# Off to a great start...



## Larry Gude

...you say 'Hi!' do the intro, how are you and the next thing she says is...


"My, that's a BIG one!"


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## Roman

What? Did you have a zit?





Larry Gude said:


> ...you say 'Hi!' do the intro, how are you and the next thing she says is...
> 
> 
> "My, that's a BIG one!"


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## Larry Gude

Roman said:


> What? Did you have a zit?



My bike


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## Gilligan

Braggart


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## vraiblonde

Larry Gude said:


> "My, that's a BIG one!"



So how did you respond?

Sense of humor test.  Might as well weed 'em out right off the bat, huh?


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## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> So how did you respond?
> 
> Sense of humor test.  Might as well weed 'em out right off the bat, huh?



It was a moment I'd like to have back.    But, it totally caught me off guard, literally the first thing out of her mouth and, as I got to know her, it became funnier because she is lifelong military, military family, in your lane person all the way and I think it would have embarrassed her?     In any event, this one is going in the buddy column because she loves to ride and is a nice person and has her own scooter. The problem is how to be nice about it because I wasn't feeling it at the end of the day and I think she was. 

How do I handle this, Lucy?


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## BadGirl

Larry Gude said:


> It was a moment I'd like to have back.    But, it totally caught me off guard, literally the first thing out of her mouth and, as I got to know her, it became funnier because she is lifelong military, military family, in your lane person all the way and I think it would have embarrassed her?     In any event, this one is going in the buddy column because she loves to ride and is a nice person and has her own scooter. The problem is how to be nice about it because I wasn't feeling it at the end of the day and I think she was.
> 
> How do I handle this, Lucy?


Punch her in the face, and she'll never want to have a relationship with you.


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## Larry Gude

BadGirl said:


> Punch her in the face, and she'll never want to have a relationship with you.



I can see that working. However, she's been deployed to A'stan 3 times. I'm thinking there might be a more prudent approach?


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## GWguy

Larry Gude said:


> I can see that working. However, she's been deployed to A'stan 3 times. I'm thinking there might be a more prudent approach?



Yup.  Hold out the spare helmet and say, "Wanna find out how big?"


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## Larry Gude

BadGirl said:


> Punch her in the face, and she'll never want to have a relationship with you.



And I can totally seeing being buds and calling her saying "Hey, let's go for a ride!"  We talked about routes first and she was 100%. I took her on the good stuff I like (top shelf, world class, back roads, up, down, sideways) and at a pace fairly close to how I ride. She was right behind me all day. Chick can golf her ball. So to speak.


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## Larry Gude

GWguy said:


> Yup.  Hold out the spare helmet and say, "Wanna find out how big?"



When I need help with being an ### hole, I'll ask for it.


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## GWguy

Larry Gude said:


> When I need help with being an ### hole, I'll ask for it.



Aholes have to stick together!

I was over on Solomons with the 'Wing, getting ready to ride out.  A bunch of drunk women came out of what is now the Striped Rock, I didn't pay much mind.  Until I heard "...a ride from that motorcycle guy over there..."

I looked up and saw them all smiling at me.  Caught me completely off guard.  My response WOULD normally have been to hold out my spare helmet, but dontcha know I had taken it out of the saddlebag earlier that day to make room for something else.  I was ticked as they all walked by one by one and I didn't have any options....

Moral:  Don't leave home without it.  A spare helmet, that is...


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## vraiblonde

Why's she going in the buddy column if you like her?  Is she ugly?


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## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> Why's she going in the buddy column if you like her?  Is she ugly?



She's not a raving beauty nor is she ugly. It's not an appearance thing. I said I wasn't 'feeling it'. That happens with attractive women. In fact, it is far more likely to happen with attractive women because an 'ugly' woman can be charming and attractive in all sorts of ways and a 'beauty', at my age, I can tell in five minutes if she's not my style. Appearance count but, what's under the hood matters a lot more at this point in my life. I am not going to spend 5 minutes with some porn queen looking thing that isn't a good person nor is incapable of conversation. 

Trying to put my finger on it, I think it is the conversation thing. We had lunch and then hung out some after the ride. Maybe it was just nerves but, you know me, I had her talking up a storm and, well, it wasn't very satisfying.


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## Larry Gude

GWguy said:


> Aholes have to stick together!
> 
> I was over on Solomons with the 'Wing, getting ready to ride out.  A bunch of drunk women came out of what is now the Striped Rock, I didn't pay much mind.  Until I heard "...a ride from that motorcycle guy over there..."
> 
> I looked up and saw them all smiling at me.  Caught me completely off guard.  My response WOULD normally have been to hold out my spare helmet, but dontcha know I had taken it out of the saddlebag earlier that day to make room for something else.  I was ticked as they all walked by one by one and I didn't have any options....
> 
> Moral:  Don't leave home without it.  A spare helmet, that is...



Is the ticket on them or the operator? 

"Officer, some summbytch stole her helmet. Just trying to get her home."


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## Gilligan

Larry Gude said:


> Chick can golf her ball. So to speak.





Er....well alrighty then....

You Fredrick people sure do talk funny.


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## Larry Gude

Gilligan said:


> Er....well alrighty then....
> 
> You Fredrick people sure do talk funny.



You never heard that one???


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## vraiblonde

Larry Gude said:


> an 'ugly' woman can be charming and attractive in all sorts of ways



Why do men say things like that?  A woman can be charming, witty and intelligent but if she looks like Yoko Ono you're not going to get past that to find out.  If she has an ass the size of an aircraft carrier, you won't be pulled in by her sparkling personality.

Just admit that looks matter and then we can move on.


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## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> Why do men say things like that?  A woman can be charming, witty and intelligent but if she looks like Yoko Ono you're not going to get past that to find out.  If she has an ass the size of an aircraft carrier, you won't be pulled in by her sparkling personality.
> 
> Just admit that looks matter and then we can move on.



Looks matter. 

Not as much as other things. 

Looks are not the issue here. 

She's got a nice figure, not overweight at all. Cute butt, takes care of herself. Nice hooters, not too damn big, from what a couple hugs could tell through leather. Nice lips. Cute hair. 

So, you tell me, on a first date, how much should conversation matter?


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## Homer J

Larry Gude said:


> ...you say 'Hi!' do the intro, how are you and the next thing she says is...
> 
> 
> "My, that's a BIG one!"




There is little chance that I would not have blurted, "THAT"S WHAT SHE SAID!" It's almost become a reflex.


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## Gilligan

Larry Gude said:


> So, you tell me, on a first date, how much should conversation matter?



You know yr in a bad place when "Are those real?" is something you are contemplating how to weave in to the conversation.


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## Larry Gude

Gilligan said:


> You know yr in a bad place when "Are those real?" is something you are contemplating how to weave in to the conversation.



They felt Happy Meal size (perfect) and like warm, baked apples. Not too hard, not too soft...


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## Gilligan

Larry Gude said:


> They felt Happy Meal size (perfect) and like warm, baked apples. Not too hard, not too soft...



oh...


....my...



.goodness.......


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## Larry Gude

Gilligan said:


> oh...
> 
> 
> ....my...
> 
> 
> 
> .goodness.......




Tell me I'm wrong.


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## GWguy

Larry Gude said:


> Tell me I'm wrong.



No way to do that without a hands-on experience....


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## Larry Gude

GWguy said:


> No way to do that without a hands-on experience....



I have extra senses. Like Spider man. Only a big fat redneck version whose wall climbing days are long gone.


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## Gilligan

Larry Gude said:


> Tell me I'm wrong.



My ole pappy (god rest his tortured soul) always told me: "Son..  ('swat he called me, for some reason)....you go find yourself a nice big woman. Shade in the summer, warmth in the winter, and everywhere you squeeze 'em feels like titties".

Was I raised wrong?


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## Larry Gude

Gilligan said:


> My ole pappy (god rest his tortured soul) always told me: "Son..  ('swat he called me, for some reason)....you go find yourself a nice big woman. Shade in the summer, warmth in the winter, and everywhere you squeeze 'em feels like titties".
> 
> Was I raised wrong?



 


:  



 



Classic down home SOMD wisdom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## NextJen

Larry Gude said:


> I have extra senses. Like Spider man. Only a big fat redneck version whose wall climbing days are long gone.


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## vraiblonde

Gilligan said:


> My ole pappy (god rest his tortured soul) always told me: "Son..  ('swat he called me, for some reason)....you go find yourself a nice big woman. Shade in the summer, warmth in the winter, and everywhere you squeeze 'em feels like titties".
> 
> Was I raised wrong?



You are a mess


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## Gilligan

vraiblonde said:


> You are a mess



You know you aren't the first to have pointed that out.


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## PeoplesElbow

Gilligan said:


> My ole pappy (god rest his tortured soul) always told me: "Son..  ('swat he called me, for some reason)....you go find yourself a nice big woman. Shade in the summer, warmth in the winter, and everywhere you squeeze 'em feels like titties".
> 
> Was I raised wrong?



Had a friend that was divorced three times by the time he was 35.  He had two philosophies 1) Marry a woman that can cook cause you can always have an affair but no woman will be your cook on the side or 2) Marry a fat ugly woman that you can't stand that way when she leaves you, you are happy about it.


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## Gilligan

PeoplesElbow said:


> Had a friend that was divorced three times by the time he was 35.  He had two philosophies 1) Marry a woman that can cook cause you can always have an affair but no woman will be your cook on the side or 2) Marry a fat ugly woman that you can't stand that way when she leaves you, you are happy about it.



I've developed a different approach. Any time the urge to marry comes over me, I go to the nearest dive bar, search out the loudest and most obnoxious drunk woman in the place, and just hand her the title to a furnished house.


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## Larry Gude

Larry Gude said:


> So, you tell me, on a first date, how much should conversation matter?




Vrai????


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## kwillia

Larry Gude said:


> Vrai????


Why in the world are you asking her for dating advice? You've never listened to her before. :lol.


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## Larry Gude

kwillia said:


> Why in the world are you asking her for dating advice? You've never listened to her before. :lol.



Totally not true. Not even close. I didn't listen to here ALL the time.


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## vraiblonde

Larry Gude said:


> Vrai????



Not that you're going to listen to me, but.....

Conversation is the #1 component of a first date, assuming the other person is of reasonable appearance.  If it's Misfit's crap smelling co-worker, they cannot possibly be intelligent, witty, or charming enough to overcome that.


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## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> Not that you're going to listen to me, but.....
> 
> Conversation is the #1 component of a first date, assuming the other person is of reasonable appearance.  If it's Misfit's crap smelling co-worker, they cannot possibly be intelligent, witty, or charming enough to overcome that.



Can anyone translate this for me?


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## kwillia

Larry Gude said:


> Can anyone translate this for me?


Yes. She's saying that there is always some level of physical attraction in order the the first date conversation to be of any importance.


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## Larry Gude

kwillia said:


> Yes. She's saying that there is always some level of physical attraction in order the the first date conversation to be of any importance.



And I say 'Check' to box #1.


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## kwillia

Larry Gude said:


> And I say 'Check' to box #1.


So that leaves you, a man with multiple marriages under his belt and decades of dating experience asking your ex how much 1st date conversation should matter in deciding whether there should be a second date... 

How are you still single?


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## Larry Gude

kwillia said:


> So that leaves you, a man with multiple marriages under his belt and decades of dating experience asking your ex how much 1st date conversation should matter in deciding whether there should be a second date...
> 
> How are you still single?



Put another way, after proving out my way doesn't work too well, I'm asking an educated opinion of not only someone whose opinion I respect but, who knows me very well. 

I could be un-single right now but, I'm trying to being a little more thought out and deliberate about it.


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## SoMD_Fun_Guy

Larry,
my $.02 worth:  from what you said, it sounds like the only thing troubling you was the conversation.  Maybe it was just that day.  I vote that the 2 of you go out again (something different this time) and see how it goes.  If you still get the same feeling then maybe your hunch was right.  Sometimes all it takes is 1 date to know whether you wanna see someone again or not, sometimes it takes more than 1 date.  It sounds to me that you are on the fence with her.  So go out again, have a good time and tell us about it when you get back.


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## Larry Gude

SoMD_Fun_Guy said:


> Larry,
> my $.02 worth:  from what you said, it sounds like the only thing troubling you was the conversation.  Maybe it was just that day.  I vote that the 2 of you go out again (something different this time) and see how it goes.  If you still get the same feeling then maybe your hunch was right.  Sometimes all it takes is 1 date to know whether you wanna see someone again or not, sometimes it takes more than 1 date.  It sounds to me that you are on the fence with her.  So go out again, have a good time and tell us about it when you get back.



That's what I was looking for.


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## Gilligan

Larry Gude said:


> That's what I was looking for.



Sure....just blow my free house suggestion right off.


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## Christy

SoMD_Fun_Guy said:


> Larry,
> my $.02 worth:  from what you said, it sounds like the only thing troubling you was the conversation.  Maybe it was just that day.  I vote that the 2 of you go out again (something different this time) and see how it goes.  If you still get the same feeling then maybe your hunch was right.  Sometimes all it takes is 1 date to know whether you wanna see someone again or not, sometimes it takes more than 1 date.  It sounds to me that you are on the fence with her.  So go out again, have a good time and tell us about it when you get back.



I tend to think, if you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it, and it's highly unlikely that you ever will.  Larry is no spring chicken and the clock is a ticking, so why waste valuable time on pursuing someone that you're really not that into? :shrug:


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## Misfit

Why is she single? A single woman is like a used car, it’s good to know how many owners.  :shrug:


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## PJay

SoMD_Fun_Guy said:


> tell us about it when you get back.



please no. Larry shares more than I wanna know. A few on this forum do. 

I just do not understand why people tell the whole world their private stuff.


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## Larry Gude

Homesick said:


> please no. Larry shares more than I wanna know. A few on this forum do.
> 
> I just do not understand why people tell the whole world their private stuff.



I don't tell the private stuff.


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## Larry Gude

Misfit said:


> Why is she single? A single woman is like a used car, it’s good to know how many owners.  :shrug:



Near as I can tell, she was married to a man. That seems to be a common problem....   :shrug:


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## Larry Gude

Gilligan said:


> Sure....just blow my free house suggestion right off.



She's got her own house. Plus, it seems I'm OK at peaceful, civil break ups.  :shrug:


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## Larry Gude

Misfit said:


> Why is she single? A single woman is like a used car, it’s good to know how many owners.  :shrug:



If maintenance is kept up, I have no issue with miles.


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## Misfit

Larry Gude said:


> If maintenance is kept up, I have no issue with miles.



Mechanically sound is good, but sometimes someone’s messed with the wiring and you just never get it fixed right. I guess that’s why we test drive & there’s a lemon law.


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## Gilligan

Larry Gude said:


> Plus, it seems I'm OK at peaceful, civil break ups.  :shrug:




Dumb luck. Don't get too cocky.


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## Larry Gude

Misfit said:


> Mechanically sound is good, but sometimes someone’s messed with the wiring and you just never get it fixed right. I guess that’s why we test drive & there’s a lemon law.



Hey, man. I don't know how they work. I'm just a driver... :shrug:


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## Gilligan

Larry Gude said:


> Near as I can tell, she was married to a man. That seems to be a common problem....   :shrug:



Mere coincidence.


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## Misfit

Larry Gude said:


> Hey, man. I don't know how they work. I'm just a driver... :shrug:


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## Larry Gude

Christy said:


> I tend to think, if you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it, and it's highly unlikely that you ever will.  Larry is no spring chicken and the clock is a ticking, so why waste valuable time on pursuing someone that you're really not that into? :shrug:



See, that is my old MO; no 'thing'? No point. Therefore, the idea of trying a different approach.


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## Christy

Larry Gude said:


> See, that is my old MO; no 'thing'? No point. Therefore, the idea of trying a different approach.



Meh, nothing wrong with your old approach.  Like all things, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.  Why torture yourself by trying stuff that you don't particularly like?


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## Larry Gude

Christy said:


> Meh, nothing wrong with your old approach.  Like all things, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.  Why torture yourself by trying stuff that you don't particularly like?



This is not torture. I had hoped it would be interesting and informative and a little fun but, Vrai won't come out and play.


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## Christy

Larry Gude said:


> This is not torture. I had hoped it would be interesting and informative and a little fun but, Vrai won't come out and play.



I meant the torture of trying to move someone you clearly see in the friend bucket, into the possible girlfriend bucket.


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## Larry Gude

Christy said:


> I meant the torture of trying to move someone you clearly see in the friend bucket, into the possible girlfriend bucket.



See, my thought is that that will take care of itself. Either it will or it won't. 

My question is more if you, ladies, like a guy and are more interested in him than he is you but, he's not being a dick about it nor leading you on, would you then be happy being friends and there you go or would you be all Praying Mantis Black Widow-ee and make him wish he were never born?


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## Christy

Larry Gude said:


> My question is more if you, ladies, like a guy and are more interested in him than he is you but, he's not being a dick about it nor leading you on, would you then be happy being friends and there you go or would you be all Praying Mantis Black Widow-ee and make him wish he were never born?



It would depend on if I was more interested in him and his charming conversation skills or if I were more interested in seeing what he has going on in the sack.  Sometimes we pretend to be more interested than we actually are because we're just looking to get .  

I would like to say that most women are mature enough not to pull the praying mantis/black widow thing, but then I would be lying. There's some crazy women out there.  Just don't tell her where you live.


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## SoMD_Fun_Guy

Larry,
Just be honest up front about the whole thing.  If you just want friends and nothing else then tell her.  Whether it's as riding buddies (I mean on the bike not ) or hanging out for a drink, lunch, etc.  But if you aren't sure yet then go with the flow and feel things out.  That's why I said go for the second date and see what happens.  
BTW, what are you looking for?  Just a friend or someone you'll "boom-chicka-wha-wha" with?




Christy said:


> I meant the torture of trying to move someone you clearly see in the friend bucket, into the possible girlfriend bucket.



Does Larry clearly see her in the friend bucket?  Or is the jury still out?
Life sometimes has a way of blurring the line between friend and girlfriend.  Our feelings can change over time as we get to know someone better.  She might start in the "Only friends" bucket move to the "possible girlfriend" bucket then to the "girlfriend/wife" bucket and maybe even to the "Hope you rot in Hell" bucket.  It's not always torture to move someone from one stage to the next.  Open and honest communication with her should help determine what bucket she falls into.  

The difficult part in life is to find that person out there that wants to move with you to the next bucket at the same time that you want to.


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## BadGirl

Larry, you are a tough man to be in a relationship with, I'd imagine.

You are smart....too smart for your own good sometimes.  There are not too many women who have the mental fortitude to keep up with you, and to have the common sense and smarts to provide you with the challenging conversation you require/need.   You are VERY intense, and you have to have some one who can keep up with you.  And she's not it.

Face it:  She is too dumb for you.


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## Larry Gude

BadGirl said:


> Larry, you are a tough man to be in a relationship with, I'd imagine.
> 
> You are smart....too smart for your own good sometimes.  There are not too many women who have the mental fortitude to keep up with you, and to have the common sense and smarts to provide you with the challenging conversation you require/need.   You are VERY intense, and you have to have some one who can keep up with you.  And she's not it.
> 
> Face it:  She is too dumb for you.



I am actually a pretty mellow, easy going guy. What I have are control issues and, unfortunately, it doesn't take a heck of a lot of pressure for me to start to exhibit...symptoms. It's something I am working on, there is no control but self control, and the mere fact of even asking about something like this is a step, and not a tiny one, for me, to that effort.   


I can't thank you enough for your direct answer, though.   : 

Seriously, thank you!


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## DoWhat

BadGirl said:


> Larry, you are a tough man to be in a relationship with, I'd imagine.
> 
> You are smart....too smart for your own good sometimes.  There are not too many women who have the mental fortitude to keep up with you, and to have the common sense and smarts to provide you with the challenging conversation you require/need.   You are VERY intense, and you have to have some one who can keep up with you.  And she's not it.
> 
> Face it:  She is too dumb for you.



How do you deal with Bob?


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## itsbob

Larry Gude said:


> Can anyone translate this for me?



You're screwed..


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## BadGirl

DoWhat said:


> How do you deal with Bob?



Some people might call our marriage a very extended "Mercy Date".

On whose part, I'm not sure.


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## itsbob

DoWhat said:


> How do you deal with Bob?



She makes an awesome sammich...


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## Larry Gude

SoMD_Fun_Guy said:


> Larry,
> Just be honest up front about the whole thing.  If you just want friends and nothing else then tell her.  Whether it's as riding buddies (I mean on the bike not ) or hanging out for a drink, lunch, etc.  But if you aren't sure yet then go with the flow and feel things out.  That's why I said go for the second date and see what happens.
> BTW, what are you looking for?  Just a friend or someone you'll "boom-chicka-wha-wha" with?



I am actively looking for a girlfriend. However, I have HUGE things going on at work that take up a lot of time but, are fun as ####. My entire life has changed from a cyclical on/off program to ongoing. Much less intense day to day and much more consistent. Sanity has arrived. On top of that I am absolutely determined to put my spare time into a band. That means practice once during the week and playing out once a month or more and some weekend rehearsals. My new business schedule allows for it, finally. Not chasing anything more than that; a hobby. Not a fantasy. 

On top of that, I have some pals who are tactical trainers and I am committed to keeping up with them some socially and not just at the range and they're not next door meaning it takes a weekend to hand with them. On top of that is riding street and dirt bikes. Then, there is the farm to be on and around, especially the horses which are just fun to hang out with if only a few minutes every day. Plus my living style has become somewhat animal house with my new business partner and, frankly, I like it. Some of our best, most productive business meetings we have center around burping and farting and drinking beer and being just a bunch of guys on Saturday mornings. Chilling out and just pausing for awhile like this allows some excellent solutions to reveal themselves. And then I have my kids, including Michigan and Texas, that I miss and want to see a few times a year. And then her friends and family and interests.  

So, there is a fair bit of fitting in and around she'd have to be. There are woman who would be perfectly happy with that because they'd see it as a safety net to help keep some guy from being up their ass 24/7 but, that type might not be readily available. 

So, conversation, motorcycles, naughty, easy going, fun loving, low maintenance, been there, done that, rich, great ass...simple. 

And W is at least some of those things. Some I don't know and only time would reveal. However, conversation is off to a suspect start and thus the question; is that, conversation, that reveals itself first time out and I think it does. Or, is that something that needs a little time, which is NOT my thought BUT, again with the self control, to ask and not think I have all the answers. 

I mean, who would we all be with if it was solely up to those who know us best, and like us, to pick???  I suspect, by and large, it may not be what we'd choose ourselves UNLESS one is a person who takes those who know them best, their views and opinions, to heart as a SOP. Thought being some things, traits, we may not see on our own, at first, might well reveal themselves over time. 

And part of managing my control issues is coming to the realization and acceptance that I really don't know.


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## Larry Gude

BadGirl said:


> Some people might call our marriage a very extended "Mercy Date".
> 
> On whose part, I'm not sure.



See???????????   Who the hell would draw that up themselves?????  

"Seeking; Extended mercy date. On whose part, I'm not sure...."


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## Larry Gude

itsbob said:


> She makes an awesome sammich...



That would do it for my dad. As long as feeding time was the same every day.  

Of course, he and I have very little in common other than love of a good sammich. I'd make my own. He doesn't know where the bread is.


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## Larry Gude

itsbob said:


> You're screwed..



I start with that.


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## acommondisaster

Larry Gude said:


> Put another way, after proving out my way doesn't work too well, I'm asking an educated opinion of not only someone whose opinion I respect but, who knows me very well.



Not to be snarky or anything, but I don't think she's a icon of successful relationships, either.

Personally, it sounds like you're over-analyzing and trying to get some sort of "I saw you from across the room and had to know you" kind of feeling, and maybe that's what you think you want, and then you end up with the same type that hasn't worked out for you in the past. SoMDfunguy's advice makes sense to me.


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## vraiblonde

acommondisaster said:


> Not to be snarky or anything, but I don't think she's a icon of successful relationships, either.



That would be your basic understatement.  

BUT!  I do know him well, for what it's worth, which may be not much.

*So, Larry:*

I too agree with Fun Guy that you should give her another chance, but I also agree with Christy that if you're not feeling it why waste anymore time.  And I agree with Bad Girl that you should waste NO!!!!! time on a woman who is not your intellectual equal.  That's where "I know you" comes into play:  you will not respect her and she will grow tired of being reminded of that.  You are NOT!!!! a mellow and easy going guy, and I don't know why you'd even post something so silly unless you just enjoy having me shoot coffee out my nose.  

I think you should date around for awhile - you just came out of a long term relationship - and wait for the *click*.  Keep things light and casual, make sure everyone understands that, and then pounce when the right woman comes along.  I suspect, at this point, you don't need a girlfriend so much as you need a F-buddy.  So perhaps start there, get it out of your system so you don't make any tragic mistakes, then date until you feel the *click*.


----------



## Larry Gude

acommondisaster said:


> Not to be snarky or anything, but I don't think she's a icon of successful relationships, either.
> 
> Personally, it sounds like you're over-analyzing and trying to get some sort of "I saw you from across the room and had to know you" kind of feeling, and maybe that's what you think you want, and then you end up with the same type that hasn't worked out for you in the past. SoMDfunguy's advice makes sense to me.



Depends on how to define 'success'. I think, in a lot of ways, she and I had, and have a very successful relationship. 

I'm too old to over analyze. I've had the love at first sight, the deliberate, the accidental. For all my pluses and minuses, I am trying a new approach.


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> I too agree with Fun Guy that you should give her another chance, but I also agree with Christy that if you're not feeling it why waste anymore time.  And I agree with Bad Girl that you should waste NO!!!!! time on a woman who is not your intellectual equal.  That's where "I know you" comes into play:  you will not respect her and she will grow tired of being reminded of that.  You are NOT!!!! a mellow and easy going guy, and I don't know why you'd even post something so silly unless you just enjoy having me shoot coffee out my nose.
> 
> I think you should date around for awhile - you just came out of a long term relationship - and wait for the *click*.  Keep things light and casual, make sure everyone understands that, and then pounce when the right woman comes along.  I suspect, at this point, you don't need a girlfriend so much as you need a F-buddy.  So perhaps start there, get it out of your system so you don't make any tragic mistakes, then date until you feel the *click*.



Thanks for thoughts. 

OK, first off, I don't believe the 'intellectual equal' part means very much. I mean, I guess in some ways, I was smarter than you though I can't readily put my finger on one. If I had self control, and I don't mean the end, I mean the middle, we'd still be trucking along. I mean the defensiveness, the attack, the slow burns. By the same token, had I self control, would we ever have gotten off the way we did? 

M is the one relationship I just look at and say 'WTF'???? Yet, there is A and E as a result. :shrug:  A case is to be made about intellectual equality there, relatively speaking. 

L, same thing with the self control. She's not my intellectual equal at all BUT, also my superior in a BUNCH of ways that enriched my life. Had I had what Mo has, that rock steady thing, which I do NOT have, uh dunno. 

My partner and I discussed, with some seriousness, a 90 pound Asian hooker who gave up designing rockets to ride bikes, listen to my guitar, live the simple life in the country and LOVES the day to day 'joys' of putting up with me. We just can't fit that in the budget right now.    


So, that you, knowing me, can see several different avenues here, and given that W (how ironic) has some great qualities, how do I proceed in a fair and proper fashion given my relative inability to 'keep things light'? For all I know at this point, because I am behaving and haven't pushed it, W might be a great keep it light, F buddy/pal/enjoy being around the craziness that is.  :shrug: 

How do I find a suitable F buddy? Especially given Christies comment that, sometimes, you women are feigning interest and really only wanna get laid? Old Larry would just blurt it out but, again, I am trying a new approach and not be a dick.


----------



## Bann

kwillia said:


> So that leaves you, a man with multiple marriages under his belt and decades of dating experience asking your ex how much 1st date conversation should matter in deciding whether there should be a second date...
> 
> How are you still single?


----------



## Bann

Larry Gude said:


> Near as I can tell, she was married to a man. That seems to be a common problem....   :shrug:


----------



## Bann

vraiblonde said:


> That would be your basic understatement.
> 
> BUT!  I do know him well, for what it's worth, which may be not much.
> 
> *So, Larry:*
> 
> I too agree with Fun Guy that you should give her another chance, but I also agree with Christy that if you're not feeling it why waste anymore time.  And I agree with Bad Girl that you should waste NO!!!!! time on a woman who is not your intellectual equal.  That's where "I know you" comes into play:  you will not respect her and she will grow tired of being reminded of that.  You are NOT!!!! a mellow and easy going guy, and I don't know why you'd even post something so silly unless you just enjoy having me shoot coffee out my nose.
> 
> I think you should date around for awhile - you just came out of a long term relationship - and wait for the *click*.  Keep things light and casual, make sure everyone understands that, and then pounce when the right woman comes along.  I suspect, at this point, you don't need a girlfriend so much as you need a F-buddy.  So perhaps start there, get it out of your system so you don't make any tragic mistakes, then date until you feel the *click*.


----------



## acommondisaster

Larry Gude said:


> Thanks for thoughts.
> 
> OK, first off, I don't believe the 'intellectual equal' part means very much. I mean, I guess in some ways, I was smarter than you though I can't readily put my finger on one. If I had self control, and I don't mean the end, I mean the middle, we'd still be trucking along. I mean the defensiveness, the attack, the slow burns. By the same token, had I self control, would we ever have gotten off the way we did?
> 
> M is the one relationship I just look at and say 'WTF'???? Yet, there is A and E as a result. :shrug:  A case is to be made about intellectual equality there, relatively speaking.
> 
> L, same thing with the self control. She's not my intellectual equal at all BUT, also my superior in a BUNCH of ways that enriched my life. Had I had what Mo has, that rock steady thing, which I do NOT have, uh dunno.
> 
> My partner and I discussed, with some seriousness, a 90 pound Asian hooker who gave up designing rockets to ride bikes, listen to my guitar, live the simple life in the country and LOVES the day to day 'joys' of putting up with me. We just can't fit that in the budget right now.
> 
> 
> So, that you, knowing me, can see several different avenues here, and given that W (how ironic) has some great qualities, how do I proceed in a fair and proper fashion given my relative inability to 'keep things light'? For all I know at this point, because I am behaving and haven't pushed it, W might be a great keep it light, F buddy/pal/enjoy being around the craziness that is.  :shrug:
> 
> How do I find a suitable F buddy? Especially given Christies comment that, sometimes, you women are feigning interest and really only wanna get laid? Old Larry would just blurt it out but, again, I am trying a new approach and not be a dick.



You don't know over-analyzing when it hits you in the crotch. Seriously.


----------



## Larry Gude

acommondisaster said:


> You don't know over-analyzing when it hits you in the crotch. Seriously.



 


Scary version; you have no idea!!!


----------



## Larry Gude

Date #2! 

She took me to her favorite little neighbor hood joint for some pretty good Italian food made by people who looked a little more Beijing and a little less Milan.    Lasagne was not bad and I am a lasagne snob. 

5 hour date. Ended up back at her place for a bit. A nice pleasant evening with a nice good bye kiss.  

Conversation was better.


----------



## Hank

poor woman


----------



## Larry Gude

Hank said:


> poor woman


----------



## PeoplesElbow

How many times did you utter "too big to fail" and TARP?


----------



## Larry Gude

PeoplesElbow said:


> How many times did you utter "too big to fail" and TARP?



Not once. Maybe that's what was missing? 

In any event, I'm going with the chemistry thing. Two dates and this woman can talk and talk and talk and actually caught herself at one point and said "Gosh, I haven't asked a thing about you...so, anyway..."
 

Nice person. Not my cup of tea.


----------



## afjess1989

I like my way of dating. I see a cute guy...(I likes dem a bit older 27-39) I yell at him "HEY! you into fats chicks"......thats how I ended up with the man friend and the fact wel......nevermind lmao


----------



## SoMD_Fun_Guy

Larry Gude said:


> Not once. Maybe that's what was missing?
> 
> In any event, I'm going with the chemistry thing. Two dates and this woman can talk and talk and talk and actually caught herself at one point and said "Gosh, I haven't asked a thing about you...so, anyway..."
> 
> 
> Nice person. Not my cup of tea.



So it sounds like the conversation was better but apparently one-sided (on her part). 

Well Larry, there you have it - the 2nd date helped burn off some of the early relationship fog so that it was clearer for you to see.

Hope the next one works out for you.
If not, then join the club and keep trying. (I'm right there with you)


----------



## Larry Gude

SoMD_Fun_Guy said:


> So it sounds like the conversation was better but apparently one-sided (on her part).
> 
> Well Larry, there you have it - the 2nd date helped burn off some of the early relationship fog so that it was clearer for you to see.
> 
> Hope the next one works out for you.
> If not, then join the club and keep trying. (I'm right there with you)



Part of the problem is that the last two women in my life, Vrai and my recent ex, made for a very high bar and I liked them both right away. One was as a date and the other just friends but, clearly, liked them both. The common thread of failure is me thus, trying to reassess who I am, how I go about things, my control issues, all that stuff, that cause me to lose them both. So, I'm working on fixing the thing I can control, me, to be a better person. 

Past that, I've actually taken it so far as to postulate "What if I don't like the person, at all? What results might altering that input produce?"


----------



## PeoplesElbow

afjess1989 said:


> "HEY! you into fats chicks"



If they let me be!


----------



## afjess1989

PeoplesElbow said:


> If they let me be!



Hahahahaah!


----------



## acommondisaster

Okay, since we're over analyzing....what if you liked them right away because they put you right in your comfort zone - the one where you could control, do things your way, etc.   If you're trying to reassess and adjust, why would you think the same sort of woman as in the past would be right for the New and Improved Larry?


----------



## Larry Gude

acommondisaster said:


> Okay, since we're over analyzing....what if you liked them right away because they put you right in your comfort zone - the one where you could control, do things your way, etc.   If you're trying to reassess and adjust, why would you think the same sort of woman as in the past would be right for the New and Improved Larry?



I don't want control or need control per se. My issues with control come up under pressure, when something is wrong or not going as I want. I go from being easy going, caring, occasionally thoughtful even, to being a total, belligerent, demanding a hole. That is what I am fixing. Losing damn near everything helped that, a lot. New perspective, much easier going. For instance, my new GM, it's her shop, her people. I bite my tongue and am much more open about delegation. So, that is one thing. 

Past that, you make an excellent point and it is one, THE one, I reflect on. A lot. I am actively seeking NOT that person and I just don't know if that is going to fly. Or even could.


----------



## acommondisaster

Larry Gude said:


> My issues with control come up under pressure, when something is wrong or not going as I want. I go from being easy going, caring, occasionally thoughtful even, to being a total, belligerent, demanding a hole. .



I've been told I'm usually dead on in my impressions of people; and this is pretty much what I figured.
At this point, I think you're either over analyzing or enjoying the attention this thread allows.  I almost feel like giving that age old "you may find if you just relax, you'll get pregnant on your own" kind of advice to just relax, but you really want a good, thriving relationship.
Sounds like you're making a good attempt at changing; time will tell. I have one other observation that I'll keep to myself for now.


----------



## Larry Gude

acommondisaster said:


> I've been told I'm usually dead on in my impressions of people; and this is pretty much what I figured.
> At this point, I think you're either over analyzing or enjoying the attention this thread allows.  .



Nope. For me, I enjoy, thoroughly, the discussion. I'm not an attention seeker as most of my posts are simply entertainment for myself; I like writing. My guitar playing is ALL songs I like; my own. And they are all, the writing, the playing, heartfelt and sincere. It's a plus if someone is interested but, that's not the goal. 

Talking out relationships, my own behaviors, I simply enjoy it. I find it helpful and productive. Half the time, by simply writing something, it helps my own thought process. 

At present, with my new business, motorcycles and the band, plus the raucous animal house my home has become, I don't have time or desire for a full relationship. I'm too busy and too happy doing what I am doing. However, in a private conversation, by writing, it came to the surface that if there was a 'she' who was thoroughly happy with how busy I am, how noisy it is around here, how much goes on, the environment, then SHE would be THE one. 

One of my many flaws is I tend to not be able to see things from other folks perspectives. I would think NO woman would want to be part of my life right now; being happy in animal house (it's not that bad but, sorta) and ride and shoot and #### and drink and love being on the farm, in this house, dealing, happily, with all the goings on. I mean, that is for THEM to be happy about or not. 

As for the major part, being aware that I either attack or go to the slow burn, it becomes easier, much easier, simply being aware, having it identified. So, the solution, adding 'pause and assess' isn't that difficult. Especially now. It's a ####ing zoo around here. A fun one.


----------



## acommondisaster

There are such women who would fit right in with what you describe. But it's your job to get them to the point where they feel there is a legitimate place for them there, that they're wanted and appreciated and a part of it all, and that'll take work. There would have to be a part of you that lets her know that despite all of your interests and hobbies and goings on, SHE is the most important part of the equation.  If you can't figure out how to do that, then you're not ready for it yet.  And by your own admission, you aren't.


----------



## Larry Gude

acommondisaster said:


> There are such women who would fit right in with what you describe. But it's your job to get them to the point where they feel there is a legitimate place for them there, that they're wanted and appreciated and a part of it all, and that'll take work. There would have to be a part of you that lets her know that despite all of your interests and hobbies and goings on, SHE is the most important part of the equation.  If you can't figure out how to do that, then you're not ready for it yet.  And by your own admission, you aren't.



Excellent post and great food for thought.


----------



## GURPS

new business :shrug:


----------



## Larry Gude

Ok, so, I have another first date/meeting tomorrow and I'm kinda stoked! A quick note or two on the site and then exchange of personal info; phone#, e mail. Now, date.  

She rides her OWN bike and rides MORE than I do which is saying something. Has a really kewl job where she has flexibility. Lives not too far away and is up here, close by, regularly and has friends nearby she stays with when her travels bring her this way. 

I called her this am. Not too long, not too short. Nice conversation. Was open and relaxed about herself and asked appropriate questions in return. I don't mean that to sound clinical but, just, what, normal, to be expected "I'm interested" questions. So, she's way ahead there.  

Clearly good intelligence level. That is the part that has me excited. 

She told me I have to pick the place because she doesn't know the area well enough, nor exactly where I am. I offered up to really good first date choices and she picked one. Right away. None of this "Gee, golly, I dunno, you pick..."  Decisive. I've always liked that. 

Sounds good!


----------



## itsbob

Larry Gude said:


> Clearly good intelligence level.
> 
> !



You're screwed..


----------



## Larry Gude

itsbob said:


> You're screwed..



Gosh, I hope so!


----------



## mamatutu

Larry Gude said:


> Ok, so, I have another first date/meeting tomorrow and I'm kinda stoked! A quick note or two on the site and then exchange of personal info; phone#, e mail. Now, date.
> 
> She rides her OWN bike and rides MORE than I do which is saying something. Has a really kewl job where she has flexibility. Lives not too far away and is up here, close by, regularly and has friends nearby she stays with when her travels bring her this way.
> 
> I called her this am. Not too long, not too short. Nice conversation. Was open and relaxed about herself and asked appropriate questions in return. I don't mean that to sound clinical but, just, what, normal, to be expected "I'm interested" questions. So, she's way ahead there.
> 
> Clearly good intelligence level. That is the part that has me excited.
> 
> She told me I have to pick the place because she doesn't know the area well enough, nor exactly where I am. I offered up to really good first date choices and she picked one. Right away. None of this "Gee, golly, I dunno, you pick..."  Decisive. I've always liked that.
> 
> Sounds good!



You are a brave man, LG for posting your stuff out there on this forum!   I wish you the best.


----------



## Larry Gude

mamatutu said:


> You are a brave man, LG for posting your stuff out there on this forum!   I wish you the best.



I don't consider casual conversation about generalities to be 'brave'. If it ever gets that far, someone who is a good fit for me would be flattered that I'd given it so much thought. :shrug:


----------



## mamatutu

Larry Gude said:


> I don't consider casual conversation about generalities to be 'brave'. If it ever gets that far, someone who is a good fit for me would be flattered that I'd given it so much thought. :shrug:



OK.  I see you don't take compliments well.  That's ok.  I don't either.


----------



## Larry Gude

mamatutu said:


> OK.  I see you don't take compliments well.  That's ok.  I don't either.



Uh, well, I thought it was just an innocent comment as was my reply.


----------



## mamatutu

Larry Gude said:


> Uh, well, I thought it was just an innocent comment as was my reply.



Well, I meant you are putting your love life on the forum.  Thus, my 'brave' remark.  It was well intended on my part, and I guess innocent if that is the word you want to use.  Like I said, I wish you the best.  That's all.


----------



## Larry Gude

mamatutu said:


> Well, I meant you are putting your love life on the forum.  Thus, my 'brave' remark.  It was well intended on my part, and I guess innocent if that is the word you want to use.  Like I said, I wish you the best.  That's all.



I took no offense and meant none in return. 

The good parts, personal stuff, won't make it on here.


----------



## mamatutu

Larry Gude said:


> I took no offense and meant none in return.
> 
> The good parts, personal stuff, won't make it on here.



No offense taken.  My serious side is stronger than my humorous side.  I try.   That smack is for me!   I enjoy your posts, no matter what subject. 

Edit:  Now, that I think about it, post the personal stuff, too!  My attempt at humor.


----------



## GURPS

Larry Gude said:


> She's got her own house. Plus, it seems I'm OK at peaceful, civil break ups.  :shrug:





maybe time to review this ....


----------



## Roman

Have a great time on your date tonight!


----------



## SoMD_Fun_Guy

Larry - Best of luck.  

Let us know how the date went.  And if you're still gettin good vibes.


----------



## Larry Gude

SoMD_Fun_Guy said:


> Larry - Best of luck.
> 
> Let us know how the date went.  And if you're still gettin good vibes.




Second best first date. Ever. 

Intelligent. Interesting. I think she is a good person. Got no 'ugly bitch on the inside' hint, at all. Volunteers once a week working with special ed kids (should come in handy dealing with me) Rides her own bike. A lot. Flexible, cool job. Catches my sense of humor. Totally can hold up her end of a conversation. I only said "####" once and it seemed to put her at ease.  Seems like a good mom. Really good, actually. Reminds me of a certain other excellent mom I know. Daughter off to college. Son in the Corps. Dog person. Gun person. Laughs freely, openly. I think there is a good solid smart ass in there that peeked out once or twice, which I adore. We burned up 4 good hours. She likes her ahi properly. 

Very interested in getting her impressions. She asked me on the way out if we'd do this again. Very sweet the way she asked.


----------



## Bann

Larry Gude said:


> Second best first date. Ever.
> 
> Intelligent. Interesting. I think she is a good person. Got no 'ugly bitch on the inside' hint, at all. Volunteers once a week working with special ed kids (should come in handy dealing with me) Rides her own bike. A lot. Flexible, cool job. Catches my sense of humor. Totally can hold up her end of a conversation. I only said "####" once and it seemed to put her at ease.  Seems like a good mom. Really good, actually. Reminds me of a certain other excellent mom I know. Daughter off to college. Son in the Corps. Dog person. Gun person. Laughs freely, openly. I think there is a good solid smart ass in there that peeked out once or twice, which I adore. We burned up 4 good hours. She likes her ahi properly.
> 
> Very interested in getting her impressions. She asked me on the way out if we'd do this again. Very sweet the way she asked.



   Good for you!


----------



## vraiblonde

Larry Gude said:


> Second best first date. Ever.





How does she feel about organic salad?


----------



## acommondisaster

Do second best first dates lead to second best relationships?


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> How does she feel about organic salad?




Funny you should ask...

She got there before me, had no idea I supply the place or, that I specifically serve restaurants and, before I recommended the ahi, she'd said she saw a fabulous looking salad come out she was thinking about.

I think she's a 'go' on NATURAL salad.


----------



## Larry Gude

acommondisaster said:


> Do second best first dates lead to second best relationships?



Good question. My first thought is that they are unrelated. Great dates, awful dates, somewhere in between, I know people who've had great ones that went nowhere, bad ones that became the one, ones in between, love at first sight, even people who couldn't stand one another at first sight. If they correlate, that bar to #1 is so high that I'd be fine with that. FWIW, I'm up at 2am thinking about her.


----------



## Radiant1

Larry Gude said:


> FWIW, I'm up at 2am thinking about her.



^^I can't determine if that's cute or obsessive-like scary.


----------



## Larry Gude

Radiant1 said:


> ^^I can't determine if that's cute or obsessive-like scary.



"...thinking about something or someone too much or in a way that is not normal : having an obsession : showing or relating to an obsession"

I slept like a baby before that. She was actually in my dreams in a non sexual way. It was sort of an extension of the date. Conversation stuff but with a more familiar feel to it. So, it's certainly not normal as I had just met her and had not thought of her much more than a little pre date anticipation. Yesterday was very normal business oriented stuff. 

Last night when I was up, I posted about a couple politics things so, I am normal Larry and it's not like she is all I can think about. 

Now, as I am using this as a relationship lab, I did do something bizarre and totally out of character this AM. 


I folded my clean socks and put them away.


----------



## Bann

Larry Gude said:


> Funny you should ask...
> 
> She got there before me, had no idea I supply the place or, that I specifically serve restaurants and, before I recommended the ahi, she'd said she saw a fabulous looking salad come out she was thinking about.
> 
> I think she's a 'go' on NATURAL salad.


----------



## Bann

Radiant1 said:


> ^^I can't determine if that's cute or obsessive-like scary.



Awww, I think it's cute!


----------



## DoWhat

Larry Gude said:


> I'm up at 2am thinking about her.



Because you are wanting to tag it.


----------



## Radiant1

Larry Gude said:


> I folded my clean socks and put them away.



Holy ####, it must be love!


----------



## Larry Gude

Radiant1 said:


> Holy ####, it must be love!



I laughed at myself as I was doing it, shaking dust off of socks that have been cleaned and balled up for months. I do have more pairs than I remember. 

Now, clinically, for our purposes here, it is my thought that because I was expressly aware of it while I was doing it, that my heart was light and my mood happy because of the date, that that is not near as kooked out as doing it and not realizing it. Or waking up in a cold sweat at some neighbors house elbow deep in their socks with the police speaking to me in a very calm, low voice. 

Right?


----------



## Larry Gude

DoWhat said:


> Because you are wanting to tag it.



That is an inappropriate, obnoxious, stupid, totally typical of how a dumb ass guy thinks and absolutely out of place in context of the ongoing social study us mature adults are trying to conduct here for the betterment of man, and woman, kind sort of moron Beavis and Butt head type question. A-hole. 






Or course I want to tag that.


----------



## Radiant1

Larry Gude said:


> I laughed at myself as I was doing it, shaking dust off of socks that have been cleaned and balled up for months. I do have more pairs than I remember.
> 
> Now, clinically, for our purposes here, it is my thought that because I was expressly aware of it while I was doing it, that my heart was light and my mood happy because of the date, that that is not near as kooked out as doing it and not realizing it. Or waking up in a cold sweat at some neighbors house elbow deep in their socks with the police speaking to me in a very calm, low voice.
> 
> Right?



If that's what you need to tell yourself...


----------



## Larry Gude

Radiant1 said:


> If that's what you need to tell yourself...



Every body knows what this feels like. 

Really good.


----------



## Bann

Larry Gude said:


> I folded my clean socks and put them away.



  You've been bitten by the luv bug bad!!


----------



## Larry Gude

Bann said:


> You've been bitten by the luv bug bad!!



I'm too old for that and, besides, I use a fungus to ward off bugs.


----------



## Bann

Larry Gude said:


> I'm too old for that and, besides, I use a fungus to ward off bugs.



    NO ONE is too old for love, Larry.


----------



## Larry Gude

Bann said:


> NO ONE is too old for love, Larry.



I know.


----------



## vraiblonde

DoWhat said:


> Because you are wanting to tag it.



Yeah.

Larry, as someone who actually knows you and has a sorta kinda vested interest in your happiness in some form, I don't want to see your libido writing checks that your psyche cannot cash.  So I'm going to be a hypocrite and tell you to take it slooooooooow and don't jump in head first.  There is no rush to find your next ex-wife - she is out there somewhere and you don't want to be entangled with Ms. Wrong just because you wanted to get laid, when Ms. Right may be up for parole any day now.

Have a couple more dates, bang her if you must, then when I get back from FL not next week but the week after, I'll schedule my interview with her.


----------



## Ken King

vraiblonde said:


> Yeah.
> 
> Larry, as someone who actually knows you and has a sorta kinda vested interest in your happiness in some form, I don't want to see your libido writing checks that your psyche cannot cash.  So I'm going to be a hypocrite and tell you to take it slooooooooow and don't jump in head first.  There is no rush to find your next ex-wife - she is out there somewhere and you don't want to be entangled with Ms. Wrong just because you wanted to get laid, when Ms. Right may be up for parole any day now.
> 
> Have a couple more dates, bang her if you must, then when I get back from FL not next week but the week after, I'll schedule my interview with her.


----------



## Radiant1

vraiblonde said:


> Yeah.
> 
> Larry, as someone who actually knows you and has a sorta kinda vested interest in your happiness in some form, I don't want to see your libido writing checks that your psyche cannot cash.  So I'm going to be a hypocrite and tell you to take it slooooooooow and don't jump in head first.  There is no rush to find your next ex-wife - she is out there somewhere and you don't want to be entangled with Ms. Wrong just because you wanted to get laid, when Ms. Right may be up for parole any day now.
> 
> Have a couple more dates, bang her if you must, then when I get back from FL not next week but the week after, I'll schedule my interview with her.



Dayum!


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> Yeah.
> 
> Larry, as someone who actually knows you and has a sorta kinda vested interest in your happiness in some form, I don't want to see your libido writing checks that your psyche cannot cash.  So I'm going to be a hypocrite and tell you to take it slooooooooow and don't jump in head first.  There is no rush to find your next ex-wife - she is out there somewhere and you don't want to be entangled with Ms. Wrong just because you wanted to get laid, when Ms. Right may be up for parole any day now.
> 
> Have a couple more dates, bang her if you must, then when I get back from FL not next week but the week after, I'll schedule my interview with her.



I am taking it slow. We did not end up in the back seat of the car last night.   

Plus, she's got a good job and reasonable distance. 

I didn't marry Lori and, admit it, you're surprised, right? And I've been on three dates in the last month or so and nothing, na da, no proposals, no school rings, no tatoos. So, there. Restraint. Patience. You like apples? How you like them apples?


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> So I'm going to be a hypocrite and tell you to take it slooooooooow and don't jump in head first.   :



How is that being a hypocrite?


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> I'll schedule my interview with her.



Frankly, that is the raitonale behind this entire thread; input from people who don't know me at all but, are people who've dated/married/buried bodies, what have you. People who sorta know me who have dated/mated/married with varying degrees of success and, most of all, you, who does know me perhaps better than anyone other than the last couple years of growth, maturity, development and...uh...err...vintage-ish-ness. 

Truth; after we got divorced, you're money was on how long before I married again? 1, 2, 10, 15 minutes?     Ha. Ha I say.


----------



## vraiblonde

Larry Gude said:


> Truth; after we got divorced, you're money was on how long before I married again? 1, 2, 10, 15 minutes?



Something like that.  You're a marrying person, nothing wrong with that.



Larry Gude said:


> How is that being a hypocrite?



On April 12, I couldn't have picked Monello out of a lineup - he was pretty much a stranger except for one unremarkable meeting at a party (he was my friend's date) and a month or so of emailing.  On April 13 we had our first date; just a date, no slobbering.  On April 15, we had our second date and on April 16 he started moving his things in.

So I'm probably the last person to tell someone else to take it slow.


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> On April 12, I couldn't have picked Monello out of a lineup - he was pretty much a stranger except for one unremarkable meeting at a party (he was my friend's date) and a month or so of emailing.  On April 13 we had our first date; just a date, no slobbering.  On April 15, we had our second date and on April 16 he started moving his things in.
> 
> So I'm probably the last person to tell someone else to take it slow.



Well, for one thing, you guys are a heck of a good match. For another, at you all's age, it's not like you can sit around and wait for all that long. Better to do these things while you can still remember one anothers names and whether or not you've met before. :shrug:


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> Something like that.  You're a marrying person, nothing wrong with that.



And, so, the lesson here is....is????


----------



## BadGirl

But, but, but....... Larry is supposed to be MY next husband........


----------



## Radiant1

You two make me slightly uncomfortable when you go back and forth like this on the forum. I feel like asking you both to take it to PM, but somehow I'm curious about your post-divorce relationship dynamic. It's...odd.


----------



## vraiblonde

BadGirl said:


> But, but, but....... Larry is supposed to be MY next husband........



You're still on your starter marriage.


----------



## Monello

Radiant1 said:


> somehow I'm curious about your post-divorce relationship dynamic. It's...odd.


----------



## Larry Gude

BadGirl said:


> But, but, but....... Larry is supposed to be MY next husband........



No way. My birthday would SUCK every year. And I can't hold a candle to a man with more degrees than an ebola patient...


----------



## Larry Gude

Radiant1 said:


> You two make me slightly uncomfortable when you go back and forth like this on the forum. I feel like asking you both to take it to PM, but somehow I'm curious about your post-divorce relationship dynamic. It's...odd.



OK, that's interesting. Let's explore why it makes YOU feel slightly uncomfortable...let's start with your mom and dad and your first memories...


----------



## Larry Gude

Radiant1 said:


> ...but somehow I'm curious about your post-divorce relationship dynamic. It's...odd.




We both break up amazingly well. I just practice and work at it. She's a natural. Able to compartmentalize, say, were I Charles Manson, for example, my penchant for inciting murder over here and not let that ruin the fact that I have a great sense of humor over there. It's really rather practical if you think about it.


----------



## vraiblonde

Larry Gude said:


> No way. My birthday would SUCK every year. And I can't hold a candle to a man with more degrees than an ebola patient...



Psst.  Her idea of a celebration is to bake and cook her ass off, even when we're supposed to be celebrating her.  Granted, it's not a Kim size ass, but it's an ass all the same.  So your birthdays would be legend.


----------



## vraiblonde

Larry Gude said:


> We both break up amazingly well. I just practice and work at it. She's a natural.


----------



## kwillia

BadGirl said:


> But, but, but....... Larry is supposed to be MY next husband........


So the size of your ass isn't big enough and now you want to trade up so you can keep up with the Kardashians... I see how it is... Poor itsbob...


----------



## Larry Gude

kwillia said:


> So the size of your ass isn't big enough and now you want to trade up so you can keep up with the Kardashians... I see how it is...



On the Mt. Rushmore of Ass, there is Kim, Barack O'bama, Rush Limbaugh and NOT Larry


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> Psst.  Her idea of a celebration is to bake and cook her ass off, even when we're supposed to be celebrating her.  Granted, it's not a Kim size ass, but it's an ass all the same.  So your birthdays would be legend.



Birthday. Sounds like I'd be dead of a baked goodies induced coma in something less than 18 hours...


----------



## BadGirl

Larry Gude said:


> Birthday. Sounds like I'd be dead of a baked goodies induced coma in something less than 18 hours...



As long as you carry more-than-adequate life insurance coverage, I really don't see what the problem is.  :shrug:


----------



## Larry Gude

BadGirl said:


> As long as you carry more-than-adequate life insurance coverage, I really don't see what the problem is.  :shrug:



So, would it be fair to say, under those conditions, you could be said to be...grateful...if I were to become...dead?


----------



## SoMD_Fun_Guy

Larry Gude said:


> You like apples? How you like them apples?



Hmm, Where have I seen that line before?
<<---------  Oh yeah.  

Larry, glad to hear you had a great first date.  
Hope the subsequent dates prove to be just as enjoyable.

Here's to you.


----------



## Larry Gude

SoMD_Fun_Guy said:


> Hmm, Where have I seen that line before?
> <<---------  Oh yeah.
> 
> Larry, glad to hear you had a great first date.
> Hope the subsequent dates prove to be just as enjoyable.
> 
> Here's to you.



 Sorry about that. I was actually thinking of the scene in Good Will Hunting. 

She's coming out Saturday to bang!!!!  


She just started getting interested in handling guns as her son now has a bunch in their home and she wants to know how to use 'em. I am an NRA certified basic pistol instructor. Have a plate rack. Various pistolo's, ammo. 

And she is quick! Last night, the check came and she reached for her purse and I said, 'may I?' and she hesitated and I said 'you can buy the ammo' and she laughed and reached for the check.   



I've only been on one date where the check almost got to be an argument. Vrai......


----------



## vraiblonde

Larry Gude said:


> I've only been on one date where the check almost got to be an argument. Vrai......



I usually like to go dutch on a first date.  You let the guy pay and he thinks you owe him, then before you know it you're married and all hell breaks loose.


----------



## Vince

Gilligan said:


> My ole pappy (god rest his tortured soul) always told me: "Son..  ('swat he called me, for some reason)....you go find yourself a nice big woman. Shade in the summer, warmth in the winter, and everywhere you squeeze 'em feels like titties".
> 
> Was I raised wrong?


----------



## SoMD_Fun_Guy

Larry Gude said:


> Sorry about that. I was actually thinking of the scene in Good Will Hunting.


Yes, that's where I got it from (originally).  I was just pointing out that I had the same quote in my avatar.




Larry Gude said:


> She's coming out Saturday to bang!!!!


Larry - you sly dog!!!  And on the 2nd date.  

Oh, you meant shooting!  
If all goes well, you'll stand behind her and show her the proper shooting stance.  That'll get you up close and comfortable...  
In the process, hopefully you'll get to find out how firm her grip is.  Hell, maybe you'll even get to personally show her how you "load the chamber".


----------



## Larry Gude

SoMD_Fun_Guy said:


> Yes, that's where I got it from (originally).  I was just pointing out that I had the same quote in my avatar.
> 
> 
> 
> Larry - you sly dog!!!  And on the 2nd date.
> 
> Oh, you meant shooting!
> If all goes well, you'll stand behind her and show her the proper shooting stance.  That'll get you up close and comfortable...
> In the process, hopefully you'll get to find out how firm her grip is.  Hell, maybe you'll even get to personally show her how you "load the chamber".



Did you not read the post? I am a certified NRA basic pistol instructor. I am a professional.    

I intend to abuse my certification to the point of disbarment. Or whatever the NRA does when you don't exhibit professional behavior in their name    

In any event, we've been flirting on the phone all damn day. We're good.


----------



## Monello

2nd dates are great.  I've been on 1 for a few months now.


----------



## vraiblonde

Monello said:


> 2nd dates are great.  I've been on 1 for a few months now.


----------



## DoWhat

Monello said:


> 2nd dates are great.  I've been on 1 for a few months now.


So, you tagged it on the 2nd date too?


----------



## Hank

DoWhat said:


> So, you tagged it on the 2nd date too?



stud


----------



## DoWhat

Not me, you big dummy.


----------



## Hank

vraiblonde said:


>



stud


----------



## vraiblonde

DoWhat said:


> So, you tagged it on the 2nd date too?



He's Catholic, so don't tell his mom.


----------



## Larry Gude

Monello said:


> 2nd dates are great.  I've been on 1 for a few months now.



Well put!


----------



## Tami2red

Larry Gude said:


> See, my thought is that that will take care of itself. Either it will or it won't.
> 
> My question is more if you, ladies, like a guy and are more interested in him than he is you but, he's not being a dick about it nor leading you on, would you then be happy being friends and there *you go or would you be all Praying Mantis Black Widow-ee and make him wish he were never born?*



WTH kinda wymen do you date?


----------



## Tami2red

BadGirl said:


> But, but, but....... Larry is supposed to be MY next husband........



I thought he was supposed to be my next ex-husband...


----------



## Tami2red

vraiblonde said:


> I usually like to go dutch on a first date.  You let the guy pay and he thinks you owe him, then before you know it you're married and all hell breaks loose.


----------



## Larry Gude

Tami2red said:


> WTH kinda wymen do you date?



What an interesting question. I date ALL kinds of women. It narrows a good bit when we're talking what kind I second date.


----------



## Larry Gude

Tami2red said:


> I thought he was supposed to be my next ex-husband...



I don't even know you. It is my policy to never, and there are no exceptions, divorce someone I don't even know.


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> He's Catholic, so don't tell his mom.



He's Catholic. She knows.


----------



## SoMD_Fun_Guy

Larry Gude said:


> Did you not read the post? I am a certified NRA basic pistol instructor. I am a professional.
> 
> I intend to abuse my certification to the point of disbarment. Or whatever the NRA does when you don't exhibit professional behavior in their name
> 
> In any event, we've been flirting on the phone all damn day. We're good.





So Larry, sounds like things are looking good for you tomorrow night.  
"_You'll get some leg for sure.  Tell us how you do..._"   


Remember - As I'm sure you already know, proper cleaning and lubrication of your gun is important for optimum performance.   

All joking aside - Go with the flow and have fun!


----------



## Larry Gude

So, good second date, fun, did some bar hopping. She's conversational, has stuff to talk about, had a good time. 

I've been leaving this out waiting for someone to bring it up but, as no one seems to care....  She is one of those people whose profile pics are OK but, the pics she put up are not really all that close to how beautiful she is in real life. Vrai did the same thing on her profile last year when she was doing this; in her case choosing an AWFUL pic that didn't come close to how beautiful she is. This, of course, leads to pondering how we see ourselves. I suppose some do it on purpose wanting their profile to be more important than looks and it will just be a bonus to the right guy who isn't all that shallow? And, of course, this got me to wondering about myself as my pics I think are absolutely me. But, are they? I meant to and forgot to ask what she liked about my profile. Note to self...


Conversely, I've been out with a couple women who chose THAT pic, the one that makes them a good bit more attractive than, maybe, real life would suggest. 


Little tiny thing. Cute little butt. If looks were the be all end all, she's fantastic. 

She stayed over and it was fine, very relaxed but, there was no sexual tension that I could discern and, taking my cue from that, I was the perfect gentleman and didn't even try. Hell, we slept together which was fine. It's always nice curling up with someone. But, again, no tension. So, next day, she's off, gives me a HUGE hug goodbye, had a great time, all that. 

Frankly, at this point, I'm sorta lost and taking the patient route and see what is next. This is foreign territory for me because I'm fairly aggressive about sex, I guess, and pretty forward with my intentions. However, I wasn't feeling it which makes me think she wasn't feeling it??? Dunno.


----------



## Roman

Don't put too much thought in to the sex thing. If she didn't like you, she wouldn't have stayed over. Relax, if it's meant to be, it will happen.


----------



## SoMD_Fun_Guy

Roman said:


> Don't put too much thought in to the sex thing. If she didn't like you, she wouldn't have stayed over. *Relax, if it's meant to be, it will happen*.




Well said.  I agree with Roman.  

Remember Larry, relationships are built up.
_"if you build it, they will come." _


----------



## vraiblonde

Why did she spend the night if there wasn't going to be any hanky panky?


----------



## Hank

vraiblonde said:


> Why did she spend the night if there wasn't going to be any hanky panky?





:blueballs:


----------



## kwillia

vraiblonde said:


> Why did she spend the night if there wasn't going to be any hanky panky?


My first assumption would be that she had alcohol to drink and didn't want to drive under the influence and my other assumption is that not all women chose to have sex with an acquainance, but rather someone they've actually gotten to know and see as a potential for a longer relationship.


----------



## BadGirl

kwillia said:


> My first assumption would be that she had alcohol to drink and didn't want to drive under the influence and my other assumption is that not all women chose to have sex with an acquainance, but rather someone they've actually gotten to know and see as a potential for a longer relationship.


Well, that's no fun.


----------



## Hank

kwillia said:


> My first assumption would be that she had alcohol to drink and didn't want to drive under the influence and my other assumption is that not all women chose to have sex with an acquainance, but rather someone they've actually gotten to know and see as a potential for a longer relationship.



If the alcohol isn't working, Larry needs a roofie supplier.


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> Why did she spend the night if there wasn't going to be any hanky panky?



I think that is a reasonable question.


----------



## Larry Gude

kwillia said:


> My first assumption would be that she had alcohol to drink and didn't want to drive under the influence and my other assumption is that not all women chose to have sex with an acquainance, but rather someone they've actually gotten to know and see as a potential for a longer relationship.



I invited her to spend the night on, gosh, Friday I guess, as we'd planned a busy day and it would obviously be late and she's about 90 mins away or so. 

So, it wasn't like "Oh my, I can't drive. May I crash on your couch?"


----------



## kwillia

Larry Gude said:


> I invited her to spend the night on, gosh, Friday I guess, as we'd planned a busy day and it would obviously be late and she's about 90 mins away or so.
> 
> So, it wasn't like "Oh my, I can't drive. May I crash on your couch?"


Well there's the answer. Makes sense to me.


----------



## kwillia

BadGirl said:


> Well, that's no fun.



That's what he said.


----------



## BadGirl

kwillia said:


> That's what he said.


That's what she said, too.


----------



## Larry Gude

BadGirl said:


> That's what she said, too.




See, and this is where I am not sure. I'm gonna ask her about it. I mean, I am wondering if she is talking to her pals and saying "Gosh, there didn't seem to be much interest on his part..." 

Dunno...


----------



## kwillia

Larry Gude said:


> See, and this is where I am not sure. I'm gonna ask her about it. I mean, I am wondering if she is talking to her pals and saying "Gosh, there didn't seem to be much interest on his part..."
> 
> Dunno...


That's such a dunce move.  IMO, asking if there is chemistry subtracts potential chemistry points. Go in for the move. If you are rebuffed than there is no chemistry and she simply wants you for your year 'round lettuce supply. If she is interested you will get a sense that she is and the ball will be in her court.... or balls if you like puns.


----------



## Larry Gude

kwillia said:


> That's such a dunce move.  IMO, asking if there is chemistry subtracts potential chemistry points. Go in for the move. If you are rebuffed than there is no chemistry and she simply wants you for your year 'round lettuce supply. If she is interested you will get a sense that she is and the ball will be in her court.... or balls if you like puns.



Thank you! 

That's the entire point of this exercise!!!! : Great advice!


----------



## Hank

Larry Gude said:


> Thank you!
> 
> That's the entire point of this exercise!!!! : Great advice!



I would have put out for ya, Larry!


----------



## lucky_bee

kwillia said:


> That's such a dunce move.  IMO, asking if there is chemistry subtracts potential chemistry points. Go in for the move. If you are rebuffed than there is no chemistry and she simply wants you for your year 'round lettuce supply. If she is interested you will get a sense that she is and the ball will be in her court.... or balls if you like puns.



I hateeee it when a guy asks me if I'm interested or like him. This isn't middle school. I'm talking to you on a regular basis and agreed to go out on date #3/4/5...whatever past date #1 and 2. Why do I need to verbally confirm this? 


I am now no longer interested


----------



## Larry Gude

Hank said:


> I would have put out for ya, Larry!



That's so....touching...


----------



## vraiblonde

Larry Gude said:


> I'm gonna ask her about it.



  I am an enormous fan of direct communication.


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> I am an enormous fan of direct communication.



Ah yup. And see, that's part of the complexity of this; Much of my relationship with you was some of the best parts of my life, ergo, how I interacted with you, is a clear positive to my make up and, therefore, a huge part of the equation of how I move forward and answer the question; good match for me = X  and X = X2+Y/Z etc, etc, etc...point being my relationship with you is a HUGE factor, ie, DIRECT works. Very well. And is my tendency. 

I mean, by ALL my reckoning I've struck another dry well, so to speak as per the 'old ways' but, in the interest of this ongoing thing I call 'my life' I am of a mind to do things differently as I go along. I'm an explorer, as it were, observing, interacting, questioning. 

However, if this #### keeps up much longer I'm going down to Goodwill, get me a cheap ####ing sofa and then run over and get a beat up used van...maybe get the van first. Then dig the pit...no, wait...


----------



## Monello

Larry Gude said:


> See, and this is where I am not sure. I'm gonna ask her about it. I mean, I am wondering if she is talking to her pals and saying "Gosh, there didn't seem to be much interest on his part..."
> 
> Dunno...



This part is tricky.  Not everyone sees things the same.  Someone can claim they are sending all the positive signals while the other person may be encouraged but not pick up on the message.  Best to make another date.  If she's not feeling it she may decline, which saves you time and emotions.  If she accepts then see how that date goes.  Not everyone that dates is driving in the fast lane.  No matter what lane you are in, enjoy the ride.


----------



## vraiblonde

Monello said:


> Someone can claim they are sending all the positive signals while the other person may be encouraged but not pick up on the message.



Had I only taken that bag out of your hand...   

But Larry, Monello is right - slow down, hoss.  Your thinking is all whichaway.  You're supposed to dig the pit first.


----------



## BadGirl

Dating Larry is like a job.   An EXHAUSTING job.


----------



## Larry Gude

BadGirl said:


> Dating Larry is like a job.   An EXHAUSTING job.



Did you forget a comma or sumpin', huh?????


----------



## Larry Gude

Monello said:


> This part is tricky.  Not everyone sees things the same.  Someone can claim they are sending all the positive signals while the other person may be encouraged but not pick up on the message.  Best to make another date.  If she's not feeling it she may decline, which saves you time and emotions.  If she accepts then see how that date goes.  Not everyone that dates is driving in the fast lane.  No matter what lane you are in, enjoy the ride.



Good point.

See,  sent no real signals, other than dry humping her leg as we walked downtown Frederick but, that was more for her benefit than mine as Frederick is very dog friendly and, if someone isn't humping your leg, someone soon will be. 

I think we're good. Our texting today was normal 'all systems go' stuff. How is your day? Whatcha doing for dinner? Wanna screw? All that sort of stuff...


----------



## Radiant1

BadGirl said:


> Dating Larry is like a job.   An EXHAUSTING job.



Hell, just listening to Larry's dating experience is exhausting!

Larry, for Christ's sake stop thinking too much. I have a feeling you even over analyzed the crap you took today. Enough already!


----------



## Bann

Larry Gude said:


> Good point.
> 
> See,  sent no real signals, other than dry humping her leg as we walked downtown Frederick but, that was more for her benefit than mine as Frederick is very dog friendly and, if someone isn't humping your leg, someone soon will be.
> 
> I think we're good. Our texting today was normal 'all systems go' stuff. How is your day? Whatcha doing for dinner? *Wanna screw? *All that sort of stuff...




   Sooo..you're making progress!


----------



## acommondisaster

GEEZUS - are ya'll in middle school? OMGZERZ!!!!!!1111 

She lives 90 minutes away and they had a full weekend planned - that means if they don't seal the deal on the SECOND TIME they've spent a few hours together that she doesn't wanna pass notes to him in study hall anymore?!?  Personally, I had some kind of CRAZY notion that there was a different level of maturity here. There are other ways to let someone know you're into them and want to know more about them and really really dig them than hopping in the sack. Once there's sex, sex becomes part of the focus and the desire to discover more about each other changes.  The chase itself can be, and make each other, very attractive.


----------



## Larry Gude

Radiant1 said:


> Hell, just listening to Larry's dating experience is exhausting!
> 
> Larry, for Christ's sake stop thinking too much. I have a feeling you even over analyzed the crap you took today. Enough already!


----------



## Larry Gude

acommondisaster said:


> There are other ways to let someone know you're into them and want to know more about them and really really dig them than hopping in the sack.




Wait.   



What?


----------



## vraiblonde

acommondisaster said:


> Once there's sex, sex becomes part of the focus and the desire to discover more about each other changes.  The chase itself can be, and make each other, very attractive.



That has not been my experience.  #1, the chase sucks.  Some people like those games and good for them but, if it takes a chase to make someone attractive, what happens when they get caught?

#2, all of my major relationships started out with extensive communication before the first official date took place.  By then sexual compatibility was the only thing of importance left to discover.  Once it's established that you can have an intimacy with this person, you can lay in bed later and talk about your favorite color and crappy childhood.  People don't typically drop their company manners until the relationship has been firmly established anyway, so it's not like it's feasible to really *know* someone before you sex them up.  Unless you wait to throw down on your 5th wedding anniversary, and even that's iffy unless you can somehow manage to have and raise children without benefit of sex.

#3, I've mentioned that Monello and I got serious right away.  Larry and I did, as well.  You either click or you don't.  If you're not clicking, that's okay - you can still date casually as long as everyone knows what's going on.  But if you click, why waste time playing silly chase games?  Why not acknowledge the click and start your relationship?  

There are couples for whom sex and passion isn't important, and they have a highly functioning marriage with common goals and warm companionship.  Good for them!  Knowing Larry and his proclivities, though, girlfriend better be putting out soon or he should move on.


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> That has not been my experience.  #1, the chase sucks.  Some people like those games and good for them but, if it takes a chase to make someone attractive, what happens when they get caught?
> 
> #2, all of my major relationships started out with extensive communication before the first official date took place.  By then sexual compatibility was the only thing of importance left to discover.  Once it's established that you can have an intimacy with this person, you can lay in bed later and talk about your favorite color and crappy childhood.  People don't typically drop their company manners until the relationship has been firmly established anyway, so it's not like it's feasible to really *know* someone before you sex them up.  Unless you wait to throw down on your 5th wedding anniversary, and even that's iffy unless you can somehow manage to have and raise children without benefit of sex.
> 
> #3, I've mentioned that Monello and I got serious right away.  Larry and I did, as well.  You either click or you don't.  If you're not clicking, that's okay - you can still date casually as long as everyone knows what's going on.  But if you click, why waste time playing silly chase games?  Why not acknowledge the click and start your relationship?
> 
> There are couples for whom sex and passion isn't important, and they have a highly functioning marriage with common goals and warm companionship.  Good for them!  Knowing Larry and his proclivities, though, girlfriend better be putting out soon or he should move on.



Well put and that was what was rattling around in my brain that I couldn't put my finger on; D and I don't know each other well yet. Communication has been great but, again, very, very new. 

Hmmm...


----------



## Vince

Radiant1 said:


> Hell,* just listening to Larry's dating experience is exhausting*!
> 
> Larry, for Christ's sake stop thinking too much. I have a feeling you even over analyzed the crap you took today. Enough already!


  But then, at least he's dating.


----------



## kwillia

Larry Gude said:


> Well put and that was what was rattling around in my brain that I couldn't put my finger on; D and I don't know each other well yet. Communication has been great but, again, very, very new.
> 
> Hmmm...


And this is my perspective. It's not like you two have been dating for long at all and nothing is happening. Some women need to get a sense of who the man is before they bed him. Some look at dating as a way to figure out if he's someone you want to sex up and some look at sex as a way to figure out if he's someone you want to date. Neither is wrong because not all women think the same.


----------



## Hank

acommondisaster said:


> GEEZUS - are ya'll in middle school? OMGZERZ!!!!!!1111
> 
> She lives 90 minutes away and they had a full weekend planned - that means if they don't seal the deal on the SECOND TIME they've spent a few hours together that she doesn't wanna pass notes to him in study hall anymore?!?  Personally, I had some kind of CRAZY notion that there was a different level of maturity here. There are other ways to let someone know you're into them and want to know more about them and really really dig them than hopping in the sack. Once there's sex, sex becomes part of the focus and the desire to discover more about each other changes.  The chase itself can be, and make each other, very attractive.



We should submit this thread to Tiger Beat.


----------



## vraiblonde

At the end of the day it boils down to:  if you like her and have a good time, keep seeing her but don't stop sampling the buffet just yet.  

PS, I enjoy the overanalyzing.  It's not so fun when I do it myself, but if someone else wants to do it I'm right there with 'em.    Relationships and the people who try to be in them are fascinating and I'm enjoying this thread much more than some political rant blah blah blah.


----------



## BadGirl

BadGirl said:


> Dating Larry is like a job.   An EXHAUSTING job.





Larry Gude said:


> Did you forget a comma or sumpin', huh?????



_There certainly is a HUGE difference between:_

Dating Larry is like a job. An EXHAUSTING job. 

                         and

Dating, Larry, is like a job. An EXHAUSTING job. 


_Which viewpoint was the one that I was going for?  _


----------



## Radiant1

vraiblonde said:


> At the end of the day it boils down to:  if you like her and have a good time, keep seeing her but don't stop sampling the buffet just yet.
> 
> PS, I enjoy the overanalyzing.  It's not so fun when I do it myself, but if someone else wants to do it I'm right there with 'em.    Relationships and the people who try to be in them are fascinating and I'm enjoying this thread much more than some political rant blah blah blah.



I usually do but in this case I find it cringeworthy; however, that may be because my analysis focuses more on _why _Larry is making this public (regardless of his stated motivation). I think there's a bigger picture here, but I'll refrain from commenting on that.


----------



## vraiblonde

Radiant1 said:


> however, that may be because my analysis focuses more on _why _Larry is making this public (regardless of his stated motivation).



You're overanalyzing this   Larry has a long history on this forum of oversharing and navel gazing - it's what he does.  He has just ended a long term relationship and is in the dating pool again after 2+ years of nut scratching complacency.  His last boo, they didn't do that getting to know you dating thing because he'd known her for quite some time.  So he is seriously asking for other opinions.

That and he just likes to make threads that are interesting and get some play.


----------



## Radiant1

vraiblonde said:


> You're overanalyzing this



Maybe.


----------



## Larry Gude

BadGirl said:


> _There certainly is a HUGE difference between:_
> 
> Dating Larry is like a job. An EXHAUSTING job.
> 
> and
> 
> Dating, Larry, is like a job. An EXHAUSTING job.
> 
> 
> _Which viewpoint was the one that I was going for?  _



 


 

I'm actually enjoying myself.


----------



## Larry Gude

Radiant1 said:


> I usually do but in this case I find it cringeworthy; however, that may be because my analysis focuses more on _why _Larry is making this public (regardless of his stated motivation). I think there's a bigger picture here, but I'll refrain from commenting on that.



The WHY is because of Vria's post; she's enjoying this as a conversation and I know that because I know here. Plus, it is a hoot to make people I know and like shake their head at me (Kwill, BG) in addition to the fun I am having (which is where I should start, this IS fun to me). And it isn't about Vrai per se because I could type her responses for me. She simply serves as a sort of subject matter catalyst to help the conversation along and help give it some credibility as, frankly, this is the sort of thread I would enjoy reading even if it was not about me in particular. 

We humans are a fascinating bunch and relationships are a huge part of that and I happen to be in a position in my life where my priorities, work and the band, allow me to maintain perspective on any relationship I might pursue and how to go about it in light of 3 divorces and the end of a recent LTR with a gal who I had hoped to grow old with. 

So, I'm happy to be a social studies project and welcome comment and input.


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> You're overanalyzing this   Larry has a long history on this forum of oversharing and navel gazing - it's what he does.  He has just ended a long term relationship and is in the dating pool again after 2+ years of nut scratching complacency.  His last boo, they didn't do that getting to know you dating thing because he'd known her for quite some time.  So he is seriously asking for other opinions.
> 
> That and he just likes to make threads that are interesting and get some play.




Yeah, that.


----------



## vraiblonde

Radiant1 said:


> Hell, just listening to Larry's dating experience is exhausting!



More exhausting than mine?  Because, geez, I exhausted myself.  By the time I got done posting about it I barely had energy to actually date.


----------



## RareBreed

vraiblonde said:


> Something like that.  You're a marrying person, nothing wrong with that.
> 
> 
> 
> On April 12, I couldn't have picked Monello out of a lineup - he was pretty much a stranger except for one unremarkable meeting at a party (he was my friend's date) and a month or so of emailing.  On April 13 we had our first date; just a date, no slobbering.  On April 15, we had our second date and on April 16 he started moving his things in.
> 
> So I'm probably the last person to tell someone else to take it slow.



My husband and I were quick about things too. Met in March (in Virginia), moved to Maryland together in May, married in June. Been 17 years now and no regrets about how we went about things.


----------



## Roman

I am enjoying this thread also. It's kind of nice to be included in the beginning of this relationship, and to watch it bud. My husband and I got married 6 months after we met. That was over 42 years ago, and like RareBreed, no regrets.


----------



## Radiant1

Larry Gude said:


> So, I'm happy to be a social studies project and welcome comment and input.



You're more my armchair psychology project. 



vraiblonde said:


> More exhausting than mine?  Because, geez, I exhausted myself.  By the time I got done posting about it I barely had energy to actually date.



I didn't pay that much attention to yours, probably a good thing.


----------



## Chasey_Lane

vraiblonde said:


> Why did she spend the night if there wasn't going to be any hanky panky?



When hubby and I were dating, we had sleepovers (for several weeks) before getting intimate.  It helps to get to know a person before bedding them.


----------



## Larry Gude

Radiant1 said:


> You're more my armchair psychology project.
> .


----------



## kwillia

Chasey_Lane said:


> When hubby and I were dating, we had sleepovers (for several weeks) before getting intimate.  It helps to get to know a person before bedding them.


I don't consider this unusual.  I know several couples that this was the norm.


----------



## BadGirl

Chasey_Lane said:


> When hubby and I were dating, we had sleepovers (for several weeks) before getting intimate.  It helps to get to know a person before bedding them.


I was with you (and the other Cows) the night that you met your hubby.  A great night!


----------



## Larry Gude

kwillia said:


> I don't consider this unusual.  I know several couples that this was the norm.



It's unusual for me and that's fine. Again, this is a sociology experiment. I'm good with changing variables and see how it goes. The feedback is great. 

The women in my life, the serious ones, are all VERY different so, it's not like I keep doing the same thing that way and expecting different results. I am fully aware that the KEY component, the common denominator in failed relationships is... me. So, again, if it starts different, if my behavior and expectations are different, perhaps that is all well and good. I've addressed, successfully, if I say so my self, my control issues as well as reducing the stress in my life. Rather large changes in work and personal time. MUCH better balance. But, I am not relying that as the SOLE variable. "Oh, I can be an ill tempered, passive/aggressive a hole now that THOSE things have changed..."  I started with me. That is not saying "I am cured!"  It is saying I believe I will be able to manage myself MUCH better going forward. So, I'm not in search another Vrai or L or a couple of the chicks I really dug. 

It's a whole new approach. 

It takes a cyber village.


----------



## Chasey_Lane

BadGirl said:


> I was with you (and the other Cows) the night that you met your hubby.  A great night!



Indeed it was!


----------



## Monello

Larry Gude said:


> I'm actually enjoying myself.


----------



## kwillia

Monello said:


>


Do you think he sits on his hand until it falls asleep first so that it seems like he's getting some 'strange'?


----------



## SoMD_Fun_Guy

Larry,
If you're having fun and no one's getting hurt, then keep having fun. 
Ask her out for date #3. 

As for her spending the night and not getting bizy - that's fine.  You've shown that you can be a gentlemen.
When the moment is right, you can make your move.  
Right now, I say keep enjoying what you're doing - building that relationship.
As I said before - "if you build it, they (and you) will come."

_nothing wrong with takin it slow,
and going with the flow,
cuz next thing you know,
you'll be gettin a blow,
and givin her a glow
as you lay her down low. _


----------



## SoMDGirl42

vraiblonde said:


> Something like that.  You're a marrying person, nothing wrong with that.
> 
> 
> 
> On April 12, I couldn't have picked Monello out of a lineup - he was pretty much a stranger except for one unremarkable meeting at a party (he was my friend's date) and a month or so of emailing.  On April 13 we had our first date; just a date, no slobbering.  On April 15, we had our second date and on April 16 he started moving his things in.
> 
> So I'm probably the last person to tell someone else to take it slow.



So you hooked up with your friends homeless boyfriend and gave him a place to live?


----------



## vraiblonde

kwillia said:


> I don't consider this unusual.  I know several couples that this was the norm.



That's ridiculous.  No man is sleeping in my bed and hogging my covers unless he's putting out.

Put out or get out.


----------



## vraiblonde

SoMDGirl42 said:


> So you hooked up with your friends homeless boyfriend and gave him a place to live?



 

Actually I started plotting when I found out that he had a motor home, was retired, and traveled a good bit.  That's why I had to roll him around ASAP, to set the hook.


----------



## SoMDGirl42

vraiblonde said:


> Actually I started plotting when I found out that he had a motor home, was retired, and traveled a good bit.  That's why I had to roll him around ASAP, to set the hook.



  Still friends with his ex, or did you stealing her sugar daddy kill that friendship?


----------



## vraiblonde

SoMDGirl42 said:


> Still friends with his ex, or did you stealing her sugar daddy kill that friendship?



She's not really his "ex", they only dated a couple of times and it was quite over by the time he started sniffing up my skirt.  She didn't even do him - I asked for references when I started getting interested in him.


----------



## Chris0nllyn

vraiblonde said:


> to set the hook.



Already using fishing references?


----------



## Larry Gude

Chris0nllyn said:


> Already using fishing references?



"Where's the good fishin' holes around here?"


----------



## Radiant1

Larry Gude said:


> "Where's the good fishin' holes around here?"



They're 90 minutes away.


----------



## vraiblonde

Larry Gude said:


> "Where's the good fishin' holes around here?"



He knows now


----------



## Larry Gude

Hear that?   Listen....

It's the sound of nothin' going on. 

A dry hole? As it were?


----------



## Monello

Larry Gude said:


> Hear that?   Listen....
> 
> It's the sound of nothin' going on.
> 
> A dry hole? As it were?



1 hand clapping


----------



## vraiblonde

Monello said:


> 1 hand clapping



I'm scared to think about the other hand....


----------



## Hank

vraiblonde said:


> I'm scared to think about the other hand....


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> I'm scared to think about the other hand....



If that was the solution, this thread would not exist.


----------



## acommondisaster

So that means the second best first date has turned into the second best first date that only lasted two dates?


----------



## Hank

acommondisaster said:


> So that means the second best first date has turned into the second best first date that only lasted two dates?


----------



## mamatutu

acommondisaster said:


> So that means the second best first date has turned into the second best first date that only lasted two dates?



I told Larry at the beginning of this thread that he was brave for posting his personal life.  For that he does deserve a hug.


----------



## vraiblonde

acommondisaster said:


> So that means the second best first date has turned into the second best first date that only lasted two dates?



Serious.

So now he has to tell us what happened.  The silence could mean that he's been busy burning the sheets with this woman, or it could mean the firecracker was a dud.  Enquiring minds want to know.


----------



## mamatutu

vraiblonde said:


> Serious.
> 
> So now he has to tell us what happened.  The silence could mean that he's been busy burning the sheets with this woman, or it could mean the firecracker was a dud.  Enquiring minds want to know.



For the life of me, I will never understand your relationship with your x, Larry.  Y'all kid around on this forum and even Monello gets involved.  It is pretty cool.  I could never do that.  I do have a decent relationship with the father of my children's new wife.  As she says, if it weren't for Dennis, we would be best friends.  I never comment on that comment.    But, y'all's relationship seems to be very modern, or something like that.  More power to y'all!


----------



## Larry Gude

acommondisaster said:


> So that means the second best first date has turned into the second best first date that only lasted two dates?



No. The second best first date became a dud of a second date and fizzled out. The first date of late, a new first date, was great and the second date of that was fine BUT there were concerns, again, about chemistry, which was the concern with the second best first date that fizzled on the second date due, I think, to lack of chemical attraction. So, this new first date, while not being particularly noteworthy on the all time scale but, totally acceptable as first dates go, above average actually, the second date was also good but, having slept together in a fashion more befitting of year 7 of a marriage, chemistry, I think, has yet again come into play. Or not, as the case may be.


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> Serious.
> 
> So now he has to tell us what happened.  The silence could mean that he's been busy burning the sheets with this woman, or it could mean the firecracker was a dud.  Inquiring minds want to know.



There's no there there. That 'silence' reference I made was an update that nothing is happening. We've talked, fine conversation, I inquired as to when I get to see here again, I got what I took as an interested replay, a few texts, but, nothing much happening. Now, I am, for sure, not pressing because I am pondering the chemistry thing again. 

On top of that, I recently bumped into someone via work who I'd met before, a year ago, and got no 'bzzzzzt' from, at all and haven't given her even a thought, but now, two weeks ago, a meeting environment I felt myself trying to snag inappropriate glances as we, several other people, walked about, and I didn't get any dirty glances in return. Nothing too overt like second grade in the library when I got sent to the office for getting down on my hands and knees and looking up a classmates skirt and sent to the office but, that sort of friendly thing. The 'hmmmm' thing. 

Then, the other day, saw her again on her turf and it was interaction, but, I was feeling  IT, big time, and I think she was, too. The eye contact was focused. Can't be messing up the business relationship part so, I'll take this nice and easy and I don't know squat about her so, asking her out at her office is probably a bit too forward for now. But, I realize that my interest in D is casual, at best, as I suspect hers is in me. 

So, now, as far as chemistry goes, I dunno but, I don't see how it can't matter.


----------



## acommondisaster

Is it you having the chemistry issues in each case?  Because maybe you're at an age where ummm....chemistry.....isn't instantaneous anymore. Maybe it's low T? Hey, I'm being serious here. I know for a fact that I found WAY more guys attractive when I was 17 than I do now.


----------



## vraiblonde

acommondisaster said:


> I know for a fact that I found WAY more guys attractive when I was 17 than I do now.



So did I but I'm a lot pickier now.  

I'm a big believer in chemistry and I think it happens within a date or two.  I dated a guy a couple years ago and had hoped he might be "the guy" but after 3 weeks I put the relationship out of its misery.  Which is too bad because he was wildly attractive and had a lot going for him, but...no chemistry.  We didn't have much to talk about and conversation was awkward, we didn't have any similar interests, our senses of humor were miles apart, just wasn't happening.

Contrast that with Monello, where we clicked right away and it felt right.  We were comfortable and compatible.

:shrug:


----------



## Monello

vraiblonde said:


> I'm a lot pickier now.
> 
> Contrast that with Monello, where we clicked right away and it felt right.  We were comfortable and compatible.


----------



## vraiblonde

Monello said:


>



We had a pretty good first date and so far the second date is amazing.


----------



## Larry Gude

acommondisaster said:


> Is it you having the chemistry issues in each case?  Because maybe you're at an age where ummm....chemistry.....isn't instantaneous anymore. Maybe it's low T? Hey, I'm being serious here. I know for a fact that I found WAY more guys attractive when I was 17 than I do now.



Nope. Every 'attractive' relationship I've ever had, from Tina Callahan in 9th grade on, had 'chemistry' that magic something where you 'click', you're attracted, you 'hit it off'. Now, a good part of it is psychological but, that can't over come not being attracted to one another chemically and visually and compatability-wise. By the same token, chemistry alone isn't enough. 

Now, having said that, it can be said that I am a lot pickier but, that is not accurate. It is better said that I know what I like much clear-er and I am a lot less interested in compromise for the sake of a relationship. Wouldn't be fair to her or me and just getting laid is not the be all, end all it was 35 years ago. I am not interested in climbing in bed with some woman whose mind, body and soul I don't find attractive. Good sex, great sex, for me, has always come from that magic thing that can only come from familiarity and growing intimacy. I can't even do one night strands let alone have any interest in them. To me, the attraction is in the knowing AND LIKING, being attracted to, her. 

So, because the rest of my life is freaking awesome right now, the very idea of being in a relationship and sacrificing ANY of that for someone I'm not attracted to mentally, physically, psychologically and chemically isn't of interest. 

By the same token, it's been so long now, I probably wouldn't remember what to do with it if she fell into my lap.


----------



## Monello

vraiblonde said:


> We had a pretty good first date and so far the second date is amazing.


----------



## Monello

Larry Gude said:


> I can't even do one night _strands_ let alone have any interest in them.







Larry Gude said:


> it's been so long now, I probably wouldn't remember what to do with it if she fell into my lap.


----------



## Larry Gude

Monello said:


> View attachment 105695




Well, which is it??????


----------



## Monello

Larry Gude said:


> Well, which is it??????





I'm not touching that 1.


----------



## Larry Gude

Fish on!!!  

Very, very early here but, this 'uns got some possibilities!!! Younger than me, GORGEOUS eyes, very intelligent, gun gal, used to work as a boss in the shark tank of DC...I LOVE bossy women.


----------



## SoMD_Fun_Guy

Larry Gude said:


> Fish on!!!
> 
> Very, very early here but, this 'uns got some possibilities!!! Younger than me, GORGEOUS eyes, very intelligent, gun gal, used to work as a boss in the shark tank of DC...I LOVE bossy women.



Cast yer line Larry.  And she if you get a bite.


Good luck!


----------



## Hank

Larry Gude said:


> .I LOVE bossy women.



duh


----------



## mamatutu

Hank said:


> duh



I am sorry, but that was funny!    Yes, you gave me my laugh of the day!  Night night.


----------



## Larry Gude

Ok so, I go to an open mic last night and don't home until late. We talked from midnight to 1:30. Best conversation so far, by far.


----------



## Monello

Larry Gude said:


> Best conversation so far, by far.



Great conversation isn't overrated.  I think you have to connect on an intellectual level also in addition to having attraction.  By intellectual I'm not talking Einstein level, just well thought out ideas, some humor, things that make you see things differently or from another's perspective.


----------



## Bann

Monello said:


> Great conversation isn't overrated.  I think you have to connect on an intellectual level also in addition to having attraction.  By intellectual I'm not talking Einstein level, just well thought out ideas, some humor, things that make you see things differently or from another's perspective.


----------



## Larry Gude

She turned me on to Marc Broussard    Home. 


WOW.  Boy can sing.


----------



## Larry Gude

Monello said:


> Great conversation isn't overrated.  .



It is essential to me.


----------



## kwillia

Larry Gude said:


> It is essential to me.


Yeah, anybody that knows you knows you need a woman who's a good listener...


----------



## Larry Gude

Ok, I am totally digging this chick....


----------



## GURPS

Larry Gude said:


> A dry hole? As it were?


----------



## vraiblonde

Larry Gude said:


> She turned me on to Marc Broussard    Home.



Okay, I don't need to know anything else - I approve.  







Wait...she's not some crazy leftist is she?


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> Okay, I don't need to know anything else - I approve.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Wait...she's not some crazy leftist is she?




She's from Tejas. 

West Tejas.


----------



## vraiblonde

Larry Gude said:


> She's from Tejas.
> 
> West Tejas.



Better and better!

What's she doing in Maryland?


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> Better and better!
> 
> What's she doing in Maryland?



Same thing anyone is doing here who ain't from here; gummint. Actually, her path here was the same as yours.


----------



## Bann

Larry Gude said:


> Ok, I am totally digging this chick....



  Good for you!


----------



## jazz lady

Larry Gude said:


> Ok, I am totally digging this chick....



Six feet deep?  *lol*  Good for you and hope it works out!


----------



## RoseRed

jazz lady said:


> Six feet deep?  *lol*  Good for you and hope it works out!



Are you already scoping out Pixie's backyard?


----------



## Monello

Awful dates as told by women


----------



## Larry Gude

Monello said:


> Awful dates as told by women



Good lord. 

I wonder if women would exterminate us if they could?


----------



## lucky_bee

Larry Gude said:


> Good lord.
> 
> I wonder if women would exterminate us if they could?



without a second thought


----------



## Monello

Larry Gude said:


> Good lord.
> 
> I wonder if women would exterminate us if they could?



I'm sure there isn't a male version of dates gone wrong.  Wait that gives me an idea....


----------



## vraiblonde

Monello said:


> Awful dates as told by women



Some of those women sound like nutjobs.  The one who picked up a strange man in Spain, then was offended because he didn't want his brother to know he'd picked up some slutty tourist - okay.  A number of women who picked up some weird guy at a bar and took him home for a boinking - I wouldn't call that a "date".


----------



## Larry Gude

lucky_bee said:


> without a second thought



I don't like you.


----------



## lucky_bee

Larry Gude said:


> I don't like you.






I'd be bored within a couple days anyways. no one to make fun of or boss around...girls are too sensitive.


----------



## Larry Gude

lucky_bee said:


> I'd be bored within a couple days anyways. no one to make fun of or boss around...girls are too sensitive.



Ok, so, maybe you're not too awful...


----------



## Larry Gude

First date is Friday and I'm a little shaky with excitement. If our conversations are the barometer, I don't have enough imagination to envision any kind of bad or even mediocre date. 

And this brought up an interesting point last night as we talked for HOURS; how many different kind of people are there, really? 

It is absurd to say 'there are 7 billion different types of people'. It is also absurd to say we're all alike. I am not the right guy for a LOT of women. But, it can't be that there is ONE person who I am right for and she for me. Those odds are ridiculous. So, what are there, 20 basic different types who, in general, are just likely to be compatible? 100? 1,000? I mean, I got stuck in this chicks spam filter. We were a click away from oblivion in terms of meeting. Without doubt, the ladies I've dated so far were all nice people and nothing wrong with them, just no...chemistry. This chick, good gawd, this is chemistry defined. 

So, how many different basic types of people?  

Gotta go to work...write some interesting stuff!!!


----------



## huntr1

Larry Gude said:


> First date is Friday and I'm a little shaky with excitement. If our conversations are the barometer, I don't have enough imagination to envision any kind of bad or even mediocre date.
> 
> And this brought up an interesting point last night as we talked for HOURS; how many different kind of people are there, really?
> 
> It is absurd to say 'there are 7 billion different types of people'. It is also absurd to say we're all alike. I am not the right guy for a LOT of women. But, it can't be that there is ONE person who I am right for and she for me. Those odds are ridiculous. So, what are there, 20 basic different types who, in general, are just likely to be compatible? 100? 1,000? I mean, I got stuck in this chicks spam filter. We were a click away from oblivion in terms of meeting. Without doubt, the ladies I've dated so far were all nice people and nothing wrong with them, just no...chemistry. This chick, good gawd, this is chemistry defined.
> 
> So, how many different basic types of people?
> 
> Gotta go to work...write some interesting stuff!!!



Let us know where we can find your registry.


----------



## invisible-girl

Larry Gude said:


> So, how many different basic types of people? :



Here's a few I can think of:
Fat ones, skinny ones, ones who climb on rocks,
Tough ones, sissy ones, even ones with chicken pox.


----------



## Larry Gude

invisible-girl said:


> Here's a few I can think of:
> Fat ones, skinny ones, ones who climb on rocks,
> Tough ones, sissy ones, even ones with chicken pox.



Brilliant!!!!


----------



## SoMD_Fun_Guy

Larry Gude said:


> So, how many different basic types of people?


----------



## SoMD_Fun_Guy




----------



## vraiblonde

invisible-girl said:


> Here's a few I can think of:
> Fat ones, skinny ones, ones who climb on rocks,
> Tough ones, sissy ones, even ones with chicken pox.



 :


----------



## kwillia

Vrai, it really wasn't your fault...  (or any of his other wimmons)

A new study by a Harvard University economist says lefties generally make less money than righties, and they may be worse off in other areas of life, too.

http://boston.cbslocal.com/2014/12/03/harvard-study-lefties-earn-less-than-righties/

“Lefties have more emotional and behavioral problems, have more learning disabilities such as dyslexia, complete less schooling, and work in occupations requiring less cognitive skill,” Goodman said.


----------



## RareBreed

kwillia said:


> Vrai, it really wasn't your fault...  (or any of his other wimmons)
> 
> A new study by a Harvard University economist says lefties generally make less money than righties, and they may be worse off in other areas of life, too.
> 
> http://boston.cbslocal.com/2014/12/03/harvard-study-lefties-earn-less-than-righties/
> 
> “*Lefties have more emotional and behavioral problems, have more learning disabilities such as dyslexia, complete less schooling, and work in occupations requiring less cognitive skill,” Goodman said.*


----------



## Larry Gude

RareBreed said:


> [/B]



I presume it safe to assume you are a lefty? If you read the link, it is nothing more than the latest desperate assault from the right wing on the left. They are reactionaries. Insecure with themselves, forever angry and fuming at others instead of looking themselves in the mirror and seeing that their right is now their left and we really aren't all that different and that we lefties simply embrace how special we are. I mean, we're used to it. Special from birth. Special scissors. Consider, by and large, we can accept them and adapt to the narrow world they live in, how unadaptable in intolerant that are. 

Can you blame them? We drive on the...left side of a car. We all eat with our left hand. Most valuable player is a left handed pitcher. First basemen, FIRST basemen are better if they are lefties. Left handed hitters are better. They're so jealous, they become switch hitters just to TRY and be like us if only for an at bat now and again. Right hands are good for what? Wiping their butts. That's it. 

We stand in solidarity, confident, and if it costs us 10% in income, the bias is theirs to own. Not ours.   

Stay strong.


----------



## Larry Gude

8:00   I am nervous. She is nervous. I woke up several times last night. I asked her is she was getting cold feet, or nervous or excited, can't wait. She said....yes.


----------



## RareBreed

Larry Gude said:


> I presume it safe to assume you are a lefty? If you read the link, it is nothing more than the latest desperate assault from the right wing on the left. They are reactionaries. Insecure with themselves, forever angry and fuming at others instead of looking themselves in the mirror and seeing that their right is now their left and we really aren't all that different and that we lefties simply embrace how special we are. I mean, we're used to it. Special from birth. Special scissors. Consider, by and large, we can accept them and adapt to the narrow world they live in, how unadaptable in intolerant that are.
> 
> Can you blame them? We drive on the...left side of a car. We all eat with our left hand. Most valuable player is a left handed pitcher. First basemen, FIRST basemen are better if they are lefties. Left handed hitters are better. They're so jealous, they become switch hitters just to TRY and be like us if only for an at bat now and again. Right hands are good for what? Wiping their butts. That's it.
> 
> We stand in solidarity, confident, and if it costs us 10% in income, the bias is theirs to own. Not ours.
> 
> Stay strong.



I embrace my left-handedness. My youngest is a lefty too. The funniest thing I heard about why some people are born left-handed is because there was a brain injury at birth.


----------



## Larry Gude

RareBreed said:


> The funniest thing I heard about why people are born left-handed is because there was NOT a brain injury at birth.


----------



## Larry Gude

I sent her a picture of my c#ck yesterday.


----------



## Larry Gude

She was impressed with the size and how pretty he is.


----------



## Larry Gude

Too forward???


----------



## vraiblonde

Larry Gude said:


> I sent her a picture of my c#ck yesterday.



Advice:  don't say something like that on your date tonight.


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> Advice:  don't say something like that on your date tonight.



I already did. No kidding. I texted her (we were talking naughty stuff anyway) 'wanna see my ####?" and, before she could say no, I sent it.      It made her laugh. AND she didn't call the police AND she's still meeting me tonight.  I'm telling you, this is either going to be a great match or she works with the cops and this is a sting.


----------



## Monello

Next up on Dateline ........


----------



## Larry Gude

Monello said:


> Next up on Dateline ........




"A local animal porn king pin has been apprehended by the authorities after an exhaustive investigation and careful sting operation to lure the culprit out of his jurisdiction where this sort of thing is, apparently, legal...the cad was heard to be screaming 'Cosby was framed!!!!" as they took him off in chains...in other news, rooster wear is the in thing this Christmas. In sports..."


----------



## huntr1

Larry Gude said:


> I presume it safe to assume you are a lefty? If you read the link, it is nothing more than the latest desperate assault from the right wing on the left. They are reactionaries. Insecure with themselves, forever angry and fuming at others instead of looking themselves in the mirror and seeing that their right is now their left and we really aren't all that different and that we lefties simply embrace how special we are. I mean, we're used to it. Special from birth. Special scissors. Consider, by and large, we can accept them and adapt to the narrow world they live in, how unadaptable in intolerant that are.
> 
> Can you blame them? We drive on the...left side of a car. We all eat with our left hand. Most valuable player is a left handed pitcher. First basemen, FIRST basemen are better if they are lefties. Left handed hitters are better. They're so jealous, they become switch hitters just to TRY and be like us if only for an at bat now and again. Right hands are good for what? Wiping their butts. That's it.
> 
> We stand in solidarity, confident, and if it costs us 10% in income, the bias is theirs to own. Not ours.
> 
> Stay strong.



We ARE the only ones in our right mind!


----------



## GURPS

kwillia said:


> “Lefties have more emotional and behavioral problems, have more learning disabilities such as dyslexia, complete less schooling, and work in occupations requiring less cognitive skill,” Goodman said.





hardly, my wife is awesome 
.... herded lawyers for 15 yrs as a legal secretary 
.... now she herds children in the school lunch line at our daughters school


----------



## GURPS

RareBreed said:


> I embrace my left-handedness. My youngest is a lefty too. The funniest thing I heard about why some people are born left-handed is because there was a brain injury at birth.


----------



## Larry Gude

huntr1 said:


> We ARE the only ones in our right mind!



Yeah!


----------



## RareBreed

huntr1 said:


> We ARE the only ones in our right mind!



Somebody gave me a t-shirt that says " I may be left handed but I'm always right".


----------



## Larry Gude

This is awesome! She's picking out what I'm gonna wear!


----------



## vraiblonde

Larry Gude said:


> This is awesome! She's picking out what I'm gonna wear!



Is it white with lots of straps?


----------



## Hank

Larry Gude said:


> This is awesome! She's picking out what I'm gonna wear!



Based on that pic you posted.... Good!


----------



## Larry Gude

Hank said:


> Based on that pic you posted.... Good!






Fair enough


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> Is it white with lots of straps?




That took me a minute...


----------



## Larry Gude

First date just ended. I'm ####ing exhausted. Date #2 theme; Getting back my favorite sweats. 





This tread is hereby closed due to obsolescence. 




Oh, hell yeah.


----------



## DoWhat

Larry Gude said:


> First date just ended. I'm ####ing exhausted. Date #2 theme; Getting back my favorite sweats.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> This tread is hereby closed due to obsolescence.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Oh, hell yeah.


----------



## BadGirl

Larry wants to close the discussion now that the good part starts.  

 Figures.


----------



## Ken King

About time!


----------



## vraiblonde

Larry Gude said:


> First date just ended. I'm ####ing exhausted. Date #2 theme; Getting back my favorite sweats.



D'ja bang her?


----------



## DoWhat

vraiblonde said:


> D'ja bang her?



Are you curious if she banged him better than you banged him?


----------



## Hank

DoWhat said:


> Are you curious if she banged him better than you banged him?


----------



## vraiblonde

DoWhat said:


> Are you curious if she banged him better than you banged him?



Nope.


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> D'ja bang her?



Yup.


----------



## Larry Gude

DoWhat said:


> Are you curious if she banged him better than you banged him?



When you've been on Everest together, you never have to ask about other mountains that may have followed...speaking for myself of course.


----------



## Larry Gude

BadGirl said:


> Larry wants to close the discussion now that the good part starts.
> 
> Figures.



I only meant in terms of the original purpose. Last night consummated my views on chemistry; either is or is not and I have no idea how to intelligent quantify or qualify that. 

Just finished band practice and I am out on my feet.


----------



## Larry Gude

My biz partner is howling at me, totally amused, because he's the only one who knows, besides the rest of the internet, and he's just busting me out for the improvement in my demeanor and body language. Walks in to practice at a break "So, how's Larry playing today, boys?'        #######. Love the guy!


----------



## Hank

Larry Gude said:


> Yup.



Stud


----------



## Larry Gude

OK folks, opposites??? She and I could not be more opposite. I suppose we could but, it would be hard. 

She is neat and tidy. Likes nice things. Is not a procrastinator. Is not much of a drinker. Is an achiever. Very accomplished. Been around the world. Lots of been there, done that and I scare the #### out of her because she's never hit it off with anyone like this in her life and she says she shouldn't like ANYTHING about me. Very blunt about it, too.  

I'm a lazy bum redneck beer swilling, procrastinating, disorganized slob. And I am thoroughly enjoying our differences. I've reached a point where a lot of, if not all, of my insecurities are gone. I no longer need to be THE man. I know longer need to be RIGHT. I no longer need to be THE BOSS. 

The business transition has a lot to do with it, my partner and the enormous skill set he brings. Getting a GM in place who really gives a #### and is taking over her role. My age, the demise of the last relationship where I was THE everything and she was imply overwhelmed with the intellectual differences, constantly feeling inferior and me reaching a point where I could trying to manage that and simply realized I wanted, needed, more. 

This chick is so much smarter than me it's off the scale. Bossy as all hell and she's clear how EVERYTHING would have to change were we to have any sort of future. Well, not everything. She likes and is attracted to the basic me, just not the lazy slob part who is comfortable with the mess. I'm not. Not really. Just not motivated enough to change it. Rather go for a ride, play guitar. 

To the point, I know I am ready to live more of a supportive role and not be THE MAN and she's terrified that I won't be able to handle her, at all. So, we're discussing conflict resolution, how we'd handle potential disagreements. Maid is an easy solution for part of it. She has no problem being the 'reminder' person. I NEED that. 

So, will I chafe over time? Will she get sick of me being lazy? Or, is this opposite a perfect fit? She needs my chill out. Some of it, not all of it. I need her structure, some of it. Not all of it. 

In the mean time, I'm getting all the stimulation I crave, intellectually, physically. And I don't fear my inferiority because I'm not focused on my shortcomings. I'm focused on just me and the strengths I have. 
None of this is in search of answers any time soon but, me being me, I think about this stuff and I'm crazy about her. She being her, she absolutely thinks about this stuff and she keeps asking if it's supposed to be this easy, so comfortable and I say why not? She says this is either going to be incredible or a disaster. 

What do y'all think about nearly absolute opposites?


----------



## kwillia

Larry Gude said:


> What do y'all think about nearly absolute opposites?


I'm most definitely married to my about nearly absolute opposite. It was his YIN to my YANG that I found most attractive well before we even began dating. It's also his YIN to my YANG that keeps us off balance enough after 24 plus years to keep working at it and to keep realizing that I wouldn't be where I was today if I didn't have a polar opposite pulling me out of my comfort zone and vice versa.

Don't over think it, Larry. Just go with the flow and stop trying to over-analyze.


----------



## lucky_bee

Larry Gude said:


> What do y'all think about nearly absolute opposites?



I think it's all about the expectations you have for each other. I, for one, prefer to date my opposite. I'm usually fairly shy, yet kind of bossy and a little type A. I've found I enjoy myself more being around a guy who's outgoing and easily goes with the flow; someone that breaks me outta my shell - bc I'm most definitely outgoing when I'm around the right people, and someone that allows me to plan the heck outta things with all my lists and research but makes me relax at the same time. I feel like most people enter a relationship with certain thoughts in their head about how they wish their partner was, for example, cleaner around the house, or not such a lousy drunk. But it'd be unfair to start that relationship with a goal to completely change them without bettering them. I've had a couple extra messy BF's...instead of controlling exactly how they'd clean, I'd just be happy they actually loaded the dishwasher instead of bitching about HOW they loaded it. Instead of insisting he quit drinking, we worked on him coming to the realization he didn't have to be plowed to have a good time. It's all how you approach those things that you wish your new SO would do differently.


The things I've left for bc I got sick of them was usually for lack of respect. And that could come in the form of infidelity or being controlled or no respect for my own time/schedule, etc. Not bc I got tired of picking up his socks.


----------



## vraiblonde

Larry Gude said:


> So, will I chafe over time? Will she get sick of me being lazy? Or, is this opposite a perfect fit?



Yes

Yes

Perhaps

She sounds like *my* perfect match actually.    But a couple of things:

You need a smart, successful woman in your life - some dummy isn't going to cut it.  How well you step up to the plate is up to you.  How threatened you feel by a woman who is superior to you in some ways is something you can control and manage.

Second, Monello and I are very much opposites in a lot of ways.  He is strong in areas where I am weak, and vice versa.  What we do have is a basic respect and compatibility.  I see and appreciate what he brings to the table, and we remind each other all the time how lucky we are to have found each other.  It's sickening, really.  And when we occasionally forget what the other one brings, we remind each other.

I'll tell you honestly that I was fairly confused by your last relationship and couldn't figure out WTF you were looking at.  Then it was pointed out to me by someone who knows you that, in that relationship, YOU were the rock star.  The smart one.  The successful one.  THE MAN.  And that's great, but I know you well enough to know that you need a woman who is your equal and that being THE MAN starts getting tedious after awhile.

You, Larry, do not have to be everything in the relationship.  She can be some things, too.  So just keep that in your mind, take the pressure off yourself, appreciate what she brings and don't think you have to bring that as well - just bring your own skills and do what you're good at, instead of trying to do what she's good at as well.

Does that make sense?


----------



## Monello

Larry Gude said:


> this is either going to be incredible or a disaster.



I think going into a new relationship you have to consider the fact that it could be incredible.  Otherwise why bother.  The disaster part only reveals itself later if at all.  There is a Tennyson quote in there somewhere.


----------



## Bann

vraiblonde said:


> Yes
> 
> Yes
> 
> Perhaps
> 
> She sounds like *my* perfect match actually.    But a couple of things:
> 
> You need a smart, successful woman in your life - some dummy isn't going to cut it.  How well you step up to the plate is up to you.  How threatened you feel by a woman who is superior to you in some ways is something you can control and manage.
> 
> Second, Monello and I are very much opposites in a lot of ways.  He is strong in areas where I am weak, and vice versa.  What we do have is a basic respect and compatibility.  I see and appreciate what he brings to the table, and we remind each other all the time how lucky we are to have found each other.  It's sickening, really.  And when we occasionally forget what the other one brings, we remind each other.
> 
> I'll tell you honestly that I was fairly confused by your last relationship and couldn't figure out WTF you were looking at.  Then it was pointed out to me by someone who knows you that, in that relationship, YOU were the rock star.  The smart one.  The successful one.  THE MAN.  And that's great, but I know you well enough to know that you need a woman who is your equal and that being THE MAN starts getting tedious after awhile.
> 
> You, Larry, do not have to be everything in the relationship.  She can be some things, too.  So just keep that in your mind, take the pressure off yourself, appreciate what she brings and don't think you have to bring that as well - just bring your own skills and do what you're good at, instead of trying to do what she's good at as well.
> 
> Does that make sense?


----------



## Bann

Monello said:


> I think going into a new relationship you have to consider the fact that it could be incredible.  Otherwise why bother.  The disaster part only reveals itself later if at all.  There is a Tennyson quote in there somewhere.



I like this.  Really like this.


Foxhound and I are also opposites in most ways.  We are alike in some ways, also, and I think those are the areas we get into difficulty with sometimes.  The relationship just happened along for both of us - neither were looking.   I agree with Monello - look for the incredible -why else bother?  I also agree with Vrai - both of you bring various strengths and traits to the table.  Let it be that way.   

I also think as we "get older", what we look at as "important" in a relationship is just different than when we are in our 20's.   I didn't need a house, a father for my children, a bread winner to let me be a SAHM.   I have a friend, a partner, a lover - someone who is totally into ME.  I hope I give him half as much as he gives me, actually.


----------



## vraiblonde

Bann said:


> I also think as we "get older", what we look at as "important" in a relationship is just different than when we are in our 20's.   I didn't need a house, a father for my children, a bread winner to let me be a SAHM.   I have a friend, a partner, a lover - someone who is totally into ME.  I hope I give him half as much as he gives me, actually.



This is worth repeating.  Women our age are no longer looking for a guy to give us things, supplement our income, or father our children - chances are we already have all that.  At our age, our man has one job.  If he does that one job consistently and well, he's golden.


----------



## SoMD_Fun_Guy

Larry Gude said:


> OK folks, opposites??? She and I could not be more opposite. I suppose we could but, it would be hard.
> 
> She is neat and tidy. Likes nice things. Is not a procrastinator. Is not much of a drinker. Is an achiever. Very accomplished. Been around the world. Lots of been there, done that and I scare the #### out of her because she's never hit it off with anyone like this in her life and she says she shouldn't like ANYTHING about me. Very blunt about it, too.
> 
> I'm a lazy bum redneck beer swilling, procrastinating, disorganized slob. And I am thoroughly enjoying our differences. I've reached a point where a lot of, if not all, of my insecurities are gone. I no longer need to be THE man. I know longer need to be RIGHT. I no longer need to be THE BOSS.
> 
> This chick is so much smarter than me it's off the scale. Bossy as all hell and she's clear how EVERYTHING would have to change were we to have any sort of future. Well, not everything. She likes and is attracted to the basic me, just not the lazy slob part who is comfortable with the mess. I'm not. Not really. Just not motivated enough to change it. Rather go for a ride, play guitar.
> 
> What do y'all think about nearly absolute opposites?



Your description makes me think of:



So she's a female Felix and you're Oscar.
It could be a perfect match.  


But tell us Larry, how does she fit your own posted description of what you are looking for?
(Work, Band, Riding, Farm, Old Friends, Kids ...)


Larry Gude said:


> I am actively looking for a girlfriend. However, I have HUGE things going on at work that take up a lot of time but, are fun as ####. My entire life has changed from a cyclical on/off program to ongoing. Much less intense day to day and much more consistent. Sanity has arrived. On top of that I am absolutely determined to put my spare time into a band. That means practice once during the week and playing out once a month or more and some weekend rehearsals. My new business schedule allows for it, finally. Not chasing anything more than that; a hobby. Not a fantasy.
> 
> On top of that, I have some pals who are tactical trainers and I am committed to keeping up with them some socially and not just at the range and they're not next door meaning it takes a weekend to hand with them. On top of that is riding street and dirt bikes. Then, there is the farm to be on and around, especially the horses which are just fun to hang out with if only a few minutes every day. Plus my living style has become somewhat animal house with my new business partner and, frankly, I like it. Some of our best, most productive business meetings we have center around burping and farting and drinking beer and being just a bunch of guys on Saturday mornings. Chilling out and just pausing for awhile like this allows some excellent solutions to reveal themselves. And then I have my kids, including Michigan and Texas, that I miss and want to see a few times a year. And then her friends and family and interests.
> 
> So, there is a fair bit of fitting in and around she'd have to be. There are woman who would be perfectly happy with that because they'd see it as a safety net to help keep some guy from being up their ass 24/7 but, that type might not be readily available.
> 
> So, *conversation, motorcycles, naughty, easy going, fun loving, low maintenance, been there, done that, rich, great ass*...simple.


----------



## Larry Gude

SoMD_Fun_Guy said:


> But tell us Larry, how does she fit your own posted description of what you are looking for?
> (Work, Band, Riding, Farm, Old Friends, Kids ...)



Good question. The question actually. 


conversation: check. In spades. Hearts, diamonds and every other card in the deck. 

motorcycles; check. Will ride on the back, has her own, rides her own. Two, actually, both HD's.

naughty; check. In spades, hearts, diamonds and every other card in two decks.. naughty, naughty girl. 

easy going; check. I mean, kinda check. She likes things a certain way. OK, she can't stand my house, but, is very easy going. That makes no sense. She LOVES the house. She hates how I keep house, such as I do.

fun loving; check   playful, loves to laugh. Enjoys the living #### out of the fact that I can't tell when she's being sarcastic. Has taken very well to my antics and just telling me I am stupid. Which I adore. 

low maintenance; not check but, she is SELF maintained. And VERY comfortable being her. Not a black coffee person which I think is absurd. Coffee IS coffee. She's not the kind of gal that says "would you mind holding this?' She just hands it to me.  

been there, done that; check. Maybe not all that and everywhere but a pretty fair bit

rich; not check. Self supporting and comfortable. Not rich. 

great ass; not check    OK ass. 

simple; check.   At least as far as together goes. Not someone you'd want to be on opposite sides of the table with

If we get to that point, family will be no issue. She can hold her own I am estimating anywhere with anyone including my hoard. They're all gonna ask her what the hell she sees in me. The band goes on. Riding, have to wait for warm weather to find that out. Seems like it should be fine. Talked about the kind of riding I do. Old friends, again, it seems holder her own will be no issue.


----------



## Larry Gude

kwillia said:


> I'm most definitely married to my about nearly absolute opposite. It was his YIN to my YANG that I found most attractive well before we even began dating. It's also his YIN to my YANG that keeps us off balance enough after 24 plus years to keep working at it and to keep realizing that I wouldn't be where I was today if I didn't have a polar opposite pulling me out of my comfort zone and vice versa.
> 
> Don't over think it, Larry. Just go with the flow and stop trying to over-analyze.



Absolutely.


----------



## Larry Gude

lucky_bee said:


> I think it's all about the expectations you have for each other. I, for one, prefer to date my opposite. I'm usually fairly shy, yet kind of bossy and a little type A. I've found I enjoy myself more being around a guy who's outgoing and easily goes with the flow; someone that breaks me outta my shell - bc I'm most definitely outgoing when I'm around the right people, and someone that allows me to plan the heck outta things with all my lists and research but makes me relax at the same time. I feel like most people enter a relationship with certain thoughts in their head about how they wish their partner was, for example, cleaner around the house, or not such a lousy drunk. But it'd be unfair to start that relationship with a goal to completely change them without bettering them. I've had a couple extra messy BF's...instead of controlling exactly how they'd clean, I'd just be happy they actually loaded the dishwasher instead of bitching about HOW they loaded it. Instead of insisting he quit drinking, we worked on him coming to the realization he didn't have to be plowed to have a good time. It's all how you approach those things that you wish your new SO would do differently.
> 
> 
> The things I've left for bc I got sick of them was usually for lack of respect. And that could come in the form of infidelity or being controlled or no respect for my own time/schedule, etc. Not bc I got tired of picking up his socks.



That's two for 'go'


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> Yes
> 
> Yes
> 
> Perhaps
> 
> She sounds like *my* perfect match actually.    But a couple of things:
> 
> You need a smart, successful woman in your life - some dummy isn't going to cut it.  How well you step up to the plate is up to you.  How threatened you feel by a woman who is superior to you in some ways is something you can control and manage.
> 
> Second, Monello and I are very much opposites in a lot of ways.  He is strong in areas where I am weak, and vice versa.  What we do have is a basic respect and compatibility.  I see and appreciate what he brings to the table, and we remind each other all the time how lucky we are to have found each other.  It's sickening, really.  And when we occasionally forget what the other one brings, we remind each other.
> 
> I'll tell you honestly that I was fairly confused by your last relationship and couldn't figure out WTF you were looking at.  Then it was pointed out to me by someone who knows you that, in that relationship, YOU were the rock star.  The smart one.  The successful one.  THE MAN.  And that's great, but I know you well enough to know that you need a woman who is your equal and that being THE MAN starts getting tedious after awhile.
> 
> You, Larry, do not have to be everything in the relationship.  She can be some things, too.  So just keep that in your mind, take the pressure off yourself, appreciate what she brings and don't think you have to bring that as well - just bring your own skills and do what you're good at, instead of trying to do what she's good at as well.
> 
> Does that make sense?



See, I'm all over this post. Excellent points. I already told her I'm sick of being the boss, sick of being THE man who has to have all the answers. That I've reached the point where I am HAPPY to be subordinate and I asked her if she'd be OK or not think much of me if I was happy to have some woman be boss. Cheshire cat does not begin to describe how cool she is with that. She is a natural leader. I already know I WILL be happy with her driving, so to speak. My ego, my insecurities to be THE man, my defensiveness has been 'lived' out of me in ways you wouldn't even recognize. It is to my eternal discredit that I was not man enough to subordinate myself to you more at the right times and be secure in that. I did learn from it, though, FWIW. 

Your post is spot on. I'm looking FORWARD to being, frankly, #2 and embracing it. She says 'good thing'.    She's not my equal. She is my superior in a BUNCH of ways and it's freaking her out. She would not have given me two looks a few years ago but, life has put some hard, very hard miles on her, enough to see where this opposite thing could be the ticket.


----------



## Larry Gude

Monello said:


> I think going into a new relationship you have to consider the fact that it could be incredible.  Otherwise why bother.  The disaster part only reveals itself later if at all.  There is a Tennyson quote in there somewhere.



Yup. The possibilities are amazing. 

The quote is; I am part of all I have met.


----------



## Radiant1

Larry Gude said:


> She's not my equal. She is my superior in a BUNCH of ways and it's freaking her out. She would not have given me two looks a few years ago but, life has put some hard, very hard miles on her, enough to see where this opposite thing could be the ticket.



I see a red flag here, Larry. Two thoughts: 1) Generally speaking, most people want someone equal to them; if she's superior to you, she may not respect you because of it. 2) If she wouldn't have given you two looks a few years ago perhaps she's a tad bit desperate and looking beneath her, which will ultimately lead to #1.

Not trying to be a Debbie Downer, those are just thoughts that came to me and in some ways I'm speaking from my own experience. With that having been said, I truly do wish you the best and I hope I'm wrong and it works out for you after all. In the mean time, it's kind of amusing to see you act like a giddy school girl.


----------



## Larry Gude

Radiant1 said:


> I see a red flag here, Larry. Two thoughts: 1) Generally speaking, most people want someone equal to them; if she's superior to you, she may not respect you because of it. 2) If she wouldn't have given you two looks a few years ago perhaps she's a tad bit desperate and looking beneath her, which will ultimately lead to #1.
> 
> Not trying to be a Debbie Downer, those are just thoughts that came to me and in some ways I'm speaking from my own experience. With that having been said, I truly do wish you the best and I hope I'm wrong and it works out for you after all. In the mean time, it's kind of amusing to see you act like a giddy school girl.



Good points. Intellectually, we're fine. I can hold my own, and have for years, with anyone. Engineers, doctors, hugely successful business owners, Vrai. That's the ONLY thing this chick would have liked about me and what caused the initial attraction, my intellect. The rest is simply very different lifestyles and behavior and that is where your concerns are most relevant and it's what's causing her concern "I shouldn't like you!" yet she does. We talk about it, alot. And, again, I even asked her, 'how are you going to do with with me not being the big man, you being the driver?" and, again, she says I'm the one that's going to have a problem with it. So, if she means that, then, it boils down to me. Vrai knows me best and knows there is no way I could do with that so, either I'm kidding myself and have not changed a bit or I have changed, a good bit and am sincerely going to be happy to be taking a back seat. For my own proof, I've handed over the greenhouse 100% to our GM. It's HER shop now. And I LOVE IT. When she's doing stuff different than I would, I smile and walk away. Even a year ago, I'd be freaking out, stopping everyone and saying "No. This is how I want it..." and my partner, same thing, old Larry, he and I would have already come to blows. Several times because he's as big headed know it all as I am. Now, I am able to listen, converse and object, or not, based on reason rather than emotions or insecurities or fears. 

So, I could be fooling myself but, I don't think so. 

Good points.


----------



## Roman

If she said she wouldn't have given you two looks a few years ago, that just might mean that she's matured, and goes beyond looks now. That can be a good thing ya know.


----------



## Ken King

Roman said:


> If she said she wouldn't have given you two looks a few years ago, that just might mean that she's matured, and goes beyond looks now. That can be a good thing ya know.



Or maybe she's losing her sight.  :shrug:


----------



## SoMD_Fun_Guy

Roman said:


> If she said she wouldn't have given you two looks a few years ago, that just might mean that she's matured, and goes beyond looks now. That can be a good thing ya know.





Ken King said:


> Or maybe she's losing her sight.  :shrug:



People change over time.  They evolve.  Our life experiences help determine our future decisions.  She might not have been attracted to Larry years ago but today she is a different woman.

Likewise, relationships evolve as well.  In the great ocean of life we are all drifting in the current.  Relationships form when we begin drifting with another person.  Successful, happy relationships require work to stay together in that current.  Without working that relationship, couples will most likely drift apart.  

Larry - It sounds like you found someone that fits well with you.  Hope things continue to work out for you and her.  May you continue to drift together.


----------



## acommondisaster

I'm with Radiant1. Only I'll take further. Probably doomed to fail.  Unless you've done a bad job of describing, sounds like she's pretty set on some things you aren't necessarily wired to change. A lot of times, those are called Deal Breakers.  The thing about opposites attracting and being good matches is that it only works when said opposites are able to compromise, overlook, adapt and accept. That probably isn't going to happen from what I read in your post.  You've been in enough relationships (I think) to realize that the things you (the universal you, not you you) find cute and quirky and adorable about someone are generally the things that make you want to smother them with a pillow at a different point in the relationship.  And both parties have to be HONEST about what they are willing to overlook and compromise about, to each other and more importantly, themselves.

I get that this may seem like an amazing time of discovery and you're each finding out about a "different" type of person than you usually are attracted to - and that can be thrilling and, well, attractive. The fact that she admitted that she wouldn't have given you a look years ago gives me pause. Unless SHE'S changed a whole lot since then, the things that kept her from being attracted to your core type are still there. Ask yourself just how much you really will change for someone without resenting having to change at some point down the road.

Personally, I think you are spending way too much time checking boxes and over thinking. You can talk yourself into or out of just about anything, if your mind is willing. And I think you've done that a time or two already in the past. I also think you're looking for the wrong woman. But, in the meantime, explore this budding relationship and prove me wrong.


----------



## vraiblonde

Larry Gude said:


> I'm looking FORWARD to being, frankly, #2 and embracing it.



You know, let's don't say "#1" and "#2".  You have strengths as well, so it's not like you're some dope smoking loser chasing after the prom queen who's been accepted to MIT.  She said she wouldn't have given you a second look back in the day, but we'll note that she's single (she is single, right?) so apparently what she was looking at before didn't work for her.  

You'll be fine, champ.  Now go in there and get a hit.


----------



## 2BRN2B

This thread is fascinating. 

Correct me if wrong. I inferred that Larry implied that HE doesn't think she would have given him a second look years ago vs. she having actually said that she wouldn't have.

Timing is a key factor in most relationships as transitions happen in personality, emotional maturity, honesty, etc through life. And, not always for the best or worst. Just is.

Furthermore, I would agree with vraiblonde. The reference to being #1 or #2 sounds as if it may be selling you both short. So is using the word SUPERIOR as it relates to people. My journey in life has shown this connotation reflects condescending. I didn't get that the latest mystery girl was like that from my quick read of her being described.


----------



## Larry Gude

2BRN2B said:


> This thread is fascinating.
> 
> Correct me if wrong. I inferred that Larry implied that HE doesn't think she would have given him a second look years ago vs. she having actually said that she wouldn't have.
> 
> Timing is a key factor in most relationships as transitions happen in personality, emotional maturity, honesty, etc through life. And, not always for the best or worst. Just is.
> 
> Furthermore, I would agree with vraiblonde. The reference to being #1 or #2 sounds as if it may be selling you both short. So is using the word SUPERIOR as it relates to people. My journey in life has shown this connotation reflects condescending. I didn't get that the latest mystery girl was like that from my quick read of her being described.



She said she would not have given me a second look. Her life was very structured and ordered, goal oriented, achieve, go, go, go and controlled and life interfered in a rather harsh way unhinging her from the moorings she had built. So, she's at a point in life, after several years of dealing with the problems that arose, far too personal for any detail here, the opposites we are now looks like it might be balance. And there is no way a few years ago I would have had any real interest in her either because I don't do that non stop GO, climb swim or die thing. However, I could use SOME of it; balance. 

So, your comment about timing is a good one. 

As for superior, I don't mean superior as in she feeds the poor and I rob them, that sort of thing. I use superior in terms of goal orientation, achievement, that sort of superior. If you want someone to be in charge of 200 people, it's her. If you want someone to go have a great time with and chill out, that's me.


----------



## Bann

vraiblonde said:


> You know, let's don't say "#1" and "#2".  You have strengths as well, so it's not like you're some dope smoking loser chasing after the prom queen who's been accepted to MIT.  She said she wouldn't have given you a second look back in the day, but we'll note that she's single (she is single, right?) so apparently what she was looking at before didn't work for her.
> 
> You'll be fine, champ.  Now go in there and get a hit.



   Vrai has such a way with words! 

I concur.


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> You know, let's don't say "#1" and "#2".  You have strengths as well, so it's not like you're some dope smoking loser chasing after the prom queen who's been accepted to MIT.  She said she wouldn't have given you a second look back in the day, but we'll note that she's single (she is single, right?) so apparently what she was looking at before didn't work for her.
> 
> You'll be fine, champ.  Now go in there and get a hit.



Absolutely single, for several years. Lost her hubby 3 1/2 years ago. Young daughter. That's been her focus. Started trying to date I  guess a year or so ago and has been on countless 'interviews' (her term for first date). A couple reached date 2 and a few even 3. Just was not finding anyone she was interested in. My perception is that they were all in 'her lane' so to speak because guys like me just were no even on her radar. A couple of e mails, that I can and did write, that's what caught her initial attention and then me not being Mr. Degree Achieve Clean Cut Career guy started to interest her, too. 

A hit, really? Come on! You know me better than that. The only way I'm getting a single is because I don't have home run power anymore and it will drop in for a single when I swing so hard I nearly fall over, my teeth pop out and I crap myself...


----------



## Larry Gude

acommondisaster said:


> And both parties have to be HONEST about what they are willing to overlook and compromise about, to each other and more importantly, themselves.
> 
> I .



Ah, but that's the thing! We spend as much time trying to warn one another off as promoting ourselves. And we're really not even promoting. The beginning of Date 1 was a little uncomfortable, a tad awkward, we left and went to place #2 and we were starting to relax and I said something smart ass and she said "Well, you're probably not a good #### anyway so, it won't matter' being a smart ass back and that was IT. ALL the ice was gone. I'd been trying to be too nice to that point, trying to be somewhat of a gentleman and, well, that's not me BUT, I wanted to let her be the one to take that first little step. Her patience had reached it's end; he's a dork, too uptight but, then, BAM. 

We're both very honest with the things WE think the other won't like so, it is all on the table. You know what you're getting into and that is a different bird than finding out this and that 6 months later. We use the term 'deal breaker' all the time. She's like 'all these things about you SHOULD have been deal breakers, but they're not..." and for me, it all boils down to my control issues and my ego and insecurities and the simple fact of no longer having to be THE man, which is not a concept, it is reality in my life at work, man, I'm looking, I'm trying to find that thing. 

I told her my BIG one is that I believe a relationship, any one, friends, business, personal, comes down to the ability and interest in reaching mutually satisfying resolution of conflicts and disagreements. That was one of my greatest weakness's before. I hurt Vrai in ways I should have been shot for because of my ego and need to be right, to 'beat' her, 'win' some petty, stupid point rather than chill my ass out when she needed me to, when I needed me to. If a man can do that, pretty much any relationship with a woman can work. Throw in a #### ton of attraction, likes and interest and...there it is. 

B and I are not 100% opposites. We both ride. We both love conversation, love drilling down into subjects, including each other. Both are smart asses. We're compatible in public. I can readily see her with me around friends and family. It's way early and maybe the bloom goes off the rose soon enough but, it won't be because I just stumbled into this. It's going to be pretty well thought and fleshed out. 

So, you make a good point, maybe THE point.


----------



## Larry Gude

acommondisaster said:


> Ask yourself just how much you really will change for someone without resenting having to change at some point down the road.
> 
> .




Another good question. 

I won't change much at all and neither will she. The thing is, how do I deal with it? How does she? In the past, I would get defensive and insecure and feel the need to be right. Vrai has a wonderful saying that goes something like this "Do you want to get bent or do you want to make a deposit?"  She's found a guy who, it seems by nature, is a dude who is only interested in making deposits and has no time for getting bent. I've not yet had the pleasure of meeting Mo but, he sounds like a hell of a guy and I know Vrai well enough to know when I think she is full of #### or not and I think he's perfect for her. I actually use him as a bit of a motivator. A chick I met on my journey had a take on that and hers was "is this a hill worth dying on? If so, fine. If not, forget it. Let it go and never give it a second thought." Point being there is a LOT of stuff that may or could annoy us that is absolutely not worth the time of day in the broader scheme. 

So, B and I, she said, again "You better be careful what you wish for..." and I stopper her and said "OK, let's walk through a potential conflict..." We talked through some real world issues I've had in the past and some that she had. So far, so good. There seems to be some innate deeper compatibilities as well, how we both naturally deal with some things.


----------



## Larry Gude

acommondisaster said:


> Personally, I think you are spending way too much time checking boxes and over thinking. You can talk yourself into or out of just about anything, if your mind is willing. And I think you've done that a time or two already in the past. I also think you're looking for the wrong woman.  .



Fair enough but, what is the right woman if what I am attracted to, starting with chemistry, is wrong?


----------



## 2BRN2B

You've only been out on one date and have all of this information already?!?!

I'm doing things way, way wrong.
:shrug:


----------



## Larry Gude

2BRN2B said:


> You've only been out on one date and have all of this information already?!?!
> 
> I'm doing things way, way wrong.
> :shrug:



Some e mails, then phone and texts, one date that turned into an over nighter and then another over nighter.  

Way wrong? That's the whole point of this tread; what the heck is right, let alone wrong?


----------



## Radiant1

2BRN2B said:


> You've only been out on one date and have all of this information already?!?!
> 
> I'm doing things way, way wrong.
> :shrug:



No you're not. Imo, Larry and this woman are getting way ahead of themselves. Freight trains that run fast tend to lose steam and crash sooner than later, if you know what I mean.


----------



## Larry Gude

Radiant1 said:


> No you're not. Imo, Larry and this woman are getting way ahead of themselves. Freight trains that run fast tend to lose steam and crash sooner than later, if you know what I mean.



And that's why I've got this going; to get feed back, to ask questions, to think and talk it along as I'm living it.


----------



## vraiblonde

One thing to remember:

You don't know this woman.  You only know what she has chosen to tell you and how she's choosing to present herself.  

That she's insulting you to your face is the red flag that popped up on my radar.  That's a rather bold thing to say, "I would have never looked twice at a guy like you."  Not to mention, "You're probably a lousy #### anyway."  If a man said that to me on our first date, there wouldn't be a second one.  I'd assume he was trying to "put me in my place" and establish some sort of dominance over me, which stems from deep-seated insecurities.

That said, only you know the tone of that exchange.  So if you're enjoying her and the click is there, hang on and see what happens.  You can't win if you don't play.


----------



## vraiblonde

Radiant1 said:


> No you're not. Imo, Larry and this woman are getting way ahead of themselves. Freight trains that run fast tend to lose steam and crash sooner than later, if you know what I mean.



However "love at first sight" happens all the time.  Several people on here have long marriages that started right away with no dilly dallying.  

Plus that, if they lose steam and crash....so?  Having fun along the way is worth something, as long as you don't alter your life or neglect to have an exit strategy.  People will say, "Oh, I wasted a lot of time on that relationship," but if you had fun doing it it wasn't a waste.  Not everything has to be forever.  Rollercoaster rides last an average of 90 seconds, yet we still enjoy them and get on them over and over.

:shrug:


----------



## 2BRN2B

Radiant1 said:


> No you're not. Imo, Larry and this woman are getting way ahead of themselves. Freight trains that run fast tend to lose steam and crash sooner than later, if you know what I mean.



I think he's doing something that's positive. Obviously, I don't know your situation Radiant1, but dating ####ing sucks assballs. There are so many deceptions at play in so many different situations. The people I have encountered are all making an attempt to game the system. Don't hate the playa, hate the game. It is refreshing when I encounter someone that is direct and straight forward.

What's way ahead of themselves? I've gathered Larry is older, as is she. Older people, who are serious in what they want, cut through the flotsam fast. It does sound as if they're enjoying themselves and that's what matters.

As to your "freight train" comment. Why the negativity, Debbie?


----------



## 2BRN2B

vraiblonde said:


> One thing to remember:
> 
> You don't know this woman.  You only know what she has chosen to tell you and how she's choosing to present herself.
> 
> That she's insulting you to your face is the red flag that popped up on my radar.  That's a rather bold thing to say, "I would have never looked twice at a guy like you."  Not to mention, "You're probably a lousy #### anyway."  If a man said that to me on our first date, there wouldn't be a second one.  I'd assume he was trying to "put me in my place" and establish some sort of dominance over me, which stems from deep-seated insecurities.
> 
> That said, only you know the tone of that exchange.  So if you're enjoying her and the click is there, hang on and see what happens.  You can't win if you don't play.




Very true words. Also remember that this is a one sided exchange described from a man's perspective. I'm sure there's a lot of summation going on from that perspective, and we truly do not get the context of the conversation.


----------



## Larry Gude

2BRN2B said:


> I think he's doing something that's positive. Obviously, I don't know your situation Radiant1, but dating ####ing sucks assballs. There are so many deceptions at play in so many different situations. The people I have encountered are all making an attempt to game the system. Don't hate the playa, hate the game. It is refreshing when I encounter someone that is direct and straight forward.
> 
> What's way ahead of themselves? I've gathered Larry is older, as is she. Older people, who are serious in what they want, cut through the flotsam fast. It does sound as if they're enjoying themselves and that's what matters.
> 
> As to your "freight train" comment. Why the negativity, Debbie?



Good post. I am older, pushing 100, she my junior by 7 years. We're both cutting through the 'game' so fast there isn't one. She's been saying 'this is too easy' and I asked her is she'd like me to play harder to get, if she thought she should be playing that, and she said 'no and hell no...it's just weird and exciting and scary and fun'. And it is but, I'm not scared because the chemistry I think is essential is there. 

Radiant has a good point because odds are, not always but, odds are, we could be running ahead of ourselves. So, far, and again, that's why this tread, I don't think so. The dating has been fun and it's helped, a lot, cut through the noise for me and be able to let dates go where nothing much seems to be happening.


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> Rollercoaster rides last an average of 90 seconds, yet we still enjoy them and get on them over and over.
> 
> :shrug:




Good 'un!!!


----------



## Larry Gude

2BRN2B said:


> Very true words. Also remember that this is a one sided exchange described from a man's perspective. I'm sure there's a lot of summation going on from that perspective, and we truly do not get the context of the conversation.



Good point. I think I'll let her read all this and see what she thinks.


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> O
> 
> That said, only you know the tone of that exchange.   .



Valid points. The tone and context we're fabulous.


----------



## 2BRN2B

Larry Gude said:


> Good point. I think I'll let her read all this and see what she thinks.



No ####? Good luck with that!!


----------



## Radiant1

vraiblonde said:


> However "love at first sight" happens all the time.  Several people on here have long marriages that started right away with no dilly dallying.
> 
> Plus that, if they lose steam and crash....so?  Having fun along the way is worth something, as long as you don't alter your life or neglect to have an exit strategy.  People will say, "Oh, I wasted a lot of time on that relationship," but if you had fun doing it it wasn't a waste.  Not everything has to be forever.  Rollercoaster rides last an average of 90 seconds, yet we still enjoy them and get on them over and over.
> 
> :shrug:





2BRN2B said:


> I think he's doing something that's positive. Obviously, I don't know your situation Radiant1, but dating ####ing sucks assballs. There are so many deceptions at play in so many different situations. The people I have encountered are all making an attempt to game the system. Don't hate the playa, hate the game. It is refreshing when I encounter someone that is direct and straight forward.
> 
> What's way ahead of themselves? I've gathered Larry is older, as is she. Older people, who are serious in what they want, cut through the flotsam fast. It does sound as if they're enjoying themselves and that's what matters.
> 
> As to your "freight train" comment. Why the negativity, Debbie?



Look people, I'm not dissing Larry of the way he's going about this, nor am I really trying to be a Debbie Downer, I'm just calling it how I see it.  I'm under the impression he's looking for something solid, and since I don't think this is going to be it I'm not going to cheer him on and blow rainbows up his ass. :shrug:



2BRN2B said:


> Very true words. Also remember that this is a one sided exchange described from a man's perspective. I'm sure there's a lot of summation going on from that perspective, and we truly do not get the context of the conversation.





Larry Gude said:


> Good point. I think I'll let her read all this and see what she thinks.



Better yet, ask her to join in the convo.


----------



## 2BRN2B

Radiant1 said:


> Look people, I'm not dissing Larry of the way he's going about this, nor am I really trying to be a Debbie Downer, I'm just calling it how I see it.  I'm under the impression he's looking for something solid, and since I don't think this is going to be it I'm not going to cheer him on and blow rainbows up his ass. :shrug:



Fair enough. I'm going back to read the entire thread... 

What doesn't seem solid? It appears they've had frank open discussions. Chemistry seems apparent based on Larry's comments. Two dates, two sleepovers provides a lot of face time and he's still giddy. Something is going right. 

Everyone needs a little cheer and blow!


----------



## Radiant1

2BRN2B said:


> Everyone needs a little cheer and blow!



I have no doubt Larry is getting his share.


----------



## kwillia

Radiant1 said:


> Look people, I'm not dissing Larry of the way he's going about this, nor am I really trying to be a Debbie Downer, I'm just calling it how I see it.  I'm under the impression he's looking for something solid, and since I don't think this is going to be it I'm not going to cheer him on and blow rainbows up his ass. :shrug:


I completely get where you are coming from. Chemistry and the "newness" excitement only buys you a couple months, typically 3 months to be exact. The lust and the excitement WILL dull down and that's when real compatibility tests come into play. Verbal agreements and ideals discussed during the thrill will be overshadowed by actual personalities and habits regardless of how bad one, the other or both want it to work.  It can't be forced and it's gonna truly be a long term relationship only time will tell.

And Larry, that's why the main message from folks is to stop trying to over-analyze it or "see into the future" based on actions and words at this point. Just enjoy the NOW and let it flow. If it's going to work it will work if not you'll have enjoyed while it lasted.


----------



## Larry Gude

kwillia said:


> And Larry, that's why the main message from folks is to stop trying to over-analyze it or "see into the future" based on actions and words at this point. Just enjoy the NOW and let it flow. If it's going to work it will work if not you'll have enjoyed while it lasted.



I hear you but, this isn't over analyzing...for me.    

And I am enjoying now. Work, band (we did an open mic Tuesday, but, that's another story ) the farm and now her. I feel balance.


----------



## Ken King

Larry Gude said:


> I hear you but, this isn't over analyzing...for me.
> 
> And I am enjoying now. Work, band (we did an open mic Tuesday, but, that's another story ) the farm and now her. *I feel balance.*



Larry, wouldn't ExLax have been easier?


----------



## SoMD_Fun_Guy

Larry,
I think what you are doing is the best way forward.  From what you have said, the 2 of you have been open and honest about things.  Time will tell if everything is as it seems and if the spark will continue, so I say "Hang on and enjoy the ride!"


----------



## 2BRN2B

Larry Gude said:


> I hear you but, this isn't over analyzing...for me.
> 
> And I am enjoying now. Work, band (we did an open mic Tuesday, but, that's another story ) the farm and now her. I feel balance.



Story! Are we adding another girl to the mix?


----------



## Larry Gude

SoMD_Fun_Guy said:


> Larry,
> I think what you are doing is the best way forward.  From what you have said, the 2 of you have been open and honest about things.  Time will tell if everything is as it seems and if the spark will continue, so I say "Hang on and enjoy the ride!"



That's the thing. There is no hanging on. This is easy. She worries it's too easy so, I make a fart joke or something else juvenile which makes her shake her head and laugh and say "Ok, maybe not too easy..."


----------



## Radiant1

kwillia said:


> I completely get where you are coming from. Chemistry and the "newness" excitement only buys you a couple months, typically 3 months to be exact. The lust and the excitement WILL dull down and that's when real compatibility tests come into play. Verbal agreements and ideals discussed during the thrill will be overshadowed by actual personalities and habits regardless of how bad one, the other or both want it to work.  It can't be forced and it's gonna truly be a long term relationship only time will tell.



Exactly! And, thank you!


----------



## Larry Gude

2BRN2B said:


> Story! Are we adding another girl to the mix?



Another? Huh? No.


----------



## 2BRN2B

Did I read that wrong? I believe I may have.

I skimmed the "open mic" part and just read "but that's another story".

I'm in between picks and being lazy. The board is good for entertainment, so I was hoping for more story.


----------



## Larry Gude

2BRN2B said:


> Did I read that wrong? I believe I may have.
> 
> I skimmed the "open mic" part and just read "but that's another story".
> 
> I'm in between picks and being lazy. The board is good for entertainment, so I was hoping for more story.



I have a band, it's new. 3 piece, only have about 5 practices as a unit. Bass player is a young kid who lives Iron Maiden and Steve Harris. Drummer is my age, really ####ing old, ex of Marine Corp, was in band. FANTASTIC drummer and easy as hell to work with. 

I had 16 songs ready to go but, once we brought the drummer on board, we're starting to make the songs less simplistic and really working them into good, well worked up songs so, we're sorta starting over. They both have plenty of live experience and I do not so, I'm trying to do open mics to build live experience. We rehearsed the other night and headed up to a local dive who was doing a drop in jam. Well, no drum kit, which we were counting on. So, bass player and I are like '#### it, lets jam' so we go play just him and me, no drums. I'm nervous, as usual. We're using the gear that is there and the guy whose stuff it is dials up the tone and volume. I'm happy with mine. 

So, we roar through our opener, a song I love. We finish and....

....crickets.  At open mics, SOMEONE will always give you a courtesy clap. SOMEONE.    NOTHING.   So, I look at Alex and laugh and jump right into the next song. #### it. 

Next one is a good tune too, but, again, no drums, nothing for people to get into unless you REALLY like guitars. So, now, a little cheers here and there. 
Then, out next one, a pretty technical little dity the bass player struggles with so I feel like I am lazered into keeping the time in check and not rush it so he doesn't get left in a heap. I thought it sounded good but, our drummer, who is just sipping a beer and hanging out for moral support comes up and says "You sped that one up!" and I'm like "####! I was trying, really trying not to! My timing is usually pretty good stand alone but, I'm nervous and he'd know. He's just being a dick, giving me a good natured hard time and says no one could tell but him'  He say 'but you better not do Rolling thunder" which is a slow song that REALLY needs the drums to keep time on the slow part but then rips into a 100% ass kicker. SO, I felt instant challenge and just started it before he could even get back to his sit. We do an abbreviated version because he's right, it is tough to keep time on this one then we roar into the heavy part, finish and everyone in that ####ing place is clapping and cheering. All 10 of them.  

In any event, it was just a hoot doing it without drums, good experience and I've been operating on the premise we need to be sorta restrained and mid rock-ish, beer rock and not too heavy. Well, I've been out twice now, once by myself and now this and the heavier #### has now appealed to the hippie emo crowd at one place and the Charlie Daniels rednecks at this place. So, we're thinking now about the implications of being heavier which we're all into. 

So, that's that. :shrug:


----------



## SoMD_Fun_Guy

Larry Gude said:


> That's the thing. There is no hanging on. This is easy. She worries it's too easy so, I make a fart joke or something else juvenile which makes her shake her head and laugh and say "Ok, maybe not too easy..."



If you're being honest with her and showing her the real you and she's accepting of that, then that's a good thing.  

In every relationship there are things a partner does that we absolutely love and things that annoy us or that we don't like.  There's the good and the bad.  And they change over time.  Subconsciously, we continually evaluate the good and the bad of our partner.  If the good outweighs the bad then we can decide that it's worth the effort to stay in the relationship.  If not, then it's time to address the problem.

Right now, when you joke around or do something juvenile it doesn't bother her much and she's willing to accept it cuz she values your good traits over any bad ones.  

So are there any things that she does that you notice but push aside cuz her good traits far outweigh them?
Or is it too early in the relationship to identify such things?


----------



## Larry Gude

SoMD_Fun_Guy said:


> If you're being honest with her and showing her *the real you and she's accepting of that*, then that's a good thing.
> 
> I ?



yeah, well, it just occurred to me that THAT could be what is wrong with her.


----------



## Larry Gude

SoMD_Fun_Guy said:


> So are there any things that she does that you notice but push aside cuz her good traits far outweigh them?
> Or is it too early in the relationship to identify such things?



She's picky and wants what she asked for. Does not have much patience for poor service but, she doesn't belittle them or let it bother her. Just gives them the 'really? This isn't that hard, dumb ass' look. The other day she'd asked for coffee, cream and a splenda which the waitress said she had and the chick comes back with coffee and cream and walks away to wipe down the far end of the bar and she says "Sweetie, You said you have Splenda?" and the bar maid, who was pretty poor at this and needs to consider something else to do, took it well and got it right away. So, no biggie. Then, she insists on paying and leaves her a generous tip anyway so, that's about all I got so far and that is to say nothing. If she'd left no tip or something like $1, that bothers me, even if service sucks, so, she doesn't look down on people. So, again, I got nothing so far :shrug: 

Oh, she doesn't take her coffee black. That makes me wonder about a person. THAT is a yellow flag right there...


----------



## 2BRN2B

Larry Gude said:


> She's picky and wants what she asked for. Does not have much patience for poor service but, she doesn't belittle them or let it bother her. Just gives them the 'really? This isn't that hard, dumb ass' look. The other day she'd asked for coffee, cream and a splenda which the waitress said she had and the chick comes back with coffee and cream and walks away to wipe down the far end of the bar and she says "Sweetie, You said you have Splenda?" and the bar maid, who was pretty poor at this and needs to consider something else to do, took it well and got it right away. So, no biggie. Then, she insists on paying and leaves her a generous tip anyway so, that's about all I got so far and that is to say nothing. If she'd left no tip or something like $1, that bothers me, even if service sucks, so, she doesn't look down on people. So, again, I got nothing so far :shrug:
> 
> Oh, she doesn't take her coffee black. That makes me wonder about a person. THAT is a yellow flag right there...



Why people mess up a good cup of coffee is beyond me.

Can she cook? You said she doesn't drink much. I'd get her drunked up and see how she holds her liquor!


----------



## vraiblonde

Larry Gude said:


> So, again, I got nothing so far



Being condescending to waitstaff is something, imo.  Calling the barmaid "sweetie" and giving them a "dumbass " look is belittling and rude.  Regardless, you will either grow tired of this and move on, or it won't bother you and you'll continue on indefinitely.

Honestly, you're not going to know if she's a fit for you until much later in the dating cycle.  Perhaps not until after 20 years of marriage.  So why worry about it?  Enjoy the now, dump her if she turns out to be a bitch.

:shrug:


----------



## Larry Gude

2BRN2B said:


> Why people mess up a good cup of coffee is beyond me.
> 
> Can she cook? You said she doesn't drink much. I'd get her drunked up and see how she holds her liquor!



Commies, I fear. 

Yeah, we cooked the other night, her in kitchen, me on grill. Good to go there. And I did get her drunked up.  Her and my room mate are from the same state and we're doing shots to their state which I also have ties to and hooting it up. She's good social company. Holds her liquor just fine.


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> Being condescending to waitstaff is something, imo.  Calling the barmaid "sweetie" and giving them a "dumbass " look is belittling and rude.  Regardless, you will either grow tired of this and move on, or it won't bother you and you'll continue on indefinitely.
> 
> Honestly, you're not going to know if she's a fit for you until much later in the dating cycle.  Perhaps not until after 20 years of marriage.  So why worry about it?  Enjoy the now, dump her if she turns out to be a bitch.
> 
> :shrug:



See, I'm not conveying tone very well. You know that stuff bothers me and how she handled it, the tone, was good. We'll see.


----------



## vraiblonde

Larry Gude said:


> See, I'm not conveying tone very well. You know that stuff bothers me and how she handled it, the tone, was good. We'll see.



Well, you don't have to convince _us_.  You don't have to sell her to the internet; the only opinion that matters is yours.


----------



## 2BRN2B

Larry Gude said:


> Commies, I fear.
> 
> Yeah, we cooked the other night, her in kitchen, me on grill. Good to go there. And I did get her drunked up.  Her and my room mate are from the same state and we're doing shots to their state which I also have ties to and hooting it up. She's good social company. Holds her liquor just fine.



What state? If she's southern, sweetie, honey, sugar, and dear are all fair game. And not one bit condescending.


----------



## Larry Gude

2BRN2B said:


> What state? If she's southern, sweetie, honey, sugar, and dear are all fair game. And not one bit condescending.



Bingo.


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> Well, you don't have to convince _us_.  You don't have to sell her to the internet; the only opinion that matters is yours.



That's why this tread. Just chatting it out with whomever is interested. Lotta good thoughts and feed back.


----------



## SoMD_Fun_Guy

Larry Gude said:


> Oh, she doesn't take her coffee black. That makes me wonder about a person. THAT is a yellow flag right there...





2BRN2B said:


> Why people mess up a good cup of coffee is beyond me.



From one of the greatest movies ever...


----------



## Monello

2BRN2B said:


> Older people, who are serious in what they want, cut through the flotsam fast.



How old are you?  You can give an ish range if you prefer.


----------



## Monello

radiant1 said:


> i have no doubt larry is getting his share.


BAZINGA


----------



## Hank

Larry Gude said:


> Lotta good thoughts and feed back.



YW


----------



## 2BRN2B

Monello said:


> How old are you?  You can give an ish range if you prefer.



I'm 48


----------



## Christy

Radiant1 said:


> No you're not. Imo, Larry and this woman are getting way ahead of themselves. Freight trains that run fast tend to lose steam and crash sooner than later, if you know what I mean.



I have to disagree.  Larry is no spring chicken, probably only a few good years left before he's put out to pasture.  No time to waste.

Seriously though.  I think sometimes people are far too cautious and follow silly dating rules that are completely meaningless.  Life is way too short to not go all in when it feels right.  If it eventually fizzles, who cares?  He had a great time and probably learned something new about himself along the way. :shrug:


----------



## Larry Gude

Christy said:


> I have to disagree.  Larry is no spring chicken, probably only a few good years left before he's put out to pasture.  No time to waste.
> 
> Seriously though.  I think sometimes people are far too cautious and follow silly dating rules that are completely meaningless.  Life is way too short to not go all in when it feels right.  If it eventually fizzles, who cares?  He had a great time and probably learned something new about himself along the way. :shrug:



Especially more so because the kids are out and on their own. I'm too old for hookers and blow. I'm too impatient for long term courting rituals. I want someone to #### with, drink with, eat with, talk with, ride with, pondering with, #### with and help me remember what I wanted to do so I don't repeat myself. With. 

I feel my mortality. I'm going to be dead one day. Maybe sooner rather than later. I'm thankful for all I've had and done in life and if I've found a woman who not only can put up with me but, I just get along with with, can resolve differences in a mutually satisfactory fashion, well, I won't be the one lying there as the lights go out wishing I'd have given it another go. So far, the chemistry question has been answered. It matters. 

Good post, Christy.


----------



## Monello

What, no updates this morning?!?!?!  The usual suspects must be sleeping in.


----------



## Larry Gude

Monello said:


> What, no updates this morning?!?!?!  The usual suspects must be sleeping in.



There was a request for more privacy.   Several good reasons so, not just that I am a tad more open about stuff than some tastes and comfort levels. 

So, generically, things are just peachy.   Sorry, folks. :shrug:


----------



## SoMD_Fun_Guy

Larry Gude said:


> There was a request for more privacy.   Several good reasons so, not just that I am a tad more open about stuff than some tastes and comfort levels.
> 
> So, generically, *things are just peachy*.   Sorry, folks. :shrug:



Makes me think of Steve Miller Band
"_You really love her peaches and wanna shake her tree_" 


Glad to hear things are still going well.


----------



## vraiblonde

Larry Gude said:


> There was a request for more privacy.



Prude.


----------



## 2BRN2B

Larry Gude said:


> There was a request for more privacy.   Several good reasons so, not just that I am a tad more open about stuff than some tastes and comfort levels.
> 
> So, generically, things are just peachy.   Sorry, folks. :shrug:



You told her that you were writing about her? That had to have been an interesting conversation. 
What was the concern? You use your real name?


----------



## Larry Gude

2BRN2B said:


> You told her that you were writing about her? That had to have been an interesting conversation.
> What was the concern? You use your real name?



Yup.


----------



## Radiant1

Too bad she didn't join in the convo, that would have been FUN!


----------



## Larry Gude

Radiant1 said:


> Too bad she didn't join in the convo, that would have been FUN!



It really put it into perspective how much potential issue it is for all of you who are not your own boss or simply not as egotistical as I am in terms of potential repercussions. It makes me hate the secrecy we've come to accept even more.


----------



## vraiblonde

Larry Gude said:


> It makes me hate the secrecy we've come to accept even more.



It's not secrecy so much as privacy.  Some things are nobody's business.  You know that I am not a particularly private person, but even I have my "sharing" limits.  And so do you.


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> It's not secrecy so much as privacy.  Some things are nobody's business.  You know that I am not a particularly private person, but even I have my "sharing" limits.  And so do you.



No, I don't. That's the problem. There's not a freaking thing I haven't shared on this site over the years. Embarrassing, funny, kewl, I just gots no filter. So, that's my 'normal'.


----------



## kwillia

Larry Gude said:


> No, I don't. That's the problem. There's not a freaking thing I haven't shared on this site over the years. Embarrassing, funny, kewl, I just gots no filter. So, that's my 'normal'.


 If anybody would be able to school the POTUS on the true meaning of "transparency" it could be you...


----------



## Larry Gude

kwillia said:


> If anybody would be able to school the POTUS on the true meaning of "transparency" it could be you...



Well, when they work for us and have such a profound impact on us all in ways big and small, for ####s sake; it's four years of your life that are in PUBLIC service. PUBLIC. 

I'd have camera's everywhere, all the time. Except for the personal spaces in which NO one but family and friends are allowed. NO PUBLIC BUSINESS in private.


----------



## Hank

Larry Gude said:


> Well, when they work for us and have such a profound impact on us all in ways big and small, for ####s sake; it's four years of your life that are in PUBLIC service. PUBLIC.
> 
> I'd have camera's everywhere, all the time. Except for the personal spaces in which NO one but family and friends are allowed. NO PUBLIC BUSINESS in private.



You need a reality show. I see you as the next Kardashian! What do you think about getting some ass implants?


----------



## Larry Gude

Hank said:


> You need a reality show. I see you as the next Kardashian! What do you think about getting some ass implants?



Well, I do like implanting me some ass.....


----------



## Roman

Larry Gude said:


> Well, I do like implanting me some ass.....


But with implanting a Kardashian ass, you'd be implanting forever, and never hit the right spot! They got some bigins.


----------



## Hank

Larry Gude said:


> Well, I do like implanting me some ass.....



Gude Times! Starring.........Laaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyy!


----------



## Larry Gude

Hank said:


> Gude Times! Starring.........Laaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyy!



I want my own talk show. I'd have all you MF'ers on as guests.


----------



## Hank

Larry Gude said:


> I want my own talk show. I'd have all you MF'ers on as guests.



 Probably would be better going back in time with that. The cast of characters were more interesting than the current. I actually enjoyed your banter that day on the SOMD Radio Show. You got potential, Kid.


----------



## Hank

The Gude, the Bad and the Ugly


----------



## SoMD_Fun_Guy

Hank said:


> The Gude, the Bad and the Ugly



:like:


----------



## Larry Gude

Hank said:


> Probably would be better going back in time with that. The cast of characters were more interesting than the current. I actually enjoyed your banter that day on the SOMD Radio Show. You got potential, Kid.



That was all vrai!! That was a ton of fun but she is the pro and carried me!!!


----------



## kwillia

Hank said:


> The Gude, the Bad and the Ugly



This should have been the band name! Where were you a couple weeks ago...


----------



## BadGirl

Hank said:


> The Gude, the Bad and the Ugly










Although, I like "The Gude, the BadGirl, and the Fugly".  Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?


----------



## Larry Gude

OK, we're stuck on a consensus. We're both like 'this is just too damn easy...is this the way it's supposed to be???"

We spent an hour googling various definitions of 'soul mate' last night. Some are a freaking hoot so, don't waste any time worrying about this or that concept or pre conceived notion of the term. But, mother####er, chemistry is real. Is it simply two people from birth? I don't think so. I think it is time and place. There is NO way this woman would have looked at me, well, OK, she would have looked but, who she was four years ago, who I was, hell, two years ago, no effing way. NONE. Or, maybe? #### if I know. 

She has a tremendous mind. VERY clear thinker. Has this way of stripping me bare but, I'm not even trying to be pretentious let alone remotely capable of it. She'd have made me defensive as hell not too many years ago, intimidated the crap out of me. And I've got this way of putting her at ease that...makes her uncomfortable...that puts her at ease. One thing I can say for sure; there is NOTHING easier than being yourself, as corny and obvious as that sounds. Not who you might wanna be or what you're pondering. Who, what, you are. 

We talked about some #### today that just...fell out. Effortless. I know a lot of that has to do with 'new'. However, 'new' or 25 years of just being right for one another, effortless is effortless. 


Huh....  ####ing 'eh.


----------



## Radiant1

Larry Gude said:


> Has this way of stripping me bare
> 
> And I've got this way of putting her at ease
> 
> We talked about some #### today that just...fell out. Effortless.


----------



## vraiblonde

Larry Gude said:


> 'this is just too damn easy...is this the way it's supposed to be???"



Yes, that's the way it's supposed to be.

Everyone told me - relationships are hard, they take work, blah blah blah.  That's bull####.  Monello and I are effortless.  He is strong where I am weak and vice versa, and neither of us wants to accept credit because we just do what we do and it works.

Don't overthink this and don't #### it up.  Yes, it's supposed to be that damn easy.


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> Yes, that's the way it's supposed to be.
> 
> Everyone told me - relationships are hard, they take work, blah blah blah.  That's bull####.  Monello and I are effortless.  He is strong where I am weak and vice versa, and neither of us wants to accept credit because we just do what we do and it works.
> 
> Don't overthink this and don't #### it up.  Yes, it's supposed to be that damn easy.



I was hoping you'd comment. I mean, you already told me that but, that was months ago. That it still is so is a very nice comfort to my thoughts. You are, and forever will be, a frame of reference for me.


----------



## vraiblonde

Larry Gude said:


> I was hoping you'd comment. I mean, you already told me that but, that was months ago. That it still is so is a very nice comfort to my thoughts. You are, and forever will be, a frame of reference for me.



Okay, but it was never easy with us.  Not even when we were just dating.

Monello and I talk about that, what if we'd met earlier and had kids, money issues, etc, to piss us off and make us hate each other.  But we don't.  We have no stressers and can just be happy together.  That's you and your new flame, and isn't that awesome?  Now it's all on you, no one else to blame, no situational #######ry...so don't #### it up.


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> Okay, but it was never easy with us.  Not even when we were just dating. .



THAT, because those were still some of the best years of my life, is why you are a frame of reference for me. THE frame of reference. And, by extension, so is Mo. I have this sense of him, in context of you, that is that it was right person, right time, right place and that is a hopeful thing. Absent the kids, all that other stuff, and this is where it gets deep, I don't think we'd have ever hooked up. So, if I'm right, the things that were the strain were also the attraction and there was a lot of good that came from that. So, now, in and of yourself, who you really are, just you, he's a fantastic match for you. And that's what I am pondering with B. Where she is, here and now, where I am, man, it is just so damn...easy.  

At my age it's pretty easy to sift through 'new' and 'real' and see what's what. You always had a more developed sense of self. It seems I am growing into mine.


----------



## Monello

Larry Gude said:


> You always had a more developed sense of self.





Probably more so than most people I've met.


----------



## SoMD_Fun_Guy

Larry,
Happy for you.  Glad to hear it's working out.  May it last.
Merry Christmas.


----------



## 2BRN2B

Larry why do you continually state that neither of you would have talked to the other years ago? Why is that important now when you are talking to each other and appear to enjoy doing so? Is the past so relevant on the new relationship that it needs to compare to the old you? I understand lessons learned My thought is when you meet new people, move forward from there, bringing lessons learned. 

Dating is hard enough without the past.


----------



## Larry Gude

2BRN2B said:


> Larry why do you continually state that neither of you would have talked to the other years ago? Why is that important now when you are talking to each other and appear to enjoy doing so? Is the past so relevant on the new relationship that it needs to compare to the old you? I understand lessons learned My thought is when you meet new people, move forward from there, bringing lessons learned.
> 
> Dating is hard enough without the past.



Well, she doesn't necessarily agree with me that we would not have talked years ago and, for me, it's a conversational thought and not necessarily one I am invested in as being THE truth. I ask a lot of questions sometimes and really get into the observational aspects of couples relationships because I see so many different combinations in life; long term commitments I'd have NO interest in, long term ones I admire, short term ones that don't appeal to me, short term ones that seem really like a good thing. Dating, for me, has ALWAYS been easy. My problem is finding MY long term match. 

I know I do want THE one and it is the person that we can work out whatever happens and be happy with one another. That is hard for me to some extent because of my nature BUT, I don't see anyone with THE formula. Some of the best relationships I know of, I have zero interest in how they live their lives even though I love and admire parts of it. Some of the worst seem to be, as per the 'expected' text book proper relationships that it seems to me they don't even like one another anymore. 

I mean, we all influence one another. All the little decisions and choices we make influence everything to some extent, sooner or later. MAYBE had I met her years ago my life takes a whole other trajectory because we would have been the one for one another in the right way, time and place? It's like coming to an intersection; one way, seemingly, is not the right path but, darn well could have been. And the seeming 'right' path could put you on a road that takes years to get off of. Some people get it right the first time and not very many of them are saying "We know the right way for everyone!" They seem to be very aware that what they do is right for THEM and maybe ONLY them. 

To me, my past, my present and my future are all tied together. I can't separate them. Don't want to. There is a saying I am growing fond of; show me your soil and I'll show you who you are. That's fine as far as it goes but, soil can be improved, or degraded so, it's a starting point. The base 'you', generically 'you', is YOUR starting point. A little of this and or that, a little less of this or that at the right time and amount and you got better soil or worse. That's life, what we did. What we're doing. The better or relationships make those adjustments together and do it well. That's their magic, their ways. 

Good question.


----------



## Larry Gude

SoMD_Fun_Guy said:


> Larry,
> Happy for you.  Glad to hear it's working out.  May it last.
> Merry Christmas.



Thanks and same to you and yours!


----------



## acommondisaster

2BRN2B said:


> Larry why do you continually state that neither of you would have talked to the other years ago? Why is that important now when you are talking to each other and appear to enjoy doing so? Is the past so relevant on the new relationship that it needs to compare to the old you? I understand lessons learned My thought is when you meet new people, move forward from there, bringing lessons learned.
> 
> Dating is hard enough without the past.



They both have huge egos and that's how they stroke them. 

"I've always known how beneath me you were, but now I'm magnanimous enough to accept your idiosyncrasies and date you!"  

"And I've improved and grown as person - now I don't hiss and growl at people and I am better than I ever was before! I know it because you'll date me!" 

"I know! We're so wonderful and unique!"

And it gives them something to talk about, about their amazing blossoming relationship. Not a bad thing, really.


----------



## Larry Gude

Ok, so, that wasn't it. I found myself conflicted, focusing more on her business skills and thinking of that it terms of my business needs. That simply wasn't fair so, I walked away from that relationship.


----------



## BadGirl

Larry Gude said:


> Ok, so, that wasn't it. I found myself conflicted, focusing more on her business skills and thinking of that it terms of my business needs. That simply wasn't fair so, I walked away from that relationship.



But you got laid, so it wasn't a total waste of time.  Right?


----------



## kwillia

Larry Gude said:


> Ok, so, that wasn't it. I found myself conflicted, focusing more on her business skills and thinking of that it terms of my business needs. That simply wasn't fair so, I walked away from that relationship.


So are you saying you stopped wanting her for sex and that you just wanted her mind or are you saying that both were fine but you were really impressed with her business sense? If it's the second, you are a dumb#@&% if you gave up a perfectly compatible woman just because she was good at more than one thing and you deserve your long-term relationship with Rosie Palmer.


----------



## Hank

Larry Gude said:


> Ok, so, that wasn't it. I found myself conflicted, focusing more on her business skills and thinking of that it terms of my business needs. That simply wasn't fair so, I walked away from that relationship.



http://forums.somd.com/threads/297152-My-Little-Pony-sex-doll


----------



## Larry Gude

Hank said:


> http://forums.somd.com/threads/297152-My-Little-Pony-sex-doll




     a hole


----------



## Larry Gude

kwillia said:


> So are you saying you stopped wanting her for sex and that you just wanted her mind or are you saying that both were fine but you were really impressed with her business sense? If it's the second, you are a dumb#@&% if you gave up a perfectly compatible woman just because she was good at more than one thing and you deserve your long-term relationship with Rosie Palmer.



how stupid do you think I am, really?


----------



## Larry Gude

BadGirl said:


> But you got laid, so it wasn't a total waste of time.  Right?



Wasn't a waste of time at all. Now I know one more good person.


----------



## kwillia

Larry Gude said:


> how stupid do you think I am, really?


----------



## SoMD_Fun_Guy

Larry Gude said:


> Wasn't a waste of time at all. Now I know one more good person.



That's a good way of looking at it.


----------



## Monello

Larry Gude said:


> Ok, so, that wasn't it. I found myself conflicted, focusing more on her business skills and thinking of that it terms of my business needs. That simply wasn't fair so, I walked away from that relationship.



So was the conflict a deal breaker or something you could have possibly worked through?  What was her take on it?  With a younger child in the picture, I'm sure she has her hands full at times.

I use to think that was time wasted but I've come to realize that all those people you meet serve some sort of purpose in life.  Some are much more purposeful than others.


----------



## Larry Gude

kwillia said:


>




Those better be real...


----------



## Gilligan

Monello said:


> I've come to realize that all those people you meet serve some sort of purpose in life.  .




LOL...there is so much I could add to that.


----------



## Larry Gude

Monello said:


> So was the conflict a deal breaker or something you could have possibly worked through?  What was her take on it?  s.



Understanding.  She was willing to give it a go but she certainly appreciated me not trying to drag along unsure.


----------



## vraiblonde

If Monello got tired of my crap and ran off with an inflatable Pony, I doubt I'd go back to the dating sites.  In general it was exhausting and frustrating.


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> If Monello got tired of my crap and ran off with an inflatable Pony, I doubt I'd go back to the dating sites.  In general it was exhausting and frustrating.



I've got too much going on for anything that isn't fun and energizing.  So none of it has been a drag so far. Just say thanks and c yah! No harm. No foul.


----------



## kwillia

vraiblonde said:


> If Monello got tired of my crap and ran off with an inflatable Pony, I doubt I'd go back to the dating sites.  In general it was exhausting and frustrating.


I think you are okay... I don't think he could get an inflatable Pony to fully appreciate his carved pineapple with it popping...


----------



## kwillia

Here you go, Larry.  Hope this helps.


----------



## Bann

kwillia said:


> Here you go, Larry.  Hope this helps.



Ooh, ooh, ooooh!

   (Love it!)


----------



## vraiblonde

kwillia said:


> Here you go, Larry.  Hope this helps.



LMAO!!!!!


----------



## RoseRed

kwillia said:


> Here you go, Larry.  Hope this helps.


----------



## Radiant1

kwillia said:


> Here you go, Larry.  Hope this helps.


----------



## Larry Gude

kwillia said:


> Here you go, Larry.  Hope this helps.



So, the column on the right, it could be ANYONE on the right? I mean, that's where I was in '96 with the kids mom; nothing exciting, no tingles, no electricity, just steady. Everything was fine. I was completely happy with that, clean cut, had gotten her the new house in the neighborhood, coaching soccer, knew all the neighbors, built the deck, kids in and out all the time. I was very much fine with that. It was a life and nothing to be put off over. I was doing all the expected, routine, normal things. 

Then, someone decided this was not fine and that someone was not me. So, 'steady, normal, routine, the expected thing' was not the answer. :shrug:


----------



## inkah

Larry Gude said:


> ...if someone is interested but, that's not the goal.



They are all calling you a smart guy, but your comma is incorrectly placed.  I've noticed it more than once, that tiny little thing...


----------



## Larry Gude

inkah said:


> They are all calling you a smart guy, but your comma is incorrectly placed.  I've noticed it more than once, that tiny little thing...



I'm open to suggestions and corrections...


----------



## inkah

Larry Gude said:


> I'm open to suggestions and corrections...



My comment was your lesson 

PS - I have to admit, I am a bit bummed to see that you ended it.  I was all into if for a few minutes this afternoon.  Silly, eh?


----------



## Larry Gude

inkah said:


> My comment was your lesson
> 
> PS - I have to admit, I am a bit bummed to see that you ended it.  I was all into if for a few minutes this afternoon.  Silly, eh?



Well, it just wasn't...easy enough. And that's not her, it's me. As I say, now I know another good person and the only way I see to do this is to participate. It helped me achieve more clarity about what I'm really going to be good with. I wanted to be open about young kids but, I am simply too old for it. Her kid is fantastic but, for a significant other, she needs someone who can be a bit more mature than me and be helpful and not an incessant, instigating, partner in crime other child to deal with. I was simply awful.  Had so much fun goofing and playing with her but, it PO'd mom a couple times and that really stepped me back a bit. I don't WANNA be an adult when it comes to kids. Done with that. 

So, no younger kids. Unless you're good with me being a playmate.  Check.  

And that is the sort of definition, the pre-thought out this and this and this and not this and not that that I'm not real good at.


----------



## inkah

Larry Gude said:


> Well, it just wasn't...easy enough.



Not AT ALL what I read.  

Gonna to have to brush up on mah comprehension skills, I guess.

Meanwhile, since you missed the lesson - the comma goes before the but.  As in:  "Had so much fun playing with her, but..."


----------



## Larry Gude

inkah said:


> Not AT ALL what I read.
> 
> Gonna to have to brush up on mah comprehension skills, I guess.
> 
> Meanwhile, since you missed the lesson - the comma goes before the but.  As in:  "Had so much fun playing with her, but..."



It was easy, but then the next phases became less so as the interactions of what day to day might look like began to reveal themselves. Things you can only guess at from the early stages and the guess was off.


----------



## kwillia

Starting a relationship with someone who already has 1 or more minor kids is a huge complication. I recently had this discussion with my 20 year old daughter.  She has already come to the conclusion on her own. A guy she would consider dating material is no longer dating material and immediately gets put in the friend zone if she finds out he has a kid. I'm glad she's figured this out already.


----------



## Larry Gude

kwillia said:


> Starting a relationship with someone who already has 1 or more minor kids is a huge complication. I recently had this discussion with my 20 year old daughter.  She has already come to the conclusion on her own. A guy she would consider dating material is no longer dating material and immediately gets put in the friend zone if she finds out he has a kid. I'm glad she's figured this out already.



Most 20 year olds are smarter than me. Good for her!


----------



## Monello

Larry Gude said:


> Most 20 year olds are smarter than me. Good for her!



Relationships are difficult  the more we advance in age.  Toss in kids, aging parents, jobs, etc. and thing get further complicated.    Good on you to realize what is in your control.  At this point just make the best of it.  Things will work out if they were meant, at least that is the philosophy I go with now.  Try your best.  If that doesn't work out then it wasn't meant.  Best of luck.


----------



## mamatutu

Monello said:


> Relationships are difficult  the more we advance in age.  Toss in kids, aging parents, jobs, etc. and thing get further complicated.    Good on you to realize what is in your control.  At this point just make the best of it.  Things will work out if they were meant, at least that is the philosophy I go with now.  Try your best.  If that doesn't work out then it wasn't meant.  Best of luck.



That is the philosophy of life.  And, if you don't succeed, try again.  That was what I was taught.


----------



## Larry Gude

Monello said:


> Relationships are difficult  the more we advance in age.  Toss in kids, aging parents, jobs, etc. and thing get further complicated.    Good on you to realize what is in your control.  At this point just make the best of it.  Things will work out if they were meant, at least that is the philosophy I go with now.  Try your best.  If that doesn't work out then it wasn't meant.  Best of luck.



What we have here are competing interests of:

Relationships being more difficult as we age
Trying our best
And me not giving enough of a #### to try all that hard

If we take all the things we, as an individual,  give a #### about in a relationship,  mind this, don't mind that, gotta have this,  no way that plus all the tweeners it all will work well enough or it wont. Not only am I done 'working' at relationships,  I simply can't do it anymore so it has to just fit. For example her kid was not a problem at all. It was her kid AND her parenting style AND where I am now as opposed to maybe 20 years ago. She is a good parent but was not kewl with me being juvenile with her kid. There are good parents that would have been fine, even happy about that. Take those variables characteristic by relationship characteristic and you got you a sort of matrix. I compromised a lot my whole life trying to help things work. My give a #### is highly tuned at this point and not to be ignored.


----------



## Bann

Larry Gude said:


> What we have here are competing interests of:
> 
> Relationships being more difficult as we age
> Trying our best
> And me not giving enough of a #### to try all that hard
> 
> If we take all the things we, as an individual,  give a #### about in a relationship,  mind this, don't mind that, gotta have this,  no way that plus all the tweeners it all will work well enough or it wont. Not only am I done 'working' at relationships,  I simply can't do it anymore so it has to just fit.* For example her kid was not a problem at all. It was her kid AND her parenting style AND where I am now as opposed to maybe 20 years ago. She is a good parent but was not kewl with me being juvenile with her kid. There are good parents that would have been fine, even happy about that. *Take those variables characteristic by relationship characteristic and you got you a sort of matrix. I compromised a lot my whole life trying to help things work. My give a #### is highly tuned at this point and not to be ignored.



Well...this kind of makes sense anyway.  At our ages, we're pretty much done "raising" children, so you're at the stage of life where you relate to them as an (older) uncle or grandfatherly type. 

Grandpas should be for FUN! and for horsing around, and for buying treats, and for going on fun excursions and all that kind of stuff.  So, I guess she would have to get her mind around that and it would be difficult when she is still in the child raising mode.


----------



## Larry Gude

Bann said:


> Well...this kind of makes sense anyway.  At our ages, we're pretty much done "raising" children, so you're at the stage of life where you relate to them as an (older) uncle or grandfatherly type.
> 
> Grandpas should be for FUN! and for horsing around, and for buying treats, and for going on fun excursions and all that kind of stuff.  So, I guess she would have to get her mind around that and it would be difficult when she is still in the child raising mode.



See, that's the thing. She doesn't need to do a thing to accommodate me. She is fine and doesn't need to change a thing. We just aren't 'it' for one another and that is OK. All the plus's of early on, I mean, sure, early on is easy, agreed but, you can't get to finding out what next month or 6 months or next year bring until you get there. It was promising and, that and other reasons, anh, not our cup of tea. I could be smug and say 'she wasn't for me' but, by definition, I wasn't for her either and that alone is one clarity I have now that I didn't have 30, 25, 20, 15, 10 years ago. I mean, Vrai REALLY brought it home to me in another thread' (maybe this one???) that even when things were great for her and I, it was never easy. That said a LOT to me because there were times when she and I both thought that if she and I couldn't make it work with all the GREAT things we did share, what chance does anyone have? And the simply truth of the matter that she figured out and, my extension, made me understand, is that, whatever was fantastic about our relationship, yeah, maybe not everyone has that high but, by the same token, maybe good relationships don't have the lows she and I had and THAT becomes the larger point; maybe THIS part isn't a 10 for some folks, but, maybe THAT part isn't a 0 or 1 and that means the lack of '10' in whatever ares isn't all that big a deal. I know for a fact that I ignored a HUGE red flag about her early on and that she ignored at least one, (or was it 10??) about me. You make that compromise then for whatever reasons you make it. The good stuff, the kids, the place and time, the possibilities and that's all fine but, those things were there at the beginning and that, in my view, just IS about anyone and it either is OK over time or...it ain't as circumstances evolve. 

So, where that all has me now is a very low threshold for anything that isn't...easy. If something bugs me about "her" fairly soon on, it will damn sure bug me later and that is, for sure, a two way street. The possibility existed, for good reasons, that this last flame may well have been the one who I could have evolved with over time and all would have been well but, for several reasons, those chances got fairly low in view fairly quick and, again, I ain't got, or won't commit the time. Maybe that alone is all that need be said???

In any event, I am a LOT more aware that it could be ME that could be the source of problems later than I used to be and, in some way, I think I saved HER the trouble. Now, should I have left it to her to make that decision? 

Nope.


----------



## DoWhat

Larry Gude said:


> Now, should I have left it to her to make that decision?
> 
> Nope.



Smart Man.


----------



## Bann

Larry Gude said:


> See, that's the thing. She doesn't need to do a thing to accommodate me. She is fine and doesn't need to change a thing. We just aren't 'it' for one another and that is OK. All the plus's of early on, I mean, sure, early on is easy, agreed but, you can't get to finding out what next month or 6 months or next year bring until you get there. It was promising and, that and other reasons, anh, not our cup of tea. I could be smug and say 'she wasn't for me' but, by definition, I wasn't for her either and that alone is one clarity I have now that I didn't have 30, 25, 20, 15, 10 years ago. I mean, Vrai REALLY brought it home to me in another thread' (maybe this one???) that even when things were great for her and I, it was never easy. That said a LOT to me because there were times when she and I both thought that if she and I couldn't make it work with all the GREAT things we did share, what chance does anyone have? And the simply truth of the matter that she figured out and, my extension, made me understand, is that, whatever was fantastic about our relationship, yeah, maybe not everyone has that high but, by the same token, maybe good relationships don't have the lows she and I had and THAT becomes the larger point; maybe THIS part isn't a 10 for some folks, but, maybe THAT part isn't a 0 or 1 and that means the lack of '10' in whatever ares isn't all that big a deal. I know for a fact that I ignored a HUGE red flag about her early on and that she ignored at least one, (or was it 10??) about me. You make that compromise then for whatever reasons you make it. The good stuff, the kids, the place and time, the possibilities and that's all fine but, those things were there at the beginning and that, in my view, just IS about anyone and it either is OK over time or...it ain't as circumstances evolve.
> 
> So, where that all has me now is a very low threshold for anything that isn't...easy. If something bugs me about "her" fairly soon on, it will damn sure bug me later and that is, for sure, a two way street. The possibility existed, for good reasons, that this last flame may well have been the one who I could have evolved with over time and all would have been well but, for several reasons, those chances got fairly low in view fairly quick and, again, I ain't got, or won't commit the time. Maybe that alone is all that need be said???
> 
> In any event, I am a LOT more aware that it could be ME that could be the source of problems later than I used to be and, in some way, I think I saved HER the trouble. Now, should I have left it to her to make that decision?
> 
> Nope.


  I was only commenting on the one point about the child and how you thought (maybe) you were a "bad influence" on her.  (My words)   I think you were too hard on yourself about it, that's all.

Anyhoo, as an older person in a great relationship, who wasn't "actively looking" to be in one - I will say I had a very myopic view on dating.  I may not have known what I wanted, but I knew what I DID NOT want in a relationship.  I was extremely selective (picky) and I was very comfortable (self-centered) about it.  I really didn't care if anyone agreed with me on it, either.  I would rather have been alone than be stuck with something (a relationship) I didn't like.   

I didn't really consider myself a real catch at the time, either.  Divorced, full-time working mom with zero family support in the area, two sons at home (1 a mid-teenager, 1 an adult with a neurological disability), my elderly and in declining health mother had just come to live with us, as there was no one else to care for her. 

I was not looking to put anything else on my plate, but then...

...so you never know.  Just be true to yourself and be happy about it.  Nothing wrong with knowing what you will or will no do, want or don't want.  That's just a plus in my book.


----------



## vraiblonde

What's cool about dating is that there doesn't have to really be a reason to end things and move on.  It can just be because you weren't feeling it, with nothing being necessarily "wrong" with the other person.

So what the heck, back to the old drawing board.


----------



## Misfit

Does "you brake it you bought it" apply to people?


----------



## Larry Gude

Bann said:


> I was only commenting on the one point about the child and how you thought (maybe) you were a "bad influence" on her.  (My words)   I think you were too hard on yourself about it, that's all.
> 
> Anyhoo, as an older person in a great relationship, who wasn't "actively looking" to be in one - I will say I had a very myopic view on dating.  I may not have known what I wanted, but I knew what I DID NOT want in a relationship.  I was extremely selective (picky) and I was very comfortable (self-centered) about it.  I really didn't care if anyone agreed with me on it, either.  I would rather have been alone than be stuck with something (a relationship) I didn't like.
> 
> I didn't really consider myself a real catch at the time, either.  Divorced, full-time working mom with zero family support in the area, two sons at home (1 a mid-teenager, 1 an adult with a neurological disability), my elderly and in declining health mother had just come to live with us, as there was no one else to care for her.
> 
> I was not looking to put anything else on my plate, but then...
> 
> ...so you never know.  Just be true to yourself and be happy about it.  Nothing wrong with knowing what you will or will no do, want or don't want.  That's just a plus in my book.



That is a good example of my point: how the variables do and don't work out. In your case numerous things that might not flow out with a person who might have been great with x and y but not in conjunction with z or x and z but not so much with y. 

Add and subtract variables as ones particulars require.


----------



## Larry Gude

Misfit said:


> Does "you brake it you bought it" apply to people?



Brake as in stop or break as in broke?


----------



## Larry Gude

vraiblonde said:


> So what the heck, back to the old drawing board.



...with more data!


----------



## Misfit

Larry Gude said:


> Brake as in stop or break as in broke?



Ask vrai, I'm not sure.


----------



## Larry Gude

Misfit said:


> Ask vrai.



Uh, huh. Hmmm...


----------



## SoMD_Fun_Guy

Larry - Live and Learn and move on.  
Any prospects on the horizon?


----------



## Larry Gude

SoMD_Fun_Guy said:


> Larry - Live and Learn and move on.
> Any prospects on the horizon?



Nope. Too effing busy. She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes...


----------



## acommondisaster

Necroposting here, but I've been busy. Sorry to see this didn't work out; but not shocked. I still stand by what I've posted previously. Wrong bark,  wrong tree.


----------



## Larry Gude

acommondisaster said:


> Necroposting here, but I've been busy. Sorry to see this didn't work out; but not shocked. I still stand by what I've posted previously. Wrong bark,  wrong tree.



You have to refresh my memory so I don't have to search it up!  

No sorry needed, but sentiment appreciated. Part of the journey, a good part.


----------



## Hank

Larry Gude said:


> journey



I hate them!


----------



## RoseRed

Hank said:


> I hate them!



You and DeeJay.


----------



## vraiblonde

Hank said:


> I hate them!



My brotha


----------



## Monello

Larry Gude said:


> journey





Hank said:


> I hate them!





			
				Monello said:
			
		

> ♪ Don't stop ♪ believin'♪♪♪



Fortissimo


----------



## Larry Gude

Monello said:


> Fortissimo



Yikes!!!


----------



## Bann

Monello said:


> Fortissimo


----------



## acommondisaster

Larry Gude said:


> You have to refresh my memory so I don't have to search it up!
> 
> No sorry needed, but sentiment appreciated. Part of the journey, a good part.



I pretty much summed up my previous position. "wrong bark, wrong tree".


----------



## NotVoldermort

I give ya'll one guess as to who this is...

For the love of all things sane, are you serious? I totally forgot about this site until a friend I told about the classifieds informed me he was on the other day reading through some things, and came back across this thread. He had mentioned that LG had provided a rather narcissistic dissertation about dates and that "I" had been mentioned via a "checklist" of traits and characteristics - but since I'm busy - never read.

Until now. 

First of all, you didn't walk away from any relationship. There was no relationship. But, to be clear, I stopped responding to texts and didn't take your call. We didn't talk about conflict or deal breakers, we just stopped. And yes, I am thankful you didn't push when I didn't respond. 

Where do I even begin - I read this thread from start to end and I am appalled. Most people google others newly met and I only wished I had. Let me give you some advice Larry, should the next conquest do so and peruse this site, you'll not get far. It's not so fun being on the other side of the screen and ones perceptions, is it?

Secondly, you're a grown man, albeit immature and childish in your approach to actually having an adult relationship. I get reminiscing, seeking opinion and insight when it comes to dating (because gawd knows it sucks) from friends, but it should stop there in a public forum when you use your real name. It's incredibly disrespectful to extol upon other's private life and beyond diminutive to profess knowledge of their personal or professional background, fiscal security, or their perceived struggles. You obviously have no idea as to who I am.

Let me set the record straight - I am acutely successful not because of my "structured, inna box existence" and "go go go mentality". It is because of my flexibility, adaptability, wit, humor, sarcasm, and overall kick ass, albeit modest personality. I could buy your farm, in cash.  I may not have the ass of a 20 year old, but I could absolutely kick yours in a number of ways. In all honesty, I'd like to give you the ol' proverbial interwebz punch to the throat, but I digress.

Fun and energizing? This is your main problem. You seem to have no concept as to what it takes to successfully exist in life. It isn't all fun and games, especially when you're in no position to support such a laid back existence - and you're in the position you are in because of your inability to actually strategize and _work_ towards a cumulative goal regardless of what it is. What you're going to be good with is some half-baked hippie chick (which is entirely ok) with no kids who lives out of a VW van, who doesn't mind that you take no pride in your appearance, your belongings, or your living quarters. Strong, intelligent, independent, naughty, well rounded women do not seek men who don't have their #### together. Granted, I stumbled upon you, but you provide relatively little, long-term, to the "type" of woman you seem to say you are indeterminately attracted to. 

For all that I have expounded upon, what got my knickers in a bunch is for you to have the audacity to comment upon my child. Good, bad, or indifferent. How stupid do I think you are? Beyond measure. As a single, veteran widowed parent, regardless of the age of the child, you can't possibly fathom (obviously by your lack of applicability) what my small family has endured to overcome, yet THRIVE. Day to day consists of responsibility. Something you would be well served to attain. My child is incredibly well grounded, chock full of common sense, and quick witted BECAUSE of my parenting style - what other 8 year old can say #### at the dinner table we call Switzerland (anything goes in order to maintain open communications), but she has responsibilities, expected behaviors, and understands action and consequence. You were juvenile to assume you could waltz into this scenario and have a party.

Lastly, your lack of commitment and follow through to pretty much anything is what is _easy_ for you. So is your lack of honesty in this forum regarding what actually transpires in your dating adventures. You are inherently a "good guy" [sic], but your whimsical fantasy of having your cake and eating it too, will be your undoing.

And in all reality for those of you sitting there with your mouth agape - I'm not the flaming bitch I may come across as here. I'm only well written. And if you're a single, financially stable, hung like a horse (and it works), has a job, maybe a couple of investments, one woman type of well humored good teeth strong hands type of man that understands enabling a strong woman to run free, feel free to PM me. 

"B"


----------



## vraiblonde

:swoon:    I am in LOVE!!

Larry, how the hell did you let this woman get away???


----------



## KDENISE977

NotVoldermort said:


> I give ya'll one guess as to who this is...  For the love of all things sane, are you serious? I totally forgot about this site until a friend I told about the classifieds informed me he was on the other day reading through some things, and came back across this thread. He had mentioned that LG had provided a rather narcissistic dissertation about dates and that "I" had been mentioned via a "checklist" of traits and characteristics - but since I'm busy - never read.  Until now.  First of all, you didn't walk away from any relationship. There was no relationship. But, to be clear, I stopped responding to texts and didn't take your call. We didn't talk about conflict or deal breakers, we just stopped. And yes, I am thankful you didn't push when I didn't respond.  Where do I even begin - I read this thread from start to end and I am appalled. Most people google others newly met and I only wished I had. Let me give you some advice Larry, should the next conquest do so and peruse this site, you'll not get far. It's not so fun being on the other side of the screen and ones perceptions, is it?  Secondly, you're a grown man, albeit immature and childish in your approach to actually having an adult relationship. I get reminiscing, seeking opinion and insight when it comes to dating (because gawd knows it sucks) from friends, but it should stop there in a public forum when you use your real name. It's incredibly disrespectful to extol upon other's private life and beyond diminutive to profess knowledge of their personal or professional background, fiscal security, or their perceived struggles. You obviously have no idea as to who I am.  Let me set the record straight - I am acutely successful not because of my "structured, inna box existence" and "go go go mentality". It is because of my flexibility, adaptability, wit, humor, sarcasm, and overall kick ass, albeit modest personality. I could buy your farm, in cash.  I may not have the ass of a 20 year old, but I could absolutely kick yours in a number of ways. In all honesty, I'd like to give you the ol' proverbial interwebz punch to the throat, but I digress.  Fun and energizing? This is your main problem. You seem to have no concept as to what it takes to successfully exist in life. It isn't all fun and games, especially when you're in no position to support such a laid back existence - and you're in the position you are in because of your inability to actually strategize and work towards a cumulative goal regardless of what it is. What you're going to be good with is some half-baked hippie chick (which is entirely ok) with no kids who lives out of a VW van, who doesn't mind that you take no pride in your appearance, your belongings, or your living quarters. Strong, intelligent, independent, naughty, well rounded women do not seek men who don't have their #### together. Granted, I stumbled upon you, but you provide relatively little, long-term, to the "type" of woman you seem to say you are indeterminately attracted to.  For all that I have expounded upon, what got my knickers in a bunch is for you to have the audacity to comment upon my child. Good, bad, or indifferent. How stupid do I think you are? Beyond measure. As a single, veteran widowed parent, regardless of the age of the child, you can't possibly fathom (obviously by your lack of applicability) what my small family has endured to overcome, yet THRIVE. Day to day consists of responsibility. Something you would be well served to attain. My child is incredibly well grounded, chock full of common sense, and quick witted BECAUSE of my parenting style - what other 8 year old can say #### at the dinner table we call Switzerland (anything goes in order to maintain open communications), but she has responsibilities, expected behaviors, and understands action and consequence. You were juvenile to assume you could waltz into this scenario and have a party.  Lastly, your lack of commitment and follow through to pretty much anything is what is easy for you. So is your lack of honesty in this forum regarding what actually transpires in your dating adventures. You are inherently a "good guy" [sic], but your whimsical fantasy of having your cake and eating it too, will be your undoing.  And in all reality for those of you sitting there with your mouth agape - I'm not the flaming bitch I may come across as here. I'm only well written. And if you're a single, financially stable, hung like a horse (and it works), has a job, maybe a couple of investments, one woman type of well humored good teeth strong hands type of man that understands enabling a strong woman to run free, feel free to PM me.  "B"



Just


----------



## NotVoldermort

vraiblonde said:


> :swoon:    I am in LOVE!!
> 
> Larry, how the hell did you let this woman get away???



I just snorted... I think I made clear the how 

Nice to make your acquaintance Vrai


----------



## Bann

Wow.


----------



## RoseRed

NotVoldermort said:


> I give ya'll one guess as to who this is...
> 
> For the love of all things sane, are you serious? I totally forgot about this site until a friend I told about the classifieds informed me he was on the other day reading through some things, and came back across this thread. He had mentioned that LG had provided a rather narcissistic dissertation about dates and that "I" had been mentioned via a "checklist" of traits and characteristics - but since I'm busy - never read.
> 
> Until now.
> 
> First of all, you didn't walk away from any relationship. There was no relationship. But, to be clear, I stopped responding to texts and didn't take your call. We didn't talk about conflict or deal breakers, we just stopped. And yes, I am thankful you didn't push when I didn't respond.
> 
> Where do I even begin - I read this thread from start to end and I am appalled. Most people google others newly met and I only wished I had. Let me give you some advice Larry, should the next conquest do so and peruse this site, you'll not get far. It's not so fun being on the other side of the screen and ones perceptions, is it?
> 
> Secondly, you're a grown man, albeit immature and childish in your approach to actually having an adult relationship. I get reminiscing, seeking opinion and insight when it comes to dating (because gawd knows it sucks) from friends, but it should stop there in a public forum when you use your real name. It's incredibly disrespectful to extol upon other's private life and beyond diminutive to profess knowledge of their personal or professional background, fiscal security, or their perceived struggles. You obviously have no idea as to who I am.
> 
> Let me set the record straight - I am acutely successful not because of my "structured, inna box existence" and "go go go mentality". It is because of my flexibility, adaptability, wit, humor, sarcasm, and overall kick ass, albeit modest personality. I could buy your farm, in cash.  I may not have the ass of a 20 year old, but I could absolutely kick yours in a number of ways. In all honesty, I'd like to give you the ol' proverbial interwebz punch to the throat, but I digress.
> 
> Fun and energizing? This is your main problem. You seem to have no concept as to what it takes to successfully exist in life. It isn't all fun and games, especially when you're in no position to support such a laid back existence - and you're in the position you are in because of your inability to actually strategize and _work_ towards a cumulative goal regardless of what it is. What you're going to be good with is some half-baked hippie chick (which is entirely ok) with no kids who lives out of a VW van, who doesn't mind that you take no pride in your appearance, your belongings, or your living quarters. Strong, intelligent, independent, naughty, well rounded women do not seek men who don't have their #### together. Granted, I stumbled upon you, but you provide relatively little, long-term, to the "type" of woman you seem to say you are indeterminately attracted to.
> 
> For all that I have expounded upon, what got my knickers in a bunch is for you to have the audacity to comment upon my child. Good, bad, or indifferent. How stupid do I think you are? Beyond measure. As a single, veteran widowed parent, regardless of the age of the child, you can't possibly fathom (obviously by your lack of applicability) what my small family has endured to overcome, yet THRIVE. Day to day consists of responsibility. Something you would be well served to attain. My child is incredibly well grounded, chock full of common sense, and quick witted BECAUSE of my parenting style - what other 8 year old can say #### at the dinner table we call Switzerland (anything goes in order to maintain open communications), but she has responsibilities, expected behaviors, and understands action and consequence. You were juvenile to assume you could waltz into this scenario and have a party.
> 
> Lastly, your lack of commitment and follow through to pretty much anything is what is _easy_ for you. So is your lack of honesty in this forum regarding what actually transpires in your dating adventures. You are inherently a "good guy" [sic], but your whimsical fantasy of having your cake and eating it too, will be your undoing.
> 
> And in all reality for those of you sitting there with your mouth agape - I'm not the flaming bitch I may come across as here. I'm only well written. And if you're a single, financially stable, hung like a horse (and it works), has a job, maybe a couple of investments, one woman type of well humored good teeth strong hands type of man that understands enabling a strong woman to run free, feel free to PM me.
> 
> "B"


Most Epic. Bitch: :EVER:


----------



## NotVoldermort

RoseRed said:


> Most Epic. Bitch: :EVER:



I'm a bitch? Or it was a bitch of a rant?


----------



## Hank

Daaammmmmnnnnn, Larry! You just got knocked the #### out!


----------



## RoseRed

This beats Kain and Biscuit forever!


----------



## Dakota

Larry asked for suggestions/advice numerous times in this thread so it sounds like he got just that.  :shrug:


----------



## PJay

NotVoldermort said:


> I'm a bitch? Or it was a bitch of a rant?



no. not speaking for Red but sure not one here believes you are. Actually, you are being too kind. I would have setup a date just to kick him in his sac.

But, that's me.


----------



## Larry Gude

NotVoldermort said:


> For all that I have expounded upon, what got my knickers in a bunch is for you to have the audacity to comment upon my child. Good, bad, or indifferent. How stupid do I think you are? Beyond measure. As a single, veteran widowed parent, regardless of the age of the child, you can't possibly fathom (obviously by your lack of applicability) what my small family has endured to overcome, yet THRIVE. Day to day consists of responsibility. Something you would be well served to attain. My child is incredibly well grounded, chock full of common sense, and quick witted BECAUSE of my parenting style - B"



You have my absolute and unconditional apology and I will gladly erase any and all comments or the entire thread if you would like. I had no intention of causing you, or her, any harm whatsoever and had thought my comments vague enough as well as solidly complimentary of you as a person and parent as well as stating, plainly, that the shortcomings were, and are, mine to avoid any concerns. If I had any sense that I was out of bounds, I would have long deleted all of this out of simple courtesy. I think you a fantastic parent and I think it shows, readily. I think you a wonderful person that any guy, far better than me, would be honored to be with. I'd honestly thought I'd made that clear. 

I would like to leave this up long enough to serve as as public an apology as you see fit and then I'll take the whole thing down. 

I am sorry.


----------



## Hank

Larry Gude said:


> You have my absolute and unconditional apology and I will gladly erase any and all comments or the entire thread if you would like. I had no intention of causing you, or her, any harm whatsoever and had thought my comments vague enough as well as solidly complimentary of you as a person and parent as well as stating, plainly, that the shortcomings were, and are, mine to avoid any concerns. If I had any sense that I was out of bounds, I would have long deleted all of this out of simple courtesy. I think you a fantastic parent and I think it shows, readily. I think you a wonderful person that any guy, far better than me, would be honored to be with. I'd honestly thought I'd made that clear.
> 
> I would like to leave this up long enough to serve as as public an apology as you see fit and then I'll take the whole thing down.
> 
> I am sorry.



Oh great! Now you are going to screw with my post count! Way to go, Larry!


----------



## mamatutu

Larry Gude said:


> You have my absolute and unconditional apology and I will gladly erase any and all comments or the entire thread if you would like. I had no intention of causing you, or her, any harm whatsoever and had thought my comments vague enough as well as solidly complimentary of you as a person and parent as well as stating, plainly, that the shortcomings were, and are, mine to avoid any concerns. If I had any sense that I was out of bounds, I would have long deleted all of this out of simple courtesy. I think you a fantastic parent and I think it shows, readily. I think you a wonderful person that any guy, far better than me, would be honored to be with. I'd honestly thought I'd made that clear.
> 
> I would like to leave this up long enough to serve as as public an apology as you see fit and then I'll take the whole thing down.
> 
> I am sorry.



Spoken like a true gentleman.


----------



## Hank

mamatutu said:


> Spoken like a true gentleman.



Larry is a good guy. I doubt there was any malice intended.... 



I think.


----------



## Larry Gude

mamatutu said:


> Spoken like a true gentleman.



If I was a true gentleman I'd have come nowhere offending her.


----------



## mamatutu

Larry Gude said:


> If I was a true gentleman I'd have come nowhere offending her.



Don't sell yourself short.  There is someone for everyone, and then some.


----------



## vraiblonde

Hank said:


> Oh great! Now you are going to screw with my post count! Way to go, Larry!



Serious.

Larry, it's not like you mentioned her by name.  And it's not like you were dating long enough that all her friends and family members would be googling you.  And if they did it's unlikely they'd want to wade through this long ass thread to see what you said.

I gave some of my best relationship advice in this thread, damn it.


----------



## NotVoldermort

Larry Gude said:


> You have my absolute and unconditional apology and I will gladly erase any and all comments or the entire thread if you would like. I had no intention of causing you, or her, any harm whatsoever and had thought my comments vague enough as well as solidly complimentary of you as a person and parent as well as stating, plainly, that the shortcomings were, and are, mine to avoid any concerns. If I had any sense that I was out of bounds, I would have long deleted all of this out of simple courtesy. I think you a fantastic parent and I think it shows, readily. I think you a wonderful person that any guy, far better than me, would be honored to be with. I'd honestly thought I'd made that clear.
> 
> I would like to leave this up long enough to serve as as public an apology as you see fit and then I'll take the whole thing down.
> 
> I am sorry.





vraiblonde said:


> Serious.
> 
> Larry, it's not like you mentioned her by name.  And it's not like you were dating long enough that all her friends and family members would be googling you.  And if they did it's unlikely they'd want to wade through this long ass thread to see what you said.
> 
> I gave some of my best relationship advice in this thread, damn it.




While I appreciate you falling on your proverbial sword, you're missing a number of points. You seek objectivity in your relational partnerships, but have an abject disregard of respect and privacy - of your own or others, much less honesty of what actually transpires. And at one point in this timeline you were looking for a solid, quantifiable relationship. Had I actually taken the time to go past face value, I would never have met you. Maybe it's because I'm southern, and have a naive expectation that grown men don't talk about the women they "bang", much less provide checklists and details of ones life that you have no business sharing in a public, online, searchable, indexable forum. 

We also talked about this when you told me how you use this site. Anonymity isn't a bad thing. I clearly stated that if we were to continue down a coupled path, that I require and expect a level of privacy that you possibly wouldn't like. As a business owner yourself, and I as someone who holds lucrative visible positions in DC of all places, that it takes only one person to dig and find linkages that get people fired or provide the basis in which they would not do business with you. I'm by no means paranoid, but this is not an extreme example in today's socially media driven world. And while thankfully, I can't be linked to you through this communication (at face value), had this worked out, it would have made me uncomfortable if not embarrassed for friends, family, or coworkers to see how you talk about a significant other and share nuances outside the needed confines of a mature relationship. I asked why you used your full name here, and I still don't get it. I'm actually surprised someone hasn't called you out on it before now. And never underestimate what people will sit and read through to find a nugget of leverage to negate integrity of character. 

You've not caused me concern or worry, but it was highly irritating, as is apparent by my diatribe, to see the leeway you take in discussing people (and their children) that you encounter in this way. The simple courtesy is not to do it in the first place. You want advice on relationships? You should know better considering the number of times it hasn't worked out with someone, that the "fit" you seek doesn't exist when you're not even honest with yourself. There's another post here where you go on and on about stuff in the bathroom that is such an absolute exaggeration that I just shake my head. It's like you smear Vaseline all over your glasses and say you have 20/20 vision. Your take on things is distorted. You deserve happiness, gawd knows we all do, but you won't find it the way you go about it. And I totally agree that one doesn't need a reason not to be with someone, but it takes work and compromise to happily be with someone, anyone, regardless of how fun, energizing and go with the flow they are. And quite honestly, you're going to have to give a lot more because of where you are in life until you clean your slate up a little more thoroughly. 

Many of you have given great advice, but it's truly irrelevant due to his skewed presentation of what he's actually got going on, and his own personal one on one interaction with another. 

Good times.


----------



## mamatutu

Yikes and good grief, NV. I couldn't finish reading your last post because it gave me a headache. It is good you and Larry parted ways. Good for both of you. I just have always liked Larry from my beginning here. Good luck in all you do. No judgement, just opinion.  I don't think y'all are compatible    I am from the South, too.  NOLA.  Where are you from?

Edit:  You seem to have the same syndrome I had when I first came here.  It is called 'The lady doth protest too much, methinks".  Shakespeare in case you didn't know.  It is all a learning experience.  Thank you for taking the center of attention off me! 

One more thing.  I think it takes a lot of guts to use one's actual name on the internet as Larry uses his name as his screen name.  Yes, I will admit I have looked him up.  To me, that means he has nothing to hide, and puts himself out there, and the Devil may care.  Good for him.  I use my first name on here sometimes when I post.  My name is Robin.  Nice to make your acquaintance.   Also, some of us are not so scared of repercussions, and we stand up for what we believe in.

Nite, nite.


----------



## Bann

NotVoldermort said:


> While I appreciate you falling on your proverbial sword, you're missing a number of points. You seek objectivity in your relational partnerships, but have an abject disregard of respect and privacy - of your own or others, much less honesty of what actually transpires. And at one point in this timeline you were looking for a solid, quantifiable relationship. Had I actually taken the time to go past face value, I would never have met you. Maybe it's because I'm southern, and have a naive expectation that grown men don't talk about the women they "bang", much less provide checklists and details of ones life that you have no business sharing in a public, online, searchable, indexable forum.
> 
> We also talked about this when you told me how you use this site. Anonymity isn't a bad thing. I clearly stated that if we were to continue down a coupled path, that I require and expect a level of privacy that you possibly wouldn't like. As a business owner yourself, and I as someone who holds lucrative visible positions in DC of all places, that it takes only one person to dig and find linkages that get people fired or provide the basis in which they would not do business with you. I'm by no means paranoid, but this is not an extreme example in today's socially media driven world. And while thankfully, I can't be linked to you through this communication (at face value), had this worked out, it would have made me uncomfortable if not embarrassed for friends, family, or coworkers to see how you talk about a significant other and share nuances outside the needed confines of a mature relationship. I asked why you used your full name here, and I still don't get it. I'm actually surprised someone hasn't called you out on it before now. And never underestimate what people will sit and read through to find a nugget of leverage to negate integrity of character.
> 
> You've not caused me concern or worry, but it was highly irritating, as is apparent by my diatribe, to see the leeway you take in discussing people (and their children) that you encounter in this way. The simple courtesy is not to do it in the first place. You want advice on relationships? You should know better considering the number of times it hasn't worked out with someone, that the "fit" you seek doesn't exist when you're not even honest with yourself. There's another post here where you go on and on about stuff in the bathroom that is such an absolute exaggeration that I just shake my head. It's like you smear Vaseline all over your glasses and say you have 20/20 vision. Your take on things is distorted. You deserve happiness, gawd knows we all do, but you won't find it the way you go about it. And I totally agree that one doesn't need a reason not to be with someone, but it takes work and compromise to happily be with someone, anyone, regardless of how fun, energizing and go with the flow they are. And quite honestly, you're going to have to give a lot more because of where you are in life until you clean your slate up a little more thoroughly.
> 
> Many of you have given great advice, but it's truly irrelevant due to his skewed presentation of what he's actually got going on, and his own personal one on one interaction with another.
> 
> Good times.



I must say, your (rather verbose) replies sound way more personal than just a brief dating thing.  Seems like you have a lot more hostility for Larry - as if you had way more invested emotionally than you claim.

As others have stated - it's not like Larry mentioned names and made any seriously derogatory comments or personal slurs.  Hell, not being a Harry Potter fan, I had to look up Voldermort.  No one would have ever made a connection and frankly, no one probably cared to.  

Anyhoo - that's just my .02¢  :shrug:


----------



## NotVoldermort

Bann said:


> I must say, your (rather verbose) replies sound way more personal than just a brief dating thing.  Seems like you have a lot more hostility for Larry - as if you had way more invested emotionally than you claim.
> 
> As others have stated - it's not like Larry mentioned names and made any seriously derogatory comments or personal slurs.  Hell, not being a Harry Potter fan, I had to look up Voldermort.  No one would have ever made a connection and frankly, no one probably cared to.
> 
> Anyhoo - that's just my .02¢  :shrug:



LOL - I could have been llike "ohmygawd, dude WTF what's all going on up in here. yo dawg why you lying?" I like writing, whatev.

The Voldermort reference was due to sitting here with my dear friend who was in town and we were looking at the classifieds, drinking a beer while eating steak, and he goes, "oh yeah, remember this?". I didn't want to post under his "name", so a Harry Potter movie was sitting on the kitchen table, and he goes, "Ooooo ooo ooo, be Voldermort!" So this is what I ended up with. Nothing more, nothing less.

I get the perceived hostility - but blunt and direct writing is often inferred as such. I'd argue that I have a command of the English language (I kept up with Reader's Digest "Ways to Improve your Word Power" section) vs. verbose... haha, I like big words and I can't deny etc. 

If my points were missed than so be it. Larry is smart enough to get the message, I only hope he does something with it. Why do things have to be _seriously derogatory_ or _personal slurs_ to understand that what he shares about people is disrespectful, and some people prefer respect of privacy? He shared his perceptions, opinions, and was called out. I only responded. There's no emotional investment - I just detested reading about me and my child in such a way.


----------



## NotVoldermort

mamatutu said:


> Yikes and good grief, NV. I couldn't finish reading your last post because it gave me a headache. It is good you and Larry parted ways. Good for both of you. I just have always liked Larry from my beginning here. Good luck in all you do. No judgement, just opinion.  I don't think y'all are compatible    I am from the South, too.  NOLA.  Where are you from?
> 
> Edit:  You seem to have the same syndrome I had when I first came here.  It is called 'The lady doth protest too much, methinks".  Shakespeare in case you didn't know.  It is all a learning experience.  Thank you for taking the center of attention off me!
> 
> One more thing.  I think it takes a lot of guts to use one's actual name on the internet as Larry uses his name as his screen name.  Yes, I will admit I have looked him up.  To me, that means he has nothing to hide, and puts himself out there, and the Devil may care.  Good for him.  I use my first name on here sometimes when I post.  My name is Robin.  Nice to make your acquaintance.   Also, some of us are not so scared of repercussions, and we stand up for what we believe in.
> 
> Nite, nite.



And the devil often responds. It's just not smart to do what he does. Sharing his information is one thing, sharing others is something else all together. Much less short sided and untruthful. 

And you're right, I don't fear repercussion for standing up for what we believe in - and I did just that.


----------



## Larry Gude

NotVoldermort said:


> While I appreciate you falling on your proverbial sword, you're missing a number of points.



If it came off that way, no such dramatic flourish was intended or meant. My goal here is to sincerely apologize and, frankly, to say thank you. You may note I take no exception to any of your thoughts and, largely, (especially for me) had reduced commentary about our relationship out of respect for your wishes and concerns and, since that time, you may also note I've had very little to say in this thread, at all, about my personal relationships so, I say thank you because I did and do take your thoughts to heart and appreciate them. You may also note comment I made about having been better for having met you and M, knowing one more good person and her amazing daughter that you are so well and, as I thought I expressed, wonderfully raising, basically, on your own. 

If I've done nothing to better your life and journeys in our brief time, again, the fault is mine. I was, and am, taking your thoughts to heart. 

Again, I apologize for any discomfort or insult and, again, say thank you for the time and wish nothing but the best for you both. It was not to be had with me.


----------



## RoseRed

NotVoldermort said:


> I'm a bitch? Or it was a bitch of a rant?



Most epic rant.


----------



## itsbob

Larry Gude said:


> See, that's the thing. She doesn't need to do a thing to accommodate me. She is fine and doesn't need to change a thing. We just aren't 'it' for one another and that is OK. All the plus's of early on, I mean, sure, early on is easy, agreed but, you can't get to finding out what next month or 6 months or next year bring until you get there. It was promising and, that and other reasons, anh, not our cup of tea. I could be smug and say 'she wasn't for me' but, by definition, I wasn't for her either and that alone is one clarity I have now that I didn't have 30, 25, 20, 15, 10 years ago. I mean, Vrai REALLY brought it home to me in another thread' (maybe this one???) that even when things were great for her and I, it was never easy. That said a LOT to me because there were times when she and I both thought that if she and I couldn't make it work with all the GREAT things we did share, what chance does anyone have? And the simply truth of the matter that she figured out and, my extension, made me understand, is that, whatever was fantastic about our relationship, yeah, maybe not everyone has that high but, by the same token, maybe good relationships don't have the lows she and I had and THAT becomes the larger point; maybe THIS part isn't a 10 for some folks, but, maybe THAT part isn't a 0 or 1 and that means the lack of '10' in whatever ares isn't all that big a deal. I know for a fact that I ignored a HUGE red flag about her early on and that she ignored at least one, (or was it 10??) about me. You make that compromise then for whatever reasons you make it. The good stuff, the kids, the place and time, the possibilities and that's all fine but, those things were there at the beginning and that, in my view, just IS about anyone and it either is OK over time or...it ain't as circumstances evolve.
> 
> So, where that all has me now is a very low threshold for anything that isn't...easy. If something bugs me about "her" fairly soon on, it will damn sure bug me later and that is, for sure, a two way street. The possibility existed, for good reasons, that this last flame may well have been the one who I could have evolved with over time and all would have been well but, for several reasons, those chances got fairly low in view fairly quick and, again, I ain't got, or won't commit the time. Maybe that alone is all that need be said???
> 
> In any event, I am a LOT more aware that it could be ME that could be the source of problems later than I used to be and, in some way, I think I saved HER the trouble. Now, should I have left it to her to make that decision?
> 
> Nope.


I just want to know what Vrai's red flag was (is)..  I REALLY do want to poke that bear.


----------



## itsbob

But how the hell did I miss this thread?  Was this the three days I was in a comma but,??


----------



## vraiblonde

itsbob said:


> I just want to know what Vrai's red flag was (is)..



Me too.


----------



## my-thyme

I miss Larry.


----------



## Gilligan

SailorGirl said:


> You were in a comma?


or parentheses...


----------



## RoseRed

SailorGirl said:


> You were in a comma?


He's a commaedien.


----------



## vraiblonde

SailorGirl said:


> You were in a comma?



Nah, just having his period.


----------



## Gilligan

my-thyme said:


> I miss Larry.



he graces my FB wall with his witty presence on occasion...so he's still  "with us"..LOL


----------



## BernieP

vraiblonde said:


> Nah, just having his period.


:groan <- we need something for groaners, not that there isn't anything wrong with that, or moaners


----------



## BernieP

I'm just going to post a help wanted ad.
Wanted:  Mature, but hot, over 60 conservative actress, who may or may not be blond.


----------



## vraiblonde

BernieP said:


> I'm just going to post a help wanted ad.
> Wanted:  Mature, but hot, over 60 conservative actress, who may or may not be blond.


----------



## BernieP

vraiblonde said:


> View attachment 144198


I see my chances are getting brighter... or is that the train coming the other way?


----------



## vraiblonde

At least this one is honest


----------



## Gilligan

vraiblonde said:


> At least this one is honest
> 
> View attachment 144199


Dang..my ex...


----------



## Gilligan

SailorGirl said:


> which one?


Hard to tell em apart...been so many of em..


----------



## vraiblonde

SailorGirl said:


> which one?


----------



## itsbob

vraiblonde said:


> Me too.





SailorGirl said:


> You were in a comma?


After I had my :ectomy.. now I only have a ;


----------



## BernieP

Gilligan said:


> Dang..my ex...


we could not have been married to the same psychopath?


----------



## Monello

I nominate this thread for the SOMD Hall Of Fame.


----------

