn't seem to be saying anything, at all, about her role in this and much about him and guys in general.


----------



## vraiblonde

Larry Gude said:


> Wild guess?



What's wrong with any of that?  It's true.  You are surely not suggesting that men are these sensitive communication experts who always express their emotions and feelings in clear, concise language?


----------



## RedBaron

Lance said:


> Repost 4 OP. There is Life out There
> 
> I was nice, & said Hey. @ least she read my posts & could decipher what i tiped. Very few can. & what i said is nunyas biz.  So there.
> 
> Me = Candid - Yep, Bold - heck Yeah, Confident = Dbl Hell Yeah.
> 
> Sometimes you have 2 give sum1 a fair chance. If he or she cannot more than just express themselves, either in writing or verbally or even telephonically without true feelings & emotion, then it`s def time 2 move on. ...........or confront it Str8 up & accept the outcome. Take a timeout, & enjoy things u may have in yr shallow bucket list. Any relationship has to have that Open Communication, w/o any bs. Hell, doesn`t take the smooth talk, etc... crap just b yrself. If it aint rite, & ya have that slightest reasonable doubt, that`ll b more than justa simple w/e. Bookwise is 1 thing, application in Real Life is another. Stupidity is/or can b a learned behavior. Becoming smarter & understanding from past bs, makes ya even smarter. Lotsa ppl have been slam dunked 4 i dumazz reason or another. (Oh do i know by just bein me) if sum1 says they haven`t, they`re liein. feel free 2 correct typos, sp, but the txt is only mine. I`m not shy 2 tell it like it is. i culda tiped it in cmplt txt.  Hang in there Inmarsh, u`ll b k, U`ll Do. ;-)
> 
> c i can tipe if & wenn i wanna.
> 
> where eva this 2n may fit: wakeup call
> 
> YouTube - Rob Thomas - Someday (Video)
> 
> *100% connexité et bien connecté*


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> What's wrong with any of that?  It's true.  You are surely not suggesting that men are these sensitive communication experts who always express their emotions and feelings in clear, concise language?



Far from it.


----------



## lovinmaryland

Soooo how did it go?


----------



## lnmarsh

lovinmaryland said:


> Soooo how did it go?



Whaddya know... Havnt heard from him. 

I got the text from him around 1:30am on Friday saying "Just wanted to let you know Im home safe. Goodnight."  Then nothing.  At all.  Until yesterday.

I knew he was supposed to come home yesterday.  Now I know that checkout at any random hotel is around 10:00am.  So I assumed he'd be home by 1:00-ish.  So I honestly got worried when I hadnt heard from him come 3:00pm.  I havnt gone that long w/o talking to him since he was in Iraq.  My mind went from everything from "Did he make it home ok and just fall asleep?" to "Did he cheat on me?" to "Did he get arrested?" to "Is he even effing ALIVE?!"  Ugg...  So I texted him.  I said "Im sorry for texting you because I know I said I wouldnt but I've gotten worried.  I just want to make sure you're Ok."  I didnt get anything back so I called. It rung 3 times and his voicemail came on... meaning he ignored my call. So I didnt get anything until literally midnight and even then all it was was a text that said "Yea Ill call you tomorrow."

Well, havnt heard from him.  I texted him and asked "Do you work tonight?" because normally, he leaves to go to work about the time I head home from work so we dont see each other unless he dosnt have work. Now he has Sprint and I have Verizon, so normally there is no way for me to tell if hes actually read my texts... my phone dosnt let me know like if I were to text another Verizon person.  Unless I send a picture message... _then _it tells me if he's read it.  So i sent the "Do you work tonight?" text as a pictures message .  He opened it about an hour after I sent it (probably because he was sleeping).  That was about two hours ago... And I havnt heard anything.

At this point, Im desperate to talk to him.  I just need to know WTF is going on!  Even if its not what I want to hear, I just need to know.

Im honestly so blown on the issue I dont know whether to be mad at him for not talking to me for the past few days or to cry because I dont know for sure whats going through his head, but Im pretty sure hes just done.  And I still dont understand why...


----------



## Larry Gude

lnmarsh said:


> Whaddya know... Havnt heard from him.
> 
> ...




What a dick!


----------



## vraiblonde

lnmarsh said:


> I dont know for sure whats going through his head, but Im pretty sure hes just done.  And I still dont understand why...



Start dating someone else - anyone, it doesn't matter.  I'll bet you $10 he comes sniffing around the minute he finds out about it.


----------



## migtig

vraiblonde said:


> Start dating someone else - anyone, it doesn't matter.  I'll bet you $10 he comes sniffing around the minute he finds out about it.



That is actually really good advice.  Dating - not hooking up.  It'll keep your mind off him and get you out and about and even if he doesn't come back, you'll be having some fun instead of saying why me.  Sitting around waiting on him is the worst thing you can do right now.  Move forward.


----------



## CalvertNewbie

lnmarsh said:


> Whaddya know... Havnt heard from him.
> 
> I got the text from him around 1:30am on Friday saying "Just wanted to let you know Im home safe. Goodnight."  Then nothing.  At all.  Until yesterday.
> 
> I knew he was supposed to come home yesterday.  Now I know that checkout at any random hotel is around 10:00am.  So I assumed he'd be home by 1:00-ish.  So I honestly got worried.  I havnt gone that long w/o talking to him since he was in Iraq.  My mind went from everything from "Did he make it home ok and just fall asleep?" to "Did he cheat on me?" to "Did he get arrested?" to "Is he even effing ALIVE?!"  Ugg...  So I texted him.  I said "Im sorry for texting you because I know I said I wouldnt but I've gotten worried.  I just want to make sure you're Ok."  I didnt get anything back so I called. It rung 3 times and his voicemail came on... meaning he ignored my call. So I didnt get anything until literally midnight and even then all it was was a text that said "Yea Ill call you tomorrow."
> 
> Well, havnt heard from him.  I texted him and asked "Do you work tonight?" because normally, he leaves to go to work about the time I head home from work so we dont see each other unless he dosnt have work. Now he has Sprint and I have Verizon, so normally there is no way for me to tell if hes actually read my texts... my phone dosnt let me know like if I were to text another Verizon person.  Unless I send a picture message... _then _it tells me if he's read it.  So i sent the "Do you work tonight?" text as a pictures message .  He opened it about an hour after I sent it (probably because he was sleeping).  That was about two hours ago... And I havnt heard anything.
> 
> At this point, Im desperate to talk to him.  I just need to know WTF is going on!  Even if its not what I want to hear, I just need to know.
> 
> Im honestly so blown on the issue I dont know whether to be mad at him for not talking to me for the past few days or to cry because I dont know for sure whats going through his head, but Im pretty sure hes just done.  And I still dont understand why...



Actions speak louder than words.  I'm sorry to say this but it really sounds like he's done.  He's acting like a child, not responding to his girlfriend's calls or texts.  He owes you an explanation for his recent actions, you guys definitely need to talk.  It sounds like he's taking the cowardly way out - instead of breaking up with you, it seems like he's trying to piss you off enough so that you break it off with him.  

Now, of course I could be completely wrong.  But honestly, he's playing games and you don't deserves that.  Relationships shouldn't be so difficult.  I went through hell in a couple of relationships in the past, to the extent that I almost thought that's just the way relationships were supposed to be.  Then I met my hubby and we actually get along great, rarely fight, and never disrespect one another.  Point being.....this is not the way every relationship will be.  He sounds like a selfish person and if he's going to treat you like this after being with you for so long, you're truly better off without him.  I know that sucks but it seems his heart is no longer in it.  You deserve better, nobody should deal with disrespect.  Life's too short to waste it with the wrong person.


----------



## vraiblonde

CalvertNewbie said:


> It sounds like he's taking the cowardly way out - instead of breaking up with you, it seems like he's trying to piss you off enough so that you break it off with him.



Imagine that...


----------



## CalvertNewbie

vraiblonde said:


> Imagine that...



I know, I thought of that thread as I was typing out my response.    

But there is a lot of truth to it, why else would people start acting like such jackasses when they're no longer happy in a relationship?  I, myself, would rather just be told "goodbye" than have someone play mind games.  I wish everyone would just be honest.  Even though the truth sometimes hurts, it hurts a lot less than constantly wondering what is going on in someone's head as they treat you like crap.  I just have such a low tolerance for BS that I would've kicked his butt to the curb already.


----------



## libertytyranny

Aww I'm sorry. If I can give you advice (and I will but likely you won't follow it, because it is tough )    Don't try to make him stay. Don't cry, don't think that if you convince him you love him enough he will...Don't beg for explanations or want to talk about it constantly. Ask him if he could meet you somewhere to talk and then let him explain what he needs to say, let him know he needs to be man enough to say what he needs to say..and then say ok. nice knowing you..and go cry at home. The dignity is worth FARR more than anything else. I lost my dignity once, and I will NEVER do it again. Because a little while down the line..you will totally regret it and realize how much BETTER things are than you thought they would be.


----------



## vraiblonde

libertytyranny said:


> The dignity is worth FARR more than anything else.



I don't know.  A friend made me see this a bit differently awhile back.  He's hurt you with dishonesty and poor behavior, so the very least you could do back is cry, scream, and beat him down until you feel better.  If he wants drama instead of a healthy, mature, honest break-up - then by god, give it to him.  He's going to paint you as a psycho to everyone who will listen to him anyway, no matter what you do.  Might as well have some fun with it.

Of course, you have to have the stomach for that sort of thing.


----------



## libertytyranny

vraiblonde said:


> I don't know.  A friend made me see this a bit differently awhile back.  He's hurt you with dishonesty and poor behavior, so the very least you could do back is cry, scream, and beat him down until you feel better.  If he wants drama instead of a healthy, mature, honest break-up - then by god, give it to him.  He's going to paint you as a psycho to everyone who will listen to him anyway, no matter what you do.  Might as well have some fun with it.
> 
> *Of course, you have to have the stomach for that sort of thing*.



That's it.  I merely acted like I was sad rather than ok F you like I would have normally. That was enough for me to feel like a biatch.  That's the way to be. then they look back sad they messed up..rather than glad they got away from clingy mess chick.


----------



## Cowgirl

I'm not usually into game playing, but I think I'd ignore his calls for a while (assuming he does call).


----------



## lnmarsh

So he just called me.  Im at work so the conversation was unfortunately brief (hes convinced that me talking on my work phone will get me fired so he never talks long until I can call him from my cell phone once I get off work).

I asked him how his weekend was.  He said "Good, until yesterday."  Apperently Saturday they all had plans to go out drinking, so he didnt take his pain meds and left them in his hotel room.  Well they all went out to dinner, etc. and he decided it be best for him to actually drive home because a lot of the guys got way too drunk wayyy too fast.  So he ended up not drinking and driving everyone back to the hotel.  He said it was really late but his back wasnt really bothering him (for once) so he didnt take any of his meds except his mild muscle relaxer just to ensure he stayed asleep.

So yesterday rolled around, they all checked out, said their goodbyes, and headed home.  He said his stomach was upset the entire morning so he put off taking his more powerful meds.  Once he got halfway home, however, he said his back was really bothering him so he tried to take something for it.  Well he puked that something right back up, and continued to puke until about 3 pm when he realized that not only did he probably have food poisioning from dinner the night before, but he was also starting to go through mild detox.  So he went to the hospital.  Where he stayed for about 6 hours (until around 11:00pm or so) until he was keeping fluids and his meds down.  Which explains the short midnight text saying "Yea Ill call you tomorrow."

Now, would I have liked to have heard from him once he got home?  Yes.  However, being in the hospital for 6 hours is a good enough for me for him to not call.  Especially since there is no cell reception at Calvert Memorial.  That and considering he was basically going through detox, Im sure the furthest thing from his mind was calling me.  Plus when he isnt feeling well, he dosnt want anyone around him.  All the more reason for him to not call me because he knows me - I would have driven straight to the hospital.  Im not making excuses for him (like I said I would have liked to have heard from him once he got home, etc), but puking and being hooked to IVs in the hospital w/o cell signal is a pretty good excuse for not calling. But I digress...

So after he explained all this he said "Well Im gonna let you get back to work.  I just wanted to call and say Hi.  Why dont you give me a call or stop by on your way home?  Ill be here until 9:00 but then I have to leave for work."  I said that I'd probably stop by, he said "Ok sounds good.  I hope you have a good day, babe.  Ill see you later.  I love you. Bye."

That part right there makes me think maybe I was overreacting _juuusssttt_ a lil bit this weekend.  Now like I said, Im not making excused for him.  Im defintiely going to ask why in the H3LL he didnt call me all weekend and probably give him a little shyt about it.  Maybe not today or tomorrow, but eventually Ill say something about it (a female never forgets).  Honestly, when it comes down to it, Im just glad hes OK and him saying that "I love you" part seems like a good sign.   Im not doing the happy dance yet - especially since Im a little irked about him not calling all weekend - but I'm definitely not in a I-Want-To-Crawl-In-A-Hole mood anymore 

I knew, repeat K-N-E-W, that something was wrong yesterday.  Around 3:00pm I got the uncontrollable urge to call him because suddenly, I got very worried.  Gawd... my maternal instincts are going to be the death of me once I have kids


----------



## onebdzee

vraiblonde said:


> I don't know.  A friend made me see this a bit differently awhile back.  He's hurt you with dishonesty and poor behavior, so the very least you could do back is cry, scream, and beat him down until you feel better.  If he wants drama instead of a healthy, mature, honest break-up - then by god, give it to him.  *He's going to paint you as a psycho to everyone who will listen to him anyway, no matter what you do.*  Might as well have some fun with it.
> 
> Of course, you have to have the stomach for that sort of thing.





been there, lived that....

have to add to it though...the guy paints you as the psycho b!tch from he!! and plays the "poor me, look at what she has done/did to me" bullsh!t(all the while they were the one the caused the issues to end the relationship) and there is always one(or 2) that fall for the crap

as the psycho b!tch from he!!....all I got to say is, what comes around, goes around


----------



## lnmarsh

onebdzee said:


> been there, lived that....
> 
> have to add to it though...the guy paints you as the psycho b!tch from he!! and plays the "poor me, look at what she has done/did to me" bullsh!t(all the while they were the one the caused the issues to end the relationship) and there is always one(or 2) that fall for the crap
> 
> as the psycho b!tch from he!!....all I got to say is, what comes around, goes around




  Oh you're funny!!!  I definitely LOL'ed at the "as the psycho b1tch from he!!..." part


----------



## Toxick

Lance said:


> maybe u`ll get the drift?????  idk.  hate 2 use that sayin w/e or i told ya so.
> 
> True caring means sharing, & not just part time, *get my drift?*
> 
> if ya wanna live in that kinda mode, sooner or l8r u`ll xplode. lookin 4 that appropriate 2n






You can't buy sage advice like this.


----------



## LadyWolf

libertytyranny said:


> Heres what I think, for whatever it is worth
> 
> 
> Babies make men nervous. I am dealing with this myself, as it was not our timeline to have a baby at the moment. He may feel, (and I will explain why I think this in a moment) that losing the baby was some kind of "sign." Ridiculous? yes. But my SO's ex had a miscarriage (they didn't know she was pregnant) andhe told me later he had doubts about their relationship, and that had "sealed" it for him. Because he said he felt relief (as well as sadness) but that made him realize to be with her if she had the baby, would have made him unhappy.
> 
> Also, it could just be regular ole' cold feet. Babies make you question everything, even just the idea of one. And future, and growing up, and being responsible for someone other than yourself.
> 
> 
> I would tell him that if he feels unsure, he is free to do as he wishes. and be prepared for him to walk away. Personally, I detest the thought of being a hanger-oner and wouldn't want to continue to try to keep someone with doubts that much. Let him know you love him and would like to continue your relationship (assuming you do) and he can call you if he feels the same way. It's hard, but if he walks away, you still have your dignity, if he doesn't you at least gave him the time and space to consider it.




I have to agree here also!!! Regardless of whether there was a baby or not,  the baby may have triggered the emotion a little sooner, but perhaps it would have happened anyway. If he is having second thoughts, doubts, questions, whatever, just let it go. You can't hang on to someone who doesn't want to be held. It isn't fair to you or him. It will hurt like hell, but you will have dignity and respect for yourself and for him and his feelings. He will either realize he will miss you and want you back or he won't and you both will go your separate ways.


----------



## LadyWolf

lnmarsh said:


> So he just called me.  Im at work so the conversation was unfortunately brief (hes convinced that me talking on my work phone will get me fired so he never talks long until I can call him from my cell phone once I get off work).
> 
> I asked him how his weekend was.  He said "Good, until yesterday."  Apperently Saturday they all had plans to go out drinking, so he didnt take his pain meds and left them in his hotel room.  Well they all went out to dinner, etc. and he decided it be best for him to actually drive home because a lot of the guys got way too drunk wayyy too fast.  So he ended up not drinking and driving everyone back to the hotel.  He said it was really late but his back wasnt really bothering him (for once) so he didnt take any of his meds except his mild muscle relaxer just to ensure he stayed asleep.
> 
> So yesterday rolled around, they all checked out, said their goodbyes, and headed home.  He said his stomach was upset the entire morning so he put off taking his more powerful meds.  Once he got halfway home, however, he said his back was really bothering him so he tried to take something for it.  Well he puked that something right back up, and continued to puke until about 3 pm when he realized that not only did he probably have food poisioning from dinner the night before, but he was also starting to go through mild detox.  So he went to the hospital.  Where he stayed for about 6 hours (until around 11:00pm or so) until he was keeping fluids and his meds down.  Which explains the short midnight text saying "Yea Ill call you tomorrow."
> 
> Now, would I have liked to have heard from him once he got home?  Yes.  However, being in the hospital for 6 hours is a good enough for me for him to not call.  Especially since there is no cell reception at Calvert Memorial.  That and considering he was basically going through detox, Im sure the furthest thing from his mind was calling me.  Plus when he isnt feeling well, he dosnt want anyone around him.  All the more reason for him to not call me because he knows me - I would have driven straight to the hospital.  Im not making excuses for him (like I said I would have liked to have heard from him once he got home, etc), but puking and being hooked to IVs in the hospital w/o cell signal is a pretty good excuse for not calling. But I digress...
> 
> So after he explained all this he said "Well Im gonna let you get back to work.  I just wanted to call and say Hi.  Why dont you give me a call or stop by on your way home?  Ill be here until 9:00 but then I have to leave for work."  I said that I'd probably stop by, he said "Ok sounds good.  I hope you have a good day, babe.  Ill see you later.  I love you. Bye."
> 
> That part right there makes me think maybe I was overreacting _juuusssttt_ a lil bit this weekend.  Now like I said, Im not making excused for him.  Im defintiely going to ask why in the H3LL he didnt call me all weekend and probably give him a little shyt about it.  Maybe not today or tomorrow, but eventually Ill say something about it (a female never forgets).  Honestly, when it comes down to it, Im just glad hes OK and him saying that "I love you" part seems like a good sign.   Im not doing the happy dance yet - especially since Im a little irked about him not calling all weekend - but I'm definitely not in a I-Want-To-Crawl-In-A-Hole mood anymore
> 
> I knew, repeat K-N-E-W, that something was wrong yesterday.  Around 3:00pm I got the uncontrollable urge to call him because suddenly, I got very worried.  Gawd... my maternal instincts are going to be the death of me once I have kids



I wouldn't just disregard the whole conversation w/him in the earlier post. Just because he "seems" okay now, doesn't make it so. Women have a tendency to stick their head in the sand and ignore things because it is all of a sudden "fixed" for the time being or we want to see things that may or may not be there. You weren't overreacting....if he said those things to you about being uncertain, those feelings are still there. Don't sweep them under the carpet!!!


----------



## Dye Tied

I stopped browsing after my eyes and palms started to bleed.

I'd like to hear all 3 sides of the story


----------



## vraiblonde

Dye Tied said:


> I stopped browsing after my eyes and palms started to bleed.



You are so unromantic.


----------



## cattitude

vraiblonde said:


> What's wrong with any of that?  It's true.  You are surely not suggesting that men are these sensitive communication experts who always express their emotions and feelings in clear, concise language?




The ones that do aren't interested in women.


----------



## Dye Tied

vraiblonde said:


> You are so unromantic.



Do you really want me to sum up this thread?


----------



## PrepH4U

LadyWolf said:


> I wouldn't just disregard the whole conversation w/him in the earlier post. Just because he "seems" okay now, doesn't make it so. Women have a tendency to stick their head in the sand and ignore things because it is all of a sudden "fixed" for the time being or we want to see things that may or may not be there. You weren't overreacting....if he said those things to you about being uncertain, those feelings are still there. Don't sweep them under the carpet!!!



  Just an observation - While he was driving home and intended to go to the hospital.... he couldn't text you or call you and let you know :shrug:  That seems pretty thoughtless & uncaring right there as he knew you expected him home. He read your texts and didn't call, he "should" have known you would have been worried. Cell phone reception or not the hospital does have landlines I believe. 
So as you make excuses for him, think about yourself... do you want to be treated as an "oh yeah" I should call her and let her know that I will be a day late coming home. 
What the hell were you supposed to think, he was the one that stated he wasn't sure about your relationship and then pulls this crap.  Oh hell no put your big girl panties on and show him the door.


----------



## RedBaron

Lance said:


> Meanwhile...... i think i kinda summed it up w/my post(s). it was quoted. & i have the original 1 2. (elsewhere)
> 
> i think i made my point well known, meanwhile......
> 
> anything else is as it`s said, we`ll see. ya think?????
> 
> ya don`t have 2 read my post, but it has substance 2 it. i have it in it`s original txt. i keep my personal biz personal & privy.
> 
> not everything is Strictly Business. wow i can tipe wenn i wanna, all depends on 2 & with whom???????????
> 
> kinda like that 2n in my thread.
> 
> YouTube - Rob Thomas - Someday (Video)
> 
> If a dang nice guy can`t express from his heart what he feels, then u best get smart real dang quik; otherwise he`s pullin that bs outta his ass. time 2 walk. scru that noise, etc.............. Adieu
> 
> 
> Originally Posted by Lance
> Repost 4 OP. There is Life out There
> 
> I was nice, & said Hey. @ least she read my posts & could decipher what i tiped. Very few can. & what i said is nunyas biz. So there.
> 
> Me = Candid - Yep, Bold - heck Yeah, Confident = Dbl Hell Yeah.
> 
> Sometimes you have 2 give sum1 a fair chance. If he or she cannot more than just express themselves, either in writing or verbally or even telephonically without true feelings & emotion, then it`s def time 2 move on. ...........or confront it Str8 up & accept the outcome. Take a timeout, & enjoy things u may have in yr shallow bucket list. Any relationship has to have that Open Communication, w/o any bs. Hell, doesn`t take the smooth talk, etc... crap just b yrself. If it aint rite, & ya have that slightest reasonable doubt, that`ll b more than justa simple w/e. Bookwise is 1 thing, application in Real Life is another. Stupidity is/or can b a learned behavior. Becoming smarter & understanding from past bs, makes ya even smarter. Lotsa ppl have been slam dunked 4 i dumazz reason or another. (Oh do i know by just bein me) if sum1 says they haven`t, they`re liein. feel free 2 correct typos, sp, but the txt is only mine. I`m not shy 2 tell it like it is. i culda tiped it in cmplt txt.  Hang in there Inmarsh, u`ll b k, U`ll Do. ;-)
> 
> c i can tipe if & wenn i wanna.
> 
> where eva this 2n may fit: wakeup call
> 
> YouTube - Rob Thomas - Someday (Video)
> 
> 100% connexité et bien connecté
> 
> 
> 
> *Saved For Posterity and Privity*


----------



## RedBaron

Lance said:


> dumazz Baboon c..n  <^!^^


----------



## Tigerlily

lnmarsh said:


> So he just called me.  Im at work so the conversation was unfortunately brief (hes convinced that me talking on my work phone will get me fired so he never talks long until I can call him from my cell phone once I get off work).
> 
> I asked him how his weekend was.  He said "Good, until yesterday."  Apperently Saturday they all had plans to go out drinking, so he didnt take his pain meds and left them in his hotel room.  Well they all went out to dinner, etc. and he decided it be best for him to actually drive home because a lot of the guys got way too drunk wayyy too fast.  So he ended up not drinking and driving everyone back to the hotel.  He said it was really late but his back wasnt really bothering him (for once) so he didnt take any of his meds except his mild muscle relaxer just to ensure he stayed asleep.
> 
> So yesterday rolled around, they all checked out, said their goodbyes, and headed home.  He said his stomach was upset the entire morning so he put off taking his more powerful meds.  Once he got halfway home, however, he said his back was really bothering him so he tried to take something for it.  Well he puked that something right back up, and continued to puke until about 3 pm when he realized that not only did he probably have food poisioning from dinner the night before, but he was also starting to go through mild detox.  So he went to the hospital.  Where he stayed for about 6 hours (until around 11:00pm or so) until he was keeping fluids and his meds down.  Which explains the short midnight text saying "Yea Ill call you tomorrow."
> 
> Now, would I have liked to have heard from him once he got home?  Yes.  However, being in the hospital for 6 hours is a good enough for me for him to not call.  Especially since there is no cell reception at Calvert Memorial.  That and considering he was basically going through detox, Im sure the furthest thing from his mind was calling me.  Plus when he isnt feeling well, he dosnt want anyone around him.  All the more reason for him to not call me because he knows me - I would have driven straight to the hospital.  Im not making excuses for him (like I said I would have liked to have heard from him once he got home, etc), but puking and being hooked to IVs in the hospital w/o cell signal is a pretty good excuse for not calling. But I digress...
> 
> So after he explained all this he said "Well Im gonna let you get back to work.  I just wanted to call and say Hi.  Why dont you give me a call or stop by on your way home?  Ill be here until 9:00 but then I have to leave for work."  I said that I'd probably stop by, he said "Ok sounds good.  I hope you have a good day, babe.  Ill see you later.  I love you. Bye."
> 
> That part right there makes me think maybe I was overreacting _juuusssttt_ a lil bit this weekend.  Now like I said, Im not making excused for him.  Im defintiely going to ask why in the H3LL he didnt call me all weekend and probably give him a little shyt about it.  Maybe not today or tomorrow, but eventually Ill say something about it (a female never forgets).  Honestly, when it comes down to it, Im just glad hes OK and him saying that "I love you" part seems like a good sign.   Im not doing the happy dance yet - especially since Im a little irked about him not calling all weekend - but I'm definitely not in a I-Want-To-Crawl-In-A-Hole mood anymore
> 
> I knew, repeat K-N-E-W, that something was wrong yesterday.  Around 3:00pm I got the uncontrollable urge to call him because suddenly, I got very worried.  Gawd... my maternal instincts are going to be the death of me once I have kids



I really wish the best for you but IMO you have managed to validate every concern you have about your relationship when you should not have to. If a relationship is not meeting your needs then why would you wat to continue it? 

You do realize that the stop by at 9pm tonight think is a "Booty Call" don't you? I know you love this guy but you need to not call, not be available and move on with your life. He is playing you like a puppet and you are going right along for the ride. I am a mother of a 20 yr old myslef and I wish that it would work out for you but if you voiced your concerns here then you new things were not right.

Never compromise who you are and what you want for anyone else. This will most likely be a learning experience for you and you will survive it. It will be painful but it will just be a step towards the life you will have later on. Life works in mysterious ways and this may very well be the light that you ned to realize that you can have more.

Validating uncaring and inconsiderate behavior of your partner lessens who you are and that is unfair to you. I would not call and yell or anything else I would just get up tommorow and do my best to put on a smile and go on with your life. If he really wants to make it work then he will get in line and do what needs to be done.


----------



## smdavis65

Oh dang, I can't read all that!

Here's my take... 

Men aren't afraid of commitment. But they think very deeply about if they're making the right decision. No man wants to wind up divorced in 5, 10, 15, or 20 years.

I would say give him his time to think and be with his buddies. (And prep yourself like someone who is wise suggested)

You two have been through a lot together. Just on a hunch, that means a lot to him. Just like it does you. 

You two are young, let him figure out what he wants. I think it will probably include you.


----------



## vraiblonde

PrepH4U said:


> Oh hell no put your big girl panties on and show him the door.



You are as unromantic as Dye.   

Don't listen to her, LM.  I think you should keep on doing what you're doing, since it obviously makes you happy and there's no problem.


----------



## kwillia

vraiblonde said:


> You are as unromantic as Dye.
> 
> Don't listen to her, LM.  I think you should keep on doing what you're doing, since it obviously makes you happy and there's no problem.



I was going to tell Tigerlily she was "spot on", but I'm askeered you'll claim me to be an unromatic too...


----------



## smdavis65

Larry Gude said:


> To be clear, I know you didn't mean to and that was not your intent. It's just that we're a bunch of touchy wusses about our feelings when we get around to trying to sort them out.



Dammit! You just broke the Bro Code!!!


----------



## Dye Tied

kwillia said:


> I was going to tell Tigerlily she was "spot on", but I'm askeered you'll claim me to be an unromatic too...



There's no romance in this thread .


----------



## smdavis65

onebdzee said:


> been there, lived that....
> 
> have to add to it though...the guy paints you as the psycho b!tch from he!! and plays the "poor me, look at what she has done/did to me" bullsh!t(all the while they were the one the caused the issues to end the relationship) and there is always one(or 2) that fall for the crap
> 
> as the psycho b!tch from he!!....all I got to say is, what comes around, goes around



Maybe you are... :shrug:


----------



## onebdzee

smdavis65 said:


> Maybe you are... :shrug:



and your point?


----------



## toppick08

Dye Tied said:


> There's no romance in this thread .



...wanna' August lilly...(purple, not the white ones)......they're blooming again.....


----------



## toppick08

smdavis65 said:


> Oh dang, I can't read all that!
> 
> Here's my take...
> 
> Men aren't afraid of commitment. *But they think very deeply about if they're **making the right decision*. No man wants to wind up divorced in 5, 10, 15, or 20 years.
> 
> I would say give him his time to think and be with his buddies. (And prep yourself like someone who is wise suggested)
> 
> You two have been through a lot together. Just on a hunch, that means a lot to him. Just like it does you.
> 
> You two are young, let him figure out what he wants. I think it will probably include you.



last two minutes of this should sum it up....


----------



## vraiblonde

smdavis65 said:


> Men aren't afraid of commitment. But they think very deeply about if they're making the right decision. No man wants to wind up divorced in 5, 10, 15, or 20 years.





That is absolutely ridiculous.  Guys are notorious for jumping into wedlock with some psycho who takes all their money and screws their best friend.  I'll bet you yourself know at least 5 of them, and possibly you ARE one of them.  Hell, these forums alone are filled with stories by these guys!!

I can't even believe you posted that!


----------



## onebdzee

vraiblonde said:


> That is absolutely ridiculous.  Guys are notorious for jumping into wedlock with some psycho who takes all their money and screws their best friend.  I'll bet you yourself know at least 5 of them, and possibly you ARE one of them.  Hell, these forums alone are filled with stories by these guys!!
> 
> I can't even believe you posted that!



Right off the top of my head....hmmmmmm......I can name at least 2 that I know personally...if you give me a couple of minutes, I could prolly come up with the other 3


----------



## smdavis65

vraiblonde said:


> That is absolutely ridiculous.  Guys are notorious for jumping into wedlock with some psycho who takes all their money and screws their best friend.  I'll bet you yourself know at least 5 of them, and possibly you ARE one of them.  Hell, these forums alone are filled with stories by these guys!!
> 
> I can't even believe you posted that!





onebdzee said:


> Right off the top of my head....hmmmmmm......I can name at least 2 that I know personally...if you give me a couple of minutes, I could prolly come up with the other 3



You skanks are wrong. 
Most guys think long and hard before they make the decision to propose.
I said "Most" not "All".


----------



## toppick08

vraiblonde said:


> That is absolutely ridiculous.  Guys are notorious for jumping into wedlock with some psycho who takes all their money and screws their best friend.  I'll bet you yourself know at least 5 of them, and possibly you ARE one of them.  Hell, these forums alone are filled with stories by these guys!!
> 
> I can't even believe you posted that!




Ummmm....Women know within 10 minutes of meeting a man whether she will be just a friend, a #### buddy, or a complete drainer of a man's heart, dick, and wallet,...depends on the station of life she is at, at the present time.....and guys, you know as well as I do, that wimmins are 3 days ahead of you in decision making and plans that will bust your ass when you least expect it...They claim they want good guys, but they love the drama and the chance to change a man.....and nice guys scare the #### out of them because they can't pull their poor me, listen to all my past ....that we really don't want to hear...the needle skips a lot to the same tune....


----------



## Dye Tied

smdavis65 said:


> You skanks are wrong.
> Most guys think long and hard before they make the decision to propose.
> I said "Most" not "All".




Give me your forehead  You have a fever 

 They might have thought long and hard but it wasn't with their big head.


----------



## RoseRed

vraiblonde said:


> That is absolutely ridiculous.  Guys are notorious for jumping into wedlock with some psycho who takes all their money and screws their best friend.  I'll bet you yourself know at least 5 of them, and possibly you ARE one of them.  Hell, these forums alone are filled with stories by these guys!!
> 
> I can't even believe you posted that!


----------



## RedBaron

vraiblonde said:


> That is absolutely ridiculous.  Guys are notorious for jumping into wedlock with some psycho who takes all their money and screws their best friend.  I'll bet you yourself know at least 5 of them:



You must have some f'd up friends because I don't know anyone that has done this.


----------



## onebdzee

smdavis65 said:


> You skanks are wrong.
> Most guys think long and hard before they make the decision to propose.
> I said "Most" not "All".





toppick08 said:


> Ummmm....Women know within 10 minutes of meeting a man whether she will be just a friend, a #### buddy, or a complete drainer of a man's heart, dick, and wallet,...depends on the station of life she is at, at the present time.....and guys, you know as well as I do, that wimmins are 3 days ahead of you in decision making and plans that will bust your ass when you least expect it...They claim they want good guys, but they love the drama and the chance to change a man.....and nice guys scare the #### out of them because they can't pull their poor me, listen to all my past ....that we really don't want to hear...the needle skips a lot to the same tune....



I am really honestly shocked that you two are still single

You two should start a hotline for all those "good guys" out there so you can instruct them as to the ways of relationship world


----------



## smdavis65

onebdzee said:


> been there, lived that....
> 
> have to add to it though...the guy paints you as the psycho b!tch from he!! and plays the "poor me, look at what she has done/did to me" bullsh!t(all the while they were the one the caused the issues to end the relationship) and there is always one(or 2) that fall for the crap
> 
> as the psycho b!tch from he!!....all I got to say is, what comes around, goes around





vraiblonde said:


> That is absolutely ridiculous.  Guys are notorious for jumping into wedlock with some psycho who takes all their money and screws their best friend.  I'll bet you yourself know at least 5 of them, and possibly you ARE one of them.  Hell, these forums alone are filled with stories by these guys!!
> 
> I can't even believe you posted that!





Dye Tied said:


> Give me your forehead  You have a fever
> 
> They might have thought long and hard but it wasn't with their big head.



ALL of you are divorced. And older.
Please don't try to crush this poor girls life with your bitterness...
Divorce happens to most, but not all...


----------



## RoseRed

onebdzee said:


> I am really honestly shocked that you two are still single
> 
> You two should start a hotline for all those "good guys" out there so you can instruct them as to the ways of relationship world



:snort:


----------



## kwillia

RoseRed said:


> :snort:


She forgot to include the Italian Stallion...


----------



## Dye Tied

smdavis65 said:


> ALL of you are divorced. And older.
> Please don't try to crush this poor girls life with your bitterness...
> Divorce happens to most, but not all...



Really? I was married for 25 years before I left. *I* left...Don't take this personally, but I have heard you wank about your ex and marriage.

The young girl needs to know she doesn't have to settle for what she's getting handed. There is greener grass...


----------



## smdavis65

onebdzee said:


> I am really honestly shocked that you two are still single
> 
> You two should start a hotline for all those "good guys" out there so you can instruct them as to the ways of relationship world



And you could advise chicks how?


----------



## toppick08

onebdzee said:


> I am really honestly shocked that you two are still single
> 
> You two should start a hotline for all those "good guys" out there so you can instruct them as to the ways of relationship world



Thank you....and women our age are more jaded then us........,..life's a biatch, then you die.....


----------



## RedBaron

kwillia said:


> She forgot to include the Italian Stallion...



He is too busy on his religious soapbox to worry about women.


----------



## smdavis65

RoseRed said:


> :snort:



you too.


----------



## smdavis65

Dye Tied said:


> Really? I was married for 25 years before I left. *I* left...Don't take this personally, but I have heard you wank about your ex and marriage.
> 
> The young girl needs to know she doesn't have to settle for what she's getting handed. There is greener grass...



The woman usually leaves. 75% of the time. Scientific fact. :shrug:


----------



## Dye Tied

smdavis65 said:


> The woman usually leaves. 75% of the time. Scientific fact. :shrug:



And you know why....


----------



## smdavis65

Dye Tied said:


> And you know why....



Yes I do. PMS and Menopause...


----------



## RedBaron

Dye Tied said:


> And you know why....



Sounds like he is part of the 75%


----------



## smdavis65

RedBaron said:


> Sounds like he is part of the 75%



Oh, wait...

Yes I am part of the 75%.


----------



## Dye Tied

smdavis65 said:


> Yes I do. PMS and Menopause...



 No. {okay I giggled a little} Someone usually screws up, cheats, they grow apart instead of together, jail, greener grass...there is no one reason


----------



## cattitude

onebdzee said:


> I am really honestly shocked that you two are still single
> 
> You two should start a hotline for all those "good guys" out there so you can instruct them as to the ways of relationship world



Or run off together.


----------



## RedBaron

smdavis65 said:


> Oh, wait...
> 
> Yes I am part of the 75%.


----------



## onebdzee

smdavis65 said:


> ALL of you are divorced. And older.
> Please don't try to crush this poor girls life with your bitterness...
> Divorce happens to most, but not all...



I am happily divorced, however I don't believe that I EVER said that it was my ex husband that did this, now did I?

I also did not direct anything towards the orginial poster of this tread....I am not now, nor have I ever been bitter about anything that my ex's have done to me.... life is too short and it's not the way I chose to live

It is her life and she needs to make the choice that best suits her


----------



## RoseRed

kwillia said:


> She forgot to include the Italian Stallion...



Who?


----------



## smdavis65

Dye Tied said:


> No. {okay I giggled a little} Someone usually screws up, cheats, they grow apart instead of together, jail, greener grass...there is no one reason



Oww! That HURT!

OK... mine was all of the above...


----------



## RoseRed

cattitude said:


> Or run off together.


----------



## smdavis65

cattitude said:


> Or run off together.





That's the best you could come up with?


----------



## smdavis65

RedBaron said:


>



just sayin'...


----------



## onebdzee

smdavis65 said:


> The woman usually leaves. 75% of the time. Scientific fact. :shrug:





smdavis65 said:


> Oh, wait...
> 
> Yes I am part of the 75%.





smdavis65 said:


> just sayin'...





You just admitted that you were a woman


----------



## smdavis65

onebdzee said:


> You just admitted that you were a woman



You have seen me. Do you think I'm a woman?


----------



## toppick08

cattitude said:


> Or run off together.



He is cute........Love me some jailbait..


----------



## smdavis65

toppick08 said:


> He is cute........Love me some jailbait..



b!tch, I'm not jailbait! LOL!


----------



## toppick08

smdavis65 said:


> b!tch, I'm not jailbait! LOL!



...poke me back babe..I'm waiting....


----------



## vraiblonde

Dye Tied said:


> There is greener grass...



No there's not.  Most people are highly dysfunctional in some way, and they'll throw away a perfectly nice person they could have been happy with because that person isn't (blank) enough.  You've heard me frankly admit that if I'd been more mature, my kids' dad and I would still be together to this day.  Not that I'm sorry, but there it is.

But many men are highly attracted to vipers and we (you and I, Dye) are intimately familiar with at least three of them who went down that path.  So for SM to say they think about it and are cautious because they don't want to be divorced later....

My god!


----------



## Dye Tied

vraiblonde said:


> No there's not.  Most people are highly dysfunctional in some way, and they'll throw away a perfectly nice person they could have been happy with because that person isn't (blank) enough.  You've heard me frankly admit that if I'd been more mature, my kids' dad and I would still be together to this day.  Not that I'm sorry, but there it is.
> 
> But many men are highly attracted to vipers and we (you and I, Dye) are intimately familiar with at least three of them who went down that path.  So for SM to say they think about it and are cautious because they don't want to be divorced later....
> 
> My god!



 By greener grass, I meant she could find happiness, do better for herself and be happy. Something better for her, is on the other side of him. 

Oh, I know more than 3 men that went merrily skipping down that path


----------



## BadGirl

Dye Tied said:


> By greener grass, I meant she could find happiness, do better for herself and be happy. Something better for her, is on the other side of him.
> 
> Oh, I know more than 3 men that went merrily skipping down that path




Sometimes, the grass _IS_ greener......


----------



## onebdzee

BadGirl said:


> Sometimes, the grass _IS_ greener......



Sometimes it is....however, more times than not, the grass turns brown rather quickly

Saw the movie "why did I get married" the other day and one guy talked about the 80-20 rule....it's basically where a person has 80(almost everything they want) at home and they trade it for 20(what they think they want at the time)

There is usually a bit of regret when the person that leaves the 80 to find that what they saw in them wasn't what was really there


----------



## hooknline

lnmarsh said:


> Sorry guys, but this is a long one...
> 
> 
> *EDIT*:  I forgot to include some things that he said that really fuels my confusion on the whole ordeal. When we were talking he said that he loves me. He loves me more than hes ever loved anyone else and he always will love me. He wants to grow old with me and have babies and make a life together. He loves the great times we've had together and wants to create more good memories. .



bet your fingers are sore (just kidding)
I think your answer from him is clear in what he said to you above. you heard the old saying "relationships need time to grow". I never met your Marine although know many and been around them for a long time. They are *ABRASIVE* by nature and training and keep their talk short and to the point. I would just give him some time and a little space. He might have just had nerves with upcoming reunion with his buddies. I think trying to drag him through any type of proffessional services would be counterproductive at his age. I suggest relying on your own communication with him when he comes to his senses and responds to your love. Give him time to figure things out within him and maybe in a few weeks, talk to him about the past a little and try to clear up any questions in his mind. Good luck;hope things work for you both.


----------



## vraiblonde

Dye Tied said:


>



Yeah, I went off on a tangent and forgot my point.  

Maybe the grass isn't greener?  Maybe this guy is as green as it gets for her?  Like 1BDZ said, 80/20 - which is what I was alluding to in my other post but she said it better.


----------



## Chasey_Lane

One of my favorite quotes:

"If you settle for potential, be prepared to live with deprivation."


----------



## onebdzee

vraiblonde said:


> Yeah, I went off on a tangent and forgot my point.
> 
> Maybe the grass isn't greener?  Maybe this guy is as green as it gets for her?  Like 1BDZ said, 80/20 - which is what I was alluding to in my other post but *she said it better*.


----------



## vraiblonde

Chasey_Lane said:


> One of my favorite quotes:
> 
> "If you settle for potential, be prepared to live with deprivation."



And one of mine:

Woody:  How's the wife, Mr. Peterson?
Norm:  Better than nothing.


----------



## greeneyes36

lnmarsh said:


> Whaddya know... Havnt heard from him.
> 
> I got the text from him around 1:30am on Friday saying "Just wanted to let you know Im home safe. Goodnight."  Then nothing.  At all.  Until yesterday.
> 
> I knew he was supposed to come home yesterday.  Now I know that checkout at any random hotel is around 10:00am.  So I assumed he'd be home by 1:00-ish.  So I honestly got worried when I hadnt heard from him come 3:00pm.  I havnt gone that long w/o talking to him since he was in Iraq.  My mind went from everything from "Did he make it home ok and just fall asleep?" to "Did he cheat on me?" to "Did he get arrested?" to "Is he even effing ALIVE?!"  Ugg...  So I texted him.  I said "Im sorry for texting you because I know I said I wouldnt but I've gotten worried.  I just want to make sure you're Ok."  I didnt get anything back so I called. It rung 3 times and his voicemail came on... meaning he ignored my call. So I didnt get anything until literally midnight and even then all it was was a text that said "Yea Ill call you tomorrow."
> 
> Well, havnt heard from him.  I texted him and asked "Do you work tonight?" because normally, he leaves to go to work about the time I head home from work so we dont see each other unless he dosnt have work. Now he has Sprint and I have Verizon, so normally there is no way for me to tell if hes actually read my texts... my phone dosnt let me know like if I were to text another Verizon person.  Unless I send a picture message... _then _it tells me if he's read it.  So i sent the "Do you work tonight?" text as a pictures message .  He opened it about an hour after I sent it (probably because he was sleeping).  That was about two hours ago... And I havnt heard anything.
> 
> At this point, Im desperate to talk to him.  I just need to know WTF is going on!  Even if its not what I want to hear, I just need to know.
> 
> Im honestly so blown on the issue I dont know whether to be mad at him for not talking to me for the past few days or to cry because I dont know for sure whats going through his head, but Im pretty sure hes just done.  And I still dont understand why...




STOP calling, STOP texting him. dont contact him for anything at all. not one single text or call. IF he wants to talk to YOU, he will seek you out and find you. IF he doesnt, than you know your answers.  IF he does, than you know he wants to communicate with you. you will NEVER know your answers if you keep "making" him respond to your calls and texts.  call a friend or family member whenever you get the urge to call him, but do not call him.  soon enough, you will know. even if 4,5,6,7 days go by and you havent heard from him.  he's a big boy ~ you will eventually hear about it if something bad happens to him... just my  thoughts. its the ONLY way you will know if HE is interested in you in his own doing, not just because you are making him be. try it and see.... wish you the best.


----------



## vraiblonde

hooknline said:


> when he comes to his senses and responds to your love.



See?  Read up, you bitter hags - THIS is romance!


----------



## onebdzee

greeneyes36 said:


> STOP calling, STOP texting him. dont contact him for anything at all. not one single text or call. IF he wants to talk to YOU, he will seek you out and find you. IF he doesnt, than you know your answers.  IF he does, than you know he wants to communicate with you. you will NEVER know your answers if you keep "making" him respond to your calls and texts.  call a friend or family member whenever you get the urge to call him, but do not call him.  soon enough, you will know. even if 4,5,6,7 days go by and you havent heard from him.  he's a big boy ~ you will eventually hear about it if something bad happens to him... just my  thoughts. its the ONLY way you will know if HE is interested in you in his own doing, not just because you are making him be. try it and see.... wish you the best.



I think that the only issue with this is that he may call/text her and feed her a line of crap because they have been together for so long and she is "comfortable" to him....he will string her along while he is making up his mind on what he wants, all the while, she thinks they are moving forward with the relationship when in fact they aren't he is just using her

2 months/years from now....he finally figures out what he wants and it's not her, she is broken hearted, he is gone


----------



## vraiblonde

onebdzee said:


> I think that the only issue with this is that he may call/text her and feed her a line of crap because they have been together for so long and she is "comfortable" to him....he will string her along while he is making up his mind on what he wants, all the while, she thinks they are moving forward with the relationship when in fact they aren't he is just using her
> 
> 2 months/years from now....he finally figures out what he wants and it's not her, she is broken hearted, he is gone



OMG you are so mean!!!  I think he's going to come to his senses and respond to her love.


----------



## lovinmaryland

onebdzee said:


> I think that the only issue with this is that he may call/text her and feed her a line of crap because they have been together for so long and she is "comfortable" to him....he will string her along while he is making up his mind on what he wants, all the while, she thinks they are moving forward with the relationship when in fact they aren't he is just using her
> 
> 2 months/years from now....he finally figures out what he wants and it's not her, she is broken hearted, old, and he is gone with some young twenty something slut



:fixed:


----------



## greeneyes36

i didnt mean to "wait forever".... if he doesnt make any contact in a few weeks, writing is all over the wall there. No ???


----------



## retiredweaxman

greeneyes36 said:


> i didnt mean to "wait forever".... if he doesnt make any contact in a few weeks, writing is all over the wall there. No ???



The writing was on the wall when he said something to the effect of being better off as friends...

Sounds like he wants a "friends with benefits" type of relationship...or to call her whenever he feels the urge as he knows she will wait for him.

I think she has a choice of either going "all in" and devoting her life to questioning a relationship or "folding" and moving on with her life.


----------



## Toxick

Lance said:


> now ya know Y i ain`t hooked @ the hip "Yet".





Ah... this mystery is finally explained!


----------



## vraiblonde

retiredweaxman said:


> The writing was on the wall when he said something to the effect of being better off as friends...
> 
> Sounds like he wants a "friends with benefits" type of relationship...or to call her whenever he feels the urge as he knows she will wait for him.



We established in another thread awhile back that men don't want to be friends with a former girlfriend.  The consensus among the guys was that once they no longer want to have sex with a woman, she's pretty much worthless to them.

So if he means it that he wants to be friends, it also means he still wants to have sex with her, which means she still has his attention and everything is good to go.


----------



## K_Jo

vraiblonde said:


> And one of mine:
> 
> Woody:  How's the wife, Mr. Peterson?
> Norm:  Better than nothing.






Everyone agrees the hospital story was BS, right?


----------



## Toxick

Lance said:


> i do have a way with words,





This is proven daily.


----------



## onebdzee

vraiblonde said:


> We established in another thread awhile back that men don't want to be friends with a former girlfriend.  The consensus among the guys was that once they no longer want to have sex with a woman, she's pretty much worthless to them.
> 
> So if he means it that he wants to be friends, it also means he still wants to have sex with her, which means she still has his attention and everything is good to go.



Not necessarily...some guys will keep stringing the girl along knowing that if he does, he will continue to have the booty call whenever he wants it...it doesn't mean that she still has his attention....it just means that he wants some place to stick his dick when he can't get it from who he really is going after

and I have to agree....once the sex is gone, so is the "friend"


----------



## lovinmaryland

K_Jo said:


> Everyone agrees the hospital story was BS, right?



Exactly.  What a crock of ####!  This guy needs to learn to lie better and come up w/ more *believable* excuses


----------



## Cowgirl

K_Jo said:


> Everyone agrees the hospital story was BS, right?



That's what I thought.


----------



## LadyWolf

K_Jo said:


> Everyone agrees the hospital story was BS, right?





lovinmaryland said:


> Exactly.  What a crock of ####!  This guy needs to learn to lie better and come up w/ more *believable* excuses




You know, and the thing is...that isn't even funny!!! People are just crazy!!! To come up w/some stupid story about going to the hospital because he's  sick and then couldn't call?  I just think he's a real horses ass and if he is truly lying, she needs to seriously kick his ass to the curb and DON'T LOOK BACK!!! All she has to do is call the hospital to find out if he was admitted to see if he is lying or not.


----------



## K_Jo

LadyWolf said:


> You know, and the thing is...that isn't even funny!!! People are just crazy!!! To come up w/some stupid story about going to the hospital because he's  sick and then couldn't call?  I just think he's a real horses ass and if he is truly lying, she needs to seriously kick his ass to the curb and DON'T LOOK BACK!!! All she has to do is call the hospital to find out if he was admitted to see if he is lying or not.



I'm sure he has some sort of paperwork he can show her.  And if he really was in the hospital, the reason he gave her is BS.  My guess is alcohol poisoning.


----------



## Toxick

vraiblonde said:


> We established in another thread awhile back that men don't want to be friends with a former girlfriend.  The consensus among the guys was that once they no longer want to have sex with a woman, she's pretty much worthless to them.




Maybe I should 'splain this.


There are very few women who enjoy engaging in the same activities as I do.

I like playing Halo, eating copious amounts of red meat, fixing mechanical and electronic gadgetry and watching movies where there are car chases, aliens, explosions and guys saying one-liners before blowing someone's head off.

Most chicks don't like these things.

Instead most chicks don't play any video games, they eat raw green food, the only thing they "fix" is their hair, and they enjoy movies where people form ya-ya sisterhoods and where women get their grooves back.


Speaking only for myself, it was not very often that I would meet a women who likes all the same bull#### that I like myself. It's even LESS often that I would meet a woman who liked all the same #### as me, and was still  attractive enough to want to sleep with (it may be shallow, but being physically attracted to my partner is pretty important to me).


Anyway - when I finally came across one of these rare women who like the same #### as me, I would hold on as best as I could. And when these women would leave, I *might* have wanted to remain friends - but it was just too damn painful to be reminded of what I lost. So getting a plutonic friendship going seems to be a lost cause there.



As for the other women, I never bothered to remain friends, simply because I'm not interested in the same things they are - nothing personal. The only reason to stay in such as relationship is for booty-calls.




vraiblonde said:


> So if he means it that he wants to be friends, it also means he still wants to have sex with her, which means she still has his attention and everything is good to go.


----------



## vraiblonde

Jeebus, what a bunch of bitter, suspicious hags!  Here's this guy, on his death bed practically, and you all are bagging on him.  When he needs the love and support of his woman more than anything to speed his recovery and give him something to live for.

I am just shaking my head woefully at the lot of you...


----------



## LadyWolf

onebdzee said:


> Not necessarily...some guys will keep stringing the girl along knowing that if he does, he will continue to have the booty call whenever he wants it...it doesn't mean that she still has his attention....it just means that he wants some place to stick his dick when he can't get it from who he really is going after
> 
> and I have to agree....once the sex is gone, so is the "friend"



Yep, I agree. He could be just holding on for the sex until something else better comes along. Plenty of men out there who do that. Sex does not keep a couple together. She needs to stop being delusional and come to terms w/the idea that this guy could be stringing her along and feeding her a load of crap! BEWARE!!!!


----------



## onebdzee

vraiblonde said:


> Jeebus, what a bunch of bitter, suspicious hags!  Here's this guy, on his death bed practically, and you all are bagging on him.  When he needs the love and support of his woman more than anything to speed his recovery and give him something to live for.
> 
> I am just shaking my head woefully at the lot of you...



 <--you felt me do this at you, right?


----------



## K_Jo

vraiblonde said:


> Jeebus, what a bunch of bitter, suspicious hags!  Here's this guy, on his death bed practically, and you all are bagging on him.  When he needs the love and support of his woman more than anything to speed his recovery and give him something to live for.
> 
> I am just shaking my head woefully at the lot of you...



I just called the hospital.  They've never heard of him.


----------



## LadyWolf

onebdzee said:


> Not necessarily...some guys will keep stringing the girl along knowing that if he does, he will continue to have the booty call whenever he wants it...it doesn't mean that she still has his attention....it just means that he wants some place to stick his dick when he can't get it from who he really is going after
> 
> and I have to agree....once the sex is gone, so is the "friend"





K_Jo said:


> I'm sure he has some sort of paperwork he can show her.  And if he really was in the hospital, the reason he gave her is BS.  My guess is alcohol poisoning.


----------



## kwillia

I don't believe he was really critically sick because any man that loves a woman would be sure to let their woman know they were sick or hurt in order to receive the healing nurturing that comes from a woman's love, nursing and undivided attention until he's healed.


----------



## K_Jo

kwillia said:


> I don't believe he was really critically sick because any man that loves a woman would be sure to let their woman know they were sick or hurt in order to receive the healing nurturing that comes from a woman's love, nursing and undivided attention until he's healed.



What if the "sickness" for which he sought treatment was an STD?


----------



## migtig

Toxick said:


> I like playing Halo, eating copious amounts of red meat, fixing mechanical and electronic gadgetry and watching movies where there are car chases, aliens, explosions and guys saying one-liners before blowing someone's head off.



I was happy perfect for you except for that fixing gadgetry line.


----------



## RedBaron

Lance said:


> i amaze myself sumtimes that i can put more than 1 thawt 2gether & tipe



You and me both.


----------



## kwillia

K_Jo said:


> What if the "sickness" for which he sought treatment was an STD?



That is exactly how Elvis came up with his "Hunkahunk of Burning Love" song.


----------



## migtig

kwillia said:


> That is exactly how Elvis came up with his "Hunkahunk of Burning Love" song.



  Don't you blasphemy THE King...Elvis


----------



## RedBaron

Lance said:


> f U go mess w/yr kind. called a whiteboy f off.



Leave your lights on!


----------



## K_Jo

migtig said:


> Don't you blasphemy THE King...Elvis



That's my favorite Elvis song and I will NOT let Kwillia ruin it for me!


----------



## kwillia

K_Jo said:


> That's my favorite Elvis song and I will NOT let Kwillia ruin it for me!



The not-well known B side is his remake of "Burning Ring of Fire".


----------



## migtig

kwillia said:


> The not-well known B side is his remake of "Burning Ring of Fire".



:miggyisnarrowinghereyesatkwilliabear:  That is totally untrue.  The B-Side was "It's a Matter of Time".


----------



## Toxick

migtig said:


> I was happy perfect for you except for that fixing gadgetry line.





Well, if you like watching me fixing gadgetry, then you're right back in there


----------



## kwillia

migtig said:


> :miggyisnarrowinghereyesatkwilliabear:  That is totally untrue.  The B-Side was "It's a Matter of Time".



Best liine in the song "Time and penicillin heal all wounds"..


----------



## vraiblonde

kwillia said:


> I don't believe he was really critically sick because any man that loves a woman would be sure to let their woman know they were sick or hurt in order to receive the healing nurturing that comes from a woman's love, nursing and undivided attention until he's healed.



I think it was very thoughtful of him not to bother her with his petty medical problems.


----------



## vraiblonde

migtig said:


> Don't you blasphemy THE King...Elvis



Aside:

I taught my 1.5 yo grandson to respond, "Elvis!" when I ask him, "Who's the King?"


----------



## Chasey_Lane

K_Jo said:


> Everyone agrees the hospital story was BS, right?



Yes, because if he were truly in the hospital, the first person he *should* have called would have been the OP.  By not calling her, he was out doing something he didn't want her to know about.


----------



## K_Jo

Chasey_Lane said:


> Yes, because if he were truly in the hospital, the first person he *should* have called would have been the OP.  By not calling her, he was out doing something he didn't want her to know about.



Like ####### skanky, young #######?


----------



## MJ

Chasey_Lane said:


> Yes, because if he were truly in the hospital, the first person he *should* have called would have been the OP.  By not calling her, he was out doing something he didn't want her to know about.



I think I saw this same story on an episode of Cheaters


----------



## migtig

Toxick said:


> Well, if you like watching me fixing gadgetry, then you're right back in there


:fistpump: YES!  



kwillia said:


> Best liine in the song "Time and penicillin heal all wounds"..


 lol



vraiblonde said:


> Aside:
> 
> I taught my 1.5 yo grandson to respond, "Elvis!" when I ask him, "Who's the King?"


Awww.  I always like to hear of youngsters being raised right.  



Chasey_Lane said:


> Yes, because if he were truly in the hospital, the first person he *should* have called would have been the OP.  By not calling her, he was out doing something he didn't want her to know about.



Back to topic...I concur completely.  I think the problem I had was the "be here at 9pm babe for snuggle time" my words not the OPs - which screams to me "booty call" and "I am just using you".  :shrug: But that's me being judgmental.


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> Aside:
> 
> I taught my 1.5 yo grandson to respond, "Elvis!" when I ask him, "Who's the King?"



21 months!!!


----------



## K_Jo

MJ said:


> I think I saw this same story on an episode of Cheaters



When I read this earlier, I thought it said Cheers, not Cheaters, and I did not get it at all.


----------



## kwillia

K_Jo said:


> When I read this earlier, I thought it said Cheers, not Cheaters, and I did not get it at all.



Sam was always neglecting Diane thus leaving her with doubt.


----------



## onebdzee

vraiblonde said:


> I think it was very thoughtful of him not to bother her with his petty medical problems.



Didn't the OP say something about him being a DD for his drunk friends, not taking his pain meds, and then ending up in the hospital that night as she thought he was "detoxing"?

If he was DD, why would he detoxing?....don't you actually have to drink and/or be drunk to do this?....when you detox, don't you have the shakes?....and if that were the case, he shouldn't have been driving his friends around


----------



## Cowgirl

onebdzee said:


> Didn't the OP say something about him being a DD for his drunk friends, not taking his pain meds, and then ending up in the hospital that night as she thought he was "detoxing"?
> 
> If he was DD, why would he detoxing?....don't you actually have to drink and/or be drunk to do this?....when you detox, don't you have the shakes?....and if that were the case, he shouldn't have been driving his friends around



I thought she meant he was detoxing from missing his pain meds.


----------



## CalvertNewbie

onebdzee said:


> Didn't the OP say something about him being a DD for his drunk friends, not taking his pain meds, and then ending up in the hospital that night as she thought he was "detoxing"?
> 
> If he was DD, why would he detoxing?....don't you actually have to drink and/or be drunk to do this?....when you detox, don't you have the shakes?....and if that were the case, he shouldn't have been driving his friends around



I think he said that he was detoxing from not taking his pain meds.  If I was in the OP's situation, I'd want to see his discharge papers from the hospital.  It's a pretty well thought out story, and it may be true, but it seems a little too convenient that all this happened on the one weekend that he wanted his space to hang out with his buddies in DC.  If his story was indeed true, then I apologize for not trusting him.  Just sounds shady to me.  

I wonder if the OP met up with him last night and what happened?  Hope it wasn't a booty call and that they talked about what's been going on.


----------



## Chasey_Lane

Cowgirl said:


> I thought she meant he was detoxing from missing his pain meds.



And who would want to be with a junkie anyhow?


----------



## Cowgirl

Chasey_Lane said:


> And who would want to be with a junkie anyhow?



And I dont' know much about being addicted to pain meds, but when House would skip a dose, it wouldn't send him to the hospital.  I mean, one dose causes someone to be hospitalized?  

Wait, I just re-read.  Apparently he had food poisoning as well.


----------



## greeneyes36

lnmarsh said:


> So he just called me.  Im at work so the conversation was unfortunately brief (hes convinced that me talking on my work phone will get me fired so he never talks long until I can call him from my cell phone once I get off work).
> 
> I asked him how his weekend was.  He said "Good, until yesterday."  Apperently Saturday they all had plans to go out drinking, so he didnt take his pain meds and left them in his hotel room.  Well they all went out to dinner, etc. and he decided it be best for him to actually drive home because a lot of the guys got way too drunk wayyy too fast.  So he ended up not drinking and driving everyone back to the hotel.  He said it was really late but his back wasnt really bothering him (for once) so he didnt take any of his meds except his mild muscle relaxer just to ensure he stayed asleep.
> 
> So yesterday rolled around, they all checked out, said their goodbyes, and headed home.  He said his stomach was upset the entire morning so he put off taking his more powerful meds.  Once he got halfway home, however, he said his back was really bothering him so he tried to take something for it.  Well he puked that something right back up, and continued to puke until about 3 pm when he realized that not only did he probably have food poisioning from dinner the night before, but he was also starting to go through mild detox.  So he went to the hospital.  Where he stayed for about 6 hours (until around 11:00pm or so) until he was keeping fluids and his meds down.  Which explains the short midnight text saying "Yea Ill call you tomorrow."
> 
> Now, would I have liked to have heard from him once he got home?  Yes.  However, being in the hospital for 6 hours is a good enough for me for him to not call.  Especially since there is no cell reception at Calvert Memorial.  That and considering he was basically going through detox, Im sure the furthest thing from his mind was calling me.  Plus when he isnt feeling well, he dosnt want anyone around him.  All the more reason for him to not call me because he knows me - I would have driven straight to the hospital.  Im not making excuses for him (like I said I would have liked to have heard from him once he got home, etc), but puking and being hooked to IVs in the hospital w/o cell signal is a pretty good excuse for not calling. But I digress...
> 
> So after he explained all this he said "Well Im gonna let you get back to work.  I just wanted to call and say Hi.  Why dont you give me a call or stop by on your way home?  Ill be here until 9:00 but then I have to leave for work."  I said that I'd probably stop by, he said "Ok sounds good.  I hope you have a good day, babe.  Ill see you later.  I love you. Bye."
> 
> That part right there makes me think maybe I was overreacting _juuusssttt_ a lil bit this weekend.  Now like I said, Im not making excused for him.  Im defintiely going to ask why in the H3LL he didnt call me all weekend and probably give him a little shyt about it.  Maybe not today or tomorrow, but eventually Ill say something about it (a female never forgets).  Honestly, when it comes down to it, Im just glad hes OK and him saying that "I love you" part seems like a good sign.   Im not doing the happy dance yet - especially since Im a little irked about him not calling all weekend - but I'm definitely not in a I-Want-To-Crawl-In-A-Hole mood anymore
> 
> I knew, repeat K-N-E-W, that something was wrong yesterday.  Around 3:00pm I got the uncontrollable urge to call him because suddenly, I got very worried.  Gawd... my maternal instincts are going to be the death of me once I have kids




SORRY, just reading backwards here.... i hope he didnt honestly say there was NO CELL SERVICE at Calvert Memorial...???. I have been in that ER four occasions in the past year and have been able to call my ex regarding our daughters injuries EVERY TIME...from in the treatment room...one being in the very back of the ER area.  In the past 10 years, we have been there on probably 8 occasions total and have ALWAYS had service...outgoing and incoming calls both.  Sprint, Nextel and Verizon ALL have service there. Sweetie, you need to STOP listening to his BS. Take a deep breath and feel blessed that you CAN WALK AWAY without ever having to look back. But better yet, if you insist, be crazy and ask him to show you the discharge papers they gave him....or did he lose them already? I'm sorry.... if you're willing to believe him, than be willing to live the life of "stories".


----------



## kwillia

Chasey_Lane said:


> And who would want to be with a junkie anyhow?


----------



## K_Jo

Chasey_Lane said:


> And who would want to be with a junkie anyhow?



  And if he steals from me to support his habit...


----------



## vraiblonde

CalvertNewbie said:


> If I was in the OP's situation, I'd want to see his discharge papers from the hospital.



Why?  If I was hooked up with some guy who I distrusted enough that I wanted to see official documents proving he was where he said he was, that's a clue that the relationship should be over.


----------



## K_Jo

vraiblonde said:


> Why?  If I was hooked up with some guy who I distrusted enough that I wanted to see official documents proving he was where he said he was, that's a clue that the relationship should be over.



Starting a thread wouldn't be enough of a clue?


----------



## Chasey_Lane

vraiblonde said:


> Why?  If I was hooked up with some guy who I distrusted enough that I wanted to see official documents proving he was where he said he was, that's a clue that the relationship should be over.



As if the clue of him needing a little space wasn't clear enough...


----------



## kom526

It's over. You will now be known as the FWB.


----------



## vraiblonde

K_Jo said:


> Starting a thread wouldn't be enough of a clue?



Heck no.  Ya gotta get a consensus from strangers before you can move on to Clueville.


----------



## K_Jo

vraiblonde said:


> Why?  If I was hooked up with some guy who I distrusted enough that I wanted to see official documents proving he was where he said he was, that's a clue that the relationship should be over.



By the way, I don't care if the OP wants to see them or not (I think she's abandoned us anyway).  I want to see them!!  I was rooting for these kids and I'd love it if he were telling the truth because I love love!


----------



## K_Jo

vraiblonde said:


> Heck no.  Ya gotta get a consensus from strangers before you can move on to Clueville.



That's why I started my restaurant thread, but no one wants to give a serious answer.


----------



## vraiblonde

K_Jo said:


> That's why I started my restaurant thread, but no one wants to give a serious answer.



I gave you a serious answer - Sheetz french fries


----------



## Vince

vraiblonde said:


> I gave you a serious answer - Sheetz french fries


Sheetz has French Fries?


----------



## kwillia

K_Jo said:


> That's why I started my restaurant thread, but no one wants to give a serious answer.



I highly recommend Lone Star in Waldorf...


----------



## vraiblonde

Vince said:


> Sheetz has French Fries?



Vegan and gluten-free!  And organic!


----------



## kwillia

Lance said:


> real love is in the heart, & not online.
> once it`s realized, it`s not all about
> what is yours or mine.
> 
> ya just have to give it a fair chance,
> instead of wondering
> about all the dance.
> 
> be yrself, & it will all be as you so wish it to be.
> Otherwise U`ll still be typing & thinkin,
> if only i could just live that Glee.



:swoon:


----------



## lovinmaryland

kwillia said:


> I highly recommend Lone Star in Waldorf...


----------



## belvak

K_Jo said:


> That's why I started my restaurant thread, but no one wants to give a serious answer.



I did!


----------



## kwillia

Lance said:


> If u attempt a hill that is 2 steep
> don`t think twice b4 U take that leap.
> If yr confident about the goal in mind,
> U`ll never look behind.
> 
> Once there, everything else is downhill
> than U have no reason to seek any other thrill
> Once U decide to commit to it,
> all the rest is what u make of it.
> 
> *Words to Live By*
> 
> c i can tipe wenn i wanna.



:double-swoon: I have a thing for forum poetry.


----------



## RedBaron

Lance said:


> If u attempt a hill that is 2 steep
> don`t think twice b4 U take that leap.
> If yr confident about the goal in mind,
> U`ll never look behind.
> 
> Once there, everything else is downhill
> than U have no reason to seek any other thrill
> Once U decide to commit to it,
> all the rest is what u make of it.
> 
> *Words to Live By*
> 
> c i can tipe wenn i wanna.


----------



## lnmarsh

K_Jo said:


> Everyone agrees the hospital story was BS, right?





lovinmaryland said:


> Exactly.  What a crock of ####!  This guy needs to learn to lie better and come up w/ more *believable* excuses





Cowgirl said:


> That's what I thought.





LadyWolf said:


> You know, and the thing is...that isn't even funny!!! People are just crazy!!! To come up w/some stupid story about going to the hospital because he's  sick and then couldn't call?  I just think he's a real horses ass and if he is truly lying, she needs to seriously kick his ass to the curb and DON'T LOOK BACK!!! All she has to do is call the hospital to find out if he was admitted to see if he is lying or not.



Actually the story wasn’t BS.  I’ve seen the 3 IV marks (one in each arm, one in his wrist) because his veins kept closing, along with his wrist band in the trash and the initial discharge bill.  Since he is covered under the VA's healthcare, TriCare, he isnt supposed to go to anywhere other than a VA hospital because they wont cover the costs.  He was so sick, however, that he had to go to Calvert instead of going to DC.  So after 6 hrs, 3 IV bags, 3 shots of morphine and 2 shots of anti-vomiting meds, his initial bill is $400+



K_Jo said:


> I'm sure he has some sort of paperwork he can show her.  And if he really was in the hospital, the reason he gave her is BS.  My guess is alcohol poisoning.





Chasey_Lane said:


> Yes, because if he were truly in the hospital, the first person he *should* have called would have been the OP.  By not calling her, he was out doing something he didn't want her to know about.



They wouldn’t give him three shots of morphine for alcohol poisoning.  They would give him three shots of morphine if he was going through morphine withdrawals…



onebdzee said:


> Didn't the OP say something about him being a DD for his drunk friends, not taking his pain meds, and then ending up in the hospital that night as she thought he was "detoxing"?
> 
> If he was DD, why would he detoxing?....don't you actually have to drink and/or be drunk to do this?....when you detox, don't you have the shakes?....and if that were the case, he shouldn't have been driving his friends around



I meant “detox” in the sense of “withdrawls” from his pain meds



Chasey_Lane said:


> And who would want to be with a junkie anyhow?



Hes not a junkie.  Hes an Iraqi War veteran who received severe back injuries from two deployments and is on pain meds so that he can not only get through everyday life, but also WORK and not have to rely on welfare, etc.  Cut him some slack...



vraiblonde said:


> Jeebus, what a bunch of bitter, suspicious hags!  Here's this guy, on his death bed practically, and you all are bagging on him.  When he needs the love and support of his woman more than anything to speed his recovery and give him something to live for.
> 
> I am just shaking my head woefully at the lot of you...



Thanks, Vrai.  

*FYI to all who are still following *- I went over the other night, and we talked.  Thats it.  I gotta run for now but Ill give more details later.


----------



## lovinmaryland

lnmarsh said:


> Actually the story wasn’t BS.  I’ve seen the 3 IV marks (one in each arm, one in his wrist) because his veins kept closing, along with his wrist band in the trash and the initial discharge bill.  Since he is covered under the VA's healthcare, TriCare, he isnt supposed to go to anywhere other than a VA hospital because they wont cover the costs.  He was so sick, however, that he had to go to Calvert instead of going to DC.  So after 6 hrs, 3 IV bags, 3 shots of morphine and 2 shots of anti-vomiting meds, his initial bill is $400+
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> They wouldn’t give him three shots of morphine for alcohol poisoning.  They would give him three shots of morphine if he was going through morphine withdrawals…
> 
> 
> 
> I meant “detox” in the sense of “withdrawls” from his pain meds
> 
> 
> 
> Hes not a junkie.  Hes an Iraqi War veteran who received severe back injuries from two deployments and is on pain meds so that he can not only get through everyday life, but also WORK and not have to rely on welfare, etc.  Cut him some slack...
> 
> 
> 
> Thanks, Vrai.
> 
> *FYI to all who are still following *- I went over the other night, and we talked.  Thats it.  I gotta run for now but Ill give more details later.



Ok great now I feel bad for laughing and partaking 

Sorry!


----------



## RedBaron

Lance said:


> ain`t u got an audition 4 the nxt sequel 2 planet of the aholez??? they`ll save a fortune on makeup 4 U.



ain`t u got an audition 4 the nxt sequel 2 psycho??? they`ll save a fortune on makeup 4 U.   mother mother


----------



## Dye Tied

lnmarsh said:


> Actually the story wasn’t BS.  I’ve seen the 3 IV marks (one in each arm, one in his wrist) because his veins kept closing, along with his wrist band in the trash and the initial discharge bill.  Since he is covered under the VA's healthcare, TriCare, he isnt supposed to go to anywhere other than a VA hospital because they wont cover the costs.  He was so sick, however, that he had to go to Calvert instead of going to DC.  So after 6 hrs, 3 IV bags, 3 shots of morphine and 2 shots of anti-vomiting meds, his initial bill is $400+
> 
> Thanks, Vrai.
> 
> *FYI to all who are still following *- I went over the other night, and we talked.  Thats it.  I gotta run for now but Ill give more details later.



So he's not in the military? Did I skim over where you said that? Tricare can go elsewhere besides a Va. hospital


----------



## ewashkow

I'm not reading through 20 plus pages of this so here is my opinion.  He may be there physically but emotionally, he is long gone.

Also, I doubt he thought of you as marriage material.  What guy in a four year relationship finds out they are going to be a daddy and doesn't start making plans to get married?

You also mentioned massive fights and taken breaks.  I believe that when you call a relationship off, it is for a reason.  Petty or not, it was enough for one or both of you to say it is over.  Once the relationship is called off or on a break, I don't think it can ever be fully repaired.  As for using your age as a factor, you are using that as a mask to cover the root of the problem.  I have been married since 2007 to a man that I have known for 11 years, since I was 14.  We never have massive fights and never needed to take breaks from each other when we started dating in 2005.

As for the "he'll always love you" bit, I do believe that a part of you never fully lets go to the memory your first love and he seems to be taking that mentality as well.

I know this is not the answer you are looking for.  It seems like you want someone to tell you that you are over exaggerating things and it will all work out.  Based off of what you have written, you see the writing on the wall but you don't want to accept it.  I'm sorry but relationships end and if one of you hasn't called it off by the time you read this post, I suspect the ending is coming right around the corner.  Brace yourself.


----------



## kom526




----------



## vraiblonde

lnmarsh said:


> Thanks, Vrai.



My pleasure!


----------



## Booboo3604

Dye Tied said:


> So he's not in the military? Did I skim over where you said that? Tricare can go elsewhere besides a Va. hospital



I think she said he used to be a Marine stationed in North Carolina.  He has since then got out and moved back up here.  They were long distance when he was still in.  This weekend was a reunion with some of the guys he used to be in with.  Atleast that's what I have got out of it.....


----------



## Dye Tied

Booboo3604 said:


> I think she said he used to be a Marine stationed in North Carolina.  He has since then got out and moved back up here.  They were long distance when he was still in.  This weekend was a reunion with some of the guys he used to be in with.  Atleast that's what I have got out of it.....



If you just get out, you have no VA benefits. And a trip to the E.R., like what she stated, is way over that dollar figure. She's making it up as she goes along.


----------



## lnmarsh

lovinmaryland said:


> Ok great now I feel bad for laughing and partaking
> 
> Sorry!



I didnt mean it like that. Sorry. I was just rushed trying to type that post


----------



## onebdzee

Dye Tied said:


> If you just get out, you have no VA benefits. And a trip to the E.R., like what she stated, is way over that dollar figure. She's making it up as she goes along.



Tricare is taken anywhere....With the many trips that I have taken over the years to the ER, I have never gotten a bill before getting discharged....you get the bill 30-60 days after in the mail

Tricare(I think that's what she said he had) copay = $30

It seems to me that since she has "already been over to his house to talk and seen the IV marks, the braclet, and the discharge bill" she has made up her mind what she is going to do....IMO, however, he has gotten away with doing what he wanted, made up some bullsh!t story to cover his ass, and she believed him and took him back....he will do it again


----------



## Tigerlily

Dye Tied said:


> If you just get out, you have no VA benefits. And a trip to the E.R., like what she stated, is way over that dollar figure. She's making it up as she goes along.



I think if he goes to the VA for a service related injury they will treat him. They will also bill any other insurance he may have though. Also some receive a medical discharge which in some cases provides additional benefits, possible medical benefits, possible certain privledges and possible partial retirement depending on the level of disability. 

A trip to the ER is way more than 400 bucks but that really is not the point. He did not contact her until after he was home from "wherever". I personally think she she should pull back a bit and use him for the "Booty Call" maybe when he sees that she is not waiting for every text, call or invite over he may gain new perspective. 

She has the ability to change things up a bit and see if it changes things. If she chooses to continue on then she may very well end up heartbroken.


----------



## smdavis65

vraiblonde said:


> No there's not.  Most people are highly dysfunctional in some way, and they'll throw away a perfectly nice person they could have been happy with because that person isn't (blank) enough.  You've heard me frankly admit that if I'd been more mature, my kids' dad and I would still be together to this day.  Not that I'm sorry, but there it is.
> 
> But many men are highly attracted to vipers and we (you and I, Dye) are intimately familiar with at least three of them who went down that path.  So for SM to say they think about it and are cautious because they don't want to be divorced later....
> 
> My god!



I said we think we think about it, I didn't say we make the right decisions... :shrug:


----------



## toppick08

smdavis65 said:


> I said we think we think about it, I didn't say we make the right decisions... :shrug:



Don't argue with wimmins.....you know that....


----------



## smdavis65

toppick08 said:


> Don't argue with wimmins.....you know that....



But, I've been doing that for the last 30 years... You mean I shouldn't?!?


----------



## toppick08

smdavis65 said:


> But, I've been doing that for the last 30 years... You mean I shouldn't?!?



Yes...


----------



## smdavis65

toppick08 said:


> Yes...



What would be the fun in NOT arguing with chicks?


----------



## toppick08

smdavis65 said:


> What would be the fun in NOT arguing with chicks?



True...I get off on the pain.....


----------



## Dye Tied

smdavis65 said:


> What would be the fun in NOT arguing with chicks?



Some big vaginas, like topdick, can't handle it.


----------



## toppick08

Dye Tied said:


> Some big vaginas, like topdick, can't handle it.



...


----------



## lnmarsh

Dye Tied said:


> Tricare can go elsewhere besides a Va. hospital



That very well may be true, but the way his is set up because of his disability rating, etc., TriCare wont cover his expenses outside of the VA hospital.  Im sure that TriCare covers outside medical bills for other people who are covered under it, etc.  My mistake for making a generalization about TriCare 



Booboo3604 said:


> I think she said he used to be a Marine stationed in North Carolina.  He has since then got out and moved back up here.  They were long distance when he was still in.  This weekend was a reunion with some of the guys he used to be in with.  Atleast that's what I have got out of it.....







Dye Tied said:


> If you just get out, you have no VA benefits. And a trip to the E.R., like what she stated, is way over that dollar figure. She's making it up as she goes along.



The Corps kicked him out with a Honorable Discharge due to medical reasons (i.e. injuries which made him unable to fully perform his duties, etc).  Because he’s out on disability, hes covered.

And I said the $400 was the _initial_ bill.  Not counting office fees, etc.  That was just the costs for the meds, as I understood it.  Im not making shyt up.



onebdzee said:


> Tricare is taken anywhere....With the many trips that I have taken over the years to the ER, I have never gotten a bill before getting discharged....you get the bill 30-60 days after in the mail
> 
> Tricare(I think that's what she said he had) copay = $30
> 
> It seems to me that since she has "already been over to his house to talk and seen the IV marks, the braclet, and the discharge bill" she has made up her mind what she is going to do....IMO, however, he has gotten away with doing what he wanted, made up some bullsh!t story to cover his ass, and she believed him and took him back....he will do it again



Ok, I stand corrected that TriCare is accepted anywhere.  In my boyfriend’s specific case, however, they will not pay for any of his medical expenses unless he was treated at a VA hospital due to the fact that he has Military service-related disabilities.  Its just some policy they have in regards to his disability.  And as far as getting the bill later goes - he apparently asked for a ball-park figure of how much the cost of his trip would be so that he could prepare for the cost, considering it has to come out of his own pocket.  The print out they gave him was marked "Not A Bill," but was more of a list of the meds and the costs, etc.  I didnt read into the fine print, but thats my understanding. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ok so I did go to his house last night.  We jumped in his truck and just drove to one of our spots (near the bay… really pretty) and just sat and talked about things.  He told me about his weekend, etc.  I said “Ok so this may be stupid to ask but honestly… are we together, or are we just friends?  I know that’s dumb to ask, but I need to know.  I cant stand this in-limbo stuff.”  Basically, our conversation came to this conclusion:  He wants to be with me and I want to be with him.  Hes having a hard time getting over losing the baby.  Having the weekend with his guys gave him time to relax and realize whats important – he missed me.  Does he still have some questions about him and I… yes.  But the more he analyzes it, the more he answers his own questions with “I love her. Period.”

I saw him again today (I left work early to take my car to the shop so I ended up having some extra time to go see him before he had to leave for work).  I got on him about not calling me all weekend.  He started with “I just got drunk and forgot.”  I said “If we’re going to be together, which you and I both agree we want, then please treat me like your SO and not just a friend.  A huge part of a relationship is communication and that includes communicating to me that you are safely back at your hotel after getting drunk with your crazy friends ”  He just kind of looked at me for a minute and said “Yea… you’re right.  Im sorry if you worried.”

So I know there will be some of you rooting for him and I and some who will stand by the fact that I should leave him.  I appreciate everyone’s honesty, truly.  But I think the majority of this “questioning” issue between him and I has passed – we’re OK.  If anyone would like to question, comment, etc., please do.  I like typing   I know that those two little conversations between him and I dont fix everything, but we're OK for now.  I cant guarantee what the future holds, but the future isnt guaranteed for anyone for anything.  We could work through everything and have plans to get married and then bam - I could get hit by a bus.  Shyt happens, ya know? Good and bad.  If something happens down the road - related to or unrelated to his current "questions - and him and I split up... then thats just life.  But for now, we're OK.


----------



## TurboK9

lnmarsh said:


> That very well may be true...  .... Shyt happens, ya know? Good and bad.  If something happens down the road - related to or unrelated to his current "questions - and him and I split up... then thats just life.  But for now, we're OK.



Anything worthwhile takes hard work and sacrifice.  Meaningful relationships most of all.  You'll be OK as long as you are both willing to give.


----------



## Roberta

lovinmaryland said:


> *Exactly*.  What a crock of ####!  This guy needs to learn to lie better and come up w/ more *believable* excuses



I think he has found someone else that and has been setting her up while he tries out the new girlfriend. I would be willing to bet he wasn't with the "guys", and decided to spend an extra day with his new love interest.


----------



## Roberta

lnmarsh said:


> That very well may be true, but the way his is set up because of his disability rating, etc., TriCare wont cover his expenses outside of the VA hospital.  Im sure that TriCare covers outside medical bills for other people who are covered under it, etc.  My mistake for making a generalization about TriCare
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> The Corps kicked him out with a Honorable Discharge due to medical reasons (i.e. injuries which made him unable to fully perform his duties, etc).  Because he’s out on disability, hes covered.
> 
> And I said the $400 was the _initial_ bill.  Not counting office fees, etc.  That was just the costs for the meds, as I understood it.  Im not making shyt up.
> 
> 
> 
> Ok, I stand corrected that TriCare is accepted anywhere.  In my boyfriend’s specific case, however, they will not pay for any of his medical expenses unless he was treated at a VA hospital due to the fact that he has Military service-related disabilities.  Its just some policy they have in regards to his disability.  And as far as getting the bill later goes - he apparently asked for a ball-park figure of how much the cost of his trip would be so that he could prepare for the cost, considering it has to come out of his own pocket.  The print out they gave him was marked "Not A Bill," but was more of a list of the meds and the costs, etc.  I didnt read into the fine print, but thats my understanding.
> 
> ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
> 
> Ok so I did go to his house last night.  We jumped in his truck and just drove to one of our spots (near the bay… really pretty) and just sat and talked about things.  He told me about his weekend, etc.  I said “Ok so this may be stupid to ask but honestly… are we together, or are we just friends?  I know that’s dumb to ask, but I need to know.  I cant stand this in-limbo stuff.”  Basically, our conversation came to this conclusion:  He wants to be with me and I want to be with him.  Hes having a hard time getting over losing the baby.  *Having the weekend with his guys gave him time to relax and realize whats important – he missed me. ** Does he still have some questions about him and I… yes. * But the more he analyzes it, the more he answers his own questions with “I love her. Period.”
> 
> I saw him again today (I left work early to take my car to the shop so I ended up having some extra time to go see him before he had to leave for work).  I got on him about not calling me all weekend.  He started with “I just got drunk and forgot.”  I said “If we’re going to be together, which you and I both agree we want, then please treat me like your SO and not just a friend.  A huge part of a relationship is communication and that includes communicating to me that you are safely back at your hotel after getting drunk with your crazy friends ”  He just kind of looked at me for a minute and said “Yea… you’re right.  Im sorry if you worried.”
> 
> So I know there will be some of you rooting for him and I and some who will stand by the fact that I should leave him.  I appreciate everyone’s honesty, truly.  But I think the majority of this “questioning” issue between him and I has passed – we’re OK.  If anyone would like to question, comment, etc., please do.  I like typing   I know that those two little conversations between him and I dont fix everything, but we're OK for now.  I cant guarantee what the future holds, but the future isnt guaranteed for anyone for anything.  We could work through everything and have plans to get married and then bam - I could get hit by a bus.  Shyt happens, ya know? Good and bad.  If something happens down the road - related to or unrelated to his current "questions - and him and I split up... then thats just life.  But for now, we're OK.



*trans relation- new love won't work out*

*Keeping you set up for the "shoe to drop"*


----------



## Vince

Vince said:


> Sheetz has French Fries?





vraiblonde said:


> Vegan and gluten-free!  And organic!


 And that's my only comment on this whole messy thread.


----------



## migtig

TurboK9 said:


> Anything worthwhile takes hard work and sacrifice.  Meaningful relationships most of all.  You'll be OK as long as you are both willing to give.



  Good luck to you both.


----------



## onebdzee

lnmarsh said:


> That very well may be true, but the way his is set up because of his disability rating, etc., TriCare wont cover his expenses outside of the VA hospital.  Im sure that TriCare covers outside medical bills for other people who are covered under it, etc.  My mistake for making a generalization about TriCare
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> The Corps kicked him out with a Honorable Discharge due to medical reasons (i.e. injuries which made him unable to fully perform his duties, etc).  Because he’s out on disability, hes covered.
> 
> And I said the $400 was the _initial_ bill.  Not counting office fees, etc.  That was just the costs for the meds, as I understood it.  Im not making shyt up.  The military will cover the discharged member for disability related issues in emergency cases....all he has to do is file it through the VA and they will pay the bill
> 
> 
> 
> Ok, I stand corrected that TriCare is accepted anywhere.  In my boyfriend’s specific case, however, they will not pay for any of his medical expenses unless he was treated at a VA hospital due to the fact that he has Military service-related disabilities.  Its just some policy they have in regards to his disability.  And as far as getting the bill later goes - he apparently asked for a ball-park figure of how much the cost of his trip would be so that he could prepare for the costbilling office is open on Sunday and/or the nursing staff has access to the billing?....WOW, now that is downsizing, considering it has to come out of his own pocket.  The print out they gave him was marked "Not A Bill," but was more of a list of the meds and the costs, etc.  I didnt read into the fine print, but thats my understanding. translation = you didn't see the bill, you just took his word for it
> 
> ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
> 
> Ok so I did go to his house last night.  We jumped in his truck and just drove to one of our spots (near the bay… really pretty) and just sat and talked about things.  He told me about his weekend, etc.  I said “Ok so this may be stupid to ask but honestly… are we together, or are we just friends?  I know that’s dumb to ask, but I need to know.  I cant stand this in-limbo stuff.”  Basically, our conversation came to this conclusion:  He wants to be with me and I want to be with him.  Hes having a hard time getting over losing the baby.translation = this is the excuse that I am using right now, next time I might use it again  Having the weekend with his guys gave him time to relax and realize whats important – he missed me. translation = I met someone at the bar, took her back to my room and didn't "preform" the way I wanted her to, so I want you back  Does he still have some questions about him and I… yes.  But the more he analyzes it, the more he answers his own questions with “I love her. Period.”
> 
> I saw him again today (I left work early to take my car to the shop so I ended up having some extra time to go see him before he had to leave for work).  I got on him about not calling me all weekend.  He started with “I just got drunk and forgot.” I thought you said he was DD?....why is he "getting drunk and forgetting to call you?  I said “If we’re going to be together, which you and I both agree we want, then please treat me like your SO and not just a friend.  A huge part of a relationship is communication and that includes communicating to me that you are safely back at your hotel after getting drunk with your crazy friends ”  He just kind of looked at me for a minute and said “Yea… you’re right.  Im sorry if you worried.” translation = I want you to shut the he!! up
> 
> So I know there will be some of you rooting for him and I and some who will stand by the fact that I should leave him.  I appreciate everyone’s honesty, truly.  But I think the majority of this “questioning” issue between him and I has passed – we’re OK.  If anyone would like to question, comment, etc., please do.  I like typing   I know that those two little conversations between him and I dont fix everything, but we're OK for now.  I cant guarantee what the future holds, but the future isnt guaranteed for anyone for anything.  We could work through everything and have plans to get married and then bam - I could get hit by a bus.  Shyt happens, ya know? Good and bad.  If something happens down the road - related to or unrelated to his current "questions - and him and I split up... then thats just life.  But for now, we're OK.



I wish you lots of luck and hope he isn't leading you on until he finds his 20


----------



## vraiblonde

TurboK9 said:


> Anything worthwhile takes hard work and sacrifice.  Meaningful relationships most of all.



I don't believe that's true.  I've had a meaningful relationship with my two best friends for almost 20 years now, and it's been completely effortless.  Zero drama, zero insecurity, zero conversations about the state of our friendship.

Why should you have to work hard and sacrifice for a romantic relationship?  Why can't it just work out and be?


----------



## onebdzee

vraiblonde said:


> I don't believe that's true.  I've had a meaningful relationship with my two best friends for almost 20 years now, and it's been completely effortless.  Zero drama, zero insecurity, zero conversations about the state of our friendship.
> 
> Why should you have to work hard and sacrifice for a romantic relationship?  Why can't it just work out and be?



If you are with the right person, then there should be little to no work involved....it just happens


----------



## High-Def

Roberta said:


> *trans relation- new love won't work out*
> 
> *Keeping you set up for the "shoe to drop"*



This whole story is nothing but a hot mess!  He's a junkie detoxing from pain meds, doesn't call, is a DD but got drunk and is obviously a liar by the whole my cell phone didn't have service story in the er....news flash ask to use the hospital phone they'll let you.  You're a gullible naieve young woman who is getting played wake up and smell the Folgers coffee brewing honey.  Roll in sh$$ smell like sh$$ as my mom used to tell me.  Get out before he sucks you in to his loser drama and brings you down.  And yes it's unfortunate that you miscarried but you were 12 weeks it wasn't like you delivered a baby and it died.  For what ever reason it just wasn't meant to be.  I've had 2 miscarriages it's hard but life goes on.  You're young and your time will come to have children.  10 years from now you will see this as a blessing that you're not tied to that loser by being his baby mama.  He had a hard time with the miscarriage?  Ya ok....he's playing the sympathy card.  Grow up, get over it and move on and put on your big girl panties on and deal with it. 

Just my 2 cents sorry to sound harsh but I've been through a lot and your boyfriend sounds like a guy I used to love and lesson learned men do lie honey and tell you what they want to hear because they don't want to lose the "back up plan" girl and the sure thing piece of a$$.  Trust me on this one, throw that fish back and catch another better one.


----------



## cattitude

kwillia said:


> :swoon:



Mr. Fleas will not approve of this.


----------



## Chasey_Lane

High-Def said:


>



Whateva!  Whateva!


----------



## High-Def

Chasey_Lane said:


> Whateva!  Whateva!



LOL    Whiny girls get on my nerves....I feel like I was too harsh but I'll get over it


----------



## lnmarsh

Roberta said:


> I think he has found someone else that and has been setting her up while he tries out the new girlfriend. I would be willing to bet he wasn't with the "guys", and decided to spend an extra day with his new love interest.





Roberta said:


> *trans relation- new love won't work out*
> *Keeping you set up for the "shoe to drop"*



If he wasn’t with his guys then why does he 1.) have pictures and 2.) came home with all sorts of information to promote Hidden Wounds (Hidden Wounds – Hidden Wounds) … a foundation started by the family members of one of his combat buddies who unfortunately committed suicide after getting out of the Corps?  Believe it or not, not all men are liars and cheats.  




migtig said:


> Good luck to you both.



Thank you 



onebdzee said:


> The military will cover the discharged member for disability related issues in emergency cases....all he has to do is file it through the VA and they will pay the bill.
> 
> I wish you lots of luck and hope he isn't leading you on until he finds his 20



Well that’s not the way his VA contact person (I don’t know what to call her… VA Rep? IDK) explained it.  According to her, unless he goes to a VA hospital, bills don’t get paid.  Now maybe there is a way to submit the bill to TriCare because it was an emergency situation, however when he tried to do that before TriCare denied it.  Of course, Im just taking his word for that too, right? 

I’m not even entertaining the notion of commenting on your other accusations



High-Def said:


> This whole story is nothing but a hot mess!  He's a junkie detoxing from pain meds, doesn't call, is a DD but got drunk and is obviously a liar by the whole my cell phone didn't have service story in the er....news flash ask to use the hospital phone they'll let you.  You're a gullible naieve young woman who is getting played wake up and smell the Folgers coffee brewing honey.  Roll in sh$$ smell like sh$$ as my mom used to tell me.  Get out before he sucks you in to his loser drama and brings you down.  And yes it's unfortunate that you miscarried but you were 12 weeks it wasn't like you delivered a baby and it died.  For what ever reason it just wasn't meant to be.  I've had 2 miscarriages it's hard but life goes on.  You're young and your time will come to have children.  10 years from now you will see this as a blessing that you're not tied to that loser by being his baby mama.  He had a hard time with the miscarriage?  Ya ok....he's playing the sympathy card.  Grow up, get over it and move on and put on your big girl panties on and deal with it.



1.)	Hes not a junkie.
2.)	From personal experience I can honestly say that his cell dosnt work in the ER, and neither does mine.  IDK if yall got some super-powerful signal receiving phones or what, but our shyt don’t work.  As far as the hospital phone goes… he was withdrawing and suffering from food poisoning.  By the time he felt good enough to use the phone, he left the hospital and texted me.  That’s good enough for me.  Maybe YOU would completely expect YOUR SO to stop dry heaving and feeling like shyt long enough to ask the nurse to use the phone, but my expectations aren’t that high.  Maybe Im just not high-class enough to have as high expectations for my SO as some people on here… 
3.)	Young woman – yes.  Gullible and getting played – no. 
4.)	Maybe, just MAYBE, people handle loss differently than you do.  I know that my miscarrying isnt an uncommon thing, but it really, REALLY affected my SO and I.  We’re moving on but still having some hard times with it.  If you were able to just say Eff It and forget about the whole thing, then more power to you.  I wish I could be as effing strong as you. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Honestly, I don’t have to justify myself to you, High-Def, or any-effing-one-else on here for that matter.  I appreciate every’s honesty, truly.  Because that’s what I asked for.  But I don’t appreciate straight-up attacks on not only my SO but myself and my character.  If you don’t agree with me and/or my decision(s) than fine.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and if you think my SO is a total dirtbag than whatever – you’re not dating him, I am.  But you don’t have to spout nasty accusations without evidence.  

Im sure if your opinion is that Im naive and my SO is a dirtbag and that we should split for the better, than nothing I say will change your mind.  And that’s cool.  If I actually knew people on here I would say wish I had never posted the thread.  But considering I dont know not ONE of you and the fact that I’ve gotten some really good advice (both in support of my relationship and against), all the other BS is worth it I guess.

Thank you all for your opinions and insight.  Now Im hungry... I wish there was a Sheetz near my work so I could go get some fries


----------



## cattitude

lnmarsh said:


> Honestly, I don’t have to justify myself to you, High-Def, or any-effing-one-else on here for that matter.  I appreciate every’s honesty, truly.  Because that’s what I asked for.  But I don’t appreciate straight-up attacks on not only my SO but myself and my character.  If you don’t agree with me and/or my decision(s) than fine.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and if you think my SO is a total dirtbag than whatever – you’re not dating him, I am.  But you don’t have to spout nasty accusations without evidence.



Ah...there it is.  

You have asked a bunch of internet relationship authorities for advice...and you are upset at the outcome?


----------



## lnmarsh

cattitude said:


> Ah...there it is.
> 
> You have asked a bunch of internet relationship authorities for advice...and you are upset at the outcome?



 I know, right?!  Im not necesserarily upset, just a little annoyed by and shaking my head at some of the more close-minded persons on here.

But honestly, I appreciate everyone's honesty.  And I did get some decent advice


----------



## Chasey_Lane

lnmarsh said:


> But you don’t have to spout nasty accusations without evidence.


We're only going off the information you provided.  :shrug:


----------



## retiredweaxman

You ask total strangers their opinion on a personal matter - then you get upset over what they perceive to be the truth?

Instead of posting on an Internet forum, why not stand on a street corner and ask people as they walk by what they think of your boyfriend and your relationship? Sound crazy? Well, it amounts to the same thing - talking with strangers about something personal.

If you really wanted straight forward answers, why not ask mutual friends, your family, his family, etc? You know, people that actually know you and your personal situation.


----------



## migtig

Chasey_Lane said:


> We're only going off the information you provided.  :shrug:


Yeah, but we don't have ALL the information.  :shrug:



retiredweaxman said:


> You ask total strangers their opinion on a personal matter - then you get upset over what they perceive to be the truth?
> 
> Instead of posting on an Internet forum, why not stand on a street corner and ask people as they walk by what they think of your boyfriend and your relationship? Sound crazy? Well, it amounts to the same thing - talking with strangers about something personal.
> 
> If you really wanted straight forward answers, why not ask mutual friends, your family, his family, etc? You know, people that actually know you and your personal situation.



Actually, she isn't getting all upset.  Calm down.  There is no reason for YOU to get upset.

I think she was using us as a sounding board, and we all seemed to know that and gave our input off what parts of the story we were seeing and our life experiences.

That's what advice is.  

And sometimes, it's easier to ask strangers for input rather than whining to your fmaily and friends.  :shrug:

No worries.  Besides this was a good a little tread for a while. I also hope InMarsh keeps us informed semi-regularly on their relationship.  

I wish her the best.


----------



## lnmarsh

Chasey_Lane said:


> We're only going off the information you provided.  :shrug:


 


High-Def said:


> This whole story is nothing but a hot mess!  *He's a junkie detoxing from pain meds*, <-- nasty accusation doesn't call, is a DD but got drunk and is *obviously a liar by the whole my cell phone didn't have service story in the er* <-- <-- nasty accusation ....news flash ask to use the hospital phone they'll let you.  *You're a gullible naieve young woman who is getting played* <-- nasty accusation  wake up and smell the Folgers coffee brewing honey.  Roll in sh$$ smell like sh$$ as my mom used to tell me.  Get out before he sucks you in to his loser drama and brings you down.  And yes it's unfortunate that you miscarried but you were 12 weeks it wasn't like you delivered a baby and it died.  For what ever reason it just wasn't meant to be.  I've had 2 miscarriages it's hard but life goes on.  You're young and your time will come to have children.  10 years from now you will see this as a blessing that you're not tied to that loser by being his baby mama.  He had a hard time with the miscarriage?  Ya ok....*he's playing the sympathy card*. <-- nasty accusation   Grow up, get over it and move on and put on your big girl panties on and deal with it.



This is the type of stuff thats irking me.  Saying "he's a junkie" is pure nastyness.  Its rude, harsh, and uncalled for. IMO. Maybe Im wrong...

High-Def:  Sorry if it seems like Im picking on you but Im just using you as an example.


----------



## retiredweaxman

MIGTIG - I am not upset...after rereading my post, I am not sure how you came to the conclusion that I am..but that is another problem with internet forums - people can only infer what is being said.

I truly believe a face to face conversation with family/friends/coworkers is better than randomly asking stranger's advice on a forum. I know that I would never throw out on a forum my personal problems for people to discuss that I do not know.


----------



## Chasey_Lane

lnmarsh said:


> This is the type of stuff thats irking me.  Saying "he's a junkie" is pure nastyness.  Its rude, harsh, and uncalled for. IMO. Maybe Im wrong...
> 
> High-Def:  Sorry if it seems like Im picking on you but Im just using you as an example.



You certainly have the option to not put your private information on a public site that many have access to.  You asked for *honest* opinions.  You got exactly what you asked for.


----------



## lnmarsh

migtig said:


> Yeah, but we don't have ALL the information.  :shrug:
> 
> Thank you...
> 
> 
> 
> Actually, she isn't getting all upset.  Calm down.  There is no reason for YOU to get upset.
> 
> I think she was using us as a sounding board, and we all seemed to know that and gave our input off what parts of the story we were seeing and our life experiences.
> 
> That's what advice is.
> 
> And sometimes, it's easier to ask strangers for input rather than whining to your fmaily and friends.  :shrug:
> 
> No worries.  Besides this was a good a little tread for a while. I also hope InMarsh keeps us informed semi-regularly on their relationship.
> 
> I wish her the best.



  OMG thank you.  You definitely put together into forum-speak everything everything that I had swarming in my head   Thank you


----------



## migtig

retiredweaxman said:


> MIGTIG - I am not upset...after rereading my post, I am not sure how you came to the conclusion that I am..but that is another problem with internet forums - people can only infer what is being said.
> 
> I truly believe a face to face conversation with family/friends/coworkers is better than randomly asking stranger's advice on a forum. I know that I would never throw out on a forum my personal problems for people to discuss that I do not know.



I'm just saying there's no reason for anybody to get upset if she chooses not to follow their advice.  That's what advice is - people can take it or leave it.

Different generation and the OP's current age play factors into using forums as sounding boards.  :shrug:  And actually none of the posters, regardless of their age, had a problem giving advice, now did they? 

And I personally can see there are times when a stranger's advice is better than a biased loved ones' advice.  JMO


----------



## hooknline

vraiblonde said:


> My pleasure!



Ditiest halo I ever seen    


lnmarsh said:


> I know, right?!  Im not necesserarily upset, just a little annoyed by and shaking my head at some of the more close-minded persons on here.
> 
> But honestly, I appreciate everyone's honesty.  And I did get some decent advice



Just remember that the Marines teach *HONOR* and yeah their are some bad apples everywhere, for the most part believe in your Man untill your heart tells you different. As far as the disibility and ER charges, the VA and tricare work together for service related matters and really only comes down to what bucket of cash do you draw from. The VA has multiple levels of service  (up to eight) depending on service persons status and disibility. The tricare is more set up like a health insurance network and would simply be the initial start of the process to admitt him to a private emergency service and garentee payment and they would then sort out the "what bucket of cash do we draw from". Remind him that there are alot of private non profit groups that could possibly help with his back such as wounded warrior and others. Sorry to hear about his buddy. This happens way to much with our vets in America. Remind your former Marine that Maryland State has a new (upgraded) veterans program that he might want to check out. Maryland State is doing alot more to supplement the U.S Gov VA  system. Good Luck to both of you.


----------



## vraiblonde

*Tip #1:*

Don't put your SO business out there if you're unsure, overreacting, or when you're angry/hurt.  You will present a case that makes said SO sound like a real dick, then it will turn out to be your overactive imagination, but we will still be stuck in dick mode and our comments will reflect that.

Had I known at the beginning he was a medically discharged combat vet, my opinion would have been very different.  So if you're going to tell the story, tell the WHOLE story and don't make us form opinions, then be hit with new information.


----------



## migtig

vraiblonde said:


> *Tip #1:*
> 
> Don't put your SO business out there if you're unsure, overreacting, or when you're angry/hurt.  You will present a case that makes said SO sound like a real dick, then it will turn out to be your overactive imagination, but we will still be stuck in dick mode and our comments will reflect that.
> 
> Had I known at the beginning he was a medically discharged combat vet, my opinion would have been very different.  So if you're going to tell the story, tell the WHOLE story and don't make us form opinions, then be hit with new information.



She did say that he was a wonded Marine early on.  Just fyi.  Which is why my first suggestion had her trying to contact the Corps Key Wives programs.


----------



## libertytyranny

Actually, I am surprised it took this long to get nasty..must be a record. Either way, I wish you luck. SOunds like you got what you were worried about straightened out, and I see no evidnec that he was doing coke off a hookers ass or anything else others have imagined. Sounds like he wanted a weekend away without having to call. I want that too, sometimes..to go out with my girls and not have to check in anywhere. i'm glad thigns worked out for you and hope they continue.


----------



## lnmarsh

vraiblonde said:


> *Tip #1:*
> 
> Don't put your SO business out there if you're unsure, overreacting, or when you're angry/hurt.  You will present a case that makes said SO sound like a real dick, then it will turn out to be your overactive imagination, but we will still be stuck in dick mode and our comments will reflect that.



I understand that.  And I was hoping my original post didnt reflect my tone of "hurt."  Which I dont think it entirely did considering I had some people (including yourself) rooting for him and I at at least one point 



vraiblonde said:


> Had I known at the beginning he was a medically discharged combat vet, my opinion would have been very different.  So if you're going to tell the story, tell the WHOLE story and don't make us form opinions, then be hit with new information.



Sorry if I hadnt made that part clear from the beginning.  When you're living it, sometimes you forget to relay important points about a situation to people on the outside.  My bad.


----------



## K_Jo

vraiblonde said:


> I don't believe that's true.  I've had a meaningful relationship with my two best friends for almost 20 years now, and it's been completely effortless.  Zero drama, zero insecurity, zero conversations about the state of our friendship.
> 
> Why should you have to work hard and sacrifice for a romantic relationship?  Why can't it just work out and be?


Because men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.


----------



## High-Def

lnmarsh said:


> This is the type of stuff thats irking me.  Saying "he's a junkie" is pure nastyness.  Its rude, harsh, and uncalled for. IMO. Maybe Im wrong...
> 
> High-Def:  Sorry if it seems like Im picking on you but Im just using you as an example.




1)  If you have to detox then yes you have a problem and can be labled a junkie.

2)  Which is it he was detoxing or had food poisoning? I'm confused

3)  Who drove him home?  He wouldn't be allowed to drive home after recieving morphine and anti nauseua meds hospitals make you get a ride home and will let you use the phone to call for one.  

4)  Yes, it is my assertation that he is lying to you and playing on you sympathy and is playing you based on the facts that you provided in your posts.

5)  Yes I'm sure for him "losing" the baby was hurtful but it is far harder on women and most men with testicles don't question their relationship with their girlfriend of 4 years because she miscarried their baby

6)  Good for him that he was a Marine and served our country my hubby is a retired service member and I have nothing but respect for them....however the fact that he was an honerably discharged Marine doesn't mean that  that alone make him an upstanding guy.  Based on YOUR posts he comes across as dishonest person.

Men who are in love with their women DO NOT forget to call, text when they say they will and do not cause you to worry all weekend about their whereabouts. PERIOD real men don't do that.  I wish you all the best I was with a man that sounds like your guy for 2 years.  He too didn't call when he said he would, would forget to text, could never be reached and was shady about where he was.  Just trying to spare you some heartache.  Good luck with him because unfortunately it sounds like you are going to need it.


----------



## retiredweaxman

Lance said:


> blah blah blah, here u have the sedentary bunch, the sistahood, the 1`s that aint had any in a coons age, estranged w/e relationships with whomever, the bored archaics, & w/e else in it.
> 
> Basically InMarsh,
> i got challenged when i first came in2 these open forums, (as i was also accused of the chat room petering out) Yet my suggestions on how to improve certain aspects of this site in a business/$ manner were welcomed. (& they r on record also) & was even accused/mistaken 4 some other person in a local hangout there (BW & B). But i corrected that bs real quik. As far as others that challenged me or tried to call me out, i put their azzes in a trick real quik. *Kinda like i know u, but u don`t know me Expose*.
> & a bunch of y`all to include the Bored Mommy, never had me fooled from go street, i was on2 this bs b4 they even knew it. & sum1 knows sumthin that the rest doesn`t know about when it comes to social chat networks random monitoring/viewing.
> If u think 4 a second that all that bs isn`t archived elsewhere by like i told ya *"never know who is really monitoring websites of this nature" *, you are more than sadly mistaken.
> & the kicker to it all, no1 still knows who this member acct user is.



It's no wonder I have you on iggy....I have no idea where your last post came from...talk about coming "out of left field."


----------



## lnmarsh

High-Def said:


> 1)  If you have to detox then yes you have a problem and can be labled a junkie.
> 
> Just because you withdrawal from meds does NOT mean you’re a junkie nor means that you have a problem.  Look, hes on a high-ish dose of extended-release morphine.  He takes it twice a day.  After missing 4 doses (partly he did KNOWINGLY and WILLINGLY), his body went into withdrawals.  Its morphine.  That’s powerful stuff.  Because his body physically craved it dosnt make him a junkie.  If he can knowing and willingly skip doses, hes not a junkie
> 
> 2)  Which is it he was detoxing or had food poisoning? I'm confused
> 
> He knows for sure he was withdrawling.  He thinks he also may have has food poisoning, but isnt sure.  Im not sure where I posted that part but I know I did somewhere…
> 
> 3)  Who drove him home?  He wouldn't be allowed to drive home after recieving morphine and anti nauseua meds hospitals make you get a ride home and will let you use the phone to call for one.
> 
> His mother drove him home, as she drove him to the hospital because he was not in a state to be able to drive himself.
> 
> 4)  Yes, it is my assertation that he is lying to you and playing on you sympathy and is playing you based on the facts that you provided in your posts.
> 
> Ok.
> 
> 5)  Yes I'm sure for him "losing" the baby was hurtful but it is far harder on women and most men with testicles don't question their relationship with their girlfriend of 4 years because she miscarried their baby
> 
> 
> 
> 
> lnmarsh said:
> 
> 
> 
> Now don’t get me wrong - things between him and I havnt always been rainbows and butterflies.  We've had some massive fights, taken "breaks" (never lasted very long), etc.  Most of it had to do with the fact that we were so young when we met and we both had a lot of maturing to do.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> He isnt questioning the relationship because of me losing the baby.  He is questioning our relationship because of things that have happened in the past.
> 
> 6)  Good for him that he was a Marine and served our country my hubby is a retired service member and I have nothing but respect for them....however the fact that he was an honerably discharged Marine doesn't mean that  that alone make him an upstanding guy.  Based on YOUR posts he comes across as dishonest person.
> 
> You’re right – just because he was a Marine dosnt make him an upstanding guy.  And I understand that your take on my posts made him sound dishonest.
> 
> Men who are in love with their women DO NOT forget to call, text when they say they will and do not cause you to worry all weekend about their whereabouts. PERIOD real men don't do that.  I wish you all the best I was with a man that sounds like your guy for 2 years.  He too didn't call when he said he would, would forget to text, could never be reached and was shady about where he was.  Just trying to spare you some heartache.  Good luck with him because unfortunately it sounds like you are going to need it.
Click to expand...


Thanks for the good-luck wishes.  My car’s tanny just died.   At this point, I could use some good luck.


----------



## onebdzee

High-Def said:


> 1)  If you have to detox then yes you have a problem and can be labled a junkie.
> 
> 2)  Which is it he was detoxing or had food poisoning? I'm confused
> 
> 3)  Who drove him home?  He wouldn't be allowed to drive home after recieving morphine and anti nauseua meds hospitals make you get a ride home and will let you use the phone to call for one.
> 
> 4)  Yes, it is my assertation that he is lying to you and playing on you sympathy and is playing you based on the facts that you provided in your posts.
> 
> 5)  Yes I'm sure for him "losing" the baby was hurtful but it is far harder on women and most men with testicles don't question their relationship with their girlfriend of 4 years because she miscarried their baby
> 
> 6)  Good for him that he was a Marine and served our country my hubby is a retired service member and I have nothing but respect for them....however the fact that he was an honerably discharged Marine doesn't mean that  that alone make him an upstanding guy.  Based on YOUR posts he comes across as dishonest person.
> 
> Men who are in love with their women DO NOT forget to call, text when they say they will and do not cause you to worry all weekend about their whereabouts. PERIOD real men don't do that.  I wish you all the best I was with a man that sounds like your guy for 2 years.  He too didn't call when he said he would, would forget to text, could never be reached and was shady about where he was.  Just trying to spare you some heartache.  Good luck with him because unfortunately it sounds like you are going to need it.



wonder if she will see all the flags that you and I have put out there?....my guess is no


----------



## Booboo3604

High-Def said:


> 1)  If you have to detox then yes you have a problem and can be labled a junkie.



I will argue this.  A girl I used to work with had back surgery after a horrific car accident a few years ago.  She was on very strong pain medication for several months. The last few weeks on it her doctor basically had to wean her off it because as he said "her body had become physically addicted to it".  She has since moved on to a job at NSA where part of her polygraph questioned her drug use.  She told them about the situation and passed the questions relating to misuse of the medication and incidents related to any other types of drug use.  I think my coworker and the OP's boyfriend based on what was said are nowhere close within the realm of a "junkie".  If he is still on the medication, his body could have some harsh reactions to quitting cold turkey.


----------



## onebdzee

lnmarsh said:


> His mother drove him home, as she drove him to the hospital because he was not in a state to be able to drive himself.



I don't believe you ever mentioned this....matter of fact, I believe that you stated he drove himself to the hospital....seems you are making stuff up as you go along to defend him

and you wonder why we all think he is a liar


----------



## High-Def

Booboo3604 said:


> I will argue this.  A girl I used to work with had back surgery after a horrific car accident a few years ago.  She was on very strong pain medication for several months. The last few weeks on it her doctor basically had to wean her off it because as he said "her body had become physically addicted to it".  She has since moved on to a job at NSA where part of her polygraph questioned her drug use.  She told them about the situation and passed the questions relating to misuse of the medication and incidents related to any other types of drug use.  I think my coworker and the OP's boyfriend based on what was said are nowhere close within the realm of a "junkie".  If he is still on the medication, his body could have some harsh reactions to quitting cold turkey.




I had cancer and lived on pain meds for 2 years.  They are hard to get off of yes but why would someone who "needs" them knowingly and willingly stop if they truly are in pain?  Any one with any sort of common sense knows you need to wean off of them not stop cold turkey.


----------



## High-Def

onebdzee said:


> I don't believe you ever mentioned this....matter of fact, I believe that you stated he drove himself to the hospital....seems you are making stuff up as you go along to defend him
> 
> and you wonder why we all think he is a liar



And why did his mother not call to let her know her s/o of 4 years was ill at the hospital?  Ummm that's just not adding up my first thought would be to say mom call so and so and let them know what's going on but to each his own


----------



## High-Def

onebdzee said:


> wonder if she will see all the flags that you and I have put out there?....my guess is no



My guess is no love is deaf, blind and dumb sometimes....been there done that sometimes you just have to learn the hard way


----------



## lnmarsh

hooknline said:


> Just remember that the Marines teach *HONOR* and yeah their are some bad apples everywhere, for the most part believe in your Man untill your heart tells you different. As far as the disibility and ER charges, the VA and tricare work together for service related matters and really only comes down to what bucket of cash do you draw from. The VA has multiple levels of service  (up to eight) depending on service persons status and disibility. The tricare is more set up like a health insurance network and would simply be the initial start of the process to admitt him to a private emergency service and garentee payment and they would then sort out the "what bucket of cash do we draw from". Remind him that there are alot of private non profit groups that could possibly help with his back such as wounded warrior and others. Sorry to hear about his buddy. This happens way to much with our vets in America. Remind your former Marine that Maryland State has a new (upgraded) veterans program that he might want to check out. Maryland State is doing alot more to supplement the U.S Gov VA  system. Good Luck to both of you.



He has actually gotten a lot of help from one Marine-specific program.  They funded him for a non-surgical procedure when TriCare wouldn’t.  It was a temporary fix, but it worked!  Unfortunately, 3 herniated disks, 2 bulging disks, 1 narrowing disk due to Degenerative Disk Disease and a fractured vertebrae isn’t something that’s a “quick fix.”  The VA just keeps stressing him to let them fuse his back.  Hes like “Hell no.”

And thank you 



libertytyranny said:


> Actually, I am surprised it took this long to get nasty..must be a record. Either way, I wish you luck. SOunds like you got what you were worried about straightened out, and I see no evidnec that he was *doing coke off a hookers ass *or anything else others have imagined. Sounds like he wanted a weekend away without having to call. I want that too, sometimes..to go out with my girls and not have to check in anywhere. i'm glad thigns worked out for you and hope they continue.



 @ the coke comment

Exactly - I think he just wanted to chill this past weekend.  I want/do that sometimes, too.  I definitely wish he had called and it irks me that he didnt, but it is what it is and honestly, him not texting me for two nights isnt grounds for me to leave him IMO.  Grounds for me to get pissy, but not to leave him.

Thanks for the kind words


----------



## High-Def

lnmarsh said:


> Thanks for the good-luck wishes.  My car’s tanny just died.   At this point, I could use some good luck.




It'll happen...I've been in your shoes it's a long hard lesson to learn but the light on the other side of the tunnel does come you just have to be willing to see it


----------



## onebdzee

High-Def said:


> I had cancer and lived on pain meds for 2 years.  They are hard to get off of yes but why would someone who "needs" them knowingly and willingly stop if they truly are in pain?  Any one with any sort of common sense knows you need to wean off of them not stop cold turkey.



 You also know that you aren't suppose to be drinking when you are on pain killers, also



High-Def said:


> And why did his mother not call to let her know her s/o of 4 years was ill at the hospital?  Ummm that's just not adding up my first thoought would be to say mom call so and so and let them know what's going on but to each his own



I KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS!!!!!!!.....His mother doesn't know that they are in a relationship.......

WAIT!!!!......his mother didn't get out of the car and/or didn't have reception in the hospital either

 what'd I win????


----------



## High-Def

onebdzee said:


> You also know that you aren't suppose to be drinking when you are on pain killers, also
> 
> 
> 
> I KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS!!!!!!!.....His mother doesn't know that they are in a relationship.......
> 
> WAIT!!!!......his mother didn't get out of the car and/or didn't have reception in the hospital either
> 
> what'd I win????




I like the way you think you read my mind


----------



## lnmarsh

Booboo3604 said:


> I will argue this.  A girl I used to work with had back surgery after a horrific car accident a few years ago.  She was on very strong pain medication for several months. The last few weeks on it her doctor basically had to wean her off it because as he said "her body had become physically addicted to it".  She has since moved on to a job at NSA where part of her polygraph questioned her drug use.  She told them about the situation and passed the questions relating to misuse of the medication and incidents related to any other types of drug use.  I think my coworker and the OP's boyfriend based on what was said are nowhere close within the realm of a "junkie".  If he is still on the medication, his body could have some harsh reactions to quitting cold turkey.







onebdzee said:


> I don't believe you ever mentioned this....matter of fact, I believe that you stated he drove himself to the hospital....seems you are making stuff up as you go along to defend him
> 
> and you wonder why we all think he is a liar



Im not making things up… You’re right. I didn’t mention this.  I didn’t mention it because I didn’t want to get the “So big man had Mommy drive him” stigma.  THAT’S why I said he went to the hospital (whether I he he drove himself or not, I don’t remember).  He was hurling and/or dry heaving constantly so he couldn’t drive.



High-Def said:


> I had cancer and lived on pain meds for 2 years.  They are hard to get off of yes but why would someone who "needs" them knowingly and willingly stop if they truly are in pain?  Any one with any sort of common sense knows you need to wean off of them not stop cold turkey.



1.)	Im sorry that you had cancer.  That’s a terrible thing and Im glad to see you pulled through.  
2.)	What, are you NOT reading my posts and just randomly commenting on them?! He didn’t take them on Saturday because his back wasn’t hurting him and he had plans to go out drinking.  Then he got to the restaurant/bar and decided to be DD.  By the next morning (Sunday), however, he started getting sick (leading him to believe he had food poisoning).  Because of him throwing up, he couldn’t keep down his NEXT dose of meds.  Thus, by 3pm on Sunday, he had missed 4 doses of morphine and went through withdrawls.  I did explain all this.



High-Def said:


> And why did his mother not call to let her know her s/o of 4 years was ill at the hospital?  Ummm that's just not adding up my first thought would be to say mom call so and so and let them know what's going on but to each his own



Because his mother thinks that she is all he will ever need   That, and he may have told her not to call me because he didn’t want me to worry.  That’s an assumption on my part because I know how he is – I’ve seen him sick before and he dosnt want ANYONE around and/or to worry.



onebdzee said:


> You also know that you aren't suppose to be drinking when you are on pain killers,



Thats why he didnt take them on Saturday.  Hense the withdrawls... 



High-Def said:


> It'll happen...I've been in your shoes it's a long hard lesson to learn but the light on the other side of the tunnel does come you just have to be willing to see it



Im sure the bottom line is you’re just looking out for my best interest.  You just approached it in a way that bothered me.  That dosnt make you or what you said wrong.  Im just saying that it irked me so I came back at you the way I did.


----------



## lovinmaryland

High-Def said:


> This whole story is nothing but a hot mess!  He's a junkie detoxing from pain meds, doesn't call, is a DD but got drunk and is obviously a liar by the whole my cell phone didn't have service story in the er....news flash ask to use the hospital phone they'll let you.  You're a gullible naieve young woman who is getting played wake up and smell the Folgers coffee brewing honey.  Roll in sh$$ smell like sh$$ as my mom used to tell me.  Get out before he sucks you in to his loser drama and brings you down.  And yes it's unfortunate that you back and catch another better one.


Love this line 


retiredweaxman said:


> If you really wanted straight forward answers, why not ask mutual friends, your family, his family, etc? You know, people that actually know you and your personal situation.



Because I am sure she is embarrassed of the situation and doesnt want to get family or friends involved in her drama.  Here she has anonymity.  I am the same way I dont like to tell my personal details to anyone friends or family.  

When one of my best friends was in a bad marriage she would tell me every detail of their problems.  When I offered advice she would agree it was what should be done... but then she would do the exact opposite.  It got so bad I had to eventually tell her I couldnt take it anymore she either needed to stop telling me all these horrible things and asking my advice, or I couldnt be friends with her.  This situation had me pretty much decide I would never involve friends or family in my relationship problems or issues.


----------



## K_Jo

libertytyranny said:


> Actually, I am surprised it took this long to get nasty..must be a record. Either way, I wish you luck. SOunds like you got what you were worried about straightened out, and I see no evidnec that he was *doing coke off a hookers ass* or anything else others have imagined. Sounds like he wanted a weekend away without having to call. I want that too, sometimes..to go out with my girls and not have to check in anywhere. i'm glad thigns worked out for you and hope they continue.



I miss Artie.


----------



## High-Def

lovinmaryland said:


> Love this line
> 
> 
> Because I am sure she is embarrassed of the situation and doesnt want to get family or friends involved in her drama.  Here she has anonymity.  I am the same way I dont like to tell my personal details to anyone friends or family.
> 
> When one of my best friends was in a bad marriage she would tell me every detail of their problems.  When I offered advice she would agree it was what should be done... but then she would do the exact opposite.  It got so bad I had to eventually tell her I couldnt take it anymore she either needed to stop telling me all these horrible things and asking my advice, or I couldnt be friends with her.  This situation had me pretty much decide I would never involve friends or family in my relationship problems or issues.



I too have been quilty of soliciting advice and then not listening   I am trying harder these days to figure it out on my own and do the smart thing.  Marriage is hard work but it's worth it I am just grateful I'm not single anymore theres too many turds in the punch bowl in single life


----------



## lovinmaryland

High-Def said:


> I too have been quilty of soliciting advice and then not listening   I am trying harder these days to figure it out on my own and do the smart thing.  Marriage is hard work but it's worth it I am just grateful I'm not single anymore theres too many turds in the punch bowl in single life



Yeah I am sure you were this bad though... Her husband was actually stealing $ they had set aside for rent and hitting strip clubs with his buddies, coming and going at all hours of the day, left her alone on her birthday but was evil enough to call her and say "oh I am on my way home honey I have roses for you" and then showed up 2 days later.... This was out of control ####!  Oh she was pregnant when this all happened too :shakinghead:


----------



## lnmarsh

lovinmaryland said:


> Yeah I am sure you were this bad though... Her husband was actually stealing $ they had set aside for rent and hitting strip clubs with his buddies, coming and going at all hours of the day, left her alone on her birthday but was evil enough to call her and say "oh I am on my way home honey I have roses for you" and then showed up 2 days later.... This was out of control ####!  Oh she was pregnant when this all happened too :shakinghead:


----------



## High-Def

lovinmaryland said:


> Yeah I am sure you were this bad though... Her husband was actually stealing $ they had set aside for rent and hitting strip clubs with his buddies, coming and going at all hours of the day, left her alone on her birthday but was evil enough to call her and say "oh I am on my way home honey I have roses for you" and then showed up 2 days later.... This was out of control ####!  Oh she was pregnant when this all happened too :shakinghead:



Oh snap now that's a dirtbag   poor girl like I said love is blind, deaf and dumb sometimes


----------



## whome20603




----------



## LadyWolf

My personal opinion...I think High Def is right. This guy is young, and can come up with some of the dumbest crap. He wants his space...that is so typical of most men!!! What a crock!!! Also....if he's drunk the night before, clearly he isn't too concerned w/pain. I'm still not convinced that this story is entirely true and I'm starting to think this girl is backpedaling!!! She's put way too much out there and now can't keep track of the lies and NOW she is so busy defending him after 33 pages of people's opinions and thoughts and he is the greatest guy in the world... "We love each other AND HOW DARE YOU BE RUDE AND SAY MEAN THINGS ABOUT HIM!"  I"m sorry, but I"M THINKING 

I'm all for "true love", but this ain't true love... this is more like true lies!!!


----------



## Roberta

migtig said:


> Yeah, but we don't have ALL the information.  :shrug:
> 
> 
> 
> Actually, she isn't getting all upset.  Calm down.  There is no reason for YOU to get upset.
> 
> *I think she was using us as a sounding board*, and we all seemed to know that and gave our input off what parts of the story we were seeing and our life experiences.
> 
> That's what advice is.
> 
> And sometimes, it's easier to ask strangers for input rather than whining to your fmaily and friends.  :shrug:
> 
> No worries.  Besides this was a good a little tread for a while. I also hope InMarsh keeps us informed semi-regularly on their relationship.
> 
> I wish her the best.



*I THINK SHE WAS USING US TO TRY TO CONVINCE HERSELF*


----------



## K_Jo

I feel so used!


----------



## kwillia

K_Jo said:


> I feel so used!



Better to be used than abused...


----------



## Roberta

onebdzee said:


> I don't believe you ever mentioned this....matter of fact, I believe that you stated he drove himself to the hospital....seems you are making stuff up as you go along to defend him
> 
> and you wonder why we all think he is a liar



My question is: Who drove him home from DC to MOMMY?


----------



## High-Def

LadyWolf said:


> My personal opinion...I think High Def is right. This guy is young, and can come up with some of the dumbest crap. He wants his space...that is so typical of most men!!! What a crock!!! Also....if he's drunk the night before, clearly he isn't too concerned w/pain. I'm still not convinced that this story is entirely true and I'm starting to think this girl is backpedaling!!! She's put way too much out there and now can't keep track of the lies and NOW she is so busy defending him after 33 pages of people's opinions and thoughts and he is the greatest guy in the world... "We love each other AND HOW DARE YOU BE RUDE AND SAY MEAN THINGS ABOUT HIM!"  I"m sorry, but I"M THINKING
> 
> I'm all for "true love", but this ain't true love... this is more like true lies!!!


----------



## High-Def

Roberta said:


> My question is: Who drove him home from DC to MOMMY?



excellent point


----------



## ewashkow

I've finally read through this entire thread and I still stand by my prior post.  The boy may be there physically, but emotionally he is gone.  He seems to be telling you what you want to hear to have you hang around and be willing to give him the occassional romp in the sack.  If you are willing to stick around, so be it but don't be surprised or heart broken when you realize he has just been using you.


----------



## lnmarsh

Roberta said:


> My question is: Who drove him home from DC to MOMMY?





High-Def said:


> excellent point



His friend from NY (actually Philly but he just moved to NY but regardless).  His friend isnt familiar with DC so he drove to my bf’s house Wednesday night and they left for DC together in my bf’s new truck Thursday.  Or maybe he came to my bf’s Thursaday?? I honestly don’t remember.  But anyway…

My bf’s friend drove home from DC, to answer your question.

Why are people continually trying to find loopholes in my bf’s story?  Are you really that dead-set on getting me to believe hes a jerk? You ask questions and/or make comments such as these, I answer and/or reply to them, then you call ME a liar because I am actually able to answer and/or reply.  

Your not going to change your view(s) that hes a liar, cheat, etc. no matter what I say or how concisely I answer your inquiries.

You're not going to get me to believe that his hospital story (or any other story) is BS because I've seen the evidence, and believe it or not... I TRUST my bf.

So stick that in your juicebox and suck it 



ewashkow said:


> I've finally read through this entire thread and I still stand by my prior post.  The boy may be there physically, but emotionally he is gone.  He seems to be telling you what you want to hear to have you hang around and be willing to give him the occassional romp in the sack.  If you are willing to stick around, so be it but don't be surprised or heart broken when you realize he has just been using you.



I promise not to be suprised


----------



## greeneyes36

lovinmaryland said:


> Love this line
> 
> 
> Because I am sure she is embarrassed of the situation and doesnt want to get family or friends involved in her drama.  *Here she has anonymity*.
> 
> NOT REALLY.......


----------



## vraiblonde

lnmarsh said:


> Why are people continually trying to find loopholes in my bf’s story?



Because they don't want to admit they were wrong.

If you're satisfied that your beau is telling the truth, that should be the end of it.  You do not have to justify yourself to strangers on the internet.

I will tell you that his story sounded fishier than hell, and I snorted at it more than once.  BUT it's your situation, you know what happened, you saw the papers or whatever, so there it is - right?


----------



## onebdzee

Roberta said:


> My question is: Who drove him home from DC to MOMMY?



I KNOW!!!!.......one of his friends that was drunk 

 what'd I win??



lnmarsh said:


> His friend from NY (actually Philly but he just moved to NY but regardless).  His friend isnt familiar with DC so he drove to my bf’s house Wednesday night and they left for DC together in my bf’s new truck Thursday.  Or maybe he came to my bf’s Thursaday?? I honestly don’t remember.you said he was DD cause all his friends were getting drunk   But anyway…
> 
> My bf’s friend drove home from DC, to answer your question. <--drunk?
> 
> Why are people continually trying to find loopholes in my bf’s story? because you started with some fact about him and now you are backpedaling in order to defend him Are you really that dead-set on getting me to believe hes a jerk? You ask questions and/or make comments such as these, I answer and/or reply to them, then you call ME a liar because I am actually able to answer and/or reply.
> 
> Your not going to change your view(s) that hes a liar, cheat, etc. no matter what I say or how concisely I answer your inquiries.
> 
> You're not going to get me to believe that his hospital story (or any other story) is BS because I've seen the evidence, and believe it or not... I TRUST my bf.



If you trust him so much, why are you in the internet posting the stuff you did in order to get our "honest opinion and/or insight"? <--your words


----------



## onebdzee

vraiblonde said:


> Because they don't want to admit they were wrong.



I may not always be right....but, I'm never wrong


----------



## High-Def

lnmarsh said:


> His friend from NY (actually Philly but he just moved to NY but regardless). His friend isnt familiar with DC so he drove to my bf’s house Wednesday night and they left for DC together in my bf’s new truck Thursday. Or maybe he came to my bf’s Thursaday?? I honestly don’t remember. But anyway…
> 
> My bf’s friend drove home from DC, to answer your question.
> 
> Why are people continually trying to find loopholes in my bf’s story?[/B]Are you really that dead-set on getting me to believe hes a jerk? You ask questions and/or make comments such as these, I answer and/or reply to them, then you call ME a liar because I am actually able to answer and/or reply.
> 
> Your not going to change your view(s) that hes a liar, cheat, etc. no matter what I say or how concisely I answer your inquiries.
> 
> You're not going to get me to believe that his hospital story (or any other story) is BS because I've seen the evidence, and believe it or not... I TRUST my bf.
> 
> So stick that in your juicebox and suck it
> 
> 
> 
> 
> [Because we want you to see what is clear to the rest of us.  We don't know either of you personally therefore have no preconcieved notions, we just know what you have told us and something doesn't add up with him.  Whether it's the hospital/pain pill/food poisoning thing or the weekend without calling thing or the treating you like poop by not calling or texting you for 2 days or how about questioning your relationship after you miscarried....I don't know why would we not like him and think he sounds like a winner?      Hmmmmm gee I don't know.  As unbiased strangers on the internet we can see the situation from a different angle.  What do your family and friends have to say about all this?[/COLOR]
Click to expand...


----------



## lnmarsh

vraiblonde said:


> Because they don't want to admit they were wrong.
> 
> If you're satisfied that your beau is telling the truth, that should be the end of it.  *You do not have to justify yourself to strangers on the internet*.



  You're so right.  Im just going to stop...



vraiblonde said:


> I will tell you that his story sounded fishier than hell, and I snorted at it more than once.  BUT it's your situation, you know what happened, you saw the papers or whatever, so there it is - right?



Do you mean the hospital story?  I thought it was fishy at first, too, to be honest. Not that I didnt believe him, but I was skepticle. But when he started going into more details and could answer the "Who drove you to the hospital?" and "Who drove back from DC?" questions without hesitation, I started to believe him.  Then I saw the IV marks, etc.  Plus, I've seen what happens when he runs out of meds for 2 days (i.e. the snowstorms making it so the UPS guy couldnt bring them to the house and we couldnt get out to go get them).  He gets sick that quickly.  That, and when he knows/figures he'll be drinking, he makes a point to not take meds.  If he has taken meds, he dosnt drink.  So I believed him when he said he didnt take anything Saturday and then started withdrawling Sunday.

I guess to a 3rd party, the whole withdrawls/hospital sounds like a yeah-right type of thing.  But let me tell you, we are the type of people that if something crazy is going to happen, ittl happen to us.  We're the kind of people who go camping, drive to the middle of nowhere (with no cell signal), get a flat tire, only to find out that his brand new truck didnt have a jack.  I'm the type of person who's horses fall in a well and die, and/or get struck by lightening while pregnant and die.  He's the type of person that buys a $100 leather wallet only to have it stolen out of his work van and have $1200+ run up on his credit cards before he realized its gone.  Basically, if we didnt have bad luck we wouldnt have any at all.  So when crazy "I-cant-believe-that-actually-happened stories come up, its hard to not believe them


----------



## retiredweaxman

High-Def said:


> lnmarsh said:
> 
> 
> 
> Hmmmmm gee I don't know.  As unbiased strangers on the internet we can see the situation from a different angle.  What do your family and friends have to say about all this?[/COLOR]
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I asked basically this same question a couple of hours ago and received a couple of responses - but nothing from the OP.
Click to expand...


----------



## onebdzee

High-Def said:


> Because we want you to see what is clear to the rest of us.  We don't know either of you personally therefore have no preconcieved notions, we just know what you have told us and something doesn't add up with him.  Whether it's the hospital/pain pill/food poisoning thing or the weekend without calling thing or the treating you like poop by not calling or texting you for 2 days or how about questioning your relationship after you miscarried....I don't know why would we not like him and think he sounds like a winner?      Hmmmmm gee I don't know.  As unbiased strangers on the internet we can see the situation from a different angle.  What do your family and friends have to say about all this?



Please don't ever use that color again 

AUNTIE VRAI....GET RID OF THIS COLOR PLEASE


----------



## vraiblonde

This tread has totally nuked the shark.


----------



## onebdzee

vraiblonde said:


> This tread has totally nuked the shark.



 <--best smilie ever


----------



## lnmarsh

onebdzee said:


> I KNOW!!!!.......one of his friends that was drunk
> 
> what'd I win??



His friend wasn’t drunk when they drove home.  My bf was DD Saturday night.  They came home Sunday w/ no drinking beforehand. 



onebdzee said:


> Originally Posted by lnmarsh
> His friend from NY (actually Philly but he just moved to NY but regardless). His friend isnt familiar with DC so he drove to my bf’s house Wednesday night and they left for DC together in my bf’s new truck Thursday. Or maybe he came to my bf’s Thursaday?? I honestly don’t remember.you said he was DD cause all his friends were getting drunk  But anyway…
> 
> He WAS DD… on Saturday night!
> 
> My bf’s friend drove home from DC, to answer your question. <--drunk?
> 
> No.
> 
> Why are people continually trying to find loopholes in my bf’s story? because you started with some fact about him and now you are backpedaling in order to defend him
> Oh damn… you caught me.
> 
> Are you really that dead-set on getting me to believe hes a jerk? You ask questions and/or make comments such as these, I answer and/or reply to them, then you call ME a liar because I am actually able to answer and/or reply.
> 
> Your not going to change your view(s) that hes a liar, cheat, etc. no matter what I say or how concisely I answer your inquiries.
> 
> You're not going to get me to believe that his hospital story (or any other story) is BS because I've seen the evidence, and believe it or not... I TRUST my bf.





onebdzee said:


> If you trust him so much, why are you in the internet posting the stuff you did in order to get our "honest opinion and/or insight"? <--your words



Because I was hurt and confused about his “questioning.”  There.  Happy?  But I never asked people what they thought of him as a person.  I asked how I should handle the situation of him questioning our relationship and then going out of town for the weekend.



High-Def said:


> As unbiased strangers on the internet we can see the situation from a different angle.  *What do your family and friends have to say about all this?*



The one friend I told suggested I not call and/or text him and give him time to sort things out in his own head.  But I only told that ONE friend because she was having issues with her BF too and we were guy-bashing on the phone one day   As some others on here mentioned before, I didnt tell everyone I know because I dont want them to be burdened with my drama.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I honestly think this may be my last post to this thread. Its turned into me 

The amount of constructive comments (criticism or support) have dwindled in comparison to the amount of random comments that arent doing anything but getting my blood pressure up and making me scruntch up my forehead with the "WTF?" face.

Thank you, everyone, for your advice, suggestions, insight, etc.  Even if I dont agree with you, I appreciate your time


----------



## High-Def

onebdzee said:


> Please don't ever use that color again
> 
> AUNTIE VRAI....GET RID OF THIS COLOR PLEASE



Sorry     fixed on the original post


----------



## onebdzee

lnmarsh said:


> Because I was hurt and confused about his “questioning.”  There.  Happy?  But I never asked people what they thought of him as a person.  I asked how I should handle the situation of him questioning our relationship and then going out of town for the weekend.



I personally don't know him as a person(at least I don't think I do) and I don't velieve I gave you any insight of my thoughts of him in that respect....I gave you my opinion of what you said, changed around, and updated....opinions are like assholes, everyone's got one

Like I said in one of my earlier posts....you have made up your mind as to what you are going to do as it is your life and not ours....I hope I am incorrect in my assumption that he is a POS and that he is using you until he finds something better and that you both live a happy life



High-Def said:


> Sorry     fixed on the original post



thank you....now you owe me some Tylenol


----------



## High-Def

onebdzee said:


> I personally don't know him as a person(at least I don't think I do) and I don't velieve I gave you any insight of my thoughts of him in that respect....I gave you my opinion of what you said, changed around, and updated....opinions are like assholes, everyone's got one
> 
> Like I said in one of my earlier posts....you have made up your mind as to what you are going to do as it is your life and not ours....I hope I am incorrect in my assumption that he is a POS and that he is using you until he finds something better and that you both live a happy life
> 
> 
> 
> thank you....now you owe me some Tylenol




Sorry I just took all my migraine medicine


----------



## High-Def

Lance said:


> back @ The ........................
> 
> The Beach (a real 1) is much better w/o any fussin. *Howeva, i may b a helluvalot closer rite now than sum may wish i wasn`t*
> 
> Ref: Post#302



You lost me....what are you trying to say here?  wait let me break out my ghetto English dictionary to decipher your post


----------



## High-Def

Lance said:


> hell no i`m not ghetto trash by far, Holy ch!t, if ya wanna translation, nm about that.
> ima white boy & damn proud of it. u culdn`t pay me enuf 2 live in SoMd, & especially Lex Pk  damn GTFOH
> 
> go talk 2 yr hoodies.



you lost me I have no idea what you said


----------



## whome20603

Lance said:
			
		

> hell no i`m not ghetto trash by far, Holy ch!t, if ya wanna translation, nm about that.
> ima white boy & damn proud of it. u culdn`t pay me enuf 2 live in SoMd, & especially Lex Pk damn GTFOH
> 
> go talk 2 yr hoodies.



You do know that Ghetto doesn't mean Black right?

P.S. I'm so hoodie and yup, I'm proud to have a lil black in me..........from time to time


----------



## onebdzee

High-Def said:


> you lost me I have no idea what you said



Just put him/it on iggy and save yourself the migraine meds


----------



## High-Def

whome20603 said:


> You do know that Ghetto doesn't mean Black right?
> 
> P.S. I'm so hoodie and yup, I'm proud to have a lil black in me..........from time to time



LMAO good joke no ghetto can be white too it's an equal opportunity affliction


----------



## whome20603

High-Def said:


> LMAO good joke no ghetto can be white too it's an equal opportunity affliction



My dawg


----------



## belvak

vraiblonde said:


> This tread has totally nuked the shark.



Poor Bull Shark.  But I thought he was caught in the Potomac, not nuked!!!


----------



## lnmarsh

High-Def said:


> LMAO good joke no ghetto can be white too it's an equal opportunity affliction



   That was good!


----------



## rich70

whome20603 said:


> You do know that Ghetto doesn't mean Black right?
> 
> P.S. I'm so hoodie and yup, I'm proud to have a lil black in me..........from time to time



Don't you want some Italian in you too?!?!?


----------



## whome20603

rich70 said:


> Don't you want some Italian in you too?!?!?



I've got that covered but thank you. He's a perfect mix :RAWR:


----------



## rich70

whome20603 said:


> I've got that covered but thank you. He's a perfect mix :RAWR:



Damn! 



So how have you been? I haven't talked to you for quite a while. And we even live in the same hood too!!


----------



## whome20603

rich70 said:


> Damn!
> 
> 
> 
> So how have you been? I haven't talked to you for quite a while. And we even live in the same hood too!!



I've been good, thanks. Just working and doing the married thing (whatever that means )...how about you?



Lance said:


> i guess i typed 2 clear 4 sum1 2 understand, but u understood what i meant. mayb i shoulda type gmafb  aka. opps cant type that 1 out.



Ummm, no. Since she didn't quote you it actually sounds like she understood what High-Def meant, try again.


----------



## whome20603

Lance said:


> she understood 100% what i meant. no need 4 a quote, howeva thnx 4 the concern.
> 
> i aint hitched.



She did? I guess you discussed it via PM. Oh and you're quite welcome, I'm just a hoodie lookin out for all the gangsta boo's ya dig?

You aint hitched? I'm shocked, what's up with that??


----------



## rich70

whome20603 said:


> I've been good, thanks. Just working and doing the married thing (whatever that means )...how about you?


 I forgot what the married thing was like. I've been good as well. Working and trying to raise my daughter. She's 6 now so she knows all and I don't know anything. Go figure. 

So how is married life?


----------



## rich70

Lance said:


> never have been hitched.where u get that bs? just xtremely selective, don`t want an airhead biatch. whateva i discuss w/any1 is mine & the other persons biz. sawry, it`s that curiousity thing, isn`t it??????
> *mayb i shulda tiped ain`t*.  :-?


WTF does that mean?


----------



## whome20603

Lance said:
			
		

> never have been hitched.where u get that bs? just xtremely selective, don`t want an airhead biatch. whateva i discuss w/any1 is mine & the other persons biz. sawry, it`s that curiousity thing, isn`t it??????
> mayb i shulda tiped ain`t. :-?
> 
> keep guessin.



Ummm I got that bs from your previous post where you said "i aint hitched." No I'm not curious. I'm not sure what you mean by "mayb i shulda tiped ain`t", that's your word DAWG.


----------



## whome20603

rich70 said:


> I forgot what the married thing was like. I've been good as well. Working and trying to raise my daughter. She's 6 now so she knows all and I don't know anything. Go figure.
> 
> So how is married life?



Married life is absolutely awesome, we're definitely enjoying our time.

I'm sure you're doing a great job with the kiddo. How's she liking school? Oh and get used to her knowing everything and if you think you no nothing now, wait ohhhhh I don't know.....10 years or so


----------



## rich70

whome20603 said:


> Married life is absolutely awesome, we're definitely enjoying our time.
> 
> I'm sure you're doing a great job with the kiddo. How's she liking school? Oh and get used to her knowing everything and if you think you no nothing now, wait ohhhhh I don't know.....10 years or so



Well I'm glad it's going good for you! But if he ever tells you that you look like his cousin and she's hott, leave him!!!!

She actually loves school .....so far. She's a big 1st grader now. Yeah, I have a feeling it's gonig to get much worse as she gets older.


----------



## TurboK9

vraiblonde said:


> I don't believe that's true.  I've had a meaningful relationship with my two best friends for almost 20 years now, and it's been completely effortless.  Zero drama, zero insecurity, zero conversations about the state of our friendship.
> 
> Why should you have to work hard and sacrifice for a romantic relationship?  Why can't it just work out and be?



Define meaningful.  

So marry 'em.  Do these peopple live with you?  Do you share bills with them?  Do you worry about them sleeping around?  

Not quite applicable to the situation, Vrai doll.


----------



## whome20603

rich70 said:


> Well I'm glad it's going good for you! But if he ever tells you that you look like his cousin and she's hott, leave him!!!!
> 
> She actually loves school .....so far. She's a big 1st grader now. Yeah, I have a feeling it's gonig to get much worse as she gets older.



Ummm yeah if he tells me that I promise I will leave 

Haha good luck Pops


----------

