# How do I get him to take care of his son??????????



## chemommy25

Its been a while since I asked for any advice on here.

Last june I filed for Custody and child support of my now 19 month old son. I had my first court date in January. My son's father showed up for that one. He requested mediation because him and I couldnt agree on a custody agreement (go figure). A week later was the mediation. He got married and moved to Texas about two days before the mediation. So he didnt go to the mediation that he requested. So we had to go to another court date in march. Again he didn't show for that either. So i was awarded Sole custody of my son and a set amount of child support. The courts decided he should pay back child support from the time i filed lat june. To this day he has not paid for ANYTHING. i dont even think i have heard from him since January. He is pretty close to being around $4,000 behind on his Child Support. His father talks to him around once a week and says that My sons father always calls from a restricted number. Which i believe because he is a coward. I have no address for him. no phone number. nothing. I know the reason he moved to Texas was in hope of not having to pay for TWO kids in Maryland. But how long will the courts let this go on for? How am i supposed to find him so the courts can atleast send him the court papers? I don't know where to start. I have tried to call The child support enforcement agency, but all they do is transfer me around and talk alot of gibberish saying they will get back to me. i just need some financial help from my son's father and i don't know where to start so thay can atleast start garnishing his wages, or atleast penalizing(sp) him for not paying his child support. Arent they supposed to take his license away or put him in jail or something? If anybody has any information on where i should start or what i should do to get him to start paying his child support.I dont evenknow where he is. I mean i have done everything i think i could do. i have been to court. i have paid EVERY court cost. he has not shown up but for one court date. As of right now i have spent hundreds of dollars just trying to get him to take care of his son. and still i get nothin. please let me know. Thanks in advance.


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## Beelzebaby666

Wasn't your last query here just a means of stirring up his mother, who happens to post on this forum?

I'm not saying you don't have reason to be angry, but why are you asking here, again, when many of us all ready know what's up? It seems redundant.


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## Mojo

...........


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## latinamomma

Trust me when I say this, Child Support doesn't give a damn if he is paying or if he isn't.  I too have a dead beat that won't pay for his kids, and who has left the state of MD.  The only thing is he is almost $60,000.00 behind in support.  Try looking him up on zabasearch.com and see if that helps or try whitepages.com and see if that turns up anything.  I wish you the best of luck with this!


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## RareBreed

chemommy25 said:


> Its been a while since I asked for any advice on here.
> 
> Last june I filed for Custody and child support of my now 19 month old son. I had my first court date in January. My son's father showed up for that one. He requested mediation because him and I couldnt agree on a custody agreement (go figure). A week later was the mediation. He got married and moved to Texas about two days before the mediation. So he didnt go to the mediation that he requested. So we had to go to another court date in march. Again he didn't show for that either. So i was awarded Sole custody of my son and a set amount of child support. The courts decided he should pay back child support from the time i filed lat june. To this day he has not paid for ANYTHING. i dont even think i have heard from him since January. He is pretty close to being around $4,000 behind on his Child Support. His father talks to him around once a week and says that My sons father always calls from a restricted number. Which i believe because he is a coward. I have no address for him. no phone number. nothing. I know the reason he moved to Texas was in hope of not having to pay for TWO kids in Maryland. But how long will the courts let this go on for? How am i supposed to find him so the courts can atleast send him the court papers? I don't know where to start. I have tried to call The child support enforcement agency, but all they do is transfer me around and talk alot of gibberish saying they will get back to me. i just need some financial help from my son's father and i don't know where to start so thay can atleast start garnishing his wages, or atleast penalizing(sp) him for not paying his child support. Arent they supposed to take his license away or *put him in jail *or something? If anybody has any information on where i should start or what i should do to get him to start paying his child support.I dont evenknow where he is. I mean i have done everything i think i could do. i have been to court. i have paid EVERY court cost. he has not shown up but for one court date. As of right now i have spent hundreds of dollars just trying to get him to take care of his son. and still i get nothin. please let me know. Thanks in advance.



I doubt non-support capiases are even extraditable from any other state than the one they are issued in.


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## SoccerMom2

chemommy25 said:


> Its been a while since I asked for any advice on here.
> 
> Last june I filed for Custody and child support of my now 19 month old son. I had my first court date in January. My son's father showed up for that one. He requested mediation because him and I couldnt agree on a custody agreement (go figure). A week later was the mediation. He got married and moved to Texas about two days before the mediation. So he didnt go to the mediation that he requested. So we had to go to another court date in march. Again he didn't show for that either. So i was awarded Sole custody of my son and a set amount of child support. The courts decided he should pay back child support from the time i filed lat june. To this day he has not paid for ANYTHING. i dont even think i have heard from him since January. He is pretty close to being around $4,000 behind on his Child Support. His father talks to him around once a week and says that My sons father always calls from a restricted number. Which i believe because he is a coward. I have no address for him. no phone number. nothing. I know the reason he moved to Texas was in hope of not having to pay for TWO kids in Maryland. But how long will the courts let this go on for? How am i supposed to find him so the courts can atleast send him the court papers? I don't know where to start. I have tried to call The child support enforcement agency, but all they do is transfer me around and talk alot of gibberish saying they will get back to me. i just need some financial help from my son's father and i don't know where to start so thay can atleast start garnishing his wages, or atleast penalizing(sp) him for not paying his child support. Arent they supposed to take his license away or put him in jail or something? If anybody has any information on where i should start or what i should do to get him to start paying his child support.I dont evenknow where he is. I mean i have done everything i think i could do. i have been to court. i have paid EVERY court cost. he has not shown up but for one court date. As of right now i have spent hundreds of dollars just trying to get him to take care of his son. and still i get nothin. please let me know. Thanks in advance.



Do you know who he married? If not go online. The marriage license is online. Then you can just go to whitepages.com and look up both their names and call every number to you find them. Unless you know what part of Texas. Then that will narrow it down. If he miss a court order mediation and court date he should of got a failure to appear. At least i think he should of. My friend went through the state to get help. But that was in Va.  Her baby daddy has to pay them back for not paying her.


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## carolann

Mine was $35,000 in arrears and back child support and never asked to see our daughter who lives 10 minutes from him.  He finally asked to give up his rights and my husband adopted her in March of this year.  The arrears and back child support will still be there in the background if she ever wants it, which she knows she will never get from him, and I don't have the stress of having him have a say in her life.  She is very happy.


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## bcp

any man that refuses to take care of his own children is a POS.
 I hate to say it but I personally think you are better off without him, his money, or anyone from his side of the family.
 Move on and raise your child the best you can.


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## cattitude

bcp said:


> any man that refuses to take care of his own children is a POS.
> I hate to say it but I personally think you are better off without him, his money, or anyone from his side of the family.
> Move on and raise your child the best you can.


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## morningbell

carolann said:


> Mine was $35,000 in arrears and back child support and never asked to see our daughter who lives 10 minutes from him.  He finally asked to give up his rights and *my husband adopted her in March of this year*.  The arrears and back child support will still be there in the background if she ever wants it, which she knows she will never get from him, and I don't have the stress of having him have a say in her life.  She is very happy.



That is sweet!


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## onebdzee

bcp said:


> any man that refuses to take care of his own children is a POS.
> I hate to say it but I personally think you are better off without him, his money, or anyone from his side of the family.
> Move on and raise your child the best you can.



That rush of power from your truck just makes you say the bestest things


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## PrepH4U

bcp said:


> any man that refuses to take care of his own children is a POS.
> I hate to say it but I personally think you are better off without him, his money, or anyone from his side of the family.
> Move on and raise your child the best you can.



So true!


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## Bay_Kat

bcp said:


> any man that refuses to take care of his own children is a POS.
> I hate to say it but I personally think you are better off without him, his money, or anyone from his side of the family.
> Move on and raise your child the best you can.



I absolutely agree with you, but unfortunately after reading some of her previous posts it seems she's not the only baby's momma this guy owes support to.  So I think your advice is perfect because he's obviously a POS that isn't paying for any of his kids.


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## Seamaid

Absolutely! 




bcp said:


> any man that refuses to take care of his own children is a POS.
> I hate to say it but I personally think you are better off without him, his money, or anyone from his side of the family.
> Move on and raise your child the best you can.


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## sanchezf

carolann said:


> He finally asked to give up his rights and my husband adopted her in March of this year.


 

We are getting ready to do this ourselves, the father wants to give up rights and my finace wants to adopt him (he's been his dad anyway for the last 9 years).  Can you give me any advice on what needs to be done.  Need to get a lawyer?  Cost?  

Thanks in advance 
sanchezf


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## Suz

bcp said:


> any man that refuses to take care of his own children is a POS.
> I hate to say it but I personally think you are better off without him, his money, *or anyone from his side of the family.*
> Move on and raise your child the best you can.



He may be a POS but I love my grandson deeply.  And I shouldn't be punished (nor should Che') for his fathers lack of responsibility.  so stfu.


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## PrepH4U

Suz said:


> He may be a POS but I love my grandson deeply.  And I shouldn't be punished (nor should Che') for his fathers lack of responsibility.  so stfu.



So how about making your son step up to the plate to "act" like a man.  :shrug:


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## 01mds10

bcp said:


> any man that refuses to take care of his own children is a POS.
> I hate to say it but I personally think you are better off without him, his money, *or anyone from his side of the family.*
> Move on and raise your child the best you can.



i wouldn't say anyone from his side of the family. yes my brother needs to take care of his son, i agree. but don't compare me or my family with him. that's ignorant.. and frankly so are you.


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## Suz

PrepH4U said:


> So how about making your son step up to the plate to "act" like a man.  :shrug:



And how am I suppose to do that?  He and I don't even talk.


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## nomoney

01mds10 said:


> i wouldn't say anyone from his side of the family. yes my brother needs to take care of his son, i agree. but don't compare me or my family with him. that's ignorant.. and frankly so are you.


 
if you or your other relations love this child so much and don't want to be compared to him then why aren't you out there trying to at least get his contact info to the woman?


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## Suz

01mds10 said:


> i wouldn't say anyone from his side of the family. yes my brother needs to take care of his son, i agree. but don't compare me or my family with him. that's ignorant.. and frankly so are you.


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## Suz

nomoney said:


> if you or your other relations love this child so much and don't want to be compared to him then why aren't you out there trying to at least get his contact info to the woman?



Your so smart.  gee, I'm jealous.  When someone calls you from a RESTRICTED
  phone number...............  you can stfu too.


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## DoWhat

nomoney said:


> if you or your other relations love this child so much and don't want to be compared to him then why aren't you out there trying to at least get his contact info to the woman?



Better yet, if the son doesn't pay up, maybe the Grandparents should step up and help out?


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## nomoney

Suz said:


> Your so smart. gee, I'm jealous. When someone calls you from a RESTRICTED
> phone number............... you can stfu too.


 

I'm sorry your son is a POS.  You don't have to take all your anger out on me.


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## Suz

DoWhat said:


> Better yet, if the son doesn't pay up, maybe the Grandparents should step up and help out?



I do.  now you can go back in your hole.........


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## cattitude

Poor little child...


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## DoWhat

Suz said:


> I do.  now you can go back in your hole.........



After you answer this question.

How much do you pay per month?


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## nomoney

cattitude said:


> Poor little child...


 

ya no crap.


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## nomoney

wonder how the weekly phone calls go....."so son, hows the weather?"


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## PrepH4U

nomoney said:


> wonder how the weekly phone calls go....."so son, hows the weather?"



I planted more marigolds today, the trees are blooming also.


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## nomoney

PrepH4U said:


> I planted more marigolds today, the trees are blooming also.


 

Did you see the Caps game?


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## 01mds10

PrepH4U said:


> So how about making your son step up to the plate to "act" like a man.  :shrug:



that's his responsibility to act like a man.

yes he needs to step up to the plate, yes he needs to take care of his actions, but don't hold anyone else responsible for his doings.


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## nomoney

01mds10 said:


> that's his responsibility to act like a man.
> 
> yes he needs to step up to the plate, yes he needs to take care of his actions, but don't hold anyone else responsible for his doings.


 

I for one, having sons - wouldn't put up with a "weekly" phone call from a "RESTRICTED" number.  If my son can't give me his contact info for emergencies, etc....then don't bother calling me at all. 

You are right though that it is his responsibility, and I guess you've already tried everything you can. His parents are a dead end.  Maybe he'll come home for Thanksgiving.  :shrug:


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## lak

I win!  My ex owes $72,689.81.  My case is in PG County.  They have so many cases, I am just a number to them.  Calvert seems to be more on the ball though.  They regularly post deadbeat parents in the county paper.  My two cents:

1.  You have a beautiful child, move forward.  Support him the best you can.  I delivered newspapers to support my children.
2.  Don't punish the grandparents, your child needs all the loving family you've got.  His parents don't owe you anything.  Just let them love your child.
3.  The father obviously has no character, he will reap what he sows.


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## sockgirl77

chemommy25 said:


> Its been a while since I asked for any advice on here.
> 
> Last june I filed for Custody and child support of my now 19 month old son. I had my first court date in January. My son's father showed up for that one. He requested mediation because him and I couldnt agree on a custody agreement (go figure). A week later was the mediation. He got married and moved to Texas about two days before the mediation. So he didnt go to the mediation that he requested. So we had to go to another court date in march. Again he didn't show for that either. So i was awarded Sole custody of my son and a set amount of child support. The courts decided he should pay back child support from the time i filed lat june. To this day he has not paid for ANYTHING. i dont even think i have heard from him since January. He is pretty close to being around $4,000 behind on his Child Support. His father talks to him around once a week and says that My sons father always calls from a restricted number. Which i believe because he is a coward. I have no address for him. no phone number. nothing. I know the reason he moved to Texas was in hope of not having to pay for TWO kids in Maryland. But how long will the courts let this go on for? How am i supposed to find him so the courts can atleast send him the court papers? I don't know where to start. I have tried to call The child support enforcement agency, but all they do is transfer me around and talk alot of gibberish saying they will get back to me. i just need some financial help from my son's father and i don't know where to start so thay can atleast start garnishing his wages, or atleast penalizing(sp) him for not paying his child support. Arent they supposed to take his license away or put him in jail or something? If anybody has any information on where i should start or what i should do to get him to start paying his child support.I dont evenknow where he is. I mean i have done everything i think i could do. i have been to court. i have paid EVERY court cost. he has not shown up but for one court date. As of right now i have spent hundreds of dollars just trying to get him to take care of his son. and still i get nothin. please let me know. Thanks in advance.



You can't get him to take care of his child and don't expect him to. Just do all you can to give the child a wonderful life. Good luck. 

P.S. Texas does not do anything to help MD with child support.


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## Suz

DoWhat said:


> After you answer this question.
> 
> How much do you pay per month?



I didn't "play" so I don't HAVE to PAY.  It is NOT my responsibility.  I am the grandparent, not the parent.

Now, if she needed diapers, food, clothes all she has to do is ask.  I take Che' for days at a time so she doesn't have to pay for a sitter.  (and enjoy every minute I have him.)  No, she wants cash.  Which she asked for via texting my cell phone last night.  Hence this thread.......  and now I understand I can't see my grandson once again because I said no to the cash.

Tell you what.  All of you are so quick to jump on the bandwagon...Why don't ya'll just pass the plate, give up some cash, and I'll let you know where to send it to her?  How's that for a solution?  Since ya'll seem to know the answer for everything......


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## PrepH4U

Suz said:


> *I didn't "play" so I don't HAVE to PAY.  It is NOT my responsibility.  I am the grandparent, not the parent.*
> Now, if she needed diapers, food, clothes all she has to do is ask.  I take Che' for days at a time so she doesn't have to pay for a sitter.  (and enjoy every minute I have him.)  No, she wants cash.  Which she asked for via texting my cell phone last night.  Hence this thread.......  and now I understand I can't see my grandson once again because I said no to the cash.
> 
> Tell you what.  All of you are so quick to jump on the bandwagon...Why don't ya'll just pass the plate, give up some cash, and I'll let you know where to send it to her?  How's that for a solution?  Since ya'll seem to know the answer for everything......



Ahh I understand now, you don't trust your grandsons Mom to be able to manage cash.  All so clear now!


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## DoWhat

Suz said:


> ...Why don't ya'll just pass the plate, give up some cash, .....



The plate will not fit in the hole that I am in.


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## Pete

Suz said:


> I didn't "play" so I don't HAVE to PAY.  It is NOT my responsibility.  I am the grandparent, not the parent.
> 
> Now, if she needed diapers, food, clothes all she has to do is ask.  I take Che' for days at a time so she doesn't have to pay for a sitter.  (and enjoy every minute I have him.)  No, she wants cash.  Which she asked for via texting my cell phone last night.  Hence this thread.......  and now I understand I can't see my grandson once again because I said no to the cash.
> 
> Tell you what.  All of you are so quick to jump on the bandwagon...Why don't ya'll just pass the plate, give up some cash, and I'll let you know where to send it to her?  How's that for a solution?  Since ya'll seem to know the answer for everything......



This does not compute


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## 01mds10

nomoney said:


> if you or your other relations love this child so much and don't want to be compared to him then why aren't you out there trying to at least get his contact info to the woman?



because we have our own life to live. i'm the uncle of che - i have a full time job and my own life. my parents both have there own life to live as well.



DoWhat said:


> Better yet, if the son doesn't pay up, maybe the Grandparents should step up and help out?



oh yes that's a great idea. next you're going to say the uncle should pay up to.

being a grandparent or an uncle or an aunt is a part time endeavor, not a full time endeavor. we are not responsible to take care of the kid full time, our repsonsibility is to spoil him rotten and give him back to his mother.


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## otter

Amazing..


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## sunflower

otter said:


> Amazing..


 

How family treats each other over MONEY... SAD


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## pixiegirl

otter said:


> Amazing..



Really, I think it's pretty common unfortunately.  

Chemommy, suck it up baby girl.  You are a grown up and you chose to have a baby with a POS.  Harsh words yes but it's the reality of the situation.  I did it too.  My son is 7 and hasn't had ANY contact with his sperm donor in 3 years and I've never gotten support.  I chose to have and keep my son so I chose to bare the responsibility of raising him.

As long as baby daddy family is not supporting the POS or directly going against your wishes when it comes to things that concern your son then you have no reason to keep them away from your child.  They do not owe you cash money UNLESS they are financially supporting baby daddy still.  Seems as if they aren't doing that so you should be greatful for what they do do.


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## Black-Francis

pixiegirl said:


> Really, I think it's pretty common unfortunately.
> 
> Chemommy, suck it up baby girl.  You are a grown up and you chose to have a baby with a POS.  Harsh words yes but it's the reality of the situation.  I did it too.  My son is 7 and hasn't had ANY contact with his sperm donor in 3 years and I've never gotten support.  I chose to have and keep my son so I chose to bare the responsibility of raising him.
> 
> As long as baby daddy family is not supporting the POS or directly going against your wishes when it comes to things that concern your son then you have no reason to keep them away from your child.  They do not owe you cash money UNLESS they are financially supporting baby daddy still.  Seems as if they aren't doing that so you should be greatful for what they do do.



well said.......


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## Suz

pixiegirl said:


> Really, I think it's pretty common unfortunately.
> 
> Chemommy, suck it up baby girl.  You are a grown up and you chose to have a baby with a POS.  Harsh words yes but it's the reality of the situation.  I did it too.  My son is 7 and hasn't had ANY contact with his sperm donor in 3 years and I've never gotten support.  I chose to have and keep my son so I chose to bare the responsibility of raising him.
> 
> As long as baby daddy family is not supporting the POS or directly going against your wishes when it comes to things that concern your son then you have no reason to keep them away from your child.  They do not owe you cash money *UNLESS they are financially supporting baby daddy still.*  Seems as if they aren't doing that so you should be greatful for what they do do.





No we don't support him financially or emotionally (on my part at least).  He isn't even welcome in my home any longer.


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## stylin

The Mom does have the address!!!!!!  It is stated in her one of her old posts that she does...hmmmmm


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## sockgirl77

After reading the whole thread after I posted I realized how incredibly rude it was of you to post this. You knew that his grandmother was a forum member. Grow the eff up. If you want less drama with her quit posting your baby daddy drama about her son.


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## Suz

stylin said:


> The Mom does have the address!!!!!!  It is stated in her one of her old posts that she does...hmmmmm



ummm unless you gave birth to him then you don't know sh*t, because all I know is the town he lives in (and so does chemommy).


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## thurley42

01mds10 said:


> because we have our own life to live. i'm the uncle of che - i have a full time job and my own life. my parents both have there own life to live as well.
> 
> 
> 
> oh yes that's a great idea. next you're going to say the uncle should pay up to.
> 
> being a grandparent or an uncle or an aunt is a part time endeavor, not a full time endeavor. we are not responsible to take care of the kid full time, our repsonsibility is to spoil him rotten and give him back to his mother.



i'm sure an uncle will end up paying..just not you...


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## pixiegirl

thurley42 said:


> i'm sure an uncle will end up paying..just not you...




Terribly presumptious.


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## SoMDGirl42

This whole thread is sad. It's sad the father doesn't take care of his responsibilities, the mother has to do it with no support, the grandmother does what she can and it's not appreciated, and the baby is used as a pawn. 
Sad.  No winner winner chicken dinner here.

Mom, do the best you can to raise your son, I hope one day the father will grow up and do what is right. 

Grandma, continue to do what you can and love this little man as much as you can. 

And lastly, all of you, stop fighting and using this child as your pawns, he's the innocent party in ALL of this.


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## BS Gal

Wow.


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## Mojo

sockgirl77 said:


> After reading the whole thread after I posted I realized how incredibly rude it was of you to post this. You knew that his grandmother was a forum member. Grow the eff up. If you want less drama with her quit posting your baby daddy drama about her son.



His own mom called him a POS :shrug:


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## 01mds10

Mojo said:


> His own mom called him a POS :shrug:


so then it's ok for her to post this.. come on now, get real..

the mother wants everyone to pay for her son that she had and can't afford. she needs to suck it up and be a mother. 


i'm sorry but #### that. 

i work my ass off all year so i can give my hard earned money to a childs mother that can't afford a baby she had the choice of giving up. if you can't afford a kid, you shouldn't have had one. period. 

this goes to all mothers who ##### about money and children and expect giveaways. 

i'm not directing this towards anyone in particular, this just urks my last nerve my tax dollars are going to this.


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## Ilikepie

01mds10 said:


> this goes to all mothers who ##### about money and children and expect giveaways.
> 
> i'm not directing this towards anyone in particular, this just urks my last nerve my tax dollars are going to this.



Woot! 

What about her MF'n parents, can they help out, pay for some of the necessities since everyone thinks the fathers parents should pay! WTF, it takes 2, TWO I say to make a baby! Stop harassing the fathers parents for money etc. Harass your own parents for not teaching you to keep your GD legs closed! 

Grow the F up, get a job, and raise your child!


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## otter

01mds10 said:


> so then it's ok for her to post this.. come on now, get real..
> 
> the mother wants everyone to pay for her son that she had and can't afford. she needs to suck it up and be a mother.
> 
> 
> i'm sorry but #### that.
> 
> i work my ass off all year so i can give my hard earned money to a childs mother that can't afford a baby she had the choice of giving up. if you can't afford a kid, you shouldn't have had one. period.
> 
> this goes to all mothers who ##### about money and children and expect giveaways.
> 
> i'm not directing this towards anyone in particular, this just urks my last nerve my tax dollars are going to this.





Ilikepie said:


> Woot!
> 
> What about her MF'n parents, can they help out, pay for some of the necessities since everyone thinks the fathers parents should pay! WTF, it takes 2, TWO I say to make a baby! Stop harassing the fathers parents for money etc. Harass your own parents for not teaching you to keep your GD legs closed!
> 
> Grow the F up, get a job, and raise your child!



 My nominations for most ignorant posts of the month.


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## Ilikepie

otter said:


> My nominations for most ignorant posts of the month.



Aww, is that the best you could come up with? Since you are in such support of the little tramp, why don't you give her some hard earned cash? I'm sure she would REWARD you! (just make sure you keep it wrapped) Douche bag!


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## TwistedDiamond

otter said:


> My nominations for most ignorant posts of the month.



I second that notion!


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## sockgirl77

Mojo said:


> His own mom called him a POS :shrug:



che's mommy only started this (and every other) thread to start drama.


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## TwistedDiamond

Ilikepie said:


> STFU, do you think this is a F'n board room, where your nominations/votes mean shi^! F'n tea bagger!



Somebody piss in your wheaties this morning or are you just one of these dead beat dad's who won't man up and help out?


----------



## sockgirl77

Ilikepie said:


> STFU, do you think this is a F'n board room, where your nominations/votes mean shi^! F'n tea bagger!



 Take this to the Fight Club.


----------



## jaybeeztoo

01mds10 said:


> so then it's ok for her to post this.. come on now, get real..
> 
> the mother wants everyone to pay for her son that she had and can't afford. she needs to suck it up and be a mother.
> 
> 
> i'm sorry but #### that.
> 
> i work my ass off all year so i can give my hard earned money to a childs mother that can't afford a baby she had the choice of giving up. if you can't afford a kid, you shouldn't have had one. period.
> 
> this goes to all mothers who ##### about money and children and expect giveaways.
> 
> i'm not directing this towards anyone in particular, this just urks my last nerve my tax dollars are going to this.




OH MY GOD!!!!! You think your brother had nothing to do with this situation.  He made the baby too.

So mommy gets pregnant, from your brother's sperm, and decides to keep the baby.  They both tangoed and both should pay.

How dare you imply that SHE chose to have the baby and should suck it up and support it on her own.  The father should step up and be a man and pay his share.  He played a BIG roll in the baby making as well.


----------



## sockgirl77

jaybeeztoo said:


> OH MY GOD!!!!! You think your brother had nothing to do with this situation.  He made the baby too.
> 
> So mommy gets pregnant, from your brother's sperm, and decides to keep the baby.  They both tangoed and both should pay.
> 
> How dare you imply that SHE chose to have the baby and should suck it up and support it on her own.  The father should step up and be a man and pay his share.  He played a BIG roll in the baby making as well.



BUT at some point she's going to have to realize that the child is her responsibility and just take care of him without the father's assistance. And yes, she did choose to have the baby. I'm not at all defending the "father" but biatching and crying over it is getting her nowhere. She'll wake up one day and realize that she's just going to have to do all she can and work as many jobs possible to support this child. Raising one on your own is really not all that hard.


----------



## Ilikepie

TwistedDiamond said:


> Somebody piss in your wheaties this morning or are you just one of these dead beat dad's who won't man up and help out?



Wrong on both counts, but thanks for yet again presuming something you know nothing about. F'n idiots! The lot of you are a-holes, judging and entire family, calling them out, talking shi^ about them, and you know nothing about them. So the one son isn't paying child support, he moved away, yadda yadda. This has nothing to do with either family, it has to do with a child, a mother, and a father...2 of which are financially responsible for and well be until that child is 18. The child is not the financial responsibility of the grandparents. The father isn't there, isn't helping out, quit crying about it, get a job, and do the best you can for YOUR child. Don't come to a forum requesting advice on "how to obtain child support from a dead beat dad" Although, I'm sure everyone that has replied is of course and expert on the subject! Instead, go seek legal help! NO ONE HERE CAN HELP YOU! unless of course they have a degree in law, and are currently practicing with a license! I'm sure none of them do. In the mean time, open up the phone book, find a lawyer and call them for advice! While you are at it, call a Psychiatrist and save all this drama for them!


----------



## jaybeeztoo

sockgirl77 said:


> BUT at some point she's going to have to realize that the child is her responsibility and just take care of him without the father's assistance. And yes, she did choose to have the baby. I'm not at all defending the "father" but biatching and crying over it is getting her nowhere. She'll wake up one day and realize that she's just going to have to do all she can and work as many jobs possible to support this child. Raising one on your own is really not all that hard.



I agree Socki....my sister raised her kids very well on her own :kudostoher:

But, the post I quoted really irked me.  It was suggesting that the mother made all the choices and should pay the price.

Yes, I know people don't pay child support.  I adopted my husband's children and forgave the $20K child support debt of their bio mother.  I have no regrets about what I did.

It's hard to raise children, even with two incomes, but it can be done even on one income.  I guess the OP will have to step up and realize that no one is going to help her.  She needs to make the best of the situation and do the best she can for her son.  It can be done.


----------



## 01mds10

jaybeeztoo said:


> OH MY GOD!!!!! You think your brother had nothing to do with this situation.  He made the baby too.
> 
> So mommy gets pregnant, from your brother's sperm, and decides to keep the baby.  They both tangoed and both should pay.
> 
> How dare you imply that SHE chose to have the baby and should suck it up and support it on her own.  The father should step up and be a man and pay his share.  He played a BIG roll in the baby making as well.




did i ever say that, no. i didn't. my brother had alot to do with it, they should have both chose to not have the baby.

he should have chose to wrap it up
THEY should have thought that "hey we can't afford this at this time, should we really have this baby."
yes the father should step up, but in the end if the father does not it's the mothers responsibility to step up.





sockgirl77 said:


> BUT at some point she's going to have to realize that the child is her responsibility and just take care of him without the father's assistance. And yes, she did choose to have the baby. I'm not at all defending the "father" but biatching and crying over it is getting her nowhere. She'll wake up one day and realize that she's just going to have to do all she can and work as many jobs possible to support this child. Raising one on your own is really not all that hard.



thank you. atleast someone here is level headed.


----------



## sockgirl77

01mds10 said:


> thank you. atleast someone here is level headed.



I learned this lesson the hard way. I learned that I can only rely on myself years ago.


----------



## 01mds10

jaybeeztoo said:


> But, the post I quoted really irked me.  It was suggesting that the mother made all the choices and should pay the price.



you just think that's what i was suggesting. but since she's the one carrying the baby, ultimately it's her choice..

you are right though it takes two to tango and two to make a baby, they should have both thought about what they were doing ahead of time. 

alot of teens don't these days, it's sad.


----------



## Ilikepie

She should have swallowed :/


----------



## cattitude

Smib


----------



## 01mds10

sockgirl77 said:


> I learned this lesson the hard way. I learned that I can only rely on myself years ago.



mistakes are made to learn from


----------



## SoMDGirl42

Ilikepie said:


> She should have swallowed :/



he should have jer*ed off


----------



## Ilikepie

SoMDGirl42 said:


> he should have jer*ed off



Not as fun as getting a BJ!


----------



## jaybeeztoo

01mds10 said:


> you just think that's what i was suggesting. but since she's the one carrying the baby, ultimately it's her choice..
> 
> you are right though it takes two to tango and two to make a baby, they should have both thought about what they were doing ahead of time.
> 
> alot of teens don't these days, it's sad.



That's better.  Your post just made it seem that you thought it was all her fault and all her decision.

Kids these days


----------



## SoMDGirl42

Ilikepie said:


> Not as fun as getting a BJ!



if he's not mature enough to deal with consequenes, he shouldn't be having sex with anyone other than himself.


----------



## Ilikepie

jaybeeztoo said:


> Kids these days




Yup, and parents that let them do whatever they want!


----------



## Ilikepie

SoMDGirl42 said:


> if he's not mature enough to deal with consequenes, he shouldn't be having sex with anyone other than himself.


----------



## pixiegirl

I like cake.  Yellow butter cake with chocolate icing.  :delish:


----------



## Black-Francis

sockgirl77 said:


> I learned this lesson the hard way. I learned that I can only rely on myself years ago.



.......and the government.


----------



## Ilikepie

pixiegirl said:


> I like cake.  Yellow butter cake with chocolate icing.  :delish:





You are my soulmate! Let us run away together!


----------



## sockgirl77

Black-Francis said:


> .......and the government.



Haven't found any new material yet?


----------



## lovinmaryland

pixiegirl said:


> I like cake.  Yellow butter cake with chocolate icing.  :delish:



have you had Safeway cake? OMG white cake w/ frosting to die for 

Did you see that ransom isnt the only one w/


----------



## pixiegirl

lovinmaryland said:


> have you had Safeway cake? OMG white cake w/ frosting to die for
> 
> Did you see that ransom isnt the only one w/



Its not confirmed yet.  You are not!?!?


----------



## pixiegirl

Ilikepie said:


> You are my soulmate! Let us run away together!



I have one of those already.


----------



## sockgirl77

pixiegirl said:


> I like cake.  Yellow butter cake with chocolate icing.  :delish:



I like cheesecake with blueberries on top.


----------



## Ilikepie

pixiegirl said:


> Its not confirmed yet.  You are not!?!?



I could be??


----------



## Black-Francis

sockgirl77 said:


> Haven't found any new material yet?



It's not "material", Ms. Demon.....It's reality!


----------



## Ilikepie

pixiegirl said:


> I have one of those already.




 Foiled again!


----------



## sockgirl77

Black-Francis said:


> It's not "material", Ms. Demon.....It's reality!



Sure it is.


----------



## lovinmaryland

pixiegirl said:


> Its not confirmed yet.  You are not!?!?



I know that was my reaction 

Wheres DN w/ that gun to the head smiley


----------



## Black-Francis

sockgirl77 said:


> Sure it is.



You and misshelper should get together......


----------



## sockgirl77

Black-Francis said:


> You and misshelper should get together......



And just how are her and I alike?


----------



## pixiegirl

lovinmaryland said:


> I know that was my reaction
> 
> Wheres DN w/ that gun to the head smiley


----------



## jaybeeztoo

lovinmaryland said:


> I know that was my reaction
> 
> Wheres DN w/ that gun to the head smiley





Congrats!!! I sure hope it's a girl!!!!


----------



## pixiegirl

Black-Francis said:


> You and misshelper should get together......





sockgirl77 said:


> And just how are her and I alike?



I'm not seeing the parallel there either.


----------



## Black-Francis

sockgirl77 said:


> And just how are her and I alike?



No, you're right, at least you keep the kids you breed.....


----------



## lovinmaryland

jaybeeztoo said:


> Congrats!!! I sure hope it's a girl!!!!


Un yeah I'm 99% sure its not 


Black-Francis said:


> No, you're right, at least you keep the kids you breed.....



Damn that was harsh!  Black Francis is back


----------



## jaybeeztoo

lovinmaryland said:


> Un yeah I'm 99% sure its not
> 
> 
> Damn that was harsh!  Black Francis is back



Oh come on....5th times a charm.  I hope you get a girl.


----------



## meangirl

sockgirl77 said:


> BUT at some point she's going to have to realize that the child is her responsibility and just take care of him without the father's assistance. And yes, she did choose to have the baby. I'm not at all defending the "father" but biatching and crying over it is getting her nowhere. She'll wake up one day and realize that she's just going to have to do all she can and work as many jobs possible to support this child. Raising one on your own is really not all that hard.


 
Thank you Socki.  Great post. 

Suz, is this baby mama that I met at your house? With her own extremely rude mother??


----------



## Suz

meangirl said:


> Thank you Socki.  Great post.
> 
> Suz, is this baby mama that I met at your house? With her own extremely rude mother??



No.    How ya doing?  I'm so thankful for beautiful days like this.  Hubby and I went up river for lunch.  It was so relaxing............aaahhhhhhhh

As long as I am posting in this mess (hopefully for the last time) I will say this.
I TRULY understand where chemommy is coming from.  I understand how she feels.  I don't however agree with posting about it.  Family business should stay in the family.  Not be thrown out for everyone to trample on.  Period.


----------



## bcp

01mds10 said:


> i wouldn't say anyone from his side of the family. yes my brother needs to take care of his son, i agree. but don't compare me or my family with him. that's ignorant.. and frankly so are you.


no
 ignorant is the family supporting his actions.
 how come you all dont put pressure on him to do right?
 how come you all dont turn  his ass in for running off on his child? I know someone knows where he is so dont even try that.

 Ignorant is trying to protect him when he is doing something so wrong.

 now, if ignorant is staying around and raising the child, making sure that child has college paid for, has a christmas every year, birthdays are special, taking them on trips, making sure they are fed, have clothing and medical care, then I suppose I must be one ignorant SOB, becuase thats how I raise my child, thats how I was raised.

 you know where he is. Turn him in before he does it to someone else too.

 now that the child has a father that does care, what exactly is the point in the sperm doners family having contact? 
 if you all really cared, pos son/brother woudl be in a jail somewhere for non-support.


----------



## meangirl

Suz said:


> No.  How ya doing? I'm so thankful for beautiful days like this. Hubby and I went up river for lunch. It was so relaxing............aaahhhhhhhh
> 
> As long as I am posting in this mess (hopefully for the last time) I will say this.
> I TRULY understand where chemommy is coming from. I understand how she feels. I don't however agree with posting about it. Family business should stay in the family. Not be thrown out for everyone to trample on. Period.


 
I'm good. 

I understand where she is coming from too.  She only posted it here for one reason though and that is to piss you off.  Reminds me of someone. 

I don't know what people expect you to do btw.  You already help her out with the babies needs.  What can you *really* do about your son? Spank him? Kill him?  (after you find him, of course...)


----------



## citizen_fear

bcp said:


> no
> ignorant is the family supporting his actions.
> how come you all dont put pressure on him to do right?
> how come you all dont turn  his ass in for running off on his child? I know someone knows where he is so dont even try that.
> 
> Ignorant is trying to protect him when he is doing something so wrong.
> 
> now, if ignorant is staying around and raising the child, making sure that child has college paid for, has a christmas every year, birthdays are special, taking them on trips, making sure they are fed, have clothing and medical care, then I suppose I must be one ignorant SOB, becuase thats how I raise my child, thats how I was raised.
> 
> .



So BCP, if someone doesn't do as you would that would make them ignorant?


----------



## Black-Francis

citizen_fear said:


> So BCP, if someone doesn't do as you would that would make them ignorant?



BCP makes complete sense to me.......:shrug:


----------



## citizen_fear

Black-Francis said:


> BCP makes complete sense to me.......:shrug:



To a point I agree but I divorced and have 3 kids that i do everything i can for WHICH includes rewards and punishment and preparing them for life as they get older,my youngest is 13. I have done everything I am obligated to do legally and morally but I have hit a sticking point with my ex and my son on college. Am I ignorant for telling him "NO" i wont send him away to college for 4 years?


----------



## smdavis65

*Oh Crap!!!*



bcp said:


> no
> ignorant is the family supporting his actions.
> how come you all dont put pressure on him to do right?
> how come you all dont turn  his ass in for running off on his child? I know someone knows where he is so dont even try that.
> 
> Ignorant is trying to protect him when he is doing something so wrong.
> 
> now, if ignorant is staying around and raising the child, *making sure that child has college paid for*, has a christmas every year, birthdays are special, taking them on trips, making sure they are fed, have clothing and medical care, then I suppose I must be one ignorant SOB, becuase thats how I raise my child, thats how I was raised.
> 
> you know where he is. Turn him in before he does it to someone else too.
> 
> now that the child has a father that does care, what exactly is the point in the sperm doners family having contact?
> if you all really cared, pos son/brother woudl be in a jail somewhere for non-support.



I pay my child support faithfully, and have never missed a payment. In fact, I have paid out of my pocket for things it should have covered. But I must be a deadbeat, because I can't afford to pay their way through college. Darn...


----------



## Black-Francis

citizen_fear said:


> To a point I agree but I divorced and have 3 kids that i do everything i can for WHICH includes rewards and punishment and preparing them for life as they get older,my youngest is 13. I have done everything I am obligated to do legally and morally but I have hit a sticking point with my ex and my son on college. Am I ignorant for telling him "NO" i wont send him away to college for 4 years?



Hello Dumb Ass...... He is using "ignorant" as the fathers name....and he said help, not pay for.


----------



## meangirl

citizen_fear said:


> To a point I agree but I divorced and have 3 kids that i do everything i can for WHICH includes rewards and punishment and preparing them for life as they get older,my youngest is 13. I have done everything I am obligated to do legally and morally but I have hit a sticking point with my ex and my son on college*. Am I ignorant for telling him "NO" i wont send him away to college for 4 years*?


 
Yes!

Why won't you?


----------



## citizen_fear

Black-Francis said:


> Hello Dumb Ass...... He is using "ignorant" as the fathers name....



Read his post Homey, it's a generalized statement referring to wrong/right compared to his doings.....dah


----------



## bcp

citizen_fear said:


> So BCP, if someone doesn't do as you would that would make them ignorant?


not at all.
 see, I consider myself blessed to be able to afford to do all the things I do for my daughter. However, if someone else is tight on money, and maybe they cant afford the trips, or the big christmas or the nice birthday etc... that is not an indication of bad parenting.
 The poor people will still be there for their children, the kids may not have much, but they do know that they have two loving parents that care for them. And that by itself is enough.

 but, when someone runs off from their family and shows no concern for how that child is doing, then yes, THAT person is ignorant.

 You dont have to have money, you dont have to have a fancy house, or the nicest car on the block, as long as you can guide your children, and let them know you love them.

 when it comes to opinions, I have my opinions on gays, that opinion can change, I have my opinion on races, that opinion is good open for change, I have opinions on illegals, also open for change through constructive conversation.
 But my opinion when it comes to raising and treating children with respect, and care is not open for discussion on my part, it will not change. 
 I firmly  believe that 90% of how a person turns out as far as responsibility goes is directly related to how they were raised.
 Children are to be cherished, and protected, they are not to be considered property that can be discarded.


----------



## Black-Francis

citizen_fear said:


> Read his post Homey, it's a generalized statement referring to wrong/right compared to his doings.....dah



I like it better when you call me Home Fry..... just sayin'.


----------



## citizen_fear

meangirl said:


> Yes!
> 
> Why won't you?



I dont think he is responsible enough to go away and do what he needs to do; got him a job and he quit after about a month because he didnt have a social life anymore..no other job lined up, just didnt want to work 3 hrs a day during the week. Should i be willing to put up 80K hoping he will do right? I dont think so. My recommendation was 2 yrs community college and if he does good then we will see about a major college in state but thats not whhat he wants, he wants WVA... sorry, not happening.


----------



## citizen_fear

Black-Francis said:


> I like it better when you call me Home Fry..... just sayin'.



My bad


----------



## bcp

citizen_fear said:


> To a point I agree but I divorced and have 3 kids that i do everything i can for WHICH includes rewards and punishment and preparing them for life as they get older,my youngest is 13. I have done everything I am obligated to do legally and morally but I have hit a sticking point with my ex and my son on college. Am I ignorant for telling him "NO" i wont send him away to college for 4 years?


lets look at this.
 you are divoriced and have 3 kids that you do everything you can for.
 Divorice happens, but you are still a part of the childrens lives doing what you can. 
 Are you ignorant? no. You are a good parent.

 are you ignorant for telling him no you wont send him away to college?
 No. I dont know your finances, or your reasons, and to be honest it does not matter.
 what matters is that you are there for that conversation to take place. Im sure you have your reasons, and Im sure they have been explained, and Im sure the conversation wasnt, Im not sending you because I dont care.

 If the kid wants to go to college, there are loans, there is financial help etc.. you are not keeping him from going, you are only forcing him to find his own way on this. Hell, it will most likely make him a stronger person when all is said and done.
 bottom line? you continued to be in his life even with the divorce. My hat is off to you.


----------



## meangirl

citizen_fear said:


> I dont think he is responsible enough to go away and do what he needs to do; got him a job and he quit after about a month because he didnt have a social life anymore..no other job lined up, just didnt want to work 3 hrs a day during the week. Should i be willing to put up 80K hoping he will do right? I dont think so. My recommendation was 2 yrs community college and if he does good then we will see about a major college in state but thats not whhat he wants, he wants WVA... sorry, not happening.


 
Oh, that makes sense.  I agree with you, big waste of $$ there. (at this time)

 From your other post, I took it you were done with your "obligations" to this child.    Sorry I misunderstood.


----------



## citizen_fear

bcp said:


> not at all.
> see, I consider myself blessed to be able to afford to do all the things I do for my daughter. However, if someone else is tight on money, and maybe they cant afford the trips, or the big christmas or the nice birthday etc... that is not an indication of bad parenting.
> The poor people will still be there for their children, the kids may not have much, but they do know that they have two loving parents that care for them. And that by itself is enough.
> 
> but, when someone runs off from their family and shows no concern for how that child is doing, then yes, THAT person is ignorant.
> 
> You dont have to have money, you dont have to have a fancy house, or the nicest car on the block, as long as you can guide your children, and let them know you love them.
> 
> when it comes to opinions, I have my opinions on gays, that opinion can change, I have my opinion on races, that opinion is good open for change, I have opinions on illegals, also open for change through constructive conversation.
> But my opinion when it comes to raising and treating children with respect, and care is not open for discussion on my part, it will not change.
> I firmly  believe that 90% of how a person turns out as far as responsibility goes is directly related to how they were raised.
> Children are to be cherished, and protected, they are not to be considered property that can be discarded.



Thats cool bcp, I'm a little touchy about the college deal. i just dont have money like that to throw out there when I see where his head is. Smart kid, good kid but isnt mature enough yet in my opinion and when it's my obligation to pay for it, my opinion is the only one that matters


----------



## bcp

citizen_fear said:


> I dont think he is responsible enough to go away and do what he needs to do; got him a job and he quit after about a month because he didnt have a social life anymore..no other job lined up, just didnt want to work 3 hrs a day during the week. Should i be willing to put up 80K hoping he will do right? I dont think so. My recommendation was 2 yrs community college and if he does good then we will see about a major college in state but thats not whhat he wants, he wants WVA... sorry, not happening.


 now I see your reasons.
 I was your kid growing up. well not your kid, but basically the same initial attitude.
 My dad handled it the same way.
everything worked out fine, as it will in your case.
 I wouldnt spend the money on my daughters college dream either if she had that attitude. 
 Daughter will be going to University of Maryland for 4 years, then to Virginia Tech for four,, after that her next four are on her. 
 She doesnt know about the last four yet.


----------



## citizen_fear

meangirl said:


> Oh, that makes sense.  I agree with you, big waste of $$ there. (at this time)
> 
> From your other post, I took it you were done with your "obligations" to this child.    Sorry I misunderstood.



Not done with obligations as I bought him a car and paid his insurance for a year, he is on his own after that.

How pissed is the ex gonna be when she gets June CS check and it's cut by a 3rd.... almost scared to do it but he has been 18 for a while and now graduation comes next week.


----------



## citizen_fear

bcp said:


> now I see your reasons.
> I was your kid growing up. well not your kid, but basically the same initial attitude.
> My dad handled it the same way.
> everything worked out fine, as it will in your case.
> I wouldnt spend the money on my daughters college dream either if she had that attitude.
> Daughter will be going to University of Maryland for 4 years, then to Virginia Tech for four,, after that her next four are on her.
> She doesnt know about the last four yet.



Want to adopt? Know a kid in need.......


----------



## bcp

citizen_fear said:


> Want to adopt? Know a kid in need.......


Um,, whats he want to be?
 I might be able to broker a trade.
 Skillet Girl is going for vetranarian.
 She completes 8th grade in June. (all advanced courses right now)
 She does whats called STEM program thats a science and technology thing July through August this summer. (college level transfers to VA tech)
 She is in (mostly) college level courses starting next year. Her work credits she needs will be obtained working at the vets office that my sister works at.

 Im not seeing how Im getting out of this.
 so, whats your child want, is it less schooling? can I spend some of the college fund on a new Vette?


----------



## bcp

you know this is kinda funny.
 I started building the college fund before I was even married to Pan Lady.
 of course, we did a refi a few years back and I added another 30k to it when I did that.. still wont be enough right now.

 college is out of hand if you ask me.


----------



## citizen_fear

bcp said:


> Um,, whats he want to be?
> I might be able to broker a trade.
> Skillet Girl is going for vetranarian.
> She completes 8th grade in June. (all advanced courses right now)
> She does whats called STEM program thats a science and technology thing July through August this summer. (college level transfers to VA tech)
> She is in (mostly) college level courses starting next year. Her work credits she needs will be obtained working at the vets office that my sister works at.
> 
> Im not seeing how Im getting out of this.
> so, whats your child want, is it less schooling? can I spend some of the college fund on a new Vette?



He is talking mechanical engineering which is good but very demanding, he has done the same, all his classes are have been AP since the 10th grade and like I stated before, very smart; just not sure of the drive which is on me.


----------



## smdavis65

*Bcp!!!*



bcp said:


> Um,, whats he want to be?
> I might be able to broker a trade.
> Skillet Girl is going for vetranarian.
> She completes 8th grade in June. (all advanced courses right now)
> She does whats called STEM program thats a science and technology thing July through August this summer. (college level transfers to VA tech)
> She is in (mostly) college level courses starting next year. Her work credits she needs will be obtained working at the vets office that my sister works at.
> 
> Im not seeing how Im getting out of this.
> so, whats your child want, is it less schooling? can I spend some of the college fund on a new Vette?



If she is in 8th grade and taking advanced classes, she will get a smokin' job when she grows up. Then, you can sponge off her and have her change your diapers as payback. Duh...


----------



## citizen_fear

bcp said:


> you know this is kinda funny.
> I started building the college fund before I was even married to Pan Lady.
> of course, we did a refi a few years back and I added another 30k to it when I did that.. still wont be enough right now.
> 
> college is out of hand if you ask me.



that's one reason i would like CSM then tranfer the credits, my best case scenario anyhow


----------



## bcp

citizen_fear said:


> He is talking mechanical engineering which is good but very demanding, he has done the same, all his classes are have been AP since the 10th grade and like I stated before, very smart; just not sure of the drive which is on me.


hint.
 If, and this is a big if,
 If he is on his own. as in, not living with parents, he has a very good chance of getting loans and reduced tuition at various schools. If he is still living at home, his parents income will be considered when the base the need.

Va tech has some pretty good plans like this, and when it comes to engineering, man if he had a degree from there, You would never worry about retirement, he would be writing his own paycheck the rest of his life.

 check into it.


----------



## citizen_fear

bcp said:


> hint.
> If, and this is a big if,
> If he is on his own. as in, not living with parents, he has a very good chance of getting loans and reduced tuition at various schools. If he is still living at home, his parents income will be considered when the base the need.
> 
> Va tech has some pretty good plans like this, and when it comes to engineering, man if he had a degree from there, You would never worry about retirement, he would be writing his own paycheck the rest of his life.
> 
> check into it.



Mom said she was checking into financing yesterday, thats when this all started all over again. Appriciate the insight


----------



## bcp

Dont let his attitude fool you.
 example.
 Skillet girl gets done with her homework, in one of the problems (hour or so working on it) she has figured trajectory, time of launch date of launch etc... and ended up with the needed figures to send a rocket to the moon. (pretty sure NASA would come up with a better figure) then she tells me she cant figure out how to work the washing machine.
 Im like,
 You can figure out how to get a rocket to the moon, but hitting a button that says ON completely stumps you?

 Im telling, as soon as homework is done, she turns blonde.


----------



## bcp

Here. 
 A place to start


----------



## bcp

one other thing.
 VA Tech and the University of Maryland have this thing going.
 IF the student completes four years at the university of Maryland, not only do all applicable credits transfer, but Virginia Tech will take that student at in state rates.

 no, Im not already checking this stuff out.


----------



## 01mds10

bcp said:


> no
> ignorant is the family supporting his actions.
> how come you all dont put pressure on him to do right?
> how come you all dont turn  his ass in for running off on his child? I know someone knows where he is so dont even try that.
> 
> Ignorant is trying to protect him when he is doing something so wrong.
> 
> now, if ignorant is staying around and raising the child, making sure that child has college paid for, has a christmas every year, birthdays are special, taking them on trips, making sure they are fed, have clothing and medical care, then I suppose I must be one ignorant SOB, becuase thats how I raise my child, thats how I was raised.
> 
> you know where he is. Turn him in before he does it to someone else too.
> 
> now that the child has a father that does care, what exactly is the point in the sperm doners family having contact?
> if you all really cared, pos son/brother woudl be in a jail somewhere for non-support.



how is the family supporting his actions? he lives somewhere in texas - that's over 17 hours away. i don't like his actions and i agree he should step up to the plate, i don't hate him though - afterall he is still my brother. 
it's not my responsibility to turn him in, hell i don't even know where he is in texas. do my parents know? hell if i know. i got my own life to worry about, my life is my first priority (i'm single with no kids, unless you count my trucks - which is costing a pretty penny ). 

when and if i have kids, i will do the same you are doing. you're not an ignorant person, the comment you made, made you sound pretty ignorant though.


----------



## bcp

01mds10 said:


> when and if i have kids, i will do the same you are doing. you're not an ignorant person, the comment you made, made you sound pretty ignorant though.


Ok, I admit, it did sound ignorant. Let me put it in another way then, that may, or may not represent what is going on, because honestly, I dont know the whole story, I only can comment on what is posted here.

 If the family knows where the son is, and is in somewhat regular contact with him, then they should be doing everything possible to get him to step up to the plate. 
 I do know that if it were me that skipped out on a child, my parents would turn me in the moment they discovered my location. Im not too sure they would even give me the chance to run by letting me know they were doing this. If I refused to let them know where I was, they wouldnt even take my call. Disowned would be a good word for how they would look at it.

 So, IF the family knows where he is, and is hiding his location, or refusing to turn him in, then that is wrong.

 This isnt about you, or your parents or anyone else this is only about doing what is best for that child. And right now I honestly think that the best thing is for the absent father to just be totally out of the picture so the child can grow up not feeling like he/she was abandoned.

 If on the other hand the family really honestly does not know the location of the father, and that would require that the father be unemployed and constantly moving about, then the family holds little responsibility for the actions of that adult son.
 But it was mentioned that he was from texas, and that his calls came from blocked numbers, that right there is enough contact for authorities to track him down pretty quick. Blocked numbers are only blocked to the recieving end, they are still recorded by the phone companies, so if someone were to call on a blocked number, and then the authorities were notified, they can go to the phone company and do a traceback on that number and find the originating number/location.
 Thats why I assumed (perhaps wrongfully) that the family was helping him hide. You just cant hide in this country, its almost impossible. Unless he has gone so far as to change his name, ssn etc...

  And yes, I would without the chid knowing I was doing it, use him as a leverage against the family to try and force their hand at turning the father in.


----------



## chemommy25

o.k. thanks to all who gave me some feedback.

i have been in touch with my local Child support enforcement agency. and the agency and I did figure out a plan that we hope will work out.

And, i just want to say that i never once said that my son's grandparents could not see thier grandson. not ever. like she stated in earlier posts. i did ask for some assistance financially from her because i didn't want to pay my bills late. but she told me it was not her responsibility so i let it go. she also told me if my son needed diapers, food, etc.. she would help me out with that. But my son comes before everything including bills. so he never goes without. Che has food, diapers, clothes, everything he needs before i even think about putting money towards a car payment. so i already have everything that che needed.

Grandma texted me and asked if she could have the little guy for a couple of days. I said yes. but i only asked two things of her. That she provide transportation for the visit both ways. (its about an hour drive one-way.) and that she does not let her son (the sperm donor) have any contact with my son. When my son visits she tells him daddys on the phone and lets his dad talk to him on the phone. I am very much against this, For one he doesnt deserve to talk to him on the phone because, being a father isn't making a restricted phone call less than once a month and tell the kid its daddy. he doesnt pay child support, he doesnt even call and ask me how my son is. he does nothing. so why is it so easy for him to pick up the phone and make a call, but not easy to do anything else for him. nobody even has any contact information for him, so my son's father only gets to know whats going on with him, when he decides he wants to know. But claims he misses him so much. and the while family makes such a big deal over this ridiculous phone call. and the second reason i am against this so much is because my son has no clue who his father is. my son is not even 20 months old and has not seen his father since the beginning of january. So when you tell my son " daddy is on the phone" he has no idea who he is talking to.

So to get to see Che, you have to provide all transportation and not let Che have contace with his father. And that can change as soon as his father starts acting like a father. I figured maybe it would be some incentive to step up to the plate and take care of his responsibilities.

Her response at first was offering me ten dollars to pick him up on sunday. i told her it was not my responsibilty, as she told me when i asked a favor of her. Then she cancelled the whole weekend even though i said she could see him because my "DEMANDS" were immature. and she would give up time to see her grandson because she has to drive both ways for her own visit. and not let che have contact with his father. i also said if i find out that they are letting sperm donor talk to the child he completely abandoned behind my back, just to help out thier son, who refuses to take care of his son. that they will no longer be able to have visits with Che. it's thier visit. not thier son's visit. it shouldnt matter if Che's dad really misses him. he should have thought about that before he moved halfway acrossed the country and is working harder at dodging child support then actually paying it.


----------



## Tigerlily

Your post is way too long to quote but as a mother myself I would love to reach right through my keyboard right now and give you a good  You should be ashamed that you chose to join a forum that you knew that grandma participated in and then chose to rant on and on about what in the end was your bad choice.


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## Tigerlily

You should also not use the lack of child support that you may or may not receive as leverage on whether your child can or cannot speak to his father. I am not saying visitation mind you but your kid don't care what dad does or does not pay. He just want's to know him. You stated first that a twenty month old does not know whom they are talking to. If this is the case how are you so sure that your child has even talked to his father?


----------



## Tigerlily

You should be thanking your lucky stars that Suz still wants to deal with you after all the horrible things you have posted here.  to Grandma for being enough of a lady to rise above her son's issue's and yours as well in order to try and maintain a relationship with her grandchild.


----------



## chemommy25

thats your opinion. I ask questions on here all the time. not so much recently. but in my original post i asked what did other parents do to try to get child support from parents that wouldnt pay. because at that time i already tried everything. after going to court three times and calling every number in the phone book having to do with legal advice on child support. and court houses and child support enforcement agency. i was not getting anywhere with them. and on top of that the courts screwed up on some paperwork, and i almost had to do everything all over again because they claimed they had no case on file for me. So i came on here and asked what other people had to do, because this happens so much i figured other people would be able to tell me what they did. since it felt like i already tried everything. i never went in to detail and put down the other family or made it personal. The other family saw my post and started bringing up all the personal stuff. i simply asked a question wanting help. thats it.

And i know that they let my son talk to his father on the phone because they told me they did.

And i always said i would not keep my son away from them because thier son is a POS. but that they don't let him have contact with my son during thier own visit and they provide transportation. and that was way to much to ask for, and she didn't want to have my son over for the weekend anymore. the plan was alreay set, and she changed her mind.


----------



## chemommy25

Tigerlily said:


> You should also not use the lack of child support that you may or may not receive as leverage on whether your child can or cannot speak to his father. I am not saying visitation mind you but your kid don't care what dad does or does not pay. He just want's to know him. You stated first that a twenty month old does not know whom they are talking to. If this is the case how are you so sure that your child has even talked to his father?



If my son's father wanted to know his son. he wouldnt have packed up everything, knowing we had a mediation date and a court date coming up and moved to texas. and is hiding out from everyone so he doesnt have to pay. At the first court date he asked for mediation between the two of us so we could come up with an agreement on the custody issue, for one to make him look like he cared if he custody or not, and two, to buy more time before a final judgement. during that week between the fisrst court date and mediation he skipped town without telling anyone, and has not seen his son since. if he wanted a relationship with his son. he would still be here. or he would have notified somebody that he was moving. or atleast when he got there, should have told somebody something. but still nothing.


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## Tigerlily

All I get from you, is my loss , my inconvenience, my gas, my time. Whine, whine, whine whine . If you are looking for the fast ticket to dealing with munchkin all on your own, I think you may be right on target. Where the heck are your parents at? How much money do they give you each week to take care of their grandchild ? You should be thankful she even offered you gas money, after all she gave you a two day pass from your kid. Good gawd you make my skin crawl. I only hope that one day you will realize and miss what the heck you have screwed up. It is not my job or hers to find him and make him accountable for his child. It's yours. Afterall in was you in that bed that night and not us.


----------



## sockgirl77

Tigerlily said:


> Your post is way too long to quote but as a mother myself I would love to reach right through my keyboard right now and give you a good  You should be ashamed that you chose to join a forum that you knew that grandma participated in and then chose to rant on and on about what in the end was your bad choice.


Exactly!

Che's Mommy- grow the hell up! Take your child to see his grandmother. I NEVER expect my kids' grandparents to drive to see my kids. I take them to see them weekly. My daughters' grandparents live an hour away and I drive her all the way up there most of the time. A few times it hasn't worked out and she's met me 1/2 way. You'll never have a good relationship with Suz if you don't grow up and put your child's needs in front of your childish games. Che deserves to know his grandma. Quit using him as a damn pawn. My kids' fathers have been crappy but I sure as hell never take it out of their parents or use my kids as pawns.


----------



## LusbyMom

First off give up thinking you can get something from a deadbeat... It's not gonna happen. Deadbeats are not gonna change and the system is screwed up. Believe me I deal with one myself and he loves to play the system and screw over my kid. But my kid wants for nothing, lucky for her my hubby has taken care of her for 10 years and has been the daddy to her. When she needs or wants something she knows exactly who she can count on. You will never be able to make your son's father pay. 

As for your son talking to him big deal. If he fights you on this you will have to let him talk to him and visit. Child support and visitation have nothing to do with each other. The grandparents can fight you for visitation and probably get it. It's wrong of you to deny access to the father even if you think he is a piece of crap. He probably doesn't want to deal with you so he calls grandma instead. And it's wrong to ask grandma for money. If you truly needed something for your son I am sure grandma would gladly help out and buy some food or diapers.. I can't see a grandma letting a kid suffer... but to hand over cash? I wouldn't. You should be thankful grandma isn't like her son and wants to be involved in the baby's life. It wouldn't kill you to pick him up from her once in awhile and your son would only benefit from it.


----------



## LusbyMom

chemommy25 said:


> If my son's father wanted to know his son. he wouldnt have packed up everything, knowing we had a mediation date and a court date coming up and moved to texas. and is hiding out from everyone so he doesnt have to pay. At the first court date he asked for mediation between the two of us so we could come up with an agreement on the custody issue, for one to make him look like he cared if he custody or not, and two, to buy more time before a final judgement. during that week between the fisrst court date and mediation he skipped town without telling anyone, and has not seen his son since. if he wanted a relationship with his son. he would still be here. or he would have notified somebody that he was moving. or atleast when he got there, should have told somebody something. but still nothing.



You don't ask for mediation it is ALWAYS court ordered in Maryland unless the parents agree already.


----------



## chemommy25

Tigerlily said:


> All I get from you, is my loss , my inconvenience, my gas, my time. Whine, whine, whine whine . If you are looking for the fast ticket to dealing with munchkin all on your own, I think you may be right on target. Where the heck are your parents at? How much money do they give you each week to take care of their grandchild ? You should be thankful she even offered you gas money, after all she gave you a two day pass from your kid. Good gawd you make my skin crawl. I only hope that one day you will realize and miss what the heck you have screwed up. It is not my job or hers to find him and make him accountable for his child. It's yours. Afterall in was you in that bed that night and not us.



nobody gives me any money to take care of my son. i work 7 days a week to take care of him. and im not complaining about taking care of my son. i love him more than life itself and would do anything for him, and don't mind working my a** off to make sure he is happy and healthy. I have driven him all the way to thier house and back plenty of times without asking for gas money. but im just not doing it anymore. And they asked for the visit with my son, therefore they should come get him and drop him off. im not helping anybody else out anymore when i get no help from anyone in return. and i don't need anyone to take my son off my hands for two days. i don't need a break from him, i love him and i am just fine being with him everyday all day. Believe me, i have not messed up anything with his grandparents. nor have i said they could not take him whenever they wanted to visit. like i said i asked for two things, they provide transportation and not to let him have contact with the father who abandoned him. thats it. If they wanted to see him so bad those two things should not be that hard to do. And still to this day i am fine with them coming to get him and taking him to thier house to visit. she told me to have a nice life and that she is not going to see her grandson anytime soon because my "demands" were immature. that was her decision.


----------



## chemommy25

sockgirl77 said:


> Exactly!
> 
> Che's Mommy- grow the hell up! Take your child to see his grandmother. I NEVER expect my kids' grandparents to drive to see my kids. I take them to see them weekly. My daughters' grandparents live an hour away and I drive her all the way up there most of the time. A few times it hasn't worked out and she's met me 1/2 way. You'll never have a good relationship with Suz if you don't grow up and put your child's needs in front of your childish games. Che deserves to know his grandma. Quit using him as a damn pawn. My kids' fathers have been crappy but I sure as hell never take it out of their parents or use my kids as pawns.



like i said i have drove him to see his grandparents many times. prob more than two or three times a month for weekends at a time in the past. i just was not going to this weekend. i work all weekend and if they wanted to see him they would have to provide all transportation. they have not seen him in so long because she was to busy the last couple times i asked. i figured it would not be that big of a deal. i guess it is.


----------



## chemommy25

chemommy25 said:


> like i said i have drove him to see his grandparents many times. prob more than two or three times a month for weekends at a time in the past. i just was not going to this weekend. i work all weekend and if they wanted to see him they would have to provide all transportation. they have not seen him in so long because she was to busy the last couple times i asked. i figured it would not be that big of a deal. i guess it is.



And i really am not using him as a pawn. I do not want him to have contact with his father. the man who abandoned him and moved halfway across the country to avoid taking care of him. once again i never said she could not see her grandson. Che loves his grandparents and his sister (his other child he doesnt take care of) and would not take him away from them. But i just do not want him having contact with thier son. and that is the only thing i ask other than transportation. And As my son's mother that is all i ask of them. and it has to turn into a fight.


----------



## sockgirl77

chemommy25 said:


> like i said i have drove him to see his grandparents many times. prob more than two or three times a month for weekends at a time in the past. i just was not going to this weekend. i work all weekend and if they wanted to see him they would have to provide all transportation. they have not seen him in so long because she was to busy the last couple times i asked. i figured it would not be that big of a deal. i guess it is.


I may not know Suz all that well but I know enough about her to know that she loves her grandbabies. She's offered to help you with Che's necessities and you denied it because you wanted cash. That's your ignorance. Take the offers and save the money you would have spent on them to pay your bills. And whether you like it or not, his father has rights. As soon as you get your CS order he'll have more rights.


----------



## LusbyMom

chemommy25 said:


> And i really am not using him as a pawn. I do not want him to have contact with his father. the man who abandoned him and moved halfway across the country to avoid taking care of him. once again i never said she could not see her grandson. Che loves his grandparents and his sister (his other child he doesnt take care of) and would not take him away from them. But i just do not want him having contact with thier son. and that is the only thing i ask other than transportation. And As my son's mother that is all i ask of them. and it has to turn into a fight.



WHAT YOU DON'T GET IS HE IS YOUR SONS FATHER. You can't change that because you are mad or upset with him.. or even if he is a deadbeat. HE STILL HAS RIGHTS TO HIS SON! 

If he talks to the baby who really cares? It's some effort. And you know what if you act like this about it they could just lie to you and not tell you they let him talk and your son is to young to say anything. 

So he left, deal with it.Don't put your son in the middle of it.  Why did he leave and move away?


----------



## chemommy25

sockgirl77 said:


> I may not know Suz all that well but I know enough about her to know that she loves her grandbabies. She's offered to help you with Che's necessities and you denied it because you wanted cash. That's your ignorance. Take the offers and save the money you would have spent on them to pay your bills. And whether you like it or not, his father has rights. As soon as you get your CS order he'll have more rights.



I do have a child support order. and he is a year behind, and owes me over  eight thousand dollars. i also have full custody, and the only visitation he has is supervised. he has not been back in the state to see his son. he has not called me. nor has he made any payments to the child support. like i said my son is fully stocked up on diapers and food..etc.. but i needed some help on paying one bill i was really worried about. i didnt want cash. and i would have paid it back. but that is in the past and i only asked one time because i didnt know where else to turn and i was desperate. its taken care of now. and i have never asked for help in the past, and i never will again.


----------



## LusbyMom

chemommy25 said:


> I do have a child support order. and he is a year behind, and owes me over  eight thousand dollars. i also have full custody, and *the only visitation he has is supervis*ed. he has not been back in the state to see his son. he has not called me. nor has he made any payments to the child support. like i said my son is fully stocked up on diapers and food..etc.. but i needed some help on paying one bill i was really worried about. i didnt want cash. and i would have paid it back. but that is in the past and i only asked one time because i didnt know where else to turn and i was desperate. its taken care of now. and i have never asked for help in the past, and i never will again.



Who is suppose to supervise it?


----------



## chemommy25

LusbyMom said:


> WHAT YOU DON'T GET IS HE IS YOUR SONS FATHER. You can't change that because you are mad or upset with him.. or even if he is a deadbeat. HE STILL HAS RIGHTS TO HIS SON!
> 
> If he talks to the baby who really cares? It's some effort. And you know what if you act like this about it they could just lie to you and not tell you they let him talk and your son is to young to say anything.
> 
> So he left, deal with it.Don't put your son in the middle of it.  Why did he leave and move away?



I left him because he was abusive. he ended up getting another girl pregnant and married her. right before they made a judgement (like within a week) before the court/mediation. he got married and moved to texas. which i don't have anything against him being married, and i really dont care that he moved away, i can't stand him. but he needs to take care of his son.


----------



## chemommy25

LusbyMom said:


> Who is suppose to supervise it?



his parents. in thier home.


----------



## LusbyMom

chemommy25 said:


> his parents. in thier home.



Guess what... YOU ARE IN CONTEMPT!!! You have a court order stating that it is supervised visitation in their home. They are there when your son talks to his father. So what they are doing they have a legal right to do and you are in the wrong.


----------



## Tigerlily

You come across as impossible to please. On one hand you want the break and will gladly will send bebe off to the grandparents but only as long as they follow your rules. Wake up Che and smell the coffee, as protective as your are of your child that is also how Suz feels about hers. Mother's are very protective of their cubs, no matter how old they might be. Grandma is in an awful position in this deal and & if you choose to make waves and take advantage of it then you may very well be left to figure it out on your own. Please don't make the grandparents pay for your  and bebe's dad's mistake. They are trying as best as they can to make up for his.


----------



## Wenchy

You could pull the same thing your baby daddy did.  Leave town and leave no forwarding address or phone number.


----------



## LusbyMom

chemommy25 said:


> I left him because he was abusive. he ended up getting another girl pregnant and married her. right before they made a judgement (like within a week) before the court/mediation. he got married and moved to texas. which i don't have anything against him being married, and i really dont care that he moved away, i can't stand him. but he needs to take care of his son.



But WHY did he move? I believe all states have the new hire registry. So is he not working at all? But even if they find him and attach his wages it's not going to matter. Last month I sat in child support court. Their was a man there that owed $106,000 dollars... know what they did? Told him he had to pay a purge amount of a couple hundred bucks within less than 2 months. That goes to show how much the system sucks. How does someone even owe that much? Because they let him off time and time again. Is it frustrating? yes... but not much you can do about it. So even if they find him it doesn't mean you will get anything. I have had 15 court dates in the past 3 years and it doesn't do anything. 

I do understand your frustration over him not supporting your son. I just don't agree with the grandparents issue and your son's father talking to him.


----------



## chemommy25

LusbyMom said:


> Guess what... YOU ARE IN CONTEMPT!!! You have a court order stating that it is supervised visitation in their home. They are there when your son talks to his father. So what they are doing they have a legal right to do and you are in the wrong.



yea i might be in contempt. he gets supervised visitation if he pays the child support. seeing he is eight thousand dollars behind he is in contempt too. if he can't hold up his end of the bargain neither will I. my son doesnt know his father so its not like he is missing him or asking about him. if that were the case i would let my son talk to him. but im not going to start letting him talk to his father when he doesnt do what he is supposed to do, and he only calls like once every two months, and im not letting my son have that kind of relationship, because that will only let him down and hurt his feelings if he only has a relationship when his dad feels like calling.


----------



## sockgirl77

chemommy25 said:


> yea i might be in contempt. he gets supervised visitation if he pays the child support. seeing he is eight thousand dollars behind he is in contempt too. if he can't hold up his end of the bargain neither will I. my son doesnt know his father so its not like he is missing him or asking about him. if that were the case i would let my son talk to him. but im not going to start letting him talk to his father when he doesnt do what he is supposed to do, and he only calls like once every two months, and im not letting my son have that kind of relationship, because that will only let him down and hurt his feelings if he only has a relationship when his dad feels like calling.


If he pays? No dear, it does not work like that. And by saying that it proves to me that you are using your child as a pawn!


----------



## LusbyMom

chemommy25 said:


> yea i might be in contempt. he gets supervised visitation if he pays the child support. seeing he is eight thousand dollars behind he is in contempt too. if he can't hold up his end of the bargain neither will I. my son doesnt know his father so its not like he is missing him or asking about him. if that were the case i would let my son talk to him. but im not going to start letting him talk to his father when he doesnt do what he is supposed to do, and he only calls like once every two months, and im not letting my son have that kind of relationship, because that will only let him down and hurt his feelings if he only has a relationship when his dad feels like calling.



CHILD SUPPORT AND VISITATION ARE TWO DIFFERENT ISSUES! You need to understand that. 

It's not your choice.. you have a court order. You risk losing your son if you want to play an eye for an eye. I mean seriously are you going to stand in front of a judge and say "well he is in contempt too" That is so stupid. 

One day your son will grow up and yes he will miss out on having a father. And even if his father is not around much he will still love him. 

My ex doesn't do what he is suppose to do but guess what.... he still gets his visitation. You should be thankful your son has grandparents that care about him.


----------



## Tigerlily

chemommy25 said:


> nobody gives me any money to take care of my son. i work 7 days a week to take care of him. and im not complaining about taking care of my son. i love him more than life itself and would do anything for him, and don't mind working my a** off to make sure he is happy and healthy. I have driven him all the way to thier house and back plenty of times without asking for gas money. but im just not doing it anymore. And they asked for the visit with my son, therefore they should come get him and drop him off. im not helping anybody else out anymore when i get no help from anyone in return. and i don't need anyone to take my son off my hands for two days. i don't need a break from him, i love him and i am just fine being with him everyday all day. Believe me, i have not messed up anything with his grandparents. nor have i said they could not take him whenever they wanted to visit. like i said i asked for two things, they provide transportation and not to let him have contact with the father who abandoned him. thats it. If they wanted to see him so bad those two things should not be that hard to do. And still to this day i am fine with them coming to get him and taking him to thier house to visit. she told me to have a nice life and that she is not going to see her grandson anytime soon because my "demands" were immature. that was her decision.




Blood is thicker than water. You are the water, your child and their son is blood. You may not agree with it but it is a realilty. You really need to prepare yourself for the reality that he will not do the right thing ever.  There may not ever be a check in your BOSE account and you may be angry, hurt and whatever else. You will need to move past all that though and rely on yourself. I wish I could just wave a wand and give you the resolution you want but life just doesn't work that way. If your are strong you will survive and most importantly learn from this experience.


----------



## chemommy25

LusbyMom said:


> But WHY did he move? I believe all states have the new hire registry. So is he not working at all? But even if they find him and attach his wages it's not going to matter. Last month I sat in child support court. Their was a man there that owed $106,000 dollars... know what they did? Told him he had to pay a purge amount of a couple hundred bucks within less than 2 months. That goes to show how much the system sucks. How does someone even owe that much? Because they let him off time and time again. Is it frustrating? yes... but not much you can do about it. So even if they find him it doesn't mean you will get anything. I have had 15 court dates in the past 3 years and it doesn't do anything.
> 
> I do understand your frustration over him not supporting your son. I just don't agree with the grandparents issue and your son's father talking to him.




My son is very young and doesn't know his father. i don't want his father to start a relationship with him that only consists of a phone call whenever he feels like calling. i've already said this about five times, but thier is no issue with his grandparents, if they want to see him, they can. But the only thing i ask is if thier son calls while my son is in thier care, not to put him on the phone with him. there is more to being a parent than a restricted phone call to a child who can't even speak. every two months or so. what is the point of even calling a child who is to young to understand what is going on, and who has no clue who you are.


----------



## LusbyMom

chemommy25 said:


> My son is very young and doesn't know his father. i don't want his father to start a relationship with him that only consists of a phone call whenever he feels like calling. i've already said this about five times, but thier is no issue with his grandparents, if they want to see him, they can. But the only thing i ask is if thier son calls while my son is in thier care, not to put him on the phone with him. there is more to being a parent than a restricted phone call to a child who can't even speak. every two months or so. what is the point of even calling a child who is to young to understand what is going on, and who has no clue who you are.



He doesn't know his father... and you won't let him. And maybe you don't want him in and out.. i understand that to, because I deal with it myself. Consistancy would be awesome but it's not going to happen. 

You can't ask them not to let him talk to his father. You have a court order. Do you seriously not understand that? And if your son is to young to speak or understand the phone call why are you so worried about it? Next time they might just not tell you they let them talk. And as your son grows older he will then be put in the middle... he will have to lie to you... or risk losing his grandparents.


----------



## Wenchy

If there was a verbal agreement that the grandparents would provide transportation, then I do see her beef.  An hour each way, and the wear and tear on a vehicle are not inexpensive these days.  $10 for gas?  Please!


----------



## LusbyMom

Wenchy said:


> If there was a verbal agreement that the grandparents would provide transportation, then I do see her beef.  An hour each way, and the wear and tear on a vehicle are not inexpensive these days.  $10 for gas?  Please!



But what is more important???? That is the real question. What is best for her son? Because he is what matters and it is important for him to have a relationship with his grandparents. As a parent you make sacrafices for your child all the time.


----------



## chemommy25

LusbyMom said:


> CHILD SUPPORT AND VISITATION ARE TWO DIFFERENT ISSUES! You need to understand that.
> 
> It's not your choice.. you have a court order. You risk losing your son if you want to play an eye for an eye. I mean seriously are you going to stand in front of a judge and say "well he is in contempt too" That is so stupid.
> 
> One day your son will grow up and yes he will miss out on having a father. And even if his father is not around much he will still love him.
> 
> My ex doesn't do what he is suppose to do but guess what.... he still gets his visitation. You should be thankful your son has grandparents that care about him.



I understand they are two different issues. but a phone call is not visitation. And i am thankful that my son's grandparents care about him. i never said anything that would make them think otherwise. But he has never tried to visit with his son since we went to court, he has never called me to talk to him, and when he does want to see his son, we will deal with that when the time comes.


----------



## Wenchy

LusbyMom said:


> But what is more important???? That is the real question. What is best for her son? Because he is what matters and it is important for him to have a relationship with his grandparents. As a parent you make sacrafices for your child all the time.



Suz has money and if there was a verbal agreement to Suz picking up of Che and bringing him back, it is a big deal.  If there was not then a halfway point should be met.  This child and his mother are receiving no child support, and I don't understand why everyone is ganging up on her.  Diapers and food are only a portion of what this child needs.


----------



## chemommy25

LusbyMom said:


> He doesn't know his father... and you won't let him. And maybe you don't want him in and out.. i understand that to, because I deal with it myself. Consistancy would be awesome but it's not going to happen.
> 
> You can't ask them not to let him talk to his father. You have a court order. Do you seriously not understand that? And if your son is to young to speak or understand the phone call why are you so worried about it? Next time they might just not tell you they let them talk. And as your son grows older he will then be put in the middle... he will have to lie to you... or risk losing his grandparents.



I won't let him? I'm sorry, i forgot. i told him to pack up and move all the way to texas with no way to get a hold of him. and tell him to not take care of his son, and not pay the child support. if he wanted to know his son, he could easily come back to maryland and see him. he has not done that and prob does not plan to. that is his fault, not mine.


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## MinorThreat

Suz indicated she had no idea where the son is. Sounds like Suz is full of BS. Stay strong and fight the fight CheMommy!


----------



## LusbyMom

Wenchy said:


> Suz has money and if there was a verbal agreement to Suz picking of Che and bringing him back it is a big deal.  If there was not then a halfway point should be met.  This child and his mother are receiving no child support, and I don't understand why everyone is ganging up on her.  Diapers and food are only a portion of what this child needs.



I don't know Suz... or what she does or doesn't have. As a mother she should put her son first. I don't receive child support either but my child is taken care of regardless. I know what it takes to take care of a child. My problem with her is she is USING her son plain and simple. It isn't going to hurt her to drive one way once in awhile for her child's sake. 

I don't really want to argue with you... as you know I don't even understand why you have made the choices you have made.


----------



## Wenchy

chemommy25 said:


> I won't let him? I'm sorry, i forgot. i told him to pack up and move all the way to texas with no way to get a hold of him. and tell him to not take care of his son, and not pay the child support. if he wanted to know his son, he could easily come back to maryland and see him. he has not done that and prob does not plan to. that is his fault, not mine.



Get your tubes tied and make sure they burn the ends.  TIA.


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## MinorThreat

Wenchy said:


> Get your tubes tied and make sure they burn the ends.  TIA.



u suck


----------



## LusbyMom

chemommy25 said:


> I won't let him? I'm sorry, i forgot. i told him to pack up and move all the way to texas with no way to get a hold of him. and tell him to not take care of his son, and not pay the child support. if he wanted to know his son, he could easily come back to maryland and see him. he has not done that and prob does not plan to. that is his fault, not mine.



You won't even allow a phone call. So I highly doubt you would allow a visit to occur. If their is a court order for visitation supervised by his parents you have no right to DEMAND they not put him on the phone. It doesn't matter if he is taking care of him or not... the law says he can visit with his son. And if a phone call is the only way then so be it.


----------



## chemommy25

chemommy25 said:


> I won't let him? I'm sorry, i forgot. i told him to pack up and move all the way to texas with no way to get a hold of him. and tell him to not take care of his son, and not pay the child support. if he wanted to know his son, he could easily come back to maryland and see him. he has not done that and prob does not plan to. that is his fault, not mine.



i do everything for my son. i am the only person who takes care of him financially. i am mommy and daddy. if the fee to see your grandson is simply you providing the transportation because you can afford it. it really is not to much to ask for. i want him to have a relationship with his whole family. But i didn't abandon him like his father did. So that is who messed that up. not me. and his grandparents have to pick him up and drop him off when they want to see him, i have been doing it in the past since me and my son's father split and this weekend i asked them to do it, all of a sudden i'm a bad person using my son as a pawn in some game. i don't get where anybody is coming from here. god forbid i ask them to provide transportation for the first time in a long time. up until this time when i asked the grandparents to take him for me because i had to work or something, i would provide the transportation. but when they ask to see him i told them they have to pick him up and drop him off. why is that such a big deal?


----------



## MinorThreat

LusbyMom said:


> You won't even allow a phone call. So I highly doubt you would allow a visit to occur. If their is a court order for visitation supervised by his parents you have no right to DEMAND they not put him on the phone. It doesn't matter if he is taking care of him or not... the law says he can visit with his son. And if a phone call is the only way then so be it.



Suz is a LIAR!!!


----------



## LusbyMom

chemommy25 said:


> i do everything for my son. i am the only person who takes care of him financially. i am mommy and daddy. if the fee to see your grandson is simply you providing the transportation because you can afford it. it really is not to much to ask for. i want him to have a relationship with his whole family. But i didn't abandon him like his father did. So that is who messed that up. not me. and his grandparents have to pick him up and drop him off when they want to see him, i have been doing it in the past since me and my son's father split and this weekend i asked them to do it, all of a sudden i'm a bad person using my son as a pawn in some game. i don't get where anybody is coming from here. god forbid i ask them to provide transportation for the first time in a long time. up until this time when i asked the grandparents to take him for me because i had to work or something, i would provide the transportation. but when they ask to see him i tild them they have to pick him up and drop him off. why is that such a big deal?



You never said you just asked only this ONE time. You said you were not doing it at all anymore.


----------



## chemommy25

LusbyMom said:


> You never said you just asked only this ONE time. You said you were not doing it at all anymore.



well i said if it was thier visit they have to take care of transportation. of course if i asked them to watch him as a favor to me i would do the driving. but if they want him they have to come get him. plain and simple.


----------



## Wenchy

LusbyMom said:


> I don't know Suz... or what she does or doesn't have. As a mother she should put her son first. I don't receive child support either but my child is taken care of regardless. I know what it takes to take care of a child. My problem with her is she is USING her son plain and simple. It isn't going to hurt her to drive one way once in awhile for her child's sake.
> 
> I don't really want to argue with you... as you know I don't even understand why you have made the choices you have made.



Using her child?  If there was an agreement then it needs to be stood by.  Imagine how hurt she is that the man she spawned with now has a third woman pregnant and has married her.  She is not keeping her child from the grandparents.  It seems as if they are free to come and get him, but instead they want her to bring the child to them.



MinorThreat said:


> u suck



I do, and it prevents pregnancies that should not happen.


----------



## sockgirl77

I feel sorry for Che and I hope this drama is over by time he is old enough to understand any of it.


----------



## LusbyMom

chemommy25 said:


> well i said if it was thier visit they have to take care of transportation. of course if i asked them to watch him as a favor to me i would do the driving. but if they want him they have to come get him. plain and simple.



I hope they take you to court... and get grandparents visitation and then it goes to standard traveling issue.. The person receiving the child picks up. 

For your son you are not willing to drive one way once in awhile... but if YOU need something from then then it is okay? 

You are helpless really and for your son's sake I hope that one day you grow up.


----------



## LusbyMom

Wenchy said:


> Using her child?  If there was an agreement then it needs to be stood by.  Imagine how hurt she is that the man she spawned with now has a third woman pregnant and has married her.  She is not keeping her child from the grandparents.  It seems as if they are free to come and get him, but instead they want her to bring the child to them.
> 
> 
> 
> I do, and it prevents pregnancies that should not happen.



I am sure she is hurt... but so what??? It's not about her.. It's about the child.  But you Wenchy would not understand that now would you? 

They are only free to see him if they follow her rules which in reality violate a court order which makes her no better than him.


----------



## Wenchy

LusbyMom said:


> I am sure she is hurt... but so what??? It's not about her.. It's about the child.  But you Wenchy would not understand that now would you?
> 
> They are only free to see him if they follow her rules which in reality violate a court order which makes her no better than him.



What was the court order?  I understood it to be that the grandparents would provide transportation.  If she is getting no financial assistance from the father I would assume she is strapped.

Che is 20 months old.  I hope his grandparents take good care of him and always stay in contact with him.  One day his father might come into the whole picture.  Che's mommy may consider never spreading her legs again unless there is 0% chance of pregnancy.

I understand all about children.  My two are amazing...funny, they think the same of me.


----------



## LusbyMom

Wenchy said:


> What was the court order?  I understood it to be that the grandparents would provide transportation.  If she is getting no financial assistance from the father I would assume she is strapped.
> 
> Che is 20 months old.  I hope his grandparents take good care of him and always stay in contact with him.  One day his father might come into the whole picture.  Che's mommy may consider never spreading her legs again unless there is 0% chance of pregnancy.
> 
> I understand all about children.  My two are amazing...funny, they think the same of me.



No where did she ever say that the court order said the grandparents had to provide transportation. But she did say that the court order states the father gets supervised visiation at the grandparents home. 


You don't understand putting your child first. I get that based upon what you said to me. You left your son behind and said it was fine because your lover had a child you could be a mother too instead.


----------



## chemommy25

LusbyMom said:


> I hope they take you to court... and get grandparents visitation and then it goes to standard traveling issue.. The person receiving the child picks up.
> 
> For your son you are not willing to drive one way once in awhile... but if YOU need something from then then it is okay?
> 
> You are helpless really and for your son's sake I hope that one day you grow up.



Wow. You just want to argue with someone. Who said they do not have visitation with thier grandson? not me. Why would they take me to court for visitation when i tell them they can visit with him whenever they ask? I get no help from that family whatsoever, and the only thing i ask is when they ask to see him, they have to provide the transportation to and from. Now, not only am i the only person taking care of him financially, but now i have to provide transportation atleast one way so the other family can see him? It's the least they could do, especially if it is thier visit. But yes, if i need someone to watch Che and i call them and ask if they can, and they ask me to drive him there and back, then i understand because it is a favor to me and its the least i can do. Believe me, I've grown up alot quicker than i wanted to for my son's sake with no help, and i do a damn good job as a single parent. I've also realized that the only person you can depend on is yourself, and whether anybody else likes it or not I have to put my foot down somewhere, and not continue to get stepped on by everybody. I do everything on my own, and the only thing i ask of anybody is to just come pick up the child you want to see so much and drop him off once a month for a short weekend. And you have to argue with why that is not fair. I have by far not been treated fairly in this situatuation, and I'm not blaming anybody else, but sometimes life is not fair, and if you want to see the child so much. get off your a**, and come get him, and stop complaining. And because i asked the other family to provide transportation both ways, they cancelled the whole weekend, because of that little issue. Not because i said they could'nt. They didn't get thier way, so they gave up thier visit with thier grandson, So who needs to grow up?


----------



## chemommy25

01mds10 said:


> so then it's ok for her to post this.. come on now, get real..
> 
> the mother wants everyone to pay for her son that she had and can't afford. she needs to suck it up and be a mother.
> 
> 
> i'm sorry but #### that.
> 
> i work my ass off all year so i can give my hard earned money to a childs mother that can't afford a baby she had the choice of giving up. if you can't afford a kid, you shouldn't have had one. period.
> 
> this goes to all mothers who ##### about money and children and expect giveaways.
> 
> i'm not directing this towards anyone in particular, this just urks my last nerve my tax dollars are going to this.



Everyone?
no just my son's dad.
And i can afford him, But just because i can afford him, doesnt give his father the right to not do anything at all for him.


----------



## chemommy25

Ilikepie said:


> Woot!
> 
> What about her MF'n parents, can they help out, pay for some of the necessities since everyone thinks the fathers parents should pay! WTF, it takes 2, TWO I say to make a baby! Stop harassing the fathers parents for money etc. Harass your own parents for not teaching you to keep your GD legs closed!
> 
> Grow the F up, get a job, and raise your child!



My parents do help out, i live with them and they help raise this child. more than his own father ever has or will. And i never harassed anybody for money. i asked for help one time. they said no. and i let it go. and i have a job. i work 7 days a week to raise him, and to make sure he has everything he needs to stay healthy and happy. My son's father knows i am a good mother and I would never let our son go without, that is why he feels no guilt about not doing anything for him. but just because you know your child is going to be taken care of with or without your help, doesnt give him the right to do nothing at all.


----------



## RareBreed

Speaking from somebody whose dad abandoned them at a young age, I think you are doing your son a disservice by not letting him have his dad talk to him on the phone. Granted it doesn't make up for the lack of child support and running off to TX but it's atleast something in his life. 

Even if it's only done at Grandma's house, it's better than nothing. He is atleast trying to connect with his son. His attempt may last a few months, years or for the rest of your son's life. He might decide that once he really starts talking to your son (to where your son is old enough to answer back and tell him stuff)that he really messed up by leaving and will try to do better. Maybe, maybe not but you have to atleast give him a shot to try. Doesn't change how he treats you with the child support but don't punish the kid in an attempt to get back at him. 

Years from now when your son finds out that his dad had tried to have a relationship with him over the phone, he might resent you from keeping that little contact between father and son away. 

As the kid grows up, he can determine whether or not he wants a relationship with his dad but until then, give both of them an opportunity to have some interaction. There were many days that I sat on our couch waiting for my dad to pick me up and he never showed, and never called for days at a time to tell me why he didn't come. It didn't take long before I realized that my dad was a POS and I was better off without him but I made that decision, not my mom. My mom already knew the man he was but let me learn it for myself. Kids are smart. They pick up quickly who is good and who is bad. You have to let this play out and wait and see. Yes, your son might get hurt in the end but atleast he will know that both you and he gave it a shot and that the dad is the one to blame. 

JMHO Take it or leave it. Like other have said visitation and child support are two seperate issues. Child support is your battle to fight and has no reflection on how or when your son sees or hears from his father.


----------



## PrepH4U

Wenchy said:


> Suz has money and if there was a verbal agreement to Suz picking up of Che and bringing him back, it is a big deal.  If there was not then a halfway point should be met.  This child and his mother are receiving no child support, and I don't understand why everyone is ganging up on her.  Diapers and food are only a portion of what this child needs.


----------



## LusbyMom

chemommy25 said:


> My parents do help out, i live with them and they help raise this child. more than his own father ever has or will. And i never harassed anybody for money. i asked for help one time. they said no. and i let it go. and i have a job. i work 7 days a week to raise him, and to make sure he has everything he needs to stay healthy and happy. My son's father knows i am a good mother and I would never let our son go without, that is why he feels no guilt about not doing anything for him. but just *because you know your child is going to be taken care of with or without your help, doesnt give him the right to do nothing at all*.



I agree with that 100%. That is the same as my situation. He knows my kid will be taken care of regardless but it still doesn't relieve him of his responsibility. He seems to think it does and plays the system. Straight up the system sucks and the laws that have been made are not followed. I do understand your frustration but you have to let go and get over it. Don't expect him to support your son and you won't be disappointed. 

As a parent I want to give my kids everything but sometimes it's just not possible. My kid needs braces but right now I can't swing it. If her deadbeat father would pay what he currently owes it would be more than enough to cover her braces. But he won't... so she has to wait. Does it piss me off? You're damn right.. when he cancels visitation because he has to work, or he goes on vacation or buys a new vehicle but then he can't take care of her needs? Yeah it pisses me off. But what can I do about it? Nothing. 

Wanna know what's even worse? That he is never there for her. That he constantly disappoints her. When she sits and waits for him to show up at her concert or whatever and he never shows up. I can't stand to see her hurt and again their is nothing I can do about it. I wish that I could protect her but I can't. 

You want to protect your son from his father who is inconsistent but you can't. The law give him rights whether he deserves it or not.


----------



## LusbyMom

RareBreed said:


> Speaking from somebody whose dad abandoned them at a young age, I think you are doing your son a disservice by not letting him have his dad talk to him on the phone. Granted it doesn't make up for the lack of child support and running off to TX but it's atleast something in his life.
> 
> Even if it's only done at Grandma's house, it's better than nothing. He is atleast trying to connect with his son. His attempt may last a few months, years or for the rest of your son's life. He might decide that once he really starts talking to your son (to where your son is old enough to answer back and tell him stuff)that he really messed up by leaving and will try to do better. Maybe, maybe not but you have to atleast give him a shot to try. Doesn't change how he treats you with the child support but don't punish the kid in an attempt to get back at him.
> 
> Years from now when your son finds out that his dad had tried to have a relationship with him over the phone, he might resent you from keeping that little contact between father and son away.
> 
> As the kid grows up, he can determine whether or not he wants a relationship with his dad but until then, give both of them an opportunity to have some interaction. There were many days that I sat on our couch waiting for my dad to pick me up and he never showed, and never called for days at a time to tell me why he didn't come. It didn't take long before I realized that my dad was a POS and I was better off without him but I made that decision, not my mom. My mom already knew the man he was but let me learn it for myself. Kids are smart. They pick up quickly who is good and who is bad. You have to let this play out and wait and see. Yes, your son might get hurt in the end but atleast he will know that both you and he gave it a shot and that the dad is the one to blame.
> 
> JMHO Take it or leave it. Like other have said visitation and child support are two seperate issues. Child support is your battle to fight and has no reflection on how or when your son sees or hears from his father.



Great post and so very true!


----------



## RareBreed

LusbyMom said:


> Great post and so very true!



That's one life experience I wouldn't want on my worst enemy. Nothing like having your dad act like he doesn't give a rat's arse about you.  But it made me who I am and I think I turned out pretty darn well!! Better than my brother and sister who had him around growing up if you ask me.


----------



## LusbyMom

RareBreed said:


> That's one life experience I wouldn't want on my worst enemy. Nothing like having your dad act like he doesn't give a rat's arse about you.  But it made me who I am and I think I turned out pretty darn well!! Better than my brother and sister who had him around growing up if you ask me.



Yep I grew up in that situation myself. I did visit a few times and I thought he was the best in the world.. as I grew up I saw the truth and it made me even more thankful for my momma.


----------



## Black-Francis

chemommy25 said:


> Wow. You just want to argue with someone. Who said they do not have visitation with thier grandson? not me. Why would they take me to court for visitation when i tell them they can visit with him whenever they ask? I get no help from that family whatsoever, and the only thing i ask is when they ask to see him, they have to provide the transportation to and from. Now, not only am i the only person taking care of him financially, but now i have to provide transportation atleast one way so the other family can see him? It's the least they could do, especially if it is thier visit. But yes, if i need someone to watch Che and i call them and ask if they can, and they ask me to drive him there and back, then i understand because it is a favor to me and its the least i can do. Believe me, I've grown up alot quicker than i wanted to for my son's sake with no help, and i do a damn good job as a single parent. I've also realized that the only person you can depend on is yourself, and whether anybody else likes it or not I have to put my foot down somewhere, and not continue to get stepped on by everybody. I do everything on my own, and the only thing i ask of anybody is to just come pick up the child you want to see so much and drop him off once a month for a short weekend. And you have to argue with why that is not fair. I have by far not been treated fairly in this situatuation, and I'm not blaming anybody else, but sometimes life is not fair, and if you want to see the child so much. get off your a**, and come get him, and stop complaining. And because i asked the other family to provide transportation both ways, they cancelled the whole weekend, because of that little issue. Not because i said they could'nt. They didn't get thier way, so they gave up thier visit with thier grandson, So who needs to grow up?



Just put LusbyMom on ignore.......She is annoying as hell.


----------



## LusbyMom

Black-Francis said:


> Just put LusbyMom on ignore.......She is annoying as hell.



You must  me since you continue to stalk me around the boards and chat.


----------



## Black-Francis

LusbyMom said:


> Yep I grew up in that situation myself. I did visit a few times and I thought he was the best in the world.. as I grew up I saw the truth and it made me even more thankful for my momma.


----------



## Cowgirl

bcp said:


> Daughter will be going to University of Maryland for 4 years, then to Virginia Tech for four,, after that her next four are on her.
> She doesnt know about the last four yet.



What's she doing the last 4 for?  Is she going to specialize in something after she gets her DVM?


----------



## jp2854

sockgirl77 said:


> If he pays? No dear, it does not work like that. And by saying that it proves to me that you are using your child as a pawn!



I agree with sockie and che you sound immature and like a selfish brat.


----------



## bcp

Cowgirl said:


> What's she doing the last 4 for? Is she going to specialize in something after she gets her DVM?


 I reckon so. 
 and that will change by the hour...


----------



## Cowgirl

bcp said:


> I reckon so.
> and that will change by the hour...



  One of my bffs just graduated vet school last year.  I graduated undergrad with her.  She did the UM/VT thing.  She had a full ride to UM.   Saved lots of money that way.


----------



## Pete

I wonder what would happen if courts "reached back" into deadbeats families and forced their parents to pay child support if the parent didn't.

Would deadbeats change their tune and pay if their mom and dad were getting hosed?

Would parents beat their kids more often if they knew they could be potentially screwed by their scofflaw attitudes?


----------



## Cowgirl

Pete said:


> I wonder what would happen if courts "reached back" into deadbeats families and forced their parents to pay child support if the parent didn't.
> 
> Would deadbeats change their tune and pay if their mom and dad were getting hosed?
> 
> Would parents beat their kids more often if they knew they could be potentially screwed by their scofflaw attitudes?



I bet chastity belts would make a come back.


----------



## Pete

Cowgirl said:


> I bet chastity belts would make a come back.



Perhaps not a bad thing eh?


----------



## Cowgirl

Pete said:


> Perhaps not a bad thing eh?



I hope D's kids never get preggo.


----------



## CalvertNewbie

Pete said:


> I wonder what would happen if courts "reached back" into deadbeats families and forced their parents to pay child support if the parent didn't.
> 
> Would deadbeats change their tune and pay if their mom and dad were getting hosed?
> 
> Would parents beat their kids more often if they knew they could be potentially screwed by their scofflaw attitudes?



I doubt it would make any difference to these losers.  They have no sense of personal responsibility and no respect for anyone, not even themselves.  If they don't even care about their own kids, I doubt they'd care if they screw their parent's lives up either.  Any "parent" who doesn't pay to support their children is trash.  But it's not the responsibility of the grandparents to pay up.  

Like all the other deadbeats out there, this guy needs to pay for his son.  It's not just the mother's responsibility to financially support her son, although she doesn't have much of a choice here.  That's because the bebe daddy is acting like a child, running from his responsibility and knocking someone else up in the process.  

I'm happy to hear that the OP is working to support her son so I don't have to pay to support him.  It's exhausting having to pay for everyone else's mistakes because they won't.  I sure wish this guy would stop having kids.  He's clearly a poor excuse for a father and should get himself snipped before he has more kids he doesn't support.


----------



## vraiblonde

CalvertNewbie said:


> I doubt it would make any difference to these losers.  They have no sense of personal responsibility and no respect for anyone, not even themselves.  If they don't even care about their own kids, I doubt they'd care if they screw their parent's lives up either.  Any "parent" who doesn't pay to support their children is trash.  But it's not the responsibility of the grandparents to pay up.



I haven't read hardly any of this thread - okay, that's an understatement because yours is the only post I've read at all.  

You can't always blame the guy for not wanting to support kids some woman pops out.  Maybe he took precautions and it didn't work.  Maybe she lied and told him she was on the pill or whatever.

So is it fair that he gets trapped by some bebe mama looking for a meal ticket?

The real problem is people - men AND women - who jump in the rack with some dip#### they picked up at a bar and hardly know.  Ideally sex wouldn't be some recreational thing that's of no more consequence than clipping your nails, but there it is.  And unwanted children by people you hate are the result.


----------



## CalvertNewbie

vraiblonde said:


> I haven't read hardly any of this thread - okay, that's an understatement because yours is the only post I've read at all.
> 
> You can't always blame the guy for not wanting to support kids some woman pops out.  Maybe he took precautions and it didn't work.  Maybe she lied and told him she was on the pill or whatever.
> 
> So is it fair that he gets trapped by some bebe mama looking for a meal ticket?
> 
> The real problem is people - men AND women - who jump in the rack with some dip#### they picked up at a bar and hardly know.  Ideally sex wouldn't be some recreational thing that's of no more consequence than clipping your nails, but there it is.  And unwanted children by people you hate are the result.



Well, what a fabulous one post you decided to read!  

Whatever was said by either party before they jumped in the sack doesn't really matter, imo.  You shouldn't be dumb enough to trust anyone except yourself in situations like that.  What matters is that both of them chose to do the deed and should know that there's always a risk of pregnancy.  Along with a baby comes financial obligations for both momma and daddy (as well as us tax payers oftentimes), whether they planned on her getting knocked up or not.  

I guess what I'm saying is this.....if you don't want to spend the next 18 years paying for a child, then get some brains BEFORE getting busy.  Guys should know that there are many women out there who will get knocked up to "trap" him for various reasons.


----------



## Suz

chemommy25 said:


> o.k. thanks to all who gave me some feedback.
> 
> i have been in touch with my local Child support enforcement agency. and the agency and I did figure out a plan that we hope will work out.
> 
> And, i just want to say that i never once said that my son's grandparents could not see thier grandson. not ever. like she stated in earlier posts. i did ask for some assistance financially from her because i didn't want to pay my bills late. but she told me it was not her responsibility so i let it go. she also told me if my son needed diapers, food, etc.. she would help me out with that. But my son comes before everything including bills. so he never goes without. Che has food, diapers, clothes, everything he needs before i even think about putting money towards a car payment. so i already have everything that che needed.
> 
> Grandma texted me and asked if she could have the little guy for a couple of days. I said yes. but i only asked two things of her. That she provide transportation for the visit both ways. (its about an hour drive one-way.) and that she does not let her son (the sperm donor) have any contact with my son. When my son visits she tells him daddys on the phone and lets his dad talk to him on the phone. I am very much against this, For one he doesnt deserve to talk to him on the phone because, being a father isn't making a restricted phone call less than once a month and tell the kid its daddy. he doesnt pay child support, he doesnt even call and ask me how my son is. he does nothing. so why is it so easy for him to pick up the phone and make a call, but not easy to do anything else for him. nobody even has any contact information for him, so my son's father only gets to know whats going on with him, when he decides he wants to know. But claims he misses him so much. and the while family makes such a big deal over this ridiculous phone call. and the second reason i am against this so much is because my son has no clue who his father is. my son is not even 20 months old and has not seen his father since the beginning of january. So when you tell my son " daddy is on the phone" he has no idea who he is talking to.
> 
> So to get to see Che, you have to provide all transportation and not let Che have contace with his father. And that can change as soon as his father starts acting like a father. I figured maybe it would be some incentive to step up to the plate and take care of his responsibilities.
> 
> Her response at first was offering me ten dollars to pick him up on sunday. i told her it was not my responsibilty, as she told me when i asked a favor of her. Then she cancelled the whole weekend even though i said she could see him *because my "DEMANDS" were immature*. and she would give up time to see her grandson because she has to drive both ways for her own visit. and not let che have contact with his father. i also said if i find out that they are letting sperm donor talk to the child he completely abandoned behind my back, just to help out thier son, who refuses to take care of his son. that they will no longer be able to have visits with Che. it's thier visit. not thier son's visit. it shouldnt matter if Che's dad really misses him. he should have thought about that before he moved halfway acrossed the country and is working harder at dodging child support then actually paying it.



That is exactly why I cancelled.  *Driving both ways had nothing to do with it at all*.  I'm tired of all the drama and demands.

And your continually putting PERSONAL INFORMATION out on this public forum proves how immature you are Madi.  I'm tired of it.


----------



## Suz

Wenchy said:


> Suz has money and if there was a verbal agreement to Suz picking up of Che and bringing him back, it is a big deal.  If there was not then a halfway point should be met.  This child and his mother are receiving no child support, and I don't understand why everyone is ganging up on her.  Diapers and food are only a portion of what this child needs.



You have NEVER even met me.  How the hell would you know if I had money or not?

And who the hell are you anyway?  Oh that's right.  Your the 'awesome' mother who abandoned her own child to move in with her lover......  Give me a break Wenchy and STFU.  You don't know sh*t.


----------



## Chasey_Lane

Suz said:


> You have NEVER even met me.  How the hell would you know if I had money or not?
> 
> And who the hell are you anyway?  Oh that's right.  Your the 'awesome' mother who abandoned her own child to move in with her lover......  Give me a break Wenchy and STFU.  You don't know sh*t.



So, Wenchy doesn't know you personally, but you seem to know a lot about her.    Funny!


----------



## 01mds10

chemommy25 said:


> Everyone?
> no just my son's dad.
> And i can afford him, But just because i can afford him, doesnt give his father the right to not do anything at all for him.



get with reality that a deadbeat is a deadbeat and is not going to pay..

why did you even post this thread? to see how to get money from a deadbeat father? if you found the answer to that, alot of people would be thankful.. you won't be able to find the answer to that here...


----------



## Suz

Chasey_Lane said:


> So, Wenchy doesn't know you personally, but you seem to know a lot about her.    Funny!



:shrug:  People talk..............


----------



## Wenchy

Suz said:


> :shrug:  People talk..............



Fact.


----------



## vraiblonde

Suz said:


> People talk out their ass when they don't know jack





Wenchy said:


> Fact.



:fixed:


----------



## chemommy25

vraiblonde said:


> I haven't read hardly any of this thread - okay, that's an understatement because yours is the only post I've read at all.
> 
> You can't always blame the guy for not wanting to support kids some woman pops out.  Maybe he took precautions and it didn't work.  Maybe she lied and told him she was on the pill or whatever.
> 
> So is it fair that he gets trapped by some bebe mama looking for a meal ticket?
> 
> The real problem is people - men AND women - who jump in the rack with some dip#### they picked up at a bar and hardly know.  Ideally sex wouldn't be some recreational thing that's of no more consequence than clipping your nails, but there it is.  And unwanted children by people you hate are the result.



 Not that it really matters. But me and my son's father were living with eachother and loved eachother very much when we concieved. i also was on birth control, and i guess i was the 0.1% that it just didn't really work for. I was in college, working two jobs, had my own car that was paid off, and my own apartment. No i was not looking for a meal ticket, nor was i ready for a child. And i did not get pregnant on purpose. But i couldn't bring myself to having an abortion. And although it's rough being a single parent and having to deal with his father who does nothing for him. i would not go back and change my decision on having my son. He is my whole world and i love him more than life itself, and i'm glad that I have him. After me and Che's dad got over the initial shock that we were having a child together, we were happy. About four months into the pregnancy he changed for the worst into a person i didn't even know. and i tried my hardest to stay with him because we were having a child together. when my son was about 5 or 6 months old i left him because i could not take the abuse anymore. mentally and physically, and i didn't want my son around it either. My son's father unfortuantely is not a very nice person and did not show his true colors until it was too late. his father did not hate me at all when i left and begged me not to go. So nobody tricked anybody, and he did not have a woman having his baby that he hated. After I left, he decided if he could not have me, he wanted nothing to do with either of us. Now the only relationship he is willing to have is a restricted phone call to his son when he hears he will be at his parents house, once every two months or so. Why start a realtionship like that? i would rather my son not know him at all if that is all he is getting from his father.


----------



## PrepH4U

chemommy25 said:


> Not that it really matters. But me and my son's father were living with eachother and loved eachother very much when we concieved. i also was on birth control, and i guess i was the 0.1% that it just didn't really work for. I was in college, working two jobs, had my own car that was paid off, and my own apartment. No i was not looking for a meal ticket, nor was i ready for a child. And i did not get pregnant on purpose. But i couldn't bring myself to having an abortion. And although it's rough being a single parent and having to deal with his father who does nothing for him. i would not go back and change my decision on having my son. He is my whole world and i love him more than life itself, and i'm glad that I have him. After me and Che's dad got over the initial shock that we were having a child together, we were happy. About four months into the pregnancy he changed for the worst into a person i didn't even know. and i tried my hardest to stay with him because we were having a child together. when my son was about 5 or 6 months old i left him because i could not take the abuse anymore. mentally and physically, and i didn't want my son around it either. My son's father unfortuantely is not a very nice person and did not show his true colors until it was too late. his father did not hate me at all when i left and begged me not to go. So nobody tricked anybody, and he did not have a woman having his baby that he hated. After I left, he decided if he could not have me, he wanted nothing to do with either of us. *Now the only relationship he is willing to have is a restricted phone call to his son when he hears he will be at his parents house,* once every two months or so. Why start a realtionship like that? i would rather my son not know him at all if that is all he is getting from his father.



It sounds like you are trying to make the best out of your situation.  One question, if he is at a restricted number and the grandparents do not know how to get in touch with him, how does he hear when your son is going to be at the grandparents house. :shrug:


----------



## chemommy25

Suz said:


> That is exactly why I cancelled.  *Driving both ways had nothing to do with it at all*.  I'm tired of all the drama and demands.
> 
> And your continually putting PERSONAL INFORMATION out on this public forum proves how immature you are Madi.  I'm tired of it.



_*If anybody has any information on where i should start or what i should do to get him to start paying his child support.I dont evenknow where he is. I mean i have done everything i think i could do. i have been to court. i have paid EVERY court cost. he has not shown up but for one court date. As of right now i have spent hundreds of dollars just trying to get him to take care of his son. and still i get nothin. please let me know. Thanks in advance.*_

This is what my question was in the original post. After i gave a little bit of details about the case. i didn't say anything about his family. nor did i bring up any names. i didn't say anything personal. i have asked questions on here before and got some really good feedback from people who have already been there and done that. I was genuinely asking a question in hope that somebody could give me some help because they went through the same thing and they could give me some insight. The personal stuff came up when this was said...

*"I didn't "play" so I don't HAVE to PAY. It is NOT my responsibility. I am the grandparent, not the parent.

Now, if she needed diapers, food, clothes all she has to do is ask. I take Che' for days at a time so she doesn't have to pay for a sitter. (and enjoy every minute I have him.) No, she wants cash. Which she asked for via texting my cell phone last night. Hence this thread....... and now I understand I can't see my grandson once again because I said no to the cash.

Tell you what. All of you are so quick to jump on the bandwagon...Why don't ya'll just pass the plate, give up some cash, and I'll let you know where to send it to her? How's that for a solution? Since ya'll seem to know the answer for everything......"*

For one i never said she couldnt see her grandson, so that was a lie. two all i did was ask a question and it turned into it being a personal attack on the family. three, she purposely made me sound like i was using my son to try to get money out of the family. I asked one time for some help in paying off a bill i had because i was really worried about it. i didnt just want cash. And then claimed that i said since you will not give me money you cannot see your grandson. that is not the case AT ALL. after i asked for some help, and she said it was not her responsibility, i let it go. and i came on the SOMD forum to see what others did when they were in the same situation as me. 

I'm not sure if somebody has a guilty conscience and feels the need to defend themselves.

But i seriously was asking to know what other people did when they were put in a situation like this. not to start any arguments.

I would never hold my son at "ransom" to get money from his grandparents. And i would not use my son as a pawn in some game, ever. And to this very moment, the offer is still on the table that if she wanted to come and get her grandson for the weekend, the answer is yes. it was never no. and it never will be. just because i asked for help one time and i was turned down, does not mean i would keep Che from his grandparents. But the only thing i asked for was for them to provide the transportation, and if, and only if, Thier son decided to call while my son was in thier care, not to put them on the phone with eachother. that is it. all of a sudden it turned into me saying that they cant visit with my son because they didnt give me money and i am making "demands" and blah blah blah. for god sakes I am my son's mother. And i ask two simple requests as his mother, and i would like it if those requests were respected. and this is what it turns into. I am not a selfish brat and i am not playing games. And as his mother i would hope i would have some say in what my child does. if anybody really cared that they see thier grandson, then those two simple things that i asked of them would not be a big deal at all. i am expected to not ask for help, to do everything on my own, and not to say anything about it because this is the life i chose. o.k well if i can do all that, then i should be able to say who my son is allowed to talk to and to ask for them to provide the transportation. And if that is to much to ask for, than so be it. i hope this clears it up for everyone.


----------



## chemommy25

PrepH4U said:


> It sounds like you are trying to make the best out of your situation.  One question, if he is at a restricted number and the grandparents do not know how to get in touch with him, how does he hear when your son is going to be at the grandparents house. :shrug:



his parents tell me he calls once a week to talk to his father. but always calls from a restricted number. and i guess if they have plans to see thier grandson they tell him the days he is supposed to be over there, and he calls then. that is all i can come up with if they really do not know any way to reach him. i want to believe they do not know any more information than I do,Because if they do know anything at all that would help in finding where he is, then they are just as bad as he is for defending him. but its kinda hard to believe that they are just as clueless as I am when it comes to the whereabouts of thier son. But like i said they claim they know nothing, so i leave it at that.


----------



## Suz

chemommy25 said:


> _*If anybody has any information on where i should start or what i should do to get him to start paying his child support.I dont evenknow where he is. I mean i have done everything i think i could do. i have been to court. i have paid EVERY court cost. he has not shown up but for one court date. As of right now i have spent hundreds of dollars just trying to get him to take care of his son. and still i get nothin. please let me know. Thanks in advance.*_
> 
> This is what my question was in the original post. *After i gave a little bit of details about the case.* i didn't say anything about his family. nor did i bring up any names. *i didn't say anything personal*. i have asked questions on here before and got some really good feedback from people who have already been there and done that. I was genuinely asking a question in hope that somebody could give me some help because they went through the same thing and they could give me some insight. The personal stuff came up when this was said...
> 
> *"I didn't "play" so I don't HAVE to PAY. It is NOT my responsibility. I am the grandparent, not the parent.
> 
> Now, if she needed diapers, food, clothes all she has to do is ask. I take Che' for days at a time so she doesn't have to pay for a sitter. (and enjoy every minute I have him.) No, she wants cash. Which she asked for via texting my cell phone last night. Hence this thread....... and now I understand I can't see my grandson once again because I said no to the cash.
> 
> Tell you what. All of you are so quick to jump on the bandwagon...Why don't ya'll just pass the plate, give up some cash, and I'll let you know where to send it to her? How's that for a solution? Since ya'll seem to know the answer for everything......"*
> 
> *For one i never said she couldnt see her grandson, so that was a lie*. two all i did was ask a question and it turned into it being a personal attack on the family. *three, she purposely made me sound like i was using my son to try to get money out of the family.* *I asked one time for some help in paying off a bill i had because i was really worried about it. i didnt just want cash.* And then claimed that i said since you will not give me money you cannot see your grandson. that is not the case AT ALL. after i asked for some help, and she said it was not her responsibility, i let it go. and i came on the SOMD forum to see what others did when they were in the same situation as me.
> 
> I'm not sure if somebody has a guilty conscience and feels the need to defend themselves.
> 
> But i seriously was asking to know what other people did when they were put in a situation like this. not to start any arguments.
> 
> I would never hold my son at "ransom" to get money from his grandparents. And i would not use my son as a pawn in some game, ever.


*For one i never said she couldnt see her grandson, so that was a lie*.The response from you definitely gave that impression.  Calling me a liar isn't helping the situation at all.

*three, she purposely made me sound like i was using my son to try to get money out of the family.*What would you call it?  There was no mention of paying the money back when the request was made..........

*I asked one time for some help in paying off a bill i had because i was really worried about it. i didnt just want cash.  *Child support isn't to be used to pay YOUR BILLS.  And if you didn't want cash what the hell did you want?  



chemommy25 said:


> his parents tell me he calls once a week to talk to his father. but always calls from a restricted number. and i guess if they have plans to see thier grandson they tell him the days he is supposed to be over there, and he calls then. that is all i can come up with if they really do not know any way to reach him. i want to believe they do not know any more information than I do,Because if they do know anything at all that would help in finding where he is, then they are just as bad as he is for defending him. but its kinda hard to believe that they are just as clueless as I am when it comes to the whereabouts of thier son. But like i said they claim they know nothing, so i leave it at that.



No one ever said he calls once a week.  In fact he hasn't called in WEEKS.  And NO, we don't let him know when we have che'.  How could we?  We DON'T have a phone number for him, and never know when he might call HIS FATHER.  *DURING THE DAY* *WHILE HE IS AT WORK* BECAUSE HIS FATHER DOESN'T KEEP HIS CELL ON WHEN HE IS HOME.  Give me a ####ing break Madi.


"i want to believe they do not know any more information than I do,Because if they do know anything at all that would help in finding where he is, then they are just as bad as he is for defending him. but its kinda hard to believe that they are just as clueless as I am when it comes to the whereabouts of thier son. But like i said they claim they know nothing, so i leave it at that"

How dare you......  I have done nothing but help you out with information.  You know damn well I have told you everything.  I volunteer information to you. * "they claim to know nothing, so I leave it at that"  But yet you make a public statement implying otherwise?????????*  WTF????


----------



## BS Gal

This entire thread makes me ill.  You two should handle your differences privately, not on a public forum.  It's awful, really.


----------



## chemommy25

Suz said:


> *For one i never said she couldnt see her grandson, so that was a lie*.The response from you definitely gave that impression.  Calling me a liar isn't helping the situation at all.
> 
> *three, she purposely made me sound like i was using my son to try to get money out of the family.*What would you call it?  There was no mention of paying the money back when the request was made..........
> 
> *I asked one time for some help in paying off a bill i had because i was really worried about it. i didnt just want cash.  *Child support isn't to be used to pay YOUR BILLS.  And if you didn't want cash what the hell did you want?
> 
> 
> 
> No one ever said he calls once a week.  In fact he hasn't called in WEEKS.  And NO, we don't let him know when we have che'.  How could we?  We DON'T have a phone number for him, and never know when he might call HIS FATHER.  *DURING THE DAY* *WHILE HE IS AT WORK* BECAUSE HIS FATHER DOESN'T KEEP HIS CELL ON WHEN HE IS HOME.  Give me a ####ing break Madi.
> 
> 
> "i want to believe they do not know any more information than I do,Because if they do know anything at all that would help in finding where he is, then they are just as bad as he is for defending him. but its kinda hard to believe that they are just as clueless as I am when it comes to the whereabouts of thier son. But like i said they claim they know nothing, so i leave it at that"
> 
> How dare you......  I have done nothing but help you out with information.  You know damn well I have told you everything.  I volunteer information to you. * "they claim to know nothing, so I leave it at that"  But yet you make a public statement implying otherwise?????????*  WTF????



Just leave it alone please. i got the feedback that i needed and from the feedback that people from the forum gave me i called the local child support agency and we are working on making him pay. i am leaving it at that. you can see your grandson. i will not ever ask for your help ever again. sorry i ever did in the first place. Sorry you thought that i was not going to let you see che because you didnt help me out the only time i ever asked. and thier was no mention of paying any money back because you turned me down as soon as i asked. so no i didn't continue with the conversation about any money. ok? its over with. im not arguing with you anymore.


----------



## tygrace

chemommy25 said:


> his parents tell me he calls once a week to talk to his father. but always calls from a restricted number. and i guess if they have plans to see thier grandson they tell him the days he is supposed to be over there, and he calls then. that is all i can come up with if they really do not know any way to reach him. i want to believe they do not know any more information than I do,Because if they do know anything at all that would help in finding where he is, then they are just as bad as he is for defending him. but its kinda hard to believe that they are just as clueless as I am when it comes to the whereabouts of thier son. But like i said they claim they know nothing, so i leave it at that.



Try looking on myspace or facebook.  That's how my girlfriend found her son's father.


----------



## chemommy25

tygrace said:


> Try looking on myspace or facebook.  That's how my girlfriend found her son's father.



Yea, him and his wife both have one. i have looked at it several times. we all know what city and state he lives in. but we have to find where he works, so on and so forth. they also block any messages from anybody but thier friends so i can't contact him through there, it won't let me. he is working harder at avoiding his son than to help his son. that is why i don't want him to contact his son, because he is working so hard to avoid him.


----------



## SoccerMom2

Have you ever thought it might you he is avoiding? If he calls his parents on the they have your son doesn't that say something? I didn't read the whole thread. It is too long. It sucks that your son has to suffer but freaking out and taking it out on the grandparents isn't helping anyone. It can take years before you get any money from if.  Just take help where you can get and go about your business. I Wish you all the luck in the world . You are going to need it.


----------



## kom526

BS Gal said:


> This entire thread makes me ill.  You two should handle your differences privately, not on a public forum.  It's awful, really.



Amen, darling. I guess they can go ahead and cancel Christmas this year.


----------



## daisycreek

chemommy25 said:


> Yea, him and his wife both have one. i have looked at it several times. we all know what city and state he lives in. but we have to find where he works, so on and so forth. they also block any messages from anybody but thier friends so i can't contact him through there, it won't let me. he is working harder at avoiding his son than to help his son. that is why i don't want him to contact his son, because he is working so hard to avoid him.



*if you have the city and state he can be found*. when BOSE verifies the address you request that the case be registered for enforcement in Texas. Texas then will charge him with contempt.


----------



## vraiblonde

BS Gal said:


> This entire thread makes me ill.  You two should handle your differences privately, not on a public forum.  It's awful, really.



And miss all this juicy drama?  Bite your tongue, woman.

Now I will give my take, after skimming and getting a gist.

*CHEMOMMY:*
You need to grow the hell up.  You are obviously using your son as a pawn to "get back" at his father, and now his grandparents.  While you've tried to paint yourself as all innocent and such, anyone with half a brain can see through your bull.  If I were Chedaddy, I'd have run like hell, too.  And if I were Suz, I would get a lawyer, show him this thread, and see what I could do about getting custody of my grandchild.

*SUZ*
If you don't want the public drama, stop instigating and perpetuating it.  Most adult women, when they have a problem with the people in their life, deal with it privately, not on a freakin' public forum.  Most people would have had no idea you were even involved until you jumped in.  You should have ignored this thread and not responded, because to do so makes you look like an immature drama queen, and you are way too old for that.  Had you not stoked it, this thread would have died very shortly after it was created.

Frankly, both of you are a pair of kooks.  Suz should have raised a better son, and Chemommy shouldn't have gone rutting with a punk.

And one more thing:

Chemommy has said that Suz was willing to help her with diapers, clothing and other essentials but won't give her money.  I think that is the correct thing to do, because I wouldn't give her money either.  Especially when she makes juvenile public forum threads like this.


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## Cowgirl

Wasn't there a thread a long time ago about Suz not respecting Chemommy's requests about feeding her son or something?    Wasn't it a battle about adding cereal or not adding cereal?   Sounds like their relationship has been stressed for a LONG time.


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## 01mds10

chemommy25 said:


> Yea, him and his wife both have one. i have looked at it several times. we all know what city and state he lives in. but we have to find where he works, so on and so forth. they also block any messages from anybody but thier friends so i can't contact him through there, it won't let me. he is working harder at avoiding his son than to help his son. that is why i don't want him to contact his son, because he is working so hard to avoid him.



they probably have it set that way so YOU don't contact them and get him riled up and pissed off.. you seem pretty well at that...




vraiblonde said:


> Frankly, both of you are a pair of kooks.  Suz should have raised a better son, and Chemommy shouldn't have gone rutting with a punk.



how can you blame Suz for any of this? you must be a kook to.. Suz raised chedaddy the same i was raised and honestly i'm doing pretty damn well for myself..

i have NO kids, NO baby momma drama.
i have a job that i make great money at, and i'm probably doing better then half the people my age are..



Cowgirl said:


> Wasn't there a thread a long time ago about Suz not respecting Chemommy's requests about feeding her son or something?    Wasn't it a battle about adding cereal or not adding cereal?   Sounds like their relationship has been stressed for a LONG time.



chemommy just like to start drama and bull#### anytime she is able to do so.. it's her nature..


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## chemommy25

01mds10 said:


> they probably have it set that way so YOU don't contact them and get him riled up and pissed off.. you seem pretty well at that...
> 
> i really don't care if asking him to take care of his son gets him "riled up and pissed off." I'm a little "riled up and pissed off" that he is a deadbeat loser who doesnt take care of his children. And if asking him when he plans on taking care of his children gets him mad, then obviously he is a POS.


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## vraiblonde

01mds10 said:


> how can you blame Suz for any of this?



I'll tell you how:

If my son ran out on his bebes, I would have a word with him.  And since he respects my opinion and doesn't want me to think he's a loser jerk, he would most likely step up.  Of course, it's unlikely he would put himself in the position of having me (or his dad, or his step-dad, or his grandparents) think less of him in the first place.

If Suz has any kind of relationship with her son, she should have some influence over him.  And if she has that influence, she should tell him to take care of his children and stop being a dirtbag.

Now I'm not all up on the dirt, so it's possible that Suz has no relationship with her son and hasn't seen or spoken to him in years.  And you'd have to wonder about that as well - what caused that and what Suz's role is in the situation.


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## DoWhat

It will never end.


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## LusbyMom

vraiblonde said:


> If Suz has any kind of relationship with her son, she should have some influence over him.  And if she has that influence, she should tell him to take care of his children and stop being a dirtbag.



From previous posts from over a year ago it doesn't sound like Suz even had much of a relationship with her son anywa. And chemommy was still with her son at this time. What is ironic is that she had no problem being with him when it sounds like he was ALREADY a deadbeat for his first child. What did she expect? Reminds me of when my ex and I go to court and some deadbeat is there with his knocked up girlfriend. I always think those girls are stupid... umm he is already a deadbeat.. do you think he will support yours? 

http://forums.somd.com/parenting-children/126479-cereal-bottle-4.html#post2849997

http://forums.somd.com/parenting-children/126479-cereal-bottle-4.html#post2850296

http://forums.somd.com/parenting-children/126479-cereal-bottle-5.html#post2850357

http://forums.somd.com/parenting-children/126479-cereal-bottle-5.html#post2850425

http://forums.somd.com/parenting-children/126479-cereal-bottle-5.html#post2850454

*This one is interesting... She is praising how good of a dad he is*
http://forums.somd.com/parenting-children/126479-cereal-bottle-6.html#post2851900
http://forums.somd.com/parenting-children/126479-cereal-bottle-6.html#post2852223


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## vraiblonde

LusbyMom said:


> I always think those girls are stupid... umm he is already a deadbeat.. do you think he will support yours?



Well, there's that part of it.....



You have to wonder what these girls are thinking.


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## Bay_Kat

chemommy25 said:


> well im it for him so leave me alone. im not going anywhere. so just put all of his business out there suz'. afterall he is your son. grow up. and i dont use the baby as a pawn, i just deserve a little respect. keep on messin with me suzette just go right ahead.



My favorite quote from the cereal thread.  What a difference a year makes.


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## DoWhat

*01mds10*

If I had a deadbeat Brother, older or younger, I would kick his ASS.
Family is very important.
Get on your brothers ass, and have him take responsibility for tagging some nasty ass.

Good luck.

Suz,
You can only do your best.
Help out when you can, but get on your son's ass, as stated above.


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## 01mds10

chemommy25 said:


> 01mds10 said:
> 
> 
> 
> i really don't care if asking him to take care of his son gets him "riled up and pissed off." I'm a little "riled up and pissed off" that he is a deadbeat loser who doesnt take care of his children. And if asking him when he plans on taking care of his children gets him mad, then obviously he is a POS.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> are you just now realising he's a POS?? are you that ####ing stupid? this is like getting blood from a rock here...
> 
> 
> 
> vraiblonde said:
> 
> 
> 
> I'll tell you how:
> 
> If my son ran out on his bebes, I would have a word with him.  And since he respects my opinion and doesn't want me to think he's a loser jerk, he would most likely step up.  Of course, it's unlikely he would put himself in the position of having me (or his dad, or his step-dad, or his grandparents) think less of him in the first place.
> 
> If Suz has any kind of relationship with her son, she should have some influence over him.  And if she has that influence, she should tell him to take care of his children and stop being a dirtbag.
> 
> Now I'm not all up on the dirt, so it's possible that Suz has no relationship with her son and hasn't seen or spoken to him in years.  And you'd have to wonder about that as well - what caused that and what Suz's role is in the situation.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> i guess you can't read... there is no relationship between suz and him.. he's called a few times restricted and pissed suz off to the point to just hang up and forget about it...
> 
> oh and incase you need it in simple words for you, Ches father does not respect Suz' opinion or anyone elses for that matter...
> 
> 
> 
> DoWhat said:
> 
> 
> 
> If I had a deadbeat Brother, older or younger, I would kick his ASS.
> Family is very important.
> Get on your brothers ass, and have him take responsibility for tagging some nasty ass.
> 
> Good luck.
> 
> Suz,
> You can only do your best.
> Help out when you can, but get on your son's ass, as stated above.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> damn there is a alot of stupid ####s in southern maryland..
> 
> no contact with him... how are we going to get on his ass..
> 
> this is with the courts now, let the courts play the game... i didn't do the deed, it has nothing to do with me..
> 
> i know you can't get blood from a rock, why try?
Click to expand...


----------



## pixiegirl

LusbyMom said:


> Wanna know what's even worse? That he is never there for her. That he constantly disappoints her. When she sits and waits for him to show up at her concert or whatever and he never shows up. I can't stand to see her hurt and again their is nothing I can do about it. I wish that I could protect her but I can't.
> 
> You want to protect your son from his father who is inconsistent but you can't. The law give him rights whether he deserves it or not.



Hell if she can't!  In MD there are abandonment laws.  Who the hell are any of you for telling her she is wrong for taking steps to make sure her kids isn't disappointed?  Where's your psyc degree that gives you the knowledge and education to say that its better for a child to grow up disappointed and hurt all the than to never know that pain because they don't know what/who they're missing.  

I agree that Chemommy shouldn't have come on here blabbing when she knew Suz was a regular here.  She shouldn't hold them responsible for their son's actions; especially if they aren't supporting him.

BUT they should have no problem doing what she's asking if that's all she's asking.  She has sole custody so guess what, she does have the right to say who her son does and does not get to talk to on the phone.  The son may have court ordered visitation but that doesn't give him the right to come and go as he pleases.  The court will most likely side with her and she would probably NOT be held in contempt.  

My son hasn't seen his bio father in 3 years and it'll be a cold day in hell before he sees him again.  Matter of fact I plan on very soon taking him to court to have his rights disolved if he doesn't agree to voluntarily terminate them.  My son is 7 and still has a handful of memories of that POS.  You know what happens to that poor kid, he takes the blame upon himself.  He wants to know why his daddy doesn't see him.  I've had to sit down and explain to a crying child that his father wasn't ready to be a husband or a father; that it's nothing to do with him or me or anything else, he just didn't want to have that life.  I bring myself into it so that he can relate and see that it wasn't just him.  Guess what, still doesn't happen.  He says to me "He doesn't want to be my dad."  You think he'd have those memories and say those things if contact had been cut before his 2nd b-day.  Hell no, he wouldn't remember.  

I know Suz and I like her just fine.  I don't think its her responsibility to pay any support to Chesmommy if she's not financially supporting her son.  I don't know Chesmommy at all but I've absolutely lived what she's living.  I do however think if she's not going to allow any contact than she should cease all efforts to collect support.  She needs to make that choice.  If you want to cut him off completely than you need to do just that and that includes any money he may owe you.  I personally think that's the best thing for the child but that's my opinion.  I think that if Suz wants to have visitation in her home than she needs to abide by not letting her son have any contact with a child he doesn't support.  Chesmommy has custody and gets to make those choices; plain and simple.  She has no right to over-ride the choice of the one parent that is actively there and cares for the child.


----------



## LusbyMom

pixiegirl said:


> Hell if she can't!  In MD there are abandonment laws.  Who the hell are any of you for telling her she is wrong for taking steps to make sure her kids isn't disappointed?  Where's your psyc degree that gives you the knowledge and education to say that its better for a child to grow up disappointed and hurt all the than to never know that pain because they don't know what/who they're missing.
> 
> I agree that Chemommy shouldn't have come on here blabbing when she knew Suz was a regular here.  She shouldn't hold them responsible for their son's actions; especially if they aren't supporting him.
> 
> BUT they should have no problem doing what she's asking if that's all she's asking.  She has sole custody so guess what, she does have the right to say who her son does and does not get to talk to on the phone.  The son may have court ordered visitation but that doesn't give him the right to come and go as he pleases.  The court will most likely side with her and she would probably NOT be held in contempt.
> 
> My son hasn't seen his bio father in 3 years and it'll be a cold day in hell before he sees him again.  Matter of fact I plan on very soon taking him to court to have his rights disolved if he doesn't agree to voluntarily terminate them.  My son is 7 and still has a handful of memories of that POS.  You know what happens to that poor kid, he takes the blame upon himself.  He wants to know why his daddy doesn't see him.  I've had to sit down and explain to a crying child that his father wasn't ready to be a husband or a father; that it's nothing to do with him or me or anything else, he just didn't want to have that life.  I bring myself into it so that he can relate and see that it wasn't just him.  Guess what, still doesn't happen.  He says to me "He doesn't want to be my dad."  You think he'd have those memories and say those things if contact had been cut before his 2nd b-day.  Hell no, he wouldn't remember.
> 
> I know Suz and I like her just fine.  I don't think its her responsibility to pay any support to Chesmommy if she's not financially supporting her son.  I don't know Chesmommy at all but I've absolutely lived what she's living.  I do however think if she's not going to allow any contact than she should cease all efforts to collect support.  She needs to make that choice.  If you want to cut him off completely than you need to do just that and that includes any money he may owe you.  I personally think that's the best thing for the child but that's my opinion.  I think that if Suz wants to have visitation in her home than she needs to abide by not letting her son have any contact with a child he doesn't support.  Chesmommy has custody and gets to make those choices; plain and simple.  She has no right to over-ride the choice of the one parent that is actively there and cares for the child.




First off I never said it was better for a child to grow up disappointed. The fact is that it's not that simple to just terminate a father's rights. And yes a court order does give a NCP the right to come and go as they please. The NCP has the option to exercise or not exercise their visitation. 

I have sole custody of my child also but that doesn't mean I can go against the court order even if I feel it's in her best interest.


----------



## pixiegirl

LusbyMom said:


> First off I never said it was better for a child to grow up disappointed. The fact is that it's not that simple to just terminate a father's rights. And yes a court order does give a NCP the right to come and go as they please. The NCP has the option to exercise or not exercise their visitation.
> 
> I have sole custody of my child also but that doesn't mean I can go against the court order even if I feel it's in her best interest.



Really...  If the NCP does not exercise their "rights" to visitation to the point where you believe that the child is being emotionally harmed you may deny those rights and the NCP would have to take you back to court where their dirty laundry would be told and taken into consideration by the court.  Chances are if they're not paying support or taking full advantage of their visitation they are not going to take you to court.  They just don't care that much plain and simple.

You may not have outright said that it was better for a child to grow up disappointed but you sure are $hit jumped all over that girl for denying her POS ex phone calls with his son.  If there is no clause in her custody agreement that says the father is to have XX amount of phone calls per week/month/whatever than she 100% has the right to deny those calls.  Additionally, she has sole custody and she is responsible for what's in the custody agreement.  No one else has the right to interfere.  If they won't interfere on behalf of the child when it comes to financial support what gives them to interfere on behalf of the father when he "feels" like talking to the kid?  The mother has every right to dictate 110% of what happens with her son when he's not in her care.

Grandparents rights (which you brought up) are written so losely in the state of MD that they're pretty much a joke.  My parents have looked into them in regards to my neice and nephew and my ex MIL I'm sure consulted a lawyer in regards to my son (she brought them up and talked about seeking them, when I laughed at her and told her to please do she quickly dropped the subject).  There is like 1 line of written law that states something to the affect of "grandparents MAY be granted visitation if it is found to be in the best interest of the child."  My lawyer told me that if they are not abiding my wishes in regards to my son and what is done/told to him than they are not acting in the best interest of the child because I have sole custody.  They are not fostering a good relationship.  

All involved need to grow up a little and take a healthy dose of reality.  If chesmommy doesn't want any contact than she needs to stop seeking support and let everything just disolve on its on.  Suz needs to realize that chesmommy is the only parent Che has and respect her wishes, all wishes when it comes to Che.


----------



## Black-Francis

BS Gal said:


> This entire thread makes me ill.  You two should handle your differences privately, not on a public forum.  It's awful, really.



 ......this is getting way out of control.....


----------



## vraiblonde

Black-Francis said:


> ......this is getting way out of control.....



Shush, you.


----------



## Black-Francis

Sorry, I just feel sorry for this kid that has to grow up in such dysfunction!


----------



## Dye Tied

Black-Francis said:


> Sorry, I just feel sorry for this kid that has to grow up in such dysfunction!



Afraid he might end up like you?


----------



## Black-Francis

Dye Tied said:


> Afraid he might end up like you?



maybe


----------



## JULZ

lovinmaryland said:


> have you had Safeway cake? OMG white cake w/ frosting to die for
> 
> Did you see that ransom isnt the only one w/


----------



## JULZ

chemommy25 said:


> *owes me over  eight thousand dollars*.





chemommy25 said:


> *around $4,000 behind on his Child Support*.



  How did the arrears double in less than two weeks?


----------



## JULZ

LusbyMom said:


> But WHY did he move? I believe all states have the new hire registry. So is he not working at all? But even if they find him and attach his wages it's not going to matter. Last month I sat in child support court. Their was a man there that owed $106,000 dollars... know what they did? Told him he had to pay a purge amount of a couple hundred bucks within less than 2 months. That goes to show how much the system sucks. How does someone even owe that much? Because they let him off time and time again. Is it frustrating? yes... but not much you can do about it. So even if they find him it doesn't mean you will get anything. I have had 15 court dates in the past 3 years and it doesn't do anything.
> 
> I do understand your frustration over him not supporting your son. I just don't agree with the grandparents issue and your son's father talking to him.



Yes, we all know the system sucks.  They don't track down phone numbers or trace restricted calls, it just doesn't happen.  They wait for the registry to come in, verify employment with last known employers and send out letters for you to update your account or if you have any information about the non-custodial parent to contact their office.  They are useless.

So having said  that and for those in the system with arrears building, do you think this operation is better?  Child Support Network---The Child Support Collection Professionals  I've personally talked to a rep and am told they "hunt" (his words) these deadbeats down, they harass family members, etc.  First $500 collected is their fee and the rest collected of course is paid to you. 

Thoughts?


----------



## daisycreek

JULZ said:


> *Yes, we all know the system sucks.  They don't track down phone numbers or trace restricted calls*, it just doesn't happen.  They wait for the registry to come in, verify employment with last known employers and send out letters for you to update your account or if you have any information about the non-custodial parent to contact their office.  They are useless.
> 
> *Perhaps, those are the only tools they are given? I am sure with the budget  the state will not pay for call tracing services*


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## jetmonkey

I would try using more question marks.


----------

